The life of an angel is definitely no picnic, folks. My name is Michael. I've come to set the record straight about my Brethren. I don't know where mortals get their information but they're rather wrong about so many things it's not even funny. Whoever told you that angels are androgynous pretty guys or pretty girls with wings has definitely lied to you. We're not cute. And we're not exactly an accessible bunch. We come and go as we please, from one corner of the universe to the next.

Where do we come from? We've always been here. Along with Yahweh. Long before He began His creation of the cosmos. We existed in the Void which even now surrounds Creation from all angles. A common misconception is that angels were created by Yahweh. We're as old as He is. The main difference between us and Him is the fact that He possesses the insurmountable force which He used to will Creation to occur. Something we call the First Power. We were his workers and advisors as He set about creating all life.

We're not his servants. We're his partners. I hope you can understand the difference between the two. Because it's major. We are and always will be. Immortal doesn't quite describe us but mortals need something which to measure us against. Since evading death is a main concern of theirs, they see anything beyond themselves as being immune to death. Little do they know that death itself is a limited entity bound by many of the same rules mortals operate by. Death has limits. Angels do not. I just wanted to make this quite clear.

Even though all angels are beings of nearly infinite power, even among equals some are more equal than others. I am an archangel. One of the most powerful angels in the universe. The only being more powerful than myself is Yahweh, the one all angels affectionately refer to as the Father of Us All. Even though we're all the same incalculable age.

Mortals believe that Heaven is an uncomplicated place much like Earth, where angels and demons are duking it out for all eternity. Give me a break, will you? Fighting an endless war is quite boring. Doing so for all eternity is a fate I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Among angels, there are different viewpoints. Different factions have different beliefs. But we're not going to slaughter each other over philosophical differences. I have something which I must correct you people on. The relationship between myself and my colleague Lucifer. We're not enemies. Just friends with radically different viewpoints.

When Yahweh began creating the universe, he found two angels who were far more helpful than all others. My friend Lucifer and myself. What can I say? We were brighter than all the others. When Yahweh created the suns, the moons and the stars, we helped him out. The Milky Way Galaxy is the handiwork of Lucifer and myself. It was a personal project for the two of us. One whose creation we undertook in order to bestow a gift upon an old friend. Yahweh. He had been so busy creating the myriad galaxies that we decided to surprise him by creating one of our very own and giving it to him as a gift. He was quite happy about it. Making him happy was something Lucifer and I derived much pleasure from. Especially in those early epochs.

When Yahweh finally began infusing the universe with living beings, Lucifer and I were present as well. We were the ones who advised him on the creation of anything from bacteria to arthropods and dinosaurs. Creation occurred once, and since then evolution has been allowed to take its course. Creation is hard work, even for the Almighty. It's worse than running a marathon every day of the year in all weather. Humans have had strong arguments over creation versus evolution. The truth is that both proponents of evolution and those men and women who call themselves creationists are absolutely right. Creation and evolution are both responsible for the universe as it is today. I just wish they could agree on that and move on with their lives. I do hate to watch them tear each other to pieces over useless crap.

Yahweh shares my disgust with the wicked things that otherwise intelligent and perfectly decent ordinary men and women do in his name. sometimes, when he goes on vacation into the Void, he asks me to look after things. And I gladly do so. Sometimes, Lucifer is left in charge and does a good job. He's responsible for both the Enlightenment Movement and the European Renaissance, you know. Contrarily to what mortals think, he's not a master of evil trying to take over the universe and destroy Heaven and Earth. If he were, why in heck do you think he'd be left as Viceroy of the Cosmos for ages while Yahweh and I roamed the Void? If he wanted to take over the universe, he's had plenty of opportunity for it, don't you think? Besides, these days Yahweh is tired of ruling the universe and would probably gladly hand it over while retiring to the Void. Does that shock you? Well, try holding the same damn job for all eternity! Then you can tell me about boredom!

You people have a lot to learn about Heavenly politics. For starters, there is no such thing as Hell. At least not one we're responsible for. Neither Yahweh nor Lucifer have ever created a place for the souls of human beings to suffer. Humans brought it on themselves. There is such a thing as psycho-materialization. You see, a group of powerful souls united can create a place for themselves to dwell. And in this place, they are the masters. The souls of good men and good women go their own version of paradise because deep down, that's where they belong. And once there, they are reunited with their friends, spouses, families and other loved ones who undertook the same journey. Paradise is different for everyone, yet it's all the same.

The souls of evil men and evil women go to Hell because deep down they know that this is where they belong. The demons and monsters and endless torments found in Hell are the creations of the souls who inhabit Hell. I have nothing to do with Hell. Neither does Yahweh or Lucifer. Humans are more powerful than they realize, even when they're dead. Or should I say especially when they're dead. They dwell in their own paradises and their own hells. Much like they did while they were alive. Do you understand this now?

Humans think of Yahweh as a stern father figure and a judge. They're half right. He granted them free will for a reason. They can do whatever they want. That's what free will is all about. But they have to live with the consequences. He doesn't judge them. They are judged by their own conscience and for those among them without conscience, they're doomed to a hell of their own making, both in the world of the living and the world of the dead. See, we have a hands-off policy upstairs. Oh, and please don't imagine a celestial palace where guys and girls with wings play music and frolic all day. That is such a common misconception. Give us a little credit, please.

When you die, whether you were very good or exceptionally bad, you go to an afterlife peopled by the souls of mortals like yourself. You don't get to rub ethereal elbows with angels. Sorry but that's just the way it is. My Brethren and I exist simultaneously in a multitude of coexisting universes. We are in the universe but not of it. We can control time and space the way you people can wriggle your fingers. It's not a mark of power. Each and every single one of us can do it. We know better than to screw with the laws of the cosmos. Not because we fear punishment from our fellow angels or from Yahweh himself but because we know better. Doing the right thing for the sake of doing it and needing no need for reward or punishment system to sway our actions one way or the other. That's what it means to be an angel.

There are stories about angels going down to Earth and having relations with mortal women. I don't know where you get your facts but we don't do that. There are a multitude of extremely powerful immortal beings in the universe. Angels are but one group of them. The gods and goddesses worshiped by various human populations throughout history fall under those other categories. Many of those beings like to impress mortals with their powers, make you do whatever they want and influence your lives one way or the other. Omnipotence without malice or egotism is what separates Yahweh from every other seemingly all-powerful entity in the universe.

Those other beings who exist within the same universe as the Brethren of Angels and myself are free to do whatever they wish. Sometimes, they go overboard and Yahweh and the angels step in. To stave off disaster, you understand. Yahweh created the universe for all living creatures and entities to live freely. He did not restrict passage into it solely to angels. However, some of those non-angelic entities sometimes overstep their boundaries and overstay their welcome. When that happens, I'm more than happy to dispatch them to the Void, where I know they can do no harm. That's why so many gods, goddesses and other supernatural entities once worshiped by humans are no longer heard of. We put them out of circulation. Our way of doing damage control. Creation is a wonderful thing. All it takes is one cosmically genocidal maniac to undo it. We can't let that happen.

When the universe ultimately collapses and dies, my fellow angels and I will rejoin Yahweh in the Void. Until then, like you we enjoy every day we have in this universe. We find things to occupy ourselves. Sometimes, we intervene in the lives of mortals to help them. We do not ask to be worshiped, and neither does Yahweh. All we want is to be merely acknowledged and respected. Mortals can't seem to tell the difference. Someday they will. Wisdom is hard-won but they achieve it sometimes. It is my hope that they all will someday. And I know they will. Even my fellow angels learned through trial and error, once upon a time. Nobody's perfect but we can try. Peace.