"We should do something for Earth Day," said Bob, a clerk in a law firm, to his three friends, who sat in their favorite bar drinking green beer on St. Patrick's Day.

"Earth Day? No one celebrates Earth Day," said Mike, an accountant with an accounting firm. "It isn't a real holiday like St. Paddy's Day."

"Yeah, Earth Day is a lame holiday right up there with President's Day and Flag Day," said Sam, an assistant deli manager at a supermarket, before taking another long sip of his beer.

"The only ones celebrating President's Day are car dealerships and the only ones celebrating Flag Day are old veterans like my dad, just as the only ones celebrating Earth Day are people who wear tie-dye t-shirts, smoke dope, and drive VW mini buses on their way to Led Zeppelin revival concerts," said Mike.

"What did you have in mind, Bob? Did you want to plant a tree in celebration of Earth Day," said Charlie with a laugh and a look of interest.

Charlie was the cool one of the group. He operates his own online trading business importing trinkets from China and selling them for huge profits on E-Bay. Because he works from home and his overhead is low, he makes more money than he would had he opened a shop.

"Oh, I don't know," said Bob feeling uncomfortable, no doubt. "I just thought it would be fun to celebrate an obscure holiday that most people don't acknowledge," he said looking around at his three friends and receiving a cool reception to his idea.

"Actually, now that you mention it and the more that I think about it, in this time of global warming and with everyone wanting to be greener, on second thought, celebrating Earth Day does sound like a good idea," said Charlie.

Suddenly, now, because Charlie was onboard with the idea, Sam and Mike would embrace Bob's Earth Day idea, no doubt.

"Yeah, chicks dig that stuff," said Sam. "Maybe we'd get lucky with a hot environmentalist or a sexy naturalist, one who likes to walk around the forest naked or, at the very least, topless."

"Yeah, women are attracted to a sensitive man with a social conscience," said Mike before drinking more of his green beer. "I can see myself hiking naked in the forest with just my hiking boots, backpack, and baseball cap with a hot, naked environmentalist by my side."

"I wouldn't mind spending some 24/7 quality time with a hot naturalist while tied to a tree that a real estate developer wanted to cut down," said Bob. "It would be fun to campout in the great outdoors while trying to save the planet."

"You won't catch me hiking naked through the forest or tying my body to a tree, for that matter. All you need is a wasp bite to make you want to wear clothes," Charlie said with a laugh. "Besides, have you seen some of those environmentalists and naturalists? They don't cut their hair, pluck their eyebrows, shave their legs, armpits or trim their bushes," said Charlie. "They are as grizzly and smelly as the bears they protect."

"Gross," said Bob.

"Nasty," said Mike.

"Still, at a time when there aren't any holidays to celebrate, between Christmas and New Year's and months before the Fourth of July, celebrating Earth Day could be something fun to do," said Sam. "It would get us out of the winter doldrums."

"I have nothing else better to do," said Mike. "It'd be a change to help save the planet instead of helping to ruin the planet."

"I'm always up for some fun," said Bob.

"Yeah, I agree," said Charlie. "Using Earth Day as an excuse for us to take time out of our busy schedules and do something good, as our part to help save the earth, could be fun."

"We should think of something we could do as a group activity," said Bob. "If nothing else it will give me something to talk to Sheila about, the receptionist at my office. She's into saving the earth and she's hot. She wears clothes made from hemp." He looked at his friends while raising his glass in a toast, "I'd like to smoke her, if you know what I mean."

"Group activity? What are you a Boy Scout? You all know that I'm not much of a team player. I do love to compete, though, so long as it's an individual competition," said Charlie with a devious laugh. "I'd rather do something on my own."

"You don't have to be a team player to have a social conscience," said Bob. "All you need to do is to make better choices, ones that lower your carbon imprint."

"We owe it to the planet to make an environmental contribution," said Mike. "When it's time for us to depart this Earth for God knows what, we need to leave this place in better condition than we found it. If we all did that and the next generation did the same, we'd all make for a better world."

"I'd like to give something back," said Sam. "I'd do it for my kids."

"You don't have any kids," said Bob. "None of us have kids."

"Well, yeah, you know what I mean, for the time when I do have kids," said Sam. "Why not start changing our behavior now?"

