After multiple failures at finding a real relationship, I gave up on trying so hard. I had these flings that lasted for a week at most, but that's the most I could get out of the girls I liked. That was pretty much enough for me. When I finally got serious about my college classes, I decided I didn't have time for girls in general, not even flings. Yeah, I flirted with a girl or two, but in general, I didn't bother. Being a computer engineer gave me little time to do anything other than classwork.

Basically, my standard college day consisted of a lot of classes, 5 hours of homework and studying, and if I wasn't mentally dead after that, I would masturbate before sleep. Very exciting, right? Then, as these stories go, a girl comes along and turns the order into chaos.

I knew this girl from a class I had a year before. She was in my art appreciation class which was unfortunately mandatory. It was a class on understanding the basics of theory in theatre. Who knew there was so much theory in there? Anyway, it was boring to the point of torture. I wondered why I even showed up.. Oh yeah, it was that girl. Katyana was a gorgeous brunette. Her long hair flowed down just below her shoulder blades. She had dark brown eyes and a warm smile. She did wear a little too makeup, but I felt like she didn't need it. As far as her body went, it was the closest thing to perfect I had seen aside from the over-Photoshopped models in magazines. She obviously worked out because on the rare occasion where she wore something that showed off her legs, I saw that they were very well toned. I can't begin to count how many classes I spent imagining what she would look like naked.

On Facebook, we never chatted. At the time, I was the typical shy nerd who was afraid to put his abilities on show. If I were to give you one word to describe me, it would be modest. I wasn't exceptional at anything including looking good. I am almost 6 feet tall, around 170 pounds, had a bit of a gut from laziness, but I had recently started working out to get rid of that. The rest of my body was pretty standard, not fat, but not quite muscular either. I am East Indian, so I carry the typical Indian traits. Black hair, dark brown eyes, and brown skin was the standard thing for my race and I stayed true to that. Basically, I wasn't much of a fine physical specimen, and for the longest time, I let that hold me back. Because of that, I never considered myself "good enough" for her. This resulted in me having her on my friends list for an entire year before we finally chatted although I talked to her once outside the classroom when we both arrived early.

She happened to be the one to initiate the conversation. I guess she had seen some of my artwork in the university's gallery and noticed it on my Facebook page. At this point, I had gotten my shit together and I was a much more confident man. Regardless, I was still a little shy because she was so intimidating. Thankfully, our first conversation wasn't too awkward.

"Hey there," she said.

"Hey, what's up?" I responded.

"Nothing much. Stalking your Facebook. Couldn't help but notice your drawings."

"Oh yeah, those. I put them up some time back."

"I work in the Starbucks across the art gallery. I saw you walking into there."

I didn't read into anything she said. As I mentioned, I wasn't really looking for anyone, and I wasn't going to make an exception for her just because she was hot.

"Cool. So, what do you think of them?"

"Well, being an art student, I can't say I particularly like them."

"To each their own," I responded quickly.

"I LOVE them! I'm an art student and I've never seen drawings as realistic as that, not even from my teachers."

"Why thank you. They are pretty cool." I said, not pretending to be modest.

"What are you majoring in?"

"Computer engineering."

"Why the hell aren't you an artist?!"

"Well, computers are more fun and less abstract. I don't like abstract."

"That's too bad. I only date artists you know."

I don't know whether I felt stupid or if I finally grew balls, but my response surprised even me.

"That's too bad too, I don't date artists."

She didn't respond for a while so I logged off and started reducing the mountain of homework I had built up. My phone vibrated and I checked it. I had my Facebook set up to send me texts whenever anything important happened. Katyana sent me a message.

"Well, you called my bluff. I went to shout at my roommate for playing music too loud, by the time I came back, you were gone. I gotta leave again, but text me. Here's my number:" For obvious reasons, I'm not putting her number here.

I put it in my phone but didn't text her. I had a lot of work to get done. At around 11 at night, I finally finished the majority of my homework for the week. The other assignments were small and could be finished later on. I debated whether I should contact her at all. Unfortunately, the typical guy in me won over my smarter side and I texted her.

"Hey, this is me," I said, being purposely vague.

Her response came not too long after. "Who is me?"

"If you don't know who it is, you certainly give your number out to a lot of people."

"Ah, you. Well, what's up?"

"Just got done with homework. Yourself?"

I'll spare you the details of the rest of the conversation. I assure you it was all small talk until she asked if I wanted to hang out with her the next day. Naturally, I agreed. It was a Tuesday so I had three classes, but a big gap between the first and second class. After we made the arrangements, we bid farewell and goodnight, then I passed out from sheer exhaustion.

Alarms are the most dreaded thing in my mornings, and as usual, mine rudely woke me up from a good dream about me being able to fly. I went to my first class and withstood the torture with relatively little injury. I had completely forgot about hanging out with Katyana until she texted me. Not wanting to keep her waiting, I rushed to the Starbucks and arrived just when she was getting off work.

I hadn't seen her since that class so I had no idea who she was when she approached me. Her hair was considerably shorter and she was wearing a lot less makeup. She also had glasses now, stylish small ones that framed her eyes really well without hiding them. When she approached me and said, "Hi," in a cheery girly voice, I had no idea it was Katyana.

"Umm.. Hi.. Holy shit, Katyana!?"

"Call me Kat and that would be me. I'm guessing you haven't seen my recent pictures on Facebook."

"I don't stalk Facebook profiles as much as you do."

"Touché sir. Well, are we going to stand around being awkward or are we going to get some coffee?"

I just nodded and she walked towards the counter where she was serving customers just minutes ago.

"The usual for me, and whatever Mr. Artist wants. Put it on my account."

I was about to protest, but I figured if she wanted to pay for my stuff, I might as well let her. In my defense, I ordered something cheap so that I didn't seem like too much of an asshole.

While waiting for our drinks, I looked at her.. More like stared really. She looked about the same as when I last saw her so it was hard to put a finger on what made it so hard for me to recognize her at first. Maybe it was because her personality in general seemed to have changed. In the one class I had with her, she was very quiet. When she greeted me, her personality was bubbly, full of life, and so unlike the reticent beauty I knew in Understanding Theatre. Whatever the change was, physically or mentally, it took nothing away from her attractiveness.

She was wearing an all-black uniform. Her button-down shirt hugged her figure but hid a lot of it. Her black pants on the other hand did little to hide her figure. She was facing away from me so I had the opportunity to "observe" how her hips flared out. Her butt tight, round, and proportionate to the rest of her body. Its perfection was unnatural and jaw-dropping. I almost couldn't look away before she turned around.

"Drinks are ready. Find a place to sit. I'll follow you."

I did as I was told and found two seats in the TV/social lounge just around the corner. She followed behind me and I heard her scoff.

"You could've at least found a more secluded area," she said, both drinks in hand.

"Don't want to be seen with me in public?" I asked, a little perturbed.

"No, I just want to be away from people. I just want to be around just person," she said with a warm smile. I noticed that her voice had lost the girly charm and sounded more mature, more womanly. She spoke smoothly in a low feminine voice. It was utterly seductive and it was hard not to be not even a little turned on by her voice alone.

