When I was twenty-years-old I moved from a small town to a big city to go to university. I was living in a dorm and had never had a girlfriend, and had only ever kissed a girl once. One night, I went out drinking with friends and dorm-mates, and I was "picked up" by a twenty-nine-year-old named Christa. At 5'10", she was a couple inches taller than me, and she had a voluptuous figure without being overweight – very large breasts, and fairly wide hips and ass, and light brown hair. She got me separated from my friend group, chatted me up, bought me a drink, and then asked me to come home with her. That night, I had my first sexual encounter, with her – mostly heavy petting – and I spent the night in her bed. I was flattered by the attention, and found her very attractive. We ended up dating for over a year. There was one persisting source of tension in our relationship, however, and that was that she had a strong and vocal dislike for my foreskin.

In recounting the story, I'll try to remember as many little details as I can.

From the beginning, our sexual dynamic was imbalanced. She never gave me a blowjob, only unenthusiastic handjobs. I however was expected to perform cunnilingus regularly. For a while, at her suggestion to help me save money, I moved out of my dorm and into her third-story apartment. One thing I remember from those days is that I would often study at her place in the afternoons while she was at work and then, when she'd come home, she'd throw off all of her work clothes, lie naked on her her broad soft couch, and have me kiss and lick her vagina until, with her fingers running through my hair and holding my scalp firm, she had an orgasm. As well, we'd only ever have sex with a condom, even though she was on the pill.

Because I didn't have a point of comparison, I didn't really know what I was missing. Still, I knew it was unusual not to receive blowjobs, and for my girlfriend to have apparently so little interest in my penis. In the back of my mind, I wondered if maybe she didn't like uncircumcised penises. I had a well-sized (7") penis, but I knew well enough that most North American men are cut. So, after we'd been dating for a few weeks, I asked her if anything was wrong. She took a deep breath, and confirmed that she had only ever been with an uncut guy once previously, and that he had poor hygiene. My hygiene seemed better, she said, but she said she had a strong preference for the circumcised penis. It looked better, smelled better, and had a lower chance of transmitting disease. She explained how bacteria got caught under the skin and could be transmitted to the female partner. "You know that's why I don't suck your cock, right? And why I make you wear a condom? It grosses me out." As for aesthetics, she expressed her impression that the uncircumcised penis lacked personality and looked like an animal penis. She simply, and strongly, preferred a circumcised penis.

I was very hurt at first, but appreciated her honesty. She said she still wanted to be with me but that this was just how she was. She said that she knew that most of her friends felt the same way, so she didn't think she was abnormal. As she often did, she shifted to an assertive role in the conversation, and asked me whether I had ever considered being circumcised. She began to outline what she saw as the numerous advantages. I told her that I hadn't, and we left it at that for the time being.

I shouldn't convey that our sex life was bad. I found it very erotic for the most part. While most of my friends were fumbling with girls who were uncomfortable in their sexuality, I had a partner who definitely knew what she liked. Besides the frequent cunnilingus, she'd often have me lie with her in her bed and suck on her large breasts, while she stroked my cock until I ejaculated all over her pubic hair and vagina (-- she LOVED when I'd go down on her after this). She sometimes liked to put amateur gay porn on her laptop while we were doing this which she absolutely loved, especially when it involved a younger guy sucking an older guy's cock, or being fucked by him. She always tell me to "watch" when the older guy was ejaculating into the younger guy's mouth, and she also regularly point out that all the guys were circumcised. She asked me if I'd ever be with a guy but I told her I felt I was straight... a feeling that I sensed was another disappointment to her.

We'd sometimes go out drinking with her friends, and I would usually keep pretty quiet. They were all older and so more knowledgeable than me, and I found myself intimidated. One detail I found hot was that Christa would often jokingly refer to herself as my "mom". She seemed to enjoy the attention she received for being so much older than me, and being taller and more assertive. For my part, I liked being introduced into the world of real adults, separate from the immaturity of dorm life, even if I usually just listened quietly.

Over the months, our relationship frayed as she became increasingly vocal about her wish for me to receive a circumcision. She say things like "can you please get circumcised so we can have good sex?" Or, "I just don't get how you don't see how much better it looks!" Or, "don't you want women to like your cock, and not make fun of you behind your back? You're still young, you should get it done now!" I had always liked my foreskin, although I had maybe been teased about it once or twice. I appreciate its elegant functionality – how it slid so nicely over my glans, kept my glans soft and pink, but could be rolled back when I was aroused -- and it made it easy to masturbate. I never understood my friends' references to needing vaseline or some other lubricant to masturbate. I figured I was born this way, and my biological parents left me this way, for a reason. Still, I didn't know the arguments, and she was older and smarter than me. Anytime I would bring something up she had some sharp rejoinder or medical statistic to contradict me.

I forgot – she did give me a blowjob once, but she had me keep my foreskin pulled all the way back the entire time, so that I looked like a cut guy! She was holding the skin back so tightly it almost hurt. Even still, she only sucked my cock for a few minutes before leaving for the bathroom and washing her mouth.

Christa had a strong power over me, and was beginning to wear me down. Eventually, to help ease the tension, I diverted attention away from her pressure for me to be circumcised by agreeing to one of her sex fantasies. One of her old boyfriends was back in town, who she told me was bisexual, and I agree to have a threesome in which Christa suggested I would be giving him oral sex. I asked that Christa not have penetrative sex with him and she agreed.