"I say we put our money where our mouths are," said Charlie. He reached in his wallet and pulled out a one hundred dollar bill and tossed it in the middle of the table. "Whoever comes up with the best Earth Day idea wins the pot."

"Yeah, I can do that," said Bob tossing in five twenties.

"I'm game," said Mike covering the bet with all the money he had, a twenty, six tens, two fives and the rest in singles, including pocket change to cover the last ten dollars.

"Can I write a check," said Sam looking from one to another with checkbook in hand.

"Yeah, sure, checks are good. We trust you, Sam," said Charlie with a laugh.

"We'll all meet here the day after Earth Day to tell everyone what we did and vote on each other's project. The winner wins the money."

"I'll hold the pot," said Mike scooping up the money and pocketing it.

The four friends held up their drinks and touched glasses. With a four hundred dollar pot at stake, this Earth Day would not only be fun for the group by helping to save the planet but also it'd be profitable for one member of the group.

"Happy Earth Day," said Bob.

"For the betterment of the planet," said Mike.

"Here's to a greener environment," said Sam.

"Let the games begin," said Charlie. "May the best idea win."

Truth be told, Charlie had planned to sucker his three friends into betting money they couldn't win. As soon as Bob mentioned about wanting to celebrate Earth Day, he already had his own X-rated Earth Day idea. He knew the other three would do something stupid that would pale in comparison to what he had planned to do. He knew the pot was in the bag and he'd win the money. He always did. For as long as he's been betting with them, he's never lost a World Series, Super Bowl or Indy 500 bet.

* * * * *

Later that week, Bob was on a mission. He decided that he'd single handedly collect every discarded plastic bottle and aluminum can, claim the deposit money, and donate whatever he collected to a cause that helped save the Earth. It was a double sided idea. Not only was he cleaning the streets of littered bottles and cans but also he was donating whatever he earned from the sale of his cleanup to a worthy cause, one that helped preserve the planet. He felt certain that he'd win the pot.

Only, even though it was a good idea at first, he was unable to think what his meager collection of cans and bottles could contribute to saving the planet. He couldn't think of where he could donate the small amount of money from bottles and cans he'd receive to make a difference in reducing his carbon footprint or in reducing global warming. Unable to think of anything better, he decided to give the proceeds of his redeemed deposits to a homeless shelter.

Certainly, he could argue that not only was he cleaning the streets of litter but also he was helping to remove the homeless from the streets by giving the shelter money to feed and house the poor, if only for a night. Yeah, he figured helping to shelter the homeless was better than giving it to a bunch of hippies who grew organic vegetables or something else that wasn't as important as feeding those who are hungry.

He spent hours before and after work scouring the city streets. He even borrowed a shopping cart from the local supermarket to help him in his quest. He collected so many cans and bottles that he enlisted a second shopping cart and tied them together in tandem. Diving in dumpsters instead of fighting windmills, soon, with his shopping carts burdened with green, plastic bags that were fat with bottles and cans, he looked so much like Don Quixote's man, Sancho Panza, in Cervantes' Man of La Mancha, with his donkey burdened with saddlebags.

Only, just when his shopping carts were filled to capacity and were so overwhelmed with round plastic bags that hung from every part of both carriages, so much like a boat with buoys hanging from the sides that he could hardly push it, a contingent of homeless men approach him. An uphill climb, he was nearing his final destination, the redemption center of the supermarket where he needed to not only deposit his bottles and cans to collect his money but also return his borrowed shopping carts. The three homeless men stood at the crest of the hill waiting for Bob to pull his shopping carts to the top.

"I wondered what happened to all the bottles and cans," said the first homeless man to no one, but for everyone to hear.

"And now we know," said the second homeless man.

"I haven't seen you around here before," said the third homeless man stopping Bob's progress by placing a hand on the first carriage.

"Who the Hell are you," said the first homeless man approaching Bob.

"I'm Bob," he said sticking out his hand and taking it back when the men didn't offer to shake his hand.

"Are you homeless, too?" A second homeless man asked looking at Bob's clean and neat appearance outfitted from head to toe with designer clothes. "Because you don't look homeless to me."

