This story is not limited to only humans and regular sex, and things might get weird. You have been warned.

You are Dick Coney a 23-year-old college student, you have black hair and brown eyes, and is about 1.75 m tall.

Your best friend Ajax, ginger with blue eyes and a tad bit taller than you, he was showing off his girlfriend in front of you the other day, what a dick.You felt a little jealous and thought that it was time you found a girlfriend for yourself, and what better way to find one than on Tinder.

You download "Tinder" and liked everyone that looked good or at least decent without really caring what their background was to try your luck.

You thought you were pretty good-looking, above average to say the least, but for some reason, you didn't receive any feedback that day, or the next day, or the following day. You were devastated, and was almost gonna give up until you suddenly received a message on your phone saying somebody "liked" you back.

You were filled with joy and wanted to dance and spin around your room but tone your excitement down instead so that you wouldn't screw up your first impression with them.

You take a few deep breaths and decide to start your conversation with a simple and traditional greeting.

"Hello."

"jsi#,!&[email protected]*n"

Ok, not what you were expecting.

"Um...hello?"

"I'M SO SORRY!!"

"What happened?"

"I fell and accidently hit the keypad."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes, thanks for asking, can we start again?"

"Of course!"

"Thanks."

"Hello, I'm Dick"

"Hey, my name is....."