Each experience has happened when i was above nineteen years old. Characters which connected with it are also above eighteen years. It isn't contain any under age sexual relationship.

I First Time Met Gay at Nineteen

I attracted by males many times. I couldn't understand the reason behind this unusual behavior. If I saw a man with bare chest, I stare at him and I felt sexually excited. Now I can understand that I am a bisexual. I felt this was a symptom of a mental disease, but through media I came to know this information. Now I want to share an experience with you.

I am a depression patient, so as usual I went to nearby city from my town for treatment. The bus came and I seated. An old aged person also sat near me. His age was about fifty to sixty years. Some times later, his fingers caressed on my thigh. I thought why he was showing affections towards me. He might like me as his son. I did not show any rejection of his caresses. I felt very nice, because I never get this type of gentle touch. Even I always pay God to send me a person who loves me as a father loves his son. I thought God sent him especially for me. I was very delighted by this thought.

Some minutes later his hand moved on my groins. Now some seeds of doubt sew in my mind. But I didn't show any dis-likeness, because it was an ecstatic pleasure with fearfulness. After watching my positive facial expression, he made up his mind to surpass his goal. Therefore he started to rub my penis! I couldn't understand, at that moment what should I do? I do masturbation everyday, but this time another person was helping me in "the process", so it became more pleasurable.

I was very nervous. My penis didn't tighten. Later my moral consciousness aroused and I stopped his hand, crossed my legs, so he couldn't reach "there". He understood that I didn't want more. Somehow after this, he became sexually excited. He started rubbing his own private organ. When his destination came, he ascended from the bus. His hand still glued on his organ. I could see its tightness from the swelling made on his trouser between two legs. I came home. I became so erotic. I masturbated in the bathroom speedily, by remembering those moments. Nearly one month, its effect preserved in my mind and it helped me when I had masturbated. I made a big blunder that I didn't ask his address. I always wish that he meet me and our homosexual relationship starts in full play. Though I met one homo, I hadn't enough courage to knot with him. He was also so bonny and skinny which I never like.

My First Masturbation at Nineteen

I clearly remember my first masturbation experience. I saw many men rubbed their hands on their trousers near their penis, especially in India. (Indian men may be too sexy!) I couldn't understand why they repetitively rubbing (I was of nineteen!!!), and what they actually got by this. Even my friends had this type of habit.

Once my cycle got punctured and I took it to the bicycle repairer. I was examining him carefully that he frequently rubbing his penis by his hand from outside. That first time it sounded me exciting. I stared at him by the corners of my eyes, so none doubted on me. I watched him eagerly. I prayed the God if my cycle's turn would come late and I could see his rubbing style more. After all my cycle was repaired. I came home. My mind was constantly thinking about cycle repairer's activity.

I felt some tightness in my penis. I decided to follow him in home. I needed privacy for that. I found that in bed room dad was sleeping soundly. I had some doubts that if he might awaken and watched me in masturbating position then what would happen? (Too much fear, isn't it?) But I couldn't restrain my self. I opened zip of my trouser and started rubbing. I watched nicely how repairer had done it, so I followed him. I felt some pleasure which I never got before.

With this process I frequently watched the eyes of my sleeping dad. If it was opened, I had to close my activity. Repairer had concentrated on top part of penis and so did I. Some moment later discharge happened. I felt, it might spoil my organ!!! I didn't know that it was semen. I also felt some jerks in it. I feared a lot as if I got the heart attack! But it gives me delight, which did not feel when heart attack came. I took semen on my palm and smelt. I experienced some strange smell. (Dear readers I was not too foolish!) I put on my trouser. By God's grace dad was in deep sleep till the end of my climax.