"Me? Homeless? Certainly not. I clerk at a law firm during the day and live with my folks when—"

"Live with your folks? Aren't you a bit old to be still living at home with mommy and daddy?" The third homeless man laughed with the other two homeless men.

"Go tell your life story to someone who gives a shit, Bob" said the first homeless man saying his name in a mocking way while pulling the carts from Bob's grasp.

"Hey, what are you doing? I'm redeeming these bottles and cans for Earth Day and donating the money to a worthy cause."

"We'll save you the trouble," laughed the second homeless man.

"Yeah, we'll cut out the middleman and will gladly see your donation reaches worthy hands," said the third homeless man laughing.

"Thank you for giving us this money," laughed the first homeless man. "Now, beat it," he said fisting his hand and raising it.

"Okay, okay, I'm leaving."

"Fuck off," said the second homeless man.

"Happy Earth Day," said Bob.

"Scram," said the third homeless man.

"Hit the bricks," said the first homeless man. "Earth Day my ass. What kind of moron celebrates Earth Day?" Bob walked away from the laughter of the three homeless men.

"That's not even a holiday," said the second homeless man.

"Yeah, Earth Day is right up there with President's Day and Flag Day," said the third homeless man laughing.

Bob was saddened. Not only did he not complete his goal of donating money to a worthy cause but also he had no chance of winning the pot now. Actually, when he thought about it, he did help three homeless men. So long as they don't spend the redemption money on drugs and/or alcohol, he liked to think that he had helped them. Before he left, he pulled out his cell phone and took a photo of his two shopping carts overloaded with green, plastic trash bags filled to capacity with all the bottles and cans he collected.

"Well, a picture is worth a thousand words. This will be proof that my heart was in the right place."

Still, not satisfied enough that he helped celebrate Earth Day, he wrote a check for the approximate redemption value of the collected bottles and cans and mailed it to the local homeless shelter.

* * * * *

Mike spent his time cleaning trash from the park that had been taken over by drug dealers, gang bangers, and prostitutes. It was a dangerous proposition and one that could only possibly be done during the daylight hours. At the very least, he ran the risk of being harassed by a hooker and/or beaten up by gang members or worse, even being shot by a drug dealer.

Even broad daylight didn't deter crime in this part of town. Yet, Mike was intent on giving something back and making a difference. He wanted to do something good for the neighborhood. Cleaning up this trash and garbage littered park was his way of donating his time and energy for the good of the neighborhood and the betterment of his community. He thought this one deed would certainly enhance the quality of his life, as well as all those who wanted to come to this park to play.

Earth Day motivated him with the energy and the determined effort to do something he'd never otherwise do. Besides, he drove by this park every day to shoot hoops at the cleaner and safer park blocks away in the better neighborhood. Cleaning up this park would not only benefit him and others in the neighborhood but also he may win the pot of money. A win/win situation, he'd clean up the park by picking up all the trash and instead of driving his car unnecessarily by going to the other park, he could walk to this part, once all the trash was gone.

Once he finished picking up the trash, he thought about returning with some white paint to paint the fence, basketball poles, and new white lines on the basketball court. He even thought about installing new nets for the baskets. Certainly, he could afford the couple dollars for new nets that the kids tore down. Maybe, he'd even invest extra for the chain link basketball nets. Those are more durable and longer lasting than the white cotton ones. They can't break those in the way that they break the white cotton ones.

These are all fixes that the city and park department should be doing. Yet, with budget cuts and layoffs of city personnel, this park was not a priority, as were some of the other parks located in better neighborhoods on the other side of the city. Suddenly, just because he didn't have as much money as those people who lived in better neighborhoods, he felt labeled as one of the ones who destroyed city property, instead of one of the ones who appreciated what the city did in his neighborhood. He'd show them by taking the initiative and spending his own money to clean up the park. He hoped that by making the effort and by cleaning the park as an example of community service, others would follow his example and take pride in their neighborhood, too.

Mike spent the weekend cleaning up the park. He hoped he would inspire others who saw him out there by himself cleaning the park to come out and help him, but no one volunteered their help, time or money. Just as everyone hid behind their closed, locked doors and didn't report crime and criminals, unless it happened to them, no one cared enough to help clean up and improve the quality of life in their own community by helping him clean up the park.