"Fine then, give me the drinks and you choose a spot."

She gladly gave me the drinks and led me outside. The sun was out but it was cool. She chose a tree and sat down by the base. I handed her the drink and sat opposite her. She took the drink, put it beside her, and closed her eyes, enjoying the cool weather.

"You call me all the way out here and fall asleep?"

"Nah," she said, "Just giving you an opportunity to look at me without being shy." After she said that, she opened her eyes and slowly turned her head to face me. I didn't like the way she was keeping me on my back feet like that.

"I don't get shy," I replied with confidence, "A product of my environment."

"Really? So why do you look away whenever I turn to you?" She smiled coyly.

"Not shyness, decency," I said and looked her straight in the eye. I carried on looking until she looked away.

"Well, 'a rose by any other name.'"

"Shakespeare fan?"

"Nah, I don't give a crap about his work. I just collect quotes to seem intelligent." She said all this with a seemingly unwavering confidence.

"That's a strange thing to admit to me."

She smiled and closed her eyes again. On my back feet again, I felt fairly uncomfortable but I decided to drop the topic. I laid back and took in the cool breeze. Conversation after that was sparse from then on, but it wasn't very awkward. I skipped my next two classes because, as much as I hate to admit it, I was really enjoying my time with her. She even skipped her Italian class, so she obviously was interested in me. We ended up spending 5 hours together. I even walked her to my apartment to show her my artwork. Thankfully it wasn't too much of a mess. We listened to music for another hour until she announced that she had to leave to go to pottery class. With great reluctance, we said our farewells and I watched her walk away.

I couldn't help but get rid of my vow not to care about girls that semester. Kat certainly had my interest locked, and I don't think anyone could blame her. It's not very often that a girl like her shows interest in me. I had a slightly bad feeling about her, so I promised myself that I wouldn't invest too much in her.

After finishing my homework and reading over what I missed in class, I went to sleep, exhausted as usual. This time, though, I had an extra emotional burden which made my sleep restless.

*^*^*^*^*

I was woken in the morning by a text from Kat. Apparently she was an early waker, which would be an issue if we got together. Jokes aside, she wanted to hang out again. I told her straight up I couldn't see her until Friday because I was way too busy. It wasn't an excuse (Why would I make an excuse not to see her?), I was very busy with studying for an exam I had on Friday evening. So, that's what I did for the rest of the week. I studied continuously until the exam, aced it, then went to my apartment for a well-needed stiff drink. Kat texted me right after I got my whiskey out. I told her to just come over and drink with me. She wasn't opposed to it at all.

She arrived not too long after she texted me wearing a cute summer dress with thin straps that showed off her sexy shoulders and neckline. Her walk was elegant and effortless, and, being a very nasal guy (Insert big nose joke here), I couldn't help but notice her sweet vanilla perfume. It made her delicious, and quite honestly I wanted to eat her up.. Or maybe just certain parts of her. If you know anything about my choice in women, how they smell is almost as important as how they look.

I invited her into my room for a movie. I asked her if she was going to drink and she happily agreed. I turned around to start up my computer and log in. By the time I turned around, she was foraging in my room.

"Better be careful searching around my room, what you find might scare you," I said only slightly concerned. All my porn was in my computer.

"Nothing scares me. Where are your glasses? I see the whiskey, I see the cola, now where are the glasses?"

"Well, we pour some whiskey into our mouth, pour some Coke in, gargle, and swallow. That's how things are done in here."

She slapped my shoulder playfully. "Wish you were as funny as you thought you were, I would actually be laughing."

"That was a little uncalled for. Oh well, sticks and stones and art students." I said and smiled. "They're in that drawer on the left. Go ahead and mix the drinks. I'm gonna set up the sound system."

After she mixed the drinks, she sat next to me on the bed and handed me my drink. It didn't take long for me to realize that it was way too stiff. I could've sworn it was pretty much neat. I took a sip and she looked at my grimace and giggled.

"Too strong for ya?"

"I'm not afraid to admit, but yes, it is way too strong. I didn't know you're an alcoholic."

"Well, now you do. Now come on, if a little girl like me can handle it, I'm sure you can."

I decided to be less manly and dilute it more. Being drunk around a girl I barely knew wasn't part of my plan for the night. She shook her head at me, but I wasn't perturbed. She carried on drinking her almost-straight whiskey.

Throughout the movie we were pretty cheerful and barely paid attention to the movie itself. I'm sure the alcohol helped loosen our inhibitions a little because soon we were poking each other playfully and she continuously tried to tickle me once she found out I was really ticklish. To my delight, I got to squeeze her to stop her from poking me. She seemed so delicate yet I could feel hard, toned muscles under her dress and soft skin. Also, she had quite a bit of fight in her and it was pretty hard to keep her down. It was also very hard to not pay attention to her dress which was continuously riding up whenever she struggled against me. I caught very brief peeks at her black panties and consequently got quite aroused. I was hoping she wasn't just teasing me because my excitement was at a very uncomfortable level.

Finally we got tired and lay back on the bed, panting and very tipsy. We looked over at each other, and I swear that we were going to kiss. Then, I found out that she was a tease.

"Well, it's getting late and I think I should get going," she said. I tried not to show my disappointment or annoyance. She stood up and stumbled to the door. What I did next was strictly for her safety (It was actually my drunken justification. We all have moments we are not proud of).

"I think you've had way too much to drive home. I won't let you leave until you're sober enough," I said.

"Nice moves, but I'm not sleeping with you tonight sir."

"I'm not sleeping with you either. I'll take the couch in the living room, you can sleep on my bed. I promise you there's nothing too dirty in there."

She smiled and cocked her head. "I hate reasonable people. They're so-"

"Reasonable?"

"Fine fine, I'll stay, but don't try any funny stuff."

"I'll only try if you want me to," I said mockingly.

"I won't want you to. I guess since I'm staying, we can continue drinking."

"Yes, but please make the drinks weaker. I feel like I'm going to run out of whiskey soon."

She picked up the bottle and shook it. "Nope, we have a lot left, but, I will make it weaker so that your pansy ass can handle it." I didn't bother arguing with her.

Secretly, I was wondering and hoping if anything physical would happen with her tonight. As morally objected as I was to taking advantage of intoxicated girls, if I was intoxicated myself, my morality was more subdued. Regardless, I wasn't going to force her to do anything, but I wasn't going to turn her down if her clouded judgment made her do anything sexual to me.

This time, the drinks were definitely less strong. After the first two drinks, I was ready to have something weaker. My stomach was never good at handling very concentrated alcohol, and the last thing I wanted to do was throw up when I had a gorgeous girl in my room.

We sat on my bed, both of us cross-legged next to each other (She had skillfully bunched her skirt up at her crotch to hide everything). It was quiet for a while, neither of us talked. Then, she asked, "Have you got shorts and a shirt I can wear? I feel a little naked in this dress."

"Sure do." I awkwardly got up and pulled out a pair of basketball shorts and a shirt for her. I tossed them to her and she got up with equal awkwardness because she was trying to avoid letting me see up her skirt. When she came back from the bathroom, she was wearing my clothes and was holding hers in a bundle. She put them on the floor and sat down on the bed again. When I glanced down at the bundle, I noticed that her bra was in there. I think you know what was going through my mind at that point.