Day by day I fell in love with this activity. For this, I chose two places in my home. First, latrine and second, bathroom. One day happened something strange. I was in latrine put off my trouser completely. I started masturbating with earnest feelings. At that time I forgot to lock the door. In the moment of pleasure dad suddenly opened the door and glanced at me. I completely shocked. My erected penis was in my hand. But without speaking anything he re-closed it. After this experience I took an oath that I never put the door unlocked. Till some days, my days didn't pass nicely and my mind always feared that dad watched me and what did he think about me? But he never spoke any words about this.

It happened many times that I was masturbating and my mother watched it or in compound I did it and from other house's terraced some person watched me. I couldn't control sometime my lust and I love to do it in open environment.

It is always pleasure for me to see fat and fleshy men rubbing their tools rather than jumping tits of plump Indian women! Especially to watch this, I went to sit at one garden where rickshaw drivers scratched theirs watching passer-by women! After retuning home, I jerked off like I had seen porn movies!!!

First Time I Saw Condom at Nineteen

One day my mate Shane came with white balloon like stuff. He was pretty mischievous young. He didn't ashamed about it like other Indian men who felt ashamed to talk about condoms. He showed it everyone. Others were laughing at him, but I didn't know the reason.

Later I went to drink water near drinking place. I saw Shane there. He took balloon from his pocket and fitted in the water tape. At my astonishment balloon swelled like a football!!! (For Indian crazy cricket lover it swelled like cricket ball!) I surprise because, I never saw this type of balloon. Every one who was present there started laughing.

One asked, "From where you stole it?"

He answered, "Near my house, from a heap of garbage, I found it and there were many others there." (Places of garbage in each India's street overflows with plastic bags, is the eighths wonder in the world, so don't miss it!!!)

Some ordered him to bring for them!!! Through my one classmate, I came to know that it was a condom, which was used by men during sex. (for that I am waiting eagerly!)

My friend Charles owned a medical store. He gave me this chance. One day, we were riding the bicycles towards our home. Between the path to our home, Charles medical store was situated. When we saw him in the store, we went there for general chatting,

Charles talked many times about condom packets, which was sold there. Tome expressed his desire to see those packets. None was there. He picked up a box full with "Onida Condoms". He started to show us. I never saw girl in naked position though I was of nineteen! It was my first experience. He interestingly showed us photos. Charles remarked that some photos were so erotic, but dad gave them to his friend.

On of the packets, there was sexy girl who wore bikini of iron chains. Then Tom asked if Charles could give him some empty packets, because of photos. Charles promised to give some. The he showed us some medicines which useful in breast enhancement. On the cover of them, we saw the bare biggest breast of the women. Both, me and Tome thought that Charles was so lucky; he could see these photos everyday whenever he wanted. We dispersed from the store. After this experience, whenever I passed near any medical store, I never forget to catch a glimpse of condoms and breast enhancement medicines.

I was walking with my office colleagues. As usual, he was use condom.

He remarked, "Though it looks cultured and good area, on deserted condom. People are becoming worse now a day." This is the thinking of conservative Indian's!

First Disgusting Oral Sex at Nineteen

One year I studied in college when I was of nineteen years. It was handled by Hindu saints (some worst than terrorists). It was well known for sowing good virtues in student's mind. (It was only male school, because saints of that branch are prohibited to look at female!). According to me, it was worse than any other, especially for hotel student which was run by same trust. Parents put their offspring with great hope in hostels because it was run by Indian sages who claim to teach Indian culture! And some NRI's are really unknown to under ground reality.

It is best for students to live in home instead of hostels. Hostels are the sources of evils and students can't get love of their parents. I knew that many students started smoking and tobacco chewing after admitting in it. Some became habitual of ass fucking. (Hey! Is it Indian culture?)But I liked one thing. In hostel, there was a big bathroom where the tapes were fitted in a row. Students, during bathing time, came only wearing under wears and sat under each tape. This was style of their bathing. I liked to watch man in only inner wears. Because I was not hostel student, I missed this chance completely.

In it, one hostel living student was well known for his big penis. There was a belief that he had the biggest penis in whole college and Mr. biggest never ashamed for showing his penis. Once his erecting penis showed his neighboring classmate during Sir was taking lecture!!! How courageous act!