The residents of the neighborhood all stayed in their homes and peeked out at him from behind their closed blinds and curtains. He noticed the movement of them whenever he looked in their direction. Yet, that was okay. He was doing what he needed to do.

He figured the best way to accomplish the massive cleanup task was to first rake, pitch, push, and collect everything into one giant pile of trash. Then, once he was done, he'd shovel it all into green trash bags. His biggest expense was buying the trash bags. They weren't cheap. He asked Mr. Jones, the owner of the hardware store, if he'd donate the trash bags and a rake to subsidize his expense in cleaning up the park, but Mr. Jones gave him his much rehearsed lecture on how his business had suffered because everyone shopped at the big chain stores instead of shopping at the local hardware store. Mike paid for the trash bags and bought the rake. He brought a big trash barrel with him from home to fit it with the trash bags so as to make his work easier when filling the bags.

He couldn't believe how much fast food, lottery tickets, cigarette butts, condoms, needles, and garbage that was discarded in this one small park. With all this shit littered everywhere, it was no wonder kids didn't play here. He imagined an anthropologist finding this trash littered park thousands of years from now and wondering what McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and Taco Bell were. He imagined them lining up discarded cigarette butts like so many broken bones and finding Styrofoam cups and plastic bags still intact.

Just when his pile was nearly raked, just when he was nearly done piling up all the trash, when he was on the far side of the field collecting the last bit of trash, a couple of gang members set the pile of litter on fire with lighter fluid and a match. The trash had already exploded into quite the bonfire by the time Mike noticed it and made it over from the other side of the field. Without having anything to extinguish the blaze, there was nothing he could do but to watch it burn. Then one of the prostitutes whose business had suffered from the appearance of Mike cleaning the park called the fire department.

"You'd better get over here. There's a crazy guy who just lit a giant bonfire in the park," she said over her cell phone. "He must be high on crack or something. He looks like he's getting ready to burn down the whole neighborhood. He looks like he might be a terrorist."

The wail of police and fire sirens could be heard from blocks away. Even after Mike had given his story to the police, he was still issued a $250 fine from the Fire department for burning trash.

"But, I didn't set the fire. I was cleaning up the park."

"Listen, Pal," said the Fire Caption. "You can't go around burning trash, even if you are cleaning up the park. You're lucky I don't have the police arrest you and charge you with arson."

"But I didn't set fire to the trash," said Mike.

"We have three eye witnesses who stated that you poured lighter fluid on the pile before striking the match."

Two gang members and a hooker watching the whole process unfold stood laughing from the distance. Now Mike understood why no other residents came out to help him. Now he understood why the people of the neighborhood refused to get involved.

As a last resort, as evidence that he had cleaned the park, he took two photos, one of the litter free park and another of the extinguished bonfire but still smoking pile of trash.

* * * * *

Sam, who drove his car around the corner to mail a letter and who used his Dad's handicap placard whenever going to the mall or supermarket, so that he wouldn't have to walk even a few extra steps, bought a bicycle to lower his carbon imprint. He was so proud of his new bike that he had his mother snap a photo of him with his cell phone while he was perched on his bike wearing his helmet, as proof that he was using his bike instead of his car to commute.

An old style, albeit a new bicycle with lots of chrome, fat, whitewall tires, rearview mirrors, and faux raccoon tails at the end of each handgrip, his bike had a headlight and a horn. It even had saddlebags attached to each fender to store whatever he needed to take with him. Lastly, Sam attached a small American flag to the rear of the bike that waved proudly as he rode.

Suddenly feeling like Lance Armstrong, albeit an overweight, unfit, and much slower Lance Armstrong, about to compete in the Tour de Neighborhood instead of the Tour de France, Sam felt that he was truly making a difference in enjoying the fresh air riding his new bike instead of polluting the air and fouling the environment in his old car. Always wanting to lose the thirty extra pounds he had gained since his college days, he faithfully rode his bike to work every day, except for those rainy days. More of a recreational bike rider who only rode his bike in the good weather and got off the bike to walk it up a steep hill, he wasn't the diehard type of rider who rode their bikes in all kinds of weather, except for snow and sleet.
He attached a speedometer/odometer to his handlebars to keep track of how far and how fast he traveled during the Earth Day contest. He even attached a plastic cup holder with some duct tape to hold his favorite morning brew, only he didn't yet possess the coordination to drink and ride one handed. Whenever he wanted a sip, he had to stop his bike, but that was okay because he was always stopping his bike to rest, especially before embarking up a big hill. Sam had so much shit on his bike that if this was a car, it would have been considered loaded with options.