I put on some music, a random playlist containing the most random music (Who puts Avenged Sevenfold and Regina Spektor into the same playlist?), and put the volume relatively low. Then, I got back onto the bed with her, sitting as close to her as I thought she felt comfortable with. Our knees were touching and I could smell her perfume in perfect clarity. We took a good gulp of our drinks together then looked at each other.

"Why are you here?" I asked, completely out of the blue. I didn't even get to register what I asked before I added, "Why do you hang out with me?"

"Well, I'm here because you asked me to come here, and as to why I hang out with you, I really don't know. You.. Well, you're you." Her answer pissed me off. I really hated answers that answered nothing. I stayed quiet for a while until she asked, "Why so quiet?"

"Thinking."

"About what?" Could she be so blind and stupid?

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

"What's that on your arm?" She pointed to a scar on my left wrist.

"A dose of stupidity," I answered vaguely. Truth is, I had attempted suicide a year ago. The scar unfortunately never faded.

"I've had a few of those." She lifted her shirt a little and I noticed a tattoo just below and to the right of her belly button.

"A tattoo isn't too stupid."

"Not the tattoo, it's what's under it that's stupid. My second boyfriend carved his initials into there and stabbed my arm. Also, this." She showed me a scar on her left wrist. "I tried to kill myself after that." I took her hand in mine and put my other arm around her and pulled her close to me. "Why I hang out with you? Well, I saw that scar the very first day we talked some time back. I didn't bother with it until I saw your work in the art gallery. I was just curious about you, but now-"

"So just liked my art so you decided to ta-"

"I like you."

Needless to say, I was thoroughly stunned. I knew she had interest in me, but this was just unexpected. She studied my reaction.

"Well.. Okay," I said. I wanted to reciprocate really bad, but I was quite badly intoxicated and the only reason I really liked her at the time was because I was horny and she was hot. I held off on telling her anything more.

"That's it?" She backed away from me. "You're really good with words," she said as she unwrapped herself from my arm. "I'm sleepy. Mind if I go to sleep?"
"No," I said, still somewhat surprised that I half-rejected her but not at all surprised by her reaction. I got an extra blanket from my closet and turned off my computer. Then, I went into the living room and laid down, not bothering to change or brush my teeth. As soon as I got comfortable, or at least semi-comfortable on a couch that would have trouble accommodating someone of Kat's size, she came out the room and kneeled next to the couch.

"That looks really uncomfortable. I feel weird inviting you to your own bed, but if you do want to sleep with me¬—Not in that way—Then you can. You'll have to stay in that blanket though." This time, I didn't turn her down. I agreed and followed her into my room. She took the side closest to the wall and I laid down next to her. Since we were in separate covers, we weren't in danger of having any direct contact.

For a few minutes, I slept facing away from her. That didn't feel comfortable so I turned over. She was facing me but her eyes were closed. Usually people who wear glasses look weird without them. Kat was a big exception. She looked just as beautiful without glasses as she did with them. As if sensing my attention on her, she opened her eyes.

Without thinking again, I said, "Can I put my arm around you?"

She laughed sarcastically and replied, "You know, really know how to make awkward situations even more awkward." She paused then turned over. "Yes, you can."

I didn't hesitate to slide my arm out under my blanket and put it around her waist. The alcohol combined with exhaustion soon put me to sleep.

*^*^*^*^*

I woke up to Kat stirring. We were pretty much spooning and I had quite the hard-on. It was unlikely that the layers between us concealed anything. I shifted backward to avoid her knowing. The clock said it was 9 in the morning. I had barely slept 5 hours. As carefully as I could, I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. After that, I decided to make some breakfast for us. My roommate was awake and cheerful, unlike me. My stomach felt weird, which is common after a night of heavy or semi-heavy drinking.

Turns out my roommate was already making breakfast so I bribed him to make enough for me and Kat. He agreed for the high price of me doing the dishes for the next three days. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. My roommate was pretty curious about what happened the night before. I assured him nothing sexual happened so no high-fiving occurred.

Kat woke up just as breakfast was hitting the plates. She looked like quite the mess with her hair in disarray. It wouldn't have been surprising if we did have sex. Without saying anything to either me or my roommate, she went to the bathroom, probably embarrassed by her appearance a little. Thankfully my roommate was considerate enough to take his food to his room to avoid a potentially awkward moment.

She came out looking a little more refreshed and her hair under control. I guess I was too intoxicated to notice it the night before, but her nipples were pretty prominent under the shirt. It was a little hard not to stare, but I tore my gaze away before I seemed too creepy.

"Good morning sunshine," I said cheerfully. "Breakfast is served."

"I prefer breakfast in bed."

"No one gets treated like a princess in this apartment except me. Eat up, my roommate made it. He's a hell of a chef."

She sat down next to me and started eating. Obviously she wasn't shy about eating fast or a little noisily. By the time she got done, I was only halfway through my meal. I jokingly offered her some of my food and she very happily started eating from my plate. Thankfully I wasn't too hungry else I would've been a little pissed because I protect my plate like an untrained dog would.

When we were done, I put the dishes into the sink. Kat said she had to leave so after she grabbed her purse from my room, we bid our reluctant farewells and she left. I didn't mind that she had taken my shorts and shirt. I never really wore those anyway. Later, when I was cleaning up my room, I noticed that she left her dress and bra. If I were a creepier guy, I probably would've had fun with them. Admittedly though, I did sniff her dress a little. Her perfume or lotion, or whatever it was that she wore to make her smell so good was positively intoxicating to me. I neatly folded the dress and put it in my closet along with her bra. Based on how things went the night before, I was mildly confident that she would be back.

Later that day, I called her and asked her out on an official date. She agreed without hesitation. I didn't forget to remind her about her clothing items in my closet. The way she received the news made me think she had planned to do that. Why? Well, girls are mysterious creatures. She epitomized that mystery.

Our date was planned for Friday night. After the call, we didn't interact much through the week except the occasional text. I was generally too busy to give too much attention to her. Finals were the week after so I was preparing for them. On Wednesday, I realized that I hadn't booked a place for our date. Thankfully Google existed. I managed to find a classy place that wasn't too expensive, made a reservation, then got back to studying.

*^*^*^*^*

Friday came around, and I treated it like any other day. I was swamped until the end of my last class so I didn't have any time to worry about her anyway. By the end of my last class, I was well and truly exhausted. That was when Kat texted me. Unfortunately, it wasn't good news.

"You know I told you about my second boyfriend?"

"Yeah, what happened?"

"He called me an hour ago after he got out of prison."

"For his sake, I hope he didn't try anything stupid."

"No.. he apologized for what he did, then shot himself in the head while he was on the phone with me."

"Oh shit, are you okay?"

"Definitely not. I have to cancel the date, I really can't handle being out in public right now."

"That's fine. We can always plan for another day."

"I still want to hang out. Can I come over tonight again? I really don't want to be alone."

"Sure, come over whenever you want. I'll be here."