Now I should come on the main point. There was a tour held by our college. I had participated in it with great delight. I never toured any where. But this experience was bad enough to decide never trip with college mates. For education institute of India, this is the good chance to earn extra money for organizers. They force students to sit in fours or three in double sit. They give cheap food and after many these type of savings, they fill their pockets.

In the bus, I was sitting with two mates in double seats. It was after noon time. I was half sleeping. Accidentally my seat partners thought about an idea to harass me. The idea was really offensive. He removed his trousers to his thigh. Then he bared his penis and began to push it in my mouth. My eyes were closed but by sound of laughing and through touching sense I could comprehend that it was a penis. My mouth was shut, so he tried to open it with penis. I suddenly woke up. Both started laughing rudely. I couldn't understand how to react. He put on his trouser. They spread it to whole bus with exaggeration. Penis boy claimed me, 'you are my wife'. Even trip was ended, but the incident kept alive by both rogues. Where ever school mates met me, they recalled me this and mocked on me. My college days become unbearable, instead of enjoyable. Till the end of dwelling in that town, this ghost followed me like my shadow. Now I have cut whole communication with them. But it destroyed my college life.

Now I wanted to share another experience with related with tour. At one guesthouse, two cooks who personally cooked for admirable (!) Monks were asked to sleep in the same room with us. We were on our beds alive. Later both came for sleeping. First they removed their clad, except shorts in front of us. (One was wearing boxer and another brief, I still remember!) We surprised by this act. Then they slept together in the same blanket with sticking each other's body!!! One mate asked the reason for this just for fun.

One cook said, "We, both can't sleep soundly alone". Laughing were scattered in the room.

My Knickers Love at Nineteen

I have deep interest in under wears. The one reason might be that I didn't get the chance to wear it. When I saw any ones house, fist I was looking at the place where clothes were hung for drying (In India, people dry clothes by hanging them on useless wire or plastic thread under the sunlight). If I saw underwear there, I became excited and desired to wear it.

My friend David was very lucky in this matter. His dad had a business of selling under wears. He wore color full knickers everyday. As he bowed for some reasons, I didn't miss a chance to glance at his trousers waist where it peeped out. Like wise during littering, I could see his knickers. It was the reason for my jealous.

His dad always wore semi-transparent white trousers and I could see clearly white colored knickers inside. His gesture during rubbing his cock often made me horny. I was inspired by his whites, so one time in the shop, I insisted the shopkeeper to give me white knickers only.

My other friend Charlie's knickers seduced me completely. He wore Dixy which have waist elastic full with words DIXY and it erected mine! Once he was doing in shirt that time I read the brand name on its elastic. (I didn't forget to glance at his bulge.) But I didn't find this brand in any shops of my village. Another thing about Charlie was that, he had a good collection of porn films. His father was habitual to watch them. In comparison I hadn't even spiritual CDs. Otherwise half bare Indian saints with big belly and woman like breast weren't less enjoyable than porn!!! Charlie knew many sexy jokes which I enjoyed a lot. He was expelled from job because he tried for anal fucking with male colleagues (as I heard).

Day by day, I became mad behind this. I ashamed to tell dad, to bring knickers for me. I lost control one day and I stole panties of my sister at age of nineteen. First I put off my clothes in toilet (which was only secret place in my home) and tried it. My dick was tightened by my own panty clad body. After completing masturbation, I kept it the place which was unknown for family members. Whenever I wanted, I wore it and masturbated pleasurably. Some months later it became stained and bad smelt because of my semen, so I threw it in public toilet. (Indian public toilet always full with used condoms, its empty packets and pouches of county made hooch.)

Then I felt, I couldn't live without it, so I stole money and went for purchase knickers. I bought a pair and hid them where I kept my study books. One day, it happened something shocking. My mom was cleaning cupboards and she found two bad smelled and never washed knickers.

