It's Friday night and you're staring dumbly at your laptop screen. Jeff and Trip left an hour ago for some party off campus. You can hear drunken yelling coming from somewhere outside your dorm followed by the sound of a bottle smashing against the pavement. Five minutes earlier, you're pretty sure you heard someone throwing up in the dorm bathroom. You should be with Jeff and Trip. You should be out there, drunk and yelling. Hell, you could even be the guy praying to the porcelain god.

But you're not. You're here in front of your laptop.

The year started off great. Being a Business major had been the perfect fit. Economics, marketing and even statistics had come easy. A 4.0 the first three semesters of college was pointing its way right to an MBA at the school of your choice. And there was Jane. Fun, smart and hot as hell. She really was the perfect girlfriend.

But she's out with her friends and you're here. With your laptop.

Jane might not be perfect for everyone, but it really worked for you. A little on the short side, but nice and curvy while still being fit. Her features were more cute than beautiful, matching her bubbly, positive personality. The sex was great. She was only the third girl you had ever slept with and only the second you'd slept with more than once. The difference was night and day. She was comfortable with her body and really knew how to enjoy herself. She was a double major in biology and dance, so her schedule was usually packed, but when she did make time for you, what a time it was.

Jane.

But you can't think about her right now. If you spend the rest of the night jerking off, you'll never get this assignment done.

CS101. Maybe it was appropriate that you were trapped in the dorms on a Friday night to do a programming assignment. That's what CS majors did on Friday nights, right? Programming. They weren't lying back on their beds while Jane worked them over reverse-cowgirl, giving you a really great view of exactly how well that dancer's body understood your biology.

Stop thinking about Jane. You need to focus on this assignment.

Earlier today your copy of "Java for Dummies" had arrived, courtesy of Amazon. You had hung your hopes on the idea that your course textbook was geared to much towards the theoretical and that a more practical supplement would clear things up. Unfortunately, it hadn't. What the hell are "classes" and what are they good for? It just didn't make any sense.

But there's no way this one class is gonna get in the way of your future. Worst case, you could just drop it. You're certain that you'd regret it later. All the big business these days was in technology. Step one was the MBA. Step two was to land in some Silicon Valley company to start building your professional network. Step three: profit.

It was time to suck it up and find a tutor. It wouldn't help with this assignment, but there was still time to salvage the semester. You fire up Chrome to check out class forums and...