I was very pissed at the date being canceled, but shit happens. I didn't let it get me down as I cleaned up my room. She didn't take long to get there. I let her in and she went straight to my room. She was wearing a pair of small, loose shorts and the shirt I gave her the week before. She had my shorts bundled in her hand. Her head was held low from the moment she walked in so I didn't even get to see her face until I joined her in my room. When she finally looked up at me, her eyes were red. She took off her glasses and wiped some tears away then put them back on. I motioned her to sit down on the bed and I joined her after she did. I put my arm around her and she put her head on my chest and sobbed.

"I hated that fucker, hated him with a passion. I would've killed him myself if it wasn't illegal. Why the fuck would he call me? Why? WHY!?" She buried her face further into my chest and sobbed. "I'm sorry for doing this to you. I don't know why I came to you first, but I just need to be around someone." I pulled her shoulders in more and put my chin on her head. It was hard to imagine how she felt. Honestly, I didn't know why she wasn't happy that fucker was dead. I guess there are some complexities of emotion that I never will understand.

We sat for a little longer. I wasn't really keeping track of time. It was just nice to be able to comfort her, not to mention I loved being so close to her. After a while, she shifted her head and I lifted my chin off her. She looked up at me with red eyes and bleeding makeup, yet she still looked beautiful.

"I wish you didn't have to see me like this," she said quietly.

"Well, I have a Guy Fawkes mask if you want to wear that," I said with the warmest smile I could muster. She smiled and kissed my cheek.

"I'm going to go wash my face. I'm done crying over this shit." She got up and went to the bathroom. I got to thinking about me and her. At this point, it was pretty certain that things were going to go further.. Or that she was friend-zoning me. That was the last thing I wanted at this point. I would've been less disappointed if she said she never wanted to see me again.

She walked back in shortly after she left. Her bleeding makeup was gone but her eyes were still red. In fact, all her makeup was gone, and my first suspicions were confirmed. She looked just as good without makeup as she did with it. The small dark patches under her eyes made her look more mature.

"Would you like to watch a movie?" I asked.

"No, I just want to lay down. Would you mind?"

"Not at all." I got off the bed and sat on my computer chair,

"Join me. I just told you I don't want to be alone."

Happily (Without seeming so), I got off the chair and laid down with her. Both of us were laying on our backs and staring at the ceiling.

"Are you wondering why I like you?" she asked. I looked over at her and she was still staring at the ceiling. I turned my gaze back up.

"Not really. Attraction is an unsolvable mystery to me. I tend not to care too much about things that are unsolvable," I lied.

"I'll tell you anyway. My first impressions have rarely been wrong. You're everything that bastard isn't."

"That's good to know," I said a little nonchalantly.

"Good with words." She turned on her side. "Why do you like me?"

"I didn't say I like you."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Curiosity."

"That's it?"

"There's more."

"What?"

The exchange happened very quickly. It would've take very little to mentally unbalance the other person. I happened to be the one to do the unbalancing. Acting on impulse, I turned over quickly and kissed her. It wasn't a long kiss, nor was it passionate, but she didn't back off, and she kissed back. I just looked at her after the kiss, trying to read her reaction and emotions. For a moment, she just looked dumbfounded, but then she smiled. I rubbed the scar on her arm where her boyfriend stabbed her and said, "Because you're real. You have real problems, real emotions, you seem to know what's significant and what isn't. Can I feel the scar on your belly?" She nodded and lifted up her shirt to expose everything up to her belly button. The tattoo that covered the scar was a raven, and "Nevermore" was printed in small letters underneath it. Why she chose that was a question for a later time. I put my hand on the side opposite the scar first and drifted over, savoring her silky smooth skin. When I reached the scar, I traced the shape, trying to figure out what the asshole's initials were. It was impossible to decipher, but I kept running my fingers over the scar.

"I've never let anyone touch it," she said looking straight into my eyes. She then leaned in and kissed me. We shifted closer to each other, close enough to where her breasts were pressing into my chest. We were still making out, except now we were breathing harder. I could feel her chest expanding and contracting a lot faster and her arms were exploring my back. My dick, being as preemptive as possible, was already getting hard. The shorts I was wearing hid nothing of my excitement and did even less to contain my length. It was soon grazing her thighs. That little contact was enough to get me to push closer to her to get more contact with her. My penis was pressed up against her, craving for release. Then, much to my dismay, she broke the kiss and said, "Wait, hold on." She pushed away from me and looked down to my crotch and looked back up. "I.. We shouldn't do this, not now." Thoroughly embarrassed, I put a pillow over my mid section.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed it. Maybe-"

"No, please don't apologize." A lone tear slid down her cheek and landed on my bed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, genuinely concerned.

"It's embarrassing."

"I don't judge."

"I know, I know.. I just.. Ever since he did that to me, I haven't let anyone touch me like that. I want you to, and I know you really want to, but I keep thinking of him. I'm so sorry-"

"You told me yourself, I am everything he's not. I won't hurt you, trust me." She looked into my eyes. "I'll never hurt you." With that, she shifted back to me.

"I know, I know you won't. I just can't do it yet." Her eyes searched mine for my reaction. Seeing disappointment, she added, "But I can take care of you." Her warm smile and tongue-y kiss told me that she did feel uncomfortable about doing that. I certainly wasn't going to contest when she started raising slowly lifting my shirt up. Her soft petite hands felt like feathers on my skin. When my shirt was sufficiently bunched up, she broke the kiss and made me pull my shirt off. I didn't think she could do anything to turn me on more, but when she checked me out from crotch to chest, looking at me hungrily, it took all my willpower to keep my hands off her.

She started kissing my neck while exploring my body with her hands. Teasing seemed to be her strongpoint because she would briefly brush her fingers under my shorts and across my pubic hair before moving her hands back up to my chest. She did this for quite a while, almost driving me to insanity in the process. Finally, when I was ready to explode from anticipation alone, she massaged my dick through my shorts.

"Take off the shorts," she said. I willingly obliged and pulled them off with my boxers. I didn't want to delay any further. She smiled when she saw my package. "When I felt it on my back last week, I wasn't expecting it to be so big." That comment inflated my ego and my erection. She took me in her hand and slowly rubbed the head. "Sorry if I'm not good at this."

"You're doing fine," I said. It is very hard to do a handjob badly, especially if someone like Kat was doing it. We both went quiet as she continued working on me. It was a little awkward being completely naked next to her when she was completely clothed, although it was strangely erotic in a way. Instead of pondering on the situation, I decided to close my eyes and let the sensations pour over me. My goodness, they were good sensations. She was gentle yet firm with her strokes, and her soft, small hands were a very welcomed change from my large, rough ones.

Within too short a time period, I was ready to cum. I let Kat know I was close and she abruptly stopped. "Not just yet big guy." From then on, she carried on edging me. She was very good at reading my body language (And I did exaggerate a little because some torture is enjoyable). This continued for about half an hour until I couldn't hold myself back any more.

"Don't stop." I felt a warmth building in my lower belly and my whole body tensed up. I opened my eyes just in time to watch the first spurt of cum fly out of me. After seeing how far it squirted, Kat quickly put her other hand on top of my head to contain the mess and jacked me off faster. My orgasm intensified further as my cum squirted into her hand and dripped onto my belly. After the initial climax, sensitivity took over and I shuddered and shook. She relented and I relaxed, thoroughly satisfied and extremely happy.