We got together one night at her apartment and got pretty drunk. She was telling him how much I wanted to suck his cock, and how I had never done it before. He took off his jeans, and pulled down his underwear, and stood in front of me. I kneeled down, and Christa was standing behind me. His penis head was not like mine – I remember noticing the skin was a lot harder, like a light cracked shell. Christa kneeled down with me and told me to lick the head and, then, to begin to suck it and take it all the way in, which I did. I was surprised at how big it felt in my mouth. She stood up and kissed with her boyfriend, with one hand at each side of my head, keeping me in place. I could feel her soft matte of pubic hair at the back of my head. Eventually her ex said that he was going to cum, and she told him not to pull out and to cum in my mouth. She gripped my head harder and got really turned on "swallow his cum, fuck yes" -- stuff like that. He shot his sperm in my mouth. For those who have never given a blowjob, when a guy cums in your mouth, what it feels like is if someone had a squeeze bottle full of thick slightly salty viscous fluid, and emptied it steadily inside of your mouth. Before you know it, your mouth is completely full of the fluid. It wasn't bad but didn't do too much for me. I liked that it turned Christa on so much to have me swallow her ex-boyfriend's semen.

After that time, she wanted me to do more, she said she knew a guy who she wanted to fuck me, but I told her that I was straight and held firm on that, to her frustration.

So, the pressure to be circumcised re-emerged. I should've broken up with her but, like I said, she had a power over me. A few months previously, I had been running low on funds and she had invited me to move in with her rent free. I jumped at the chance. This would allow me to escape my annoying roommate and save on money, and so didn't renew my room for January. In retrospect the constant proximity, as well as my being in her debt, allowed her to exercise her persuasion with greater force. After about a month of this, I was giving ground on the circumcision discussion. I told her that I just didn't have any money to have it done. The next day she came back, sat me down, and told me that she had decided she would pay for it, and was so happy that we were finally going to get this done, and how much better our relationship would be after. I resisted again, and this time she was angry.

We fought for a couple weeks until, one night, we went to a bar for one of her friends' birthdays. We were all very drunk, and then her friends began openly discussing the issue with me. I realized that Christa must have discussed it with them. I was sitting around the table with a few of her female friends, and they were all going at once. "You should get it done... it would look so much better." "It would make Christa so happy." "Most guys have it done, you should just do it." "I would totally fuck you if you got it done. I would be 100% more likely to fuck a cut guy than an uncut guy, no offense." "You have to understand, for the girl, it's a really big turn on to see the guy's penis head when he's walking around naked." "Don't you want to be clean?" They were upbeat, persistent and relentless, and in a foolish drunken moment I eventually announced "fine, I'll do it! I'll do it! You win!" to a huge fanfare of celebration. Christa hugged and kissed me, and told me I was getting so laid tonight. There was a huge burst of energy at first, at finally resolving this disagreement, but as the night wore on, and as I woke up the next day, I regretted what I'd said.

I told Christa the next morning that I wasn't sure I meant what I said. She was furious. She told me she couldn't believe I would jerk her around like this, how I couldn't make a decision, how she was so embarrassed among her friends about the situation, and so on, and told me to begin getting my shit out to move. I didn't really have a place to go at that point, and panicked. After walking around for a while, I came back, and tearfully agreed to consider consulting a doctor about the operation.

She took me back into her bedroom, rolled a condom on me, and had sex with me. After I orgasmed into the condom, she held me in her arms and kissed my face, telling me how proud she was of me, and how sexy I would look after my circumcision.

Christa booked an appointment – she actually had a friend who was a urologist that could get me in quickly – and for the next couple of weeks I sort of put it out of my mind. Then came time for the appointment, and Christa said that since she was paying she wanted to go with me. We went to the office, and her friend the doctor said hi and gave her a hug and invited us both into a small room.

The doctor asked me if I wanted a circumcision and I said that I did for "the usual reasons". She nodded and, after that, most of the discussion was between Christa and her friend. While the doctor talked about some of the benefits to circumcision – aesthetics, some lower HIV transmission, hygiene – none of which still made much sense to me, she had me take off my pants and underwear, and examined my foreskin, and then rolled it back with her two fingers and examined the head of my penis.

She discussed the options and Christa told her our preference was for a "high and tight" circumcision that wouldn't leave any loose skin, and that she wanted me frenulum removed. One circumcision was the same as another to me, so I didn't really get involved in the details.

I asked the doctor, betraying my small-town naivety, whether any of the foreskin would grow back over time. She laughed and said that, no, the foreskin would be gone forever. For the rest of my life I would be a circumcised male, the shape of my penis permanently altered.

She said she could get me in two days from then, which Christa said would be so great. It didn't give me much time to reconsider things. The day after the next day, then, first thing in the morning, Christa drove me over, and I was put under and had the circumcision performed. From that day forward I was no longer uncircumcised. My foreskin was cut open, and stitched to the shaft, so that my glans was no longer hidden away but constantly exposed.

Afterward, Christa helped me with some of the care. Without getting into the gruesome details, it was an extremely painful six weeks. Even after the ugliest period of the first couple weeks, my penis head was so sensitive without its cover, that I would often cover it in vaseline and wrap it in saran wrap to deal with the chafing.

The strangest thing is, maybe partly because I lost interest in sex for those six weeks, Christa cheated on me with her ex and ended up getting back together with him. So we never even had sex with my circumcised penis.

Now that I'm older, I wish I'd had more resources to resist her. I miss my foreskin. I had to relearn how to masturbate, and I'll tell you that it doesn't feel nearly as good or as natural as it used to. As well, I keep wondering how sex would've been with foreskin. I read that there's a very nice "blossoming" effect when the foreskin rolls back as it enters the vagina and exposes the soft sensitive glans. That's one of my big regrets – not getting to feel the wet tightness of a bare vagina with my uncut penis. My penis head did harden up quite a bit. So, while I wouldn't make too big a deal of it publicly, and don't think about it too much, I envy those men who still have foreskin.

Anyway, if anyone out there has had a similar experience – being pressured by a partner to be circumcised – I'd be very interested to hear it.