He was hoping to average the 500 miles, the amount he traveled in a week, when he drove his car to work, from work, and around town to do errands. Only, now pedaling instead of driving, he couldn't believe the distances between the places he now frequented with his bike instead of his car. Those places that took him only a few minutes to get to in his car seemed to take him forever on his bike. Still, each day, it took him less time to bike the now familiar route and, each day, he worked to improve his time, as a personal record.

It was then that he realized that if our government was serious about cleaning up the environment and making us less dependent on fossil fuels, at the very least, they'd make more bike paths. He wondered when they built highways, expressways, and roads, why they didn't build bike paths beside them. If more people felt that they could viably ride a bike to work without having to compete with traffic and be run over by a truck or a car, they would.

Then, he figured that if they built more bike paths, more people would be less dependent on automobiles. Only, maybe the powers in charge who manufactured automobiles and who piped in gasoline didn't want people becoming less dependent on their cars. Automobiles were a big moneymaker in the United States economy. Between buying cars, buying insurance, buying gas and accessories, and repairing automobiles, the car business employed millions of people. If everyone suddenly switched to riding bikes instead of driving cars, he believed that would improve the air quality and be beneficial to the quality of life. However, if everyone suddenly switched to riding bikes instead of driving cars, he realized that would hurt the economy by displacing millions of workers.

Sam soon discovered that not only was in not fun to pedal a bike through downtown traffic but also it was dangerous. Between people suddenly throwing open their car doors, to cars and trucks turning left or right when he was going straight and cutting him off without giving a directional, to cars and trucks running red lights, to people jaywalking in front of him, he had to have eyes in the back of his head. Instead of his daily bike trips to work being an exhilarating experience, it was a terrifying one. Just as he now dreaded the terror rides to work, he dreaded the stressful rides home in rush hour traffic. Now, he stayed at work later waiting for the bulk of the rush hour traffic to end.

The last straw was when he left the office late one day and his bike was gone. It had been stolen. To add injury to insult, they left his broken chain. To compound matters, the skies opened up and it started pouring rain. Too long of a walk to the subway, he took an expensive cab ride home.

He felt violated that someone had stolen his bike. He was angry. Now, not only did his Earth Day experiment miserably fail but also he had no chance of winning the money and he was out the $800 that he paid for the bike. Because of what personally happened to him with his bike being stolen, he would forever hate Earth Day.

* * * * *

It was an unseasonably warm day when Charlie read about an impending People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PETA protest at the swanky fur boutique downtown. Personally, he liked fur and would certainly wear a raccoon coat, if only he could afford to buy one. Except for the inhumane way in which they killed and skinned the animals used for fur coats, whether squirrel, mink, ermine, sable, rabbit, raccoon, muskrat, fox or beaver he justified his fondness of fur with the fact that they were all just either rodents and/or varmints anyway. It took the skins of fifty of the little critters to make a coat.

He knew a woman he had once dated would certainly be there protesting. She was so committed to People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that she sacrificed her relationship with him for PETA, at least, that's what she said and that's what he likes to think was the reason why they are no longer together. Somehow, it soothed his hurt ego to know that he was thrown over for a bigger cause, a charity for the ethical treatment of animals.

She went overboard in her commitment, though. She was the type who stopped women wearing fur coats at the mall, the market, and on the street to argue her point. He never liked that about her, creating a scene. At first, he was enamored with her spunk, but then he quickly grew tired of her argumentative nature and confrontational disposition whenever their talk turned to fur and the slaughter of animals. He still smarted from her rejection of him for her combative and over-the-top organization. Although he agreed with some of their principals, some of the people involved with PETA went to extremes measures, even throwing red paint on fur coats.

Yet, although the establishment of PETA was a good idea conceptually, it now has become too cumbersome, political, and fattened by donations that don't help the animals that are treated inhumanly as much, but more contribute to the salaries and bonuses of the top administrators and executives of the charitable organization. Now, with their own lobbyist in Washington, PETA is more about collecting money than it is about saving animals.

