"Right Simon, not this year!" You say to yourself as you watch the kettle boil for your morning tea. "You've had your fun, freshers week is over, no drink, no girls, its time to study!" You continue as you massage the side of your cheeks.
Your name is Simon, your in your last year of doing English literature at a popular coastal uni. You started your first year strong! You went to every lecture, you completed every essay before the the due date, you didnt drink in excess, you didnt touch drugs. This could all be attributed to one fact, in first year you had a girlfriend.
Susie your girlfriend from when you were at school. Throughout the two years of school you dated you were convinced, like most young lovers, that you two would be together forever. The fact that you were going to two different universities at opposite ends of the country wasnt going to stop you! You made a good group of friends in the first few weeks with the other members of your english lecture class. They would invite you to various house parties, nights out, camping trips and festivals. Almost 100% of the time you would politely turn them down because you were pretty much skint all the time. With the various car and train journeys to see Susie most weekends you were left with very little for food and rent let alone going out. As such, apart from seeing Susie you revised, studied and come the end of the first year you went back home with a high 1st!
One week into what thought was going to be the best holiday ever, surrounded by home friends and your girlfriend, you got some shocking news. You were round Susies house fooling around in her bedroom when stops you from taking off your shift. She looks at you and starts crying. You panicing go hug her and ask whats wrong?! She pushing you away says she cant lie to you anymore! You, confused, ask her what shes talking about. After another minute of sobbing she manages to get out that shes been cheating on you for the last 2 months. You sit there on her bed shell shocked as she relays how she tried so hard to be faithful but the distance is to much, how her and her housemate Miles got along so well. How they shared so many intersts; music, films, sports, books, it was like they were meant to be. How the first time had been a drunken mistake, but after that it happened with more regularity until they couldnt bear to be apart from each. She says she didnt mean to hurt you. She kept wanting to tell you but couldnt. How she was hoping she would rekindle the feelings she felt for you at the start of the summer holidays, but her heart just pined for Miles. That she was gonna get the train to his and stay with him for a while. You sit on the bed just staring at her, unable to comprend what she said, how you feel.
You wanted to be angry, to shout, but there was no rage, just an empty feeling of loss. You wanted to scream, but no sound would come out. Your body seemed to just move on its own as you stood up, picked your jumper up, put it in and walked out of her bedroom door. Susie crying and shouting your name to get you to stop as you walk down her the stairs of her house. Susie's mum comes out of the kitchen and demands to know what the hell is happening. You say nothing to her as you rip off the silly bohemian necklace Susie but you on your last holiday. You give her the necklace as a reply to her question and she looks up at you confused. Susie is continuing to cry out your name as she comes to the top of the stairs. You take one last look at her, say the words goodbye and walk out the front.
During the 30 minute drive back to your house you basically have a mental breakdown. For the first half of the journey you are crying hysterically, blaming yourself, questioning what you did, maybe if you begged her she would take you back? You then become so angry you begin punching the wheel, swearing, calling her everyname under the sun. At a traffic light you are oblivious to the elderly couple staring at you shocked as they see you beat the seat next to you with visible tears streaming. The last 10 minutes is you focusing the anger and the sorrow. You were gonna go out and get shit faced. Fuck some random girl! You neeeded to get away from this town. Everything reminded you of Susie, parks you walked in, resturants you ate in, bicycle rides, cinema trips, pub visits. As you arrive home, slamming your car door you phone your friend Richard from Uni. He was in your English lectures and was part of the cool clique. He asked you months ago if you were keen to come to a festival down near the Uni. At the time you said no as your whole summer was meant to be Susie. Richard picked up surpised that you were calling him. You explained the situation and asked if the offer for the festival was still up? Richard absolutly buzzing said they had a spare ticket as someone had to bail. You had saved some money for Susies birthday which was coming up, fuck that. You told Rich you were in.
At the festival you fucked, drank and snorted everything you could. It was heaven and most importantly it helped you forget about Susie. This behaviour continued into your second year. You were out at almost every oppurtunity. The money you were now saving from less travel going on drink, drugs and nights out. Your a goodlooking bloke, at 5"11 with brown hair, blue eyes, an atheltic build you maintain by going for run. So naturally you lived on various hook up apps going from girl to girl. You stopped going to most of the lectures, espeically the early morning ones. Your assignments were all done last minute. There was a noticable drop in your grades and concerned leacturers asked if everything was alright, you replied fine, annoyed that they were even asking? What buisness was it of theres?
Second year came to an end and you finished with various exams. The shock came over the holiday when you got your results. You'd got a 3rd. Seeing all the break downs of your assignments, essays and exam put into stark contrast how much you'd dropped. Your parents were really dissapointed. Being teachers themselves they were angry at how their son had so obviously failed, they had noticed how much you were going out, your broke bank statements coming in. They made an emotional appeal to you to please try, you weren't a kid anymore so they couldnt make you put more work in but they were begging you to make the most of a degree which could help define your future. Seeing your mum crying as she asked you to please think about your future was the jolt your brain needed to realise how stupid you had been the last year. You promise both of them you'll do better and then right infront of them to prove you meant your words you phone Richard and say you would'nt be coming to the festival this year. Appeased with your act you all have a nice hug and the summer holiday progess's boringly as you try and get as many part time jobs as possible to save up some money for the start of the 3rd year.
When you arrived back at university you allowed yourself to go out with all your mates in freshers week. There was no work load at the start of the new year so the new first years could make themselves comfortable and find friends. The local town bars and pubs put on lots of events to entice fresh faced new students to come in and get shitfaced. You allowed yourself that one week to drink and play.
Your bought back into reality as you hear the kettle ping indicating the water was hot enough. "Ill just make it a routine, if I just go for atleast 1 hour a day ill be miles ahead of everyone when it comes to getting dissertations checked by lecturers and ill have plenty of time to do my other assignments." You mutter to yourself as your pouring the hot water over your tea bag in the cup. "5pm to 6pm would be best, lectures finish at 5 so they'll be less people around the uni, plus it will give me a legit reason to miss our normal early start pub seshs". You drop a dash of milk in the tea and nod to yourself both for making a perfect cup of tea and making a plan.
You spend the rest of the day tidying your room, making some food, going for a run. Then come 4.30pm you pick up your book bag and start to make the 20 minute walk to the campus library.