"Do you have something to clean this up?" she asked.

"Yeah, there are some hand towels in that drawer." She quickly got off the bed, got the towels, and cleaned my mess. Then, she snuggled up to me. "That was amazing. I really, really wish I could return the favor."

She smiled at me sympathetically. "You will get to, just not yet." I couldn't help but feel extremely disappointed. Honestly, I would've preferred to pleasure her than have it the other way around.

"I hope it's soon because it's really hard to keep my hands off you. What do you want to do now?"

"I'm sleepy." She put her head on my chest and one of her legs onto mine then closed her eyes. "Let's sleep," she whispered. How could I sleep after that? I lay awake for another hour, occupying myself by running my fingers through her hair. She may or may not have been kept awake that, but she was smiling so obviously she was enjoying it. Then, sleep took over and it was soon forgotten that I was butt naked, with a gorgeous girl named Kat using me as her living, breathing physical and emotional comfort.

I woke up to find myself spooning with Kat again. Not surprisingly, I was rock hard. I shifted to stop poking her, then she said, "You're finally awake."

"How long have you been up?"

"About half an hour."

"You should've woke me up."

"You were enjoying yourself. And, I like the way you snore." She was stranger than I once thought, but why would that bother me?

"Nah, you just like being next to me when I'm naked," I joked.

"I do," she said seriously. She leaned over and kissed me. That kiss turned into a long makeout session that ended all to abruptly when she announced she was hungry. I don't think she had any idea how hungry I was for her. Without protesting, I got dressed and told her that we'd get some takeout. She happily agreed and we left the house. We ended up going to a no-name campus restaurant and ate there since there were so few people around. After we ate (And boy did she eat), we talked for a while.

Now, I'd love to spare you the dialog, but this conversation is crucial in understanding what kind of person she is.

"Do you want to talk about that guy," I asked.

"Not really, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to."

"Okay, start at the beginning."

The first part she described as being a completely normal in terms of building a relationship. He was a nice guy, kind of an ass, but not enough to make her turn him down. They started dating and that's when things went downhill.

"He started pressuring me for sex," she said, looking a little more distressed. "I mean, I wasn't a virgin at the time, but I didn't feel like I needed sex." She went quiet as a couple walked by us. "Is this awkward, talking about this with you?"

"Not really. I won't judge you."

"Well, I lost my virginity when I was 14 with my first boyfriend. I got drunk and things happened, most of which I don't remember. After that, I decided to not have sex until I was really ready. I wasn't ready when Cole started pressuring me.

"I never let him do anything to me other than kiss me. After a few months, he got really sick of it, so he slept with one of my friends when they were both drunk, and then slept with one of my good friends a week later when they were both sober. I decided to call him out. When I did, he was pretty drunk, but that didn't slow him down at all. He hit me across the head and I fell onto the bed. Then he held me down as he tore off most of my clothes." She hugged herself and looked blankly at the headboard behind me. "He told me that he did fuck them, but that they meant nothing, and that he loved me. Then, he got his knife out. 'If you move, you'll make it a lot worse for yourself.' He gagged me with one of my socks, then sat on my legs so I couldn't get up. He held my hands with one of his hands, then started carving his initials into me. I tried to struggle, but every time I did, he cut deeper-" She started crying quietly. I got up quickly and sat at her side. She rested her head on my shoulder.

"You don't have to continue."

"I want to. I haven't really talked to anyone about it. I need this." She continued quietly, her head still on my shoulder. "It hurt so bad. I couldn't even scream." I put my hand on the scar on her arm and affectionately rubbed it. "When he was done there, he tore off my panties and started taking off his pants. He had dropped the knife right beside my hip and I saw my opportunity. I twisted my hips and he fell off the bed pretty hard. He was still holding one of my hands, but I managed to get the knife with the other one. I grabbed it just before he pulled me off the bed. I don't know how he managed to see the knife in my hand in his state, but he tried to wrestle it out of my hand. In the process, he stabbed my arm.
"I guess he thought I was down, but I had more fight left in me. I managed to wrestle free from him for just a bit. It was enough for me to stab him in the gut. I guess it must have really hurt him because he fell to his knees. I ran out the house and to the neighbors' house without. A woman answered the door and called the cops. I stayed with her until the cops came and told her what had happened. The bleeding was pretty bad, but that woman helped me out a lot. Needless to say she gave me something to cover myself up. When the cops arrived, I told them who had did this to me. Before I could find out what they did with him, paramedics came and took me away. After doctors stitched me up, they told me that the scars will likely never completely fade away. I needed good news after that, and it came in the form of a cop. He told me that Cole was in custody and he wanted to know if I wanted to press charges on Cole. Of fucking course I did. And, as you know, I won the case and he was put away. for 5 years. So, this all happened 5 years ago."

"Yet you're standing strong right now."

"I'm a mess, I came running to you because I was afraid of being alone. I almost killed myself over this. Besides, if he had actually, you know, raped me, I don't know if I would've made it.'

"You would've made it through no matter what." I have no idea why I said that. I didn't know how strong she was, I barely knew her, yet I said that with extreme confidence. Why? Well, I felt it. Even though she was trembling next to me, tears rolling off her cheek and onto my chest, I felt a tremendous strength coming from her. She seemed frail, but she was tough; tougher than I could ever be.

She took my left arm and inspected it. I had more scars than just the one from the suicide attempt. The others were more numerous and gruesome. She ran her thumb across the scar from the suicide attempt. It was soothing.

"Why this?" she asked. "What happened?"

"Well, it was freshman year. We still had Understanding Theatre together. I guess I just had enough of everything. I was tired of being pressured by my parents to go to school. I couldn't focus on my classes and I realized that I would do no good to my parents if they pay for my college and I don't get good grades. So, one morning, I wrote my note, got my knife, and slit my wrist. After I did, I realized I didn't cut deep enough. I hit a lot of veins, but missed my artery by just a bit. It bled a lot, but I managed to contain it myself with some superglue and a lot of gauze. The hardest part was going through the rest of that day while pretending nothing was wrong. I even attended all my classes. I remember seeing you that day."

"I remember you were wearing a long sleeve shirt on one day. It was in the middle of fall and it was hot."

"Well, now you know why." I didn't cry when recalling this. Every tear I could shed for that morning had already been shed.

"What about these?" She ran her fingers across the other scars.

"Well, whether or not I knew it at the time, I did that for attention. It was stupid. It is stupid." She kissed my arm and lay her head on my chest.

We sat quietly for a while. Then, she asked if we could leave. I agreed and we went back to my apartment. We took our turns at the bathroom then got into bed. Surprisingly, she took off her shirt and shorts when she was under the covers and threw them aside, then took her glasses off and placed them on the night stand. I followed suit and took off everything except my boxers and dropped it beside the bed. She turned to face me and we just looked at each other. The very dim light coming from the shaded lamp on my desk gave me enough light to see precise details in her eyes. We didn't need words at this point. Our eyes spoke volumes in a language I could not understand. This continued until I fell asleep. if I remember right, Kat was still awake when I dozed off.