She lambasted him because he wore leather shoes and occasionally enjoyed eating at McDonalds or Burger King. Once she told him that she was a vegetarian, it was a doomed relationship from the start. He wasn't the vegan or vegetarian type and never bonded with people who didn't eat meat. In his opinion, people who didn't eat meat were always too thin, always too angry, and always ready to inject their opinion on others for the sake of an argument to justify why they didn't eat meat.

Gees, shut up already, it's just a hot dog. There's probably very little recognizable meat to be found in a hot dog, anyway, which is why they call it dog instead of calling it by any other name, such as pork. Truly, he didn't see the harm in eating meat, every once in a while, especially at a barbeque.

"Hey, grille me up some more of those carrots and broccoli," he cringed at the thought of saying that to his friends during a Fourth of July barbeque.

She couldn't even kiss him after he had eaten a hamburger or a hot dog. The day they broke up, he was so angry with her behavior that when she was leaving, he chewed a bloody piece of steak with his mouth open with the juices running down her chin to piss her off. Still, now that enough time had passed, they were on friendly enough grounds, and she loved talking about her cause enough, that she'd give him the inside scoop on what PETA was planning for Earth Day.

Since the weather was warm enough, it was to be a nude protest. On the pretense that he wanted to participate and get naked, too, she gave him the address of where they would strip out of their clothes. The plan was that they would all walk in one unified naked procession to the fur boutique using only their signs to cover part of their nakedness while chanting for the alerted press photographers to photograph them for the daily news and newspapers.

Only, Charlie had no intention of getting naked. He was there just to watch and ogle the women. The women were so committed to their cause that they didn't even notice him standing there nor did they even care that he was staring while lurking in the background and taking pictures.

* * * * *

Finally, the day after Earth Day arrived and the four men met at their favorite local bar to tell one another what they did to claim their right to win the prize.

"Well, who wants to go first," said Charlie.

"I'll go," said Bob pulling out his cell phone. "This is a photo of all the bottles and cans I collected before three homeless men threatened me with violence and took the shopping carts away from me at the redemption center." He looked at his three friends. "I figured I collected about a couple thousand cans and bottles, so I doubled the amount I would have received at the redemption center and sent a check to the local homeless shelter."

"Wow, that's a shit load of bottles and cans. Even if you didn't get to redeem them, at least your heart was in the right place," said Mike. "And you cleaned up the neighborhood."

"Yeah, that was a good idea to pick up bottles and cans and then making a donation to the homeless shelter," said Sam.

"Well, I'm not sure what picking up and redeeming bottles and cans and donating the redeemed proceeds to a homeless shelter has to do with Earth Day," said Charlie.

"Recycling has everything to do with helping to save the Earth," said Bob.

"Whatever," said Charlie? "Who's next?"

"I had a similar fate with my Earth Day contest plan," said Mike.

I collected a mountain of trash at the park around the corner from where I live and was about to bag it all when a couple of drug dealers set it on fire," he said pulling out his cell phone. "This is a photo of the clean park after I picked up all the trash and another photo of the bonfire."

"That's a huge fire," said Sam. "Still, it was a good idea that you had. I just can't believe you did all that work by yourself. It must have taken you hours."

"Hours? I wish," said Mike. "It took me the entire weekend. The worst part of it was when the fire department gave me a $250 ticket for opening burning trash."

"That sucks," said Bob.

"That's not fair," said Sam.

"Again, I'm not sure what collecting trash has to do with Earth Day," said Charlie.

"Are you kidding? Picking up trash has everything with helping to keep the planet clean," said Mike.

"Whatever," said Charlie? "Who's next?"

"Well, here's a photo of my $800 bike that I bought," said Sam. "I nearly had it for two weeks before it was stolen. My idea was to lower my carbon footprint by commuting back and forth to work and doing all my errands by pedaling my bike and enjoying the fresh air instead of driving and polluting the air in my car."

"That's a good idea, Sam," said Mike. "If more of us did that we'd definitely have a better quality of life without all the air pollution from cars."