She became furious and asked family members, "Who have done this?"

She suspected me, but I answered, "Do you remember guests came before some day? They might forget to take." She was not convinced my answer, but she never raised this issue.

At the time of tour, I gathered enough courage and told mom, "in tour, we will bathe in the river Ganga (The most holy river in India, now some believe that one can't come out bathing, without affected skin diseases.), wearing shorts and what will I wear at that time?"

She showed wish to sew for me. I didn't like those loose shorts. However I convinced her to get me another. She told dad to bring boxers for me. I did not wish outdated boxers but knickers. However I didn't show my view. My dad bought pair and I at a time wore it with tremendous excitement. After using it a year, I threw it. Whenever I needed, I stole money and purchased it. I hid them at mysterious place with great care.

Sometimes discharge happened and if I didn't wear it, then trouser became wet. It looked disgusting. So I never forgot to wear it. When I was alone, all were outside the house; I washed it, otherwise in bathroom without any noise of washing. I got this chance rarely in the two months. Some times I put one in my trousers pocket! I thought it is the best place for hide it. It created big bulge on pocket

Some times friends asked, "What is in your pocket?"

I answered; "handkerchief" and diverted the talk.

Once, in yoga course, it fell outside from the pocket on the floor and yoga teacher saw it, but he kept mum. When I saw it outside, I felt deep shame. Till a month I had repented on my act.

Because of wearing unwashed under wears, I affected fungal infection around my groins. Later small tumors produced. I was cured but it cost me much money and pain. Therefore I decided not to wear it. My strong controlled on erection make it did possible. (During that I time I was spelled under a well known saint who was against any wastage of semen. He believed that through collecting it, we become strengthen. I had followed him blindly for four years.)

I went regularly for science guidance to facilitator's home. Whenever I showed my project work, I glanced from the window, where his clothes were dried up. I tried to conjecture what were his knickers and type and brand of it!

My Unfulfilled Desires of Whole Life

Sometimes I feel unhappy with my parent to whom God sends me, especially dad. I never see such type of rigid and introvert father in my life except mine. He doesn't know what his child needs. He feeds me nicely but never feeds me love I am not talking about money but about love and care. I remember that in my child hood days, I feared a lot from ghost during night. I wanted that he slept near me and protected me. But he never did this. He was always busy in enjoying sex with my mom. Sometime in sleep when I awoke, I saw that I was alone and then I started crying. He never came to even stop me fro crying. A few times, he came to me to slap or rebuke me, because his enjoyment was disturbed because of me. He never slept near his chest and I always desired from my father.

One day my class mate, Jerome told me," I always sleep with my dad. If he goes outside for some work, then I can't sleep". I envied him. Really he was very lucky.

I always watch that child sit behind his dad on bike and enjoy their ride. But I never got this. I dreamt that' I am sitting behind my dad on bike and he rides it so fast. My hand is around his neck and he is taking me to a good restaurant for dinner'. But it never happened. My dream never came true. He never showed me ay film in theater (not in house also.). He never kissed me. He never caressed me. I can tell you, he has an iron heart. When I was in deep trouble, he never told a sentence of consolation, but started to scold me. He never gave me present on my any birthday. He never asked, what do you want? If I watched movie in home scarcely, he switched off TV and scolded me. He hated that I was getting entertainment. If I wanted to buy a toy, I cried for two-three days, and then his heart might melt.

Many times I think to kill myself. Because I want to born in another family, where dad loves me so much. But none guarantee that I will reincarnate in loving family. So I stop my self. At twenty five, I drop my all wishes. Days went and I have to forget, what I didn't get. I can see a ray of hope by thinking that I adopted child and I will give fatherly love which I never get. Due to this, I drop my wish to search good guru and be his disciple whole life!!! Otherwise in another birth I expect from God to fulfill my wish

My dear readers, i request you to write comments. i really like that.