*^*^*^*^*

This time when I woke up, Kat was not in front of me. I felt around the bed in the hope that she was still there. She wasn't. I got out of bed and looked around the room, she was nowhere to be found. My bedside clock told me it was 3 in the morning, her glasses were not next to it. I went out the room and into the living room, she wasn't there either. Then, I heard the main door close. I quickly ran out and saw her going down the stairs. I ran after her and called her name. She slowed down but didn't stop.

I reached her, and tried to tell her to stop. She kept avoiding my eyes and carried on walking once she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Kat, stop. Please, stop. Why are you leaving? STOP!" I avoided touching her for good reason. Thankfully, she listened this time.

"Why are you stopping me?" she asked.

"Why did you stop for me?"

"Because you're out here in nothing but your boxers."

"Yes, I am, now come back inside. Let's talk about this."

She looked at her car then looked back at me. "Okay."

We walked back up the stairs and to the door. Unfortunately my apartment doors locked when they closed. Without hesitation, Kat suggested we go to her apartment. With equal amount of hesitation, I agreed and we walked to her car.

When we were on the way, I asked her what was up.

"Drop it, I don't want to talk about it."

"No," I said firmly, "We have to talk about this. If I am going to emotionally invest in you in any way, I want to know that you won't walk away from me."

"That's why. I don't want you to invest anything in me."

"And why the hell not?"

"Because you just shouldn't. I don't want to hurt you."

"Trust me, you can't hurt me."

She went silent and carried on driving. We didn't say anything until we got into her apartment. She didn't have any clothes for me so she gave me a blanket then went to the kitchen to make hot chocolate. When she was done, she handed the cup to me and sat close to me.

I looked around the room because I really didn't know what to say. Her living room had a large couch, and in front of that was a large coffee table. Her TV was disproportionately small compared to yet another large piece of furniture, the TV stand. Thankfully the living room was large enough to fit all the items without seeming cramped. She left all the lights off except a lamp in the corner of the room. The light barely spread across the whole room, but it was enough to let me see Kat's face. As I looked at her, she looked away, resuming my observation of the room. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot and puffy from crying, or at least trying to hold back the tears. Her frown had an effect on me. It was so beautifully sad that I felt it, I felt what she was feeling. It hurt me to see it, and I wanted it gone.

"I'm really sorry," she said solemnly. "I was afraid. This is new to me.. I don't know what to do. It's so confusing and-" I cut her off with a kiss.

"Don't be sorry, and don't be afraid."

"Why?"

"Don't be sorry because I understand, and don't be afraid because I'm here."

I pulled her closer and kissed her harder but quickly broke off again. She looked intensely into my eyes, and we both knew what was going to happen. I wasn't going to stop it from happening, and I was hoping she wasn't going to.. She took the lead and leaned in to kiss me. Her arms wrapped around me and she groaned. Our breathing got harder along with a certain part of my anatomy. She did not hesitate or slow down. Rather, she jumped up to straddle me then started grinding my barely clothed cock. She briefly broke the kiss to take off her glasses and toss them aside before attacking me again. Making out with her was unlike anyone else I had ever made out with. She had this way of teasing when she kissed, giving me some tongue then retreating when I got too bold. It kept me on edge and made me work for her tongue.

When I got done being teased, I worked my way down. She welcomed me by leaning her head back and exposing her slender neck to me. I hungrily kissed her and worked down further. She encouraged me by putting her hands in my hair, then guided me wherever she wanted me. I was only too happy to let her control me. Her breathing became ragged when I kissed the spot in between her collarbones. "Oh shit," she said with a shaky voice, then leaned back all the way so that her back was resting on the coffee table next to the couch. I looked down at her spread legs on my hips then trailed upwards. Her shirt had ridden up slightly exposing an achingly small amount of her belly. "Well, are you just going to stare at me?"

I shook my head and started raising her shirt slowly. Her tattoo (and scar) was completely exposed now, but I didn't acknowledge it. The last thing I wanted was for her to break down again. Her shirt was now at the bottom of her rib cage. She pulled it up the rest of the way and took it off. A black sports bra covered her breasts. Her hard nipples protruded slightly from the thin material. She started raising her body and I marveled at her toned abs. Her lips met mine again, but this time her hands were in between our bodies, getting closer and closer to my crotch.

She stopped kissing me and seemed concerned about something. "You're shaking," she said.

"I shake when I get nervous and excited."

"Why are you nervous and excited?'

"Well, it's obvious why I'm excited."

"Why are you nervous then?"

"It's my first time." That was certainly not a lie. It was my first time, and I couldn't have been happier that Kat would be my first.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

I didn't answer her. Rather, I put my fingers under her sports bra and she willingly raised her arms. I raised it slowly. Little by little, her breasts were revealed until finally her nipples were revealed. In contrast to her slightly pale skin, they were dark brown along with her small areolas. After they were completely exposed, I pulled the bra over her head and unfortunately got it tangled in her short hair somehow. She laughed at me while she untangled herself. Meanwhile, I couldn't keep my hands off her. Her boobs were very firm and perky, and she was very.. Umm.. Responsive to my touches. When she got the bra off, she attached herself to me again. Her hips grinded into me and I could feel the searing heat of her sex on my crotch. Feeling like there were too many layers between us, I picked her up and lay her down in the couch. She was panting and looking at me like a lioness looks at her prey.

She opened her arms to welcome me to her. I took my place in her embrace and kissed her. My hands explored her thighs. They occasionally dipped under the hem of her shorts. Emboldened by her moans, I explored further until my fingers brushed up against the soft cotton of her panties. She groaned and pulled the shorts down to her knees. I got up and pulled them off, then leaned back down to take her dark nipple into my mouth. As I nibbled and licked it, she became more and more restless. Her body writhed and squirmed underneath me. She moaned quietly and held my head over her breast. It was quite obvious she didn't want me to move.

Her legs wrapped around my waist and held me down. The heat from her sex hadn't subsided one bit. It burned with a renewed intensity that I felt on my belly. I yearned to feel it with my hands, wanted even more to feel it with my cock. Thankfully, Kat let go of my head and unwrapped me from her legs. That gave me free reign to do whatever I wanted to her, and what I wanted most was to have my hands on every part of her.

I raised myself over her and she moaned in complaint. She didn't complain for long because my hands were all over her in no time. I savored every sensation as my fingers traveled over her skin. They met her breasts and her smile returned. Then, I brushed my fingers up and down her sides, tracing her womanly hourglass figure, until I reached the waistband of her panties. I didn't want to be too hasty so I left them on. Using one finger, I started my way across from her hip, tracing the hem of her panties until it was in between her thighs. She tilted her hips up in anticipation. I could see a very faint outline of her lips. As gingerly as I could, I pushed the length of my finger into her slit and slowly rubbed it in. Her soft folds embraced my finger and the spot quickly became damp and slick from her juices.

Under the cotton, I felt the hard nub that was her clit. I rubbed it slowly and tensed and shuddered. "Not through the panties," she whispered.