"Not to mention we'd never have traffic jams or have to worry where to park our cars," said Bob.

"Again, I don't get the connection of what pedaling a bike around the neighborhood has to do with celebrating Earth Day," said Charlie.

"Charlie," said Sam, "if we all drove our cars less and rode our bikes more, we'd have a cleaner planet."

"Whatever," said Charlie?

Bob, Mike, and Sam looked at one another. Obviously, they were not only confused by Charlie questioning their Earth Day theme but also a bit annoyed.

"What did you do for your Earth Day celebration," asked Sam of Charlie?

"Yeah, what did you do," asked Mike of Charlie?

"C'mon, we're curious," said Bob. "Tell us what you did to celebrate Earth Day."

"Well," said Charlie leaning back in his chair after taking a long sip of his beer. "What I did was to attend a PETA demonstration. I mean, I really didn't participate, I just watched the demonstrators protest a fur boutique, is all."

"A PETA demonstration? What does watching PETA demonstrators have to do with celebrating Earth Day," asked Mike?

"Yeah, I don't get it," said Sam. "Next you'll be telling us you attended a Red Cross blood drive and watched people giving blood."

"Moreover, according to the rules of our little contest, the fact that you didn't even participate in the demonstration disqualifies you from our Earth Day contest," said Bob with a smug smile of victory.

"Yeah," said Sam. "You're disqualified Charlie."

"Yeah," said Mike. "You lose big time."

"Well," said Charlie. "I didn't participate because they were all women and I would have stuck out like a sore thumb?"

"Women? I don't get it. That's all the more reason to participate in their demonstration. Why didn't you participate? I would have participated in their protest, especially because they were all women," said Mike with a dirty laugh before taking the last sip of his beer.

"Yeah, being the only guy in a woman's protest is my kind of protest, that is, so long as they aren't protesting guys," said Sam. "Had you joined in the protest, you might have hooked up with a hot chick. Some of those PETA protestors are hot. How come you didn't join in the protest?" Sam guzzled the rest of his beer and slammed the empty glass down upon the table.

"Yeah," said Bob, "some of those PETA protestors really are hot. There's always a model or two in the group, even a celebrity. That's not like you to just watch, Charlie. Why didn't you protest, too?" Bob finished off his beer, too.

"Well, because," said Charlie, "I agree with them in principle about how they kill the animals to get their fur, but I like fur and would wear it if I could afford it. Secondly," he said looking from Bob to Mike to Sam and lowering his voice, "they were all naked."

The three sitting across from Charlie all picked up their empty glasses at the same time to take a sip of their non-existent beer. They all stared at Charlie while remaining silent.

"Get we have another round over here," waved Charlie to the waitress.

"You mean by naked that they were all just topless," said Bob. "Right?"

"No," said Charlie, "they were naked, as in not wearing any clothes."

"Totally naked," asked Mike?

"Totally naked," said Charlie.

"And you watched them protesting...naked," asked Sam?

"I watched their naked protest from the beginning to the end," said Charlie with a laugh. "Not only did I watch them protesting but also I was there in the alley with them where they stripped out of their clothes. I got the inside scope from an old girlfriend of mine who was at the protest, too. You could say that I was exposed to the entire event," said Charlie with a laugh.

The waitress came with two pitchers of beer. The men filled their glasses and took a long drink.

"Yeah, well," said Bob wiping his mouth on his sleeve. "How do we know you aren't making this up just to win the Earth Day contest and collect the money from the pot?"

"Yeah, how do we know you are just saying there was even a protest and all the protesters were naked just to win the money," asked Mike?

"Yeah, Charlie, we all know you all too well. What proof do you have that this really happened," asked Sam? "Do you have any pictures?"

"Proof? You want proof," said Charlie. "Sorry, I don't have any proof that I was there. And no, I don't have any pictures."

Bob, Mike, and Sam looked at one another with glee figuring, no doubt, that one of them would win their little contest, and that Charlie would lose, finally.

"Well," said Bob. "That disqualifies you from—"

"Except, I said that I didn't have pictures" said Charlie pulling out his mini cam recorder from his jacket pocket. "But I do have video."

After watching the video several times and all the men asking Charlie to make them a copy, Mike handed Charlie the pot.

Happy Earth Day

THE END