Heeding her warning, I snaked my hand into her panties. It was met with soft pubic hair, not overgrown and not prickly. I drew circles with my fingers, inching my way closer and closer to her sex. She groaned again when I brushed over the top of her soft lips. She pulled my head down to hers and kissed me hard. This was enough to motivate me to slide my hand further into her panties until I reached her incredibly wet opening. I slowly slid a finger into her and she inhaled sharply. She was incredibly tight, tighter than any other girls I'd fooled around with. I hooked my finger and started massaging her G-spot. She lifted her hips to give me better access.

A few minutes later, Kat showed no signs of getting more or less excited. I have never been patient so I decided to take off her panties. There was no protest as I pulled them away from her hips. When they were off, I just admired the sight in front of me. She had a well-maintained black full bush that didn't hide her vulva. Her vulva itself was nothing short of beautiful. Thick outer lips framed her slightly protruding pink inner lips. Her clit was hidden by a small hood that protruded out just a little more than her inner lips.

"Are you just going to stare or do you want to do something to me?" she asked impatiently.

I answered by kissing her inner thigh while massaging her outer lips with my hand. Since she took her time giving me my orgasm earlier, I was going to take mine with her. Although I was a virgin, I did know how to pleasure girls using things other than my penis. Admittedly, I wasn't exceptionally good at it, but good enough for the flings I had. The only problem was, this wasn't a fling so I was justifiably nervous.

To learn her spots and what she liked, I experimented by rubbing different spots with varying pressure and speed. Any time she moaned approvingly, I catalogued what I was doing at the time then experimented with something else. I would use that knowledge when I finally decided to push her over the edge.

Thankfully, Kat understood what I was trying to do so she didn't get impatient. I'm sure she also gave me some leeway since I was a virgin. Either way, I rather enjoyed taking my time. I was rewarded with approving moans and the breathtaking sight of her lithe body writhing and gyrating.

I was so engrossed in what I was doing, I lost track of time. Kat went silent, but punctuated the silence with an occasional sigh or groan. She got wetter and wetter as time went on. I detached my mouth from her and started working her with only my hands. Her clit had grown a little and was noticeably firmer.

After a while, she raised her head and looked at me. When I looked up at her, she whispered, "You're driving me crazy."

I took the hint and went into my mental catalogue and chose what action gave me the best reaction from her. I locked my lips on her clit and sucked hard while slowly running my tongue over it. Meanwhile, my finger slid into her and hooked upwards to squeeze her G-spot. The effect was almost instantaneous.

"Oh shi-" she whispered. She groaned and arched her back. I couldn't see her face as much as I wanted to, but my guess is it was thoroughly contorted in the throes of her climax. Her body then shuddered as she peaked and sensitivity took over. She put a hand on the back of my head but didn't push down nor pull me away. Emboldened, I continued doing what I was doing even as her body shook like she was being electrocuted. I had read about girls having two orgasms in quick succession, but it didn't happen because of the sensitivity barrier. I was so glad that Kat was willing to push through the barrier.

Her body was still shaking and tensing periodically but she didn't push me away. Little more than a minute passed before she said in a strained voice, "Oh god.. Again."

She wasn't as quiet this time. She gasped and moaned loudly as her orgasm built up. It seemed like she peaked and got to the sensitivity wall much faster than before and this time she did stop me. Rather than pushing me away, though, she pulled me up and nuzzled into my neck while her body convulsed under me. Her legs locked around my butt and she just held me. I was afraid I was too heavy so I managed to turn over and put myself on the bottom. We stayed in that position as the aftershocks of her second orgasm died down.

It was only then that I noticed that my dick had found the fly in my boxers and was peeking out. It was tucked between us and I could feel her crisp pubic hair on the underside of my penis. I couldn't help but subtly move my hips to get a little pleasure out of our position. Of course, Kat noticed and encouraged me by kissing me in her soft spot on her upper body, in between the collar bones. It turned out that it was quite a soft spot for me too and I moaned without knowing it.

"Take off your boxers."

I had no right nor will to decline. She got off me and I pulled my boxers off. My dick stood to attention, and an abundance of precum told both of us that foreplay would not be necessary.

"Do you have condoms?" she asked me.. As if I was expecting to have sex with anyone anytime soon. I shook my head. "Well, that's unfortunate." My heart sank, but it could always wait. I waited for 21 years, another day or even another week wouldn't hurt.

"It's fine. I can wait." It was hard to hide my disappointment and I didn't do it well.

"I'm so sorry. I can make it up to you."

"How do you plan on doing that?" I asked.

Without saying anything, she got up and kneeled between my legs. She took me into her mouth. I had received a few blowjobs before, but they were all done by "experienced" girls (Not hookers.. I'm too broke for those). Kat seemed considerably less talented as she awkwardly licked and took very little of me in. I didn't want to put her down though so I moaned in appreciation. To make things a little better without hurting her feelings, I put her hand onto my shaft and motioned to her to use both hand and mouth. That definitely worked better. I closed my eyes and relaxed as I let Kat take me to an orgasm.

"I like how your precum tastes," she said while giving her mouth a break.

"And you say I make situations awkward."

"What? I was making an observation. Don't you think I taste good?"

Women always turn things on you, no matter what. "You taste great," I said with all honesty.

She smiled brightly then took me into her mouth again. This time, she used less of her mouth and more of her hand. She squeezed harder and moved faster with an obvious objective.

After a while, I felt myself approaching orgasm. It took much longer than expected, but I let her know. Surprisingly, she didn't take her mouth off me. She sped up even more and pulled my foreskin all the way back to get direct access to the head. The extra stimulation pushed me over the edge and I started cumming. I got sensitive way faster than usual. My shuddering got Kat's attention and she thankfully relented. She disengaged from me with a pop then grimaced. I knew why.

"You should probably spit that out." She nodded and quickly ran off to the bathroom. She left the door open. Consequently I heard her spit it out then wash her mouth out.

When she came back, she started to apologize. "Sorry, I-"

"Shouldn't worry about it. I know cum doesn't taste like honey."

"Sucked a lot of dick in your time?" she laughed.

"Hah, just on the weekends to get some extra cash." I pulled her down onto the couch with me and started tickling her. Unfortunately she wasn't quite as ticklish as me so I ended up being the victim. She tickled me to the point of breathlessness and relented when I finally managed to get the upper hand, I was too tired to do anything to her. I just got off her and fell to the floor in exhaustion. She peeked over the edge of the couch and smiled.
"Ready for bed?" she asked. I nodded then she got up and walked towards her bedroom. I got up and followed her. When we got into bed, we started making out, which wasn't enough to get either of us excited enough for another round. We quickly tired of that and just looked at each other. She reached down between us and played with my balls, rolling them around in her fingers and gently squeezing. That didn't get me excited either, rather, it was relaxing. It had the same effect on me as a back massage would, but it was on a smaller scale. She broke the silence. "I like playing with your balls."

"You're catching up with me on the awkwardness meter."

"I don't care. I'm just saying what I'm thinking. Besides, you have nice balls."

"Oh shut it, turn around," I said.

She smiled, let go of my balls, and turned around. I pulled her in close to me and kissed the side of her neck. She sighed contentedly. My hand found its way between her breasts and waited there, feeling the rhythm of her heart. It was the most calming music I had ever heard. In no time at all, I drifted off.

*^*^*^*^*

I woke up to find Kat not at my side. First thing that went through my mind was that she had left again. Second thing is, why would she run away from her own apartment? I was relieved to hear some clattering coming from the kitchen. I walked out the room butt naked thinking that she lived alone in the apartment. Boy was I wrong. Her roommate was watching TV, and she had raised her head when she caught some motion from the corner of her eye. She immediately squealed and I immediately covered my crotch and ran back into the room. The only clothing I had brought to Kat's place was the pair of boxers I was wearing when we arrived.. And that was in the living room.

So, I did what any self-respecting man would do. I sat on the bed and panicked. Thankfully, Kat came in to calm me down a little.

"She left to get breakfast for herself. Here are your boxers," she told me. I put them on and followed her out the room expecting her to be joking about her roommate. Well, her sense of humor wasn't that great because her roommate had actually left.

"I should probably let my roommate know that I don't have my keys. He can bring me clothes as well." I called him up. It was early in the morning so he was not amused, but he was understanding. It's good to have a good friend as a roommate. When he arrived, Kat answered the door and got my clothes and key to save me the embarrassment of talking to my roommate when I was barely clothed.

After I got dressed, I came back out her room and saw Kat and my roommate chatting. This is where any person is glad they don't do anything crazy or weird because roommates are usually the people on campus that know you best. He had no stories against me.

"Hey, I let him join us for breakfast."

"Cool, I guess he deserves it."

The meal was rather awkward for me at least. To my delight, Kat was a good talker and kept my roommate busy while I sat quiet like the village idiot. Even though I was with two people that I knew well, I just felt weird with all three of us hanging out. Apart from that, I was thinking a lot. Kat was becoming a big part of my life. It was a little out of control, and I knew we were moving too fast. But, I liked it. It wasn't good because we got physical so fast, although that was a small part of it. I liked her, and everything about her. Her flaws, her quirks, and her past were a little messed up, but it didn't bother me at all. I wish it did, but it didn't. All her negatives perfectly balanced her positives, and that was something that I had never seen before. Yes, I was afraid, afraid of her apparent instabilities, and you know what, at any point, she could just leave me and it would be over. So, why was I so comfortable with what was happening? Why wasn't I running out the door since I had my clothes again? Mysterious indeed is human stupidity.

Shortly after breakfast, and my roommate unsuccessfully trying to do the dishes for Kat, he left, leaving Kat and I alone again.

"You were really quiet. Is something wrong?" I shook my head. "Then what's up?"

"I was just thinking, do you masturbate?" Yeah, great! Human stupidity just reached a new height. The first thing that comes to my mind is almost never the right thing to say, and I have just provided the proof.

She didn't flinch at all. She could've won millions with her pokerface. "No. Haven't since I was 14. Are you still bummed about last night?" What do you know? Stupidity actually worked this time. Yes, yes, I admit, I got really lucky.

I decided to carry on with my lie. "A little. But, it's fine."

"Well, since you have clothes now, do you want to get some condoms?"

I could've said yes. Hell, I was itching to say yes. Every newly born sperm in my testicles was screaming "YES!" but I didn't. "No. Kat, where do you see us going?"

She couldn't pokerface through that. "I don't know. Why are you asking?"

I guess I did still have lingering doubts. I wasn't sure if I was ready for her, for uncertainty, to lose my virginity.. Yes, I'm still a guy, I always have sex on my mind.

"I want a long term relationship. I want this to last. I want to know that you won't run away."

"You need to go," she said sternly, "Now."

So, I did. The door slammed loudly behind me, but I didn't look back. I wasn't at all surprised at her reaction. It was just natural to react that way to someone basically calling you untrustworthy.

I walked the 10 or so miles back to my apartment. I could've just called a friend, but I needed to move slow. I tried to think of nothing, but I could only think of everything. I couldn't sufficiently justify doing what I did. I had just walked away from something that could've been exciting, that might have led to something good, even if it was very temporary. But is a good, temporary something worth it? Well, that was my internal debate. Maybe I would redeem myself. Maybe I would salvage what I had with Kat.. Maybe.. Maybe.

That was what made a 10 mile walk go by too fast. By the time I got back to my apartment, I realized that I hadn't figured out anything. So, I studied. The mysteries of microprocessor instruction sets were a lot easier to solve than the mystery of Katyana. Besides, I had finals. Whatever happened to me focusing on school? Well, I did. I pushed Kat to the back of my mind, because finals were starting on Monday. It was Saturday.

*^*^*^*^*

It was Friday, and finals were over. I pulled two all-nighters in a row for my last two finals and I was ready to go into a coma. My friends invited me to a few parties, but I was definitely not going to go. Sleep was as precious as diamonds and I was intending to get a lot of it. Before that, of course, I needed to do a little thing to help me stay asleep. I opened up a new bottle of an expensive whiskey my sister gave to me. Usually I hated drinking straight whiskey, but this one was a big exception. It tasted worse when mixed than when I took it straight.

I had about 4 servings of the whiskey before I neatly packed it away in its box and slipped it under my bed. My buzz was perfect, not quite dizzy, but not quite in my right mind. I was perfectly drowsy, and I was going to sleep well.

As I got in bed, I couldn't help but hope that Kat would knock on the door and come in, as if nothing had happened. I would lose my virginity to her, then we would be in a solid relationship for as far as my mind's eye could see. I must have been a lot more intoxicated than I thought I was.

But she didn't. When I woke up the next day, I checked my Facebook. Katyana was "in a relationship" with some Andy McKinley. She hadn't contacted me at all since I walked out of her apartment so I had no idea how that came to be. Any hope at salvaging a relationship with Kat went out the window. My natural reaction was to be angry, and yes, I was very angry. I took a drive, almost wrecked the car in the process. For days, I pondered over why she did what she did and said what she said, then completely turned her back on it all. I could've easily asked her, but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of knowing that I was perturbed in any way. It's all so stupid. How did I know she would get satisfaction from it? Well, damaged souls always expect the worst.

I kept her in my Facebook friend's list. I'm ashamed to say that I checked her page often, looking for something. That something was unknown to me. It was pathetic, and I'm glad I realized that, although I am disappointed in how long it took. Thank goodness school wasn't going at the time because I spent a week mulling over Kat and not much else. School would've been in the back of my mind while I sulked and bitched about her. Grades would've dropped, and I would've been thrown further into depression. It was a waste of a week, a horrible waste.

Negativity aside, she did turn my life around, but not in the way I expected, nor in the way you as the reader expected. It was for the better, that's for sure, but not because she was in my life. She was out my life, and along with that, a certain stifling presence in my life. It's hard to explain what I took out of the experience or what left me. It's not tangible, not even by my imagination. But, when I got over Kat, I felt happy. Happier than before she happened upon my life. How is that possible? Quantum physics is easier than answering questions of that nature.

I know this isn't a satisfactory ending to the story. Believe me, it wasn't for me when I experienced it. But, I got out with more than what I went in with. My only regret was that I never found out why she chose Poe's raven as her tattoo.