Author's note: All characters in sexual situations are over 18.

Before I begin telling this story, you should probably know a few things about me. My name is Preston Nakamura. I'm an Asian-American (you probably guessed that), though both of my parents were born and raised in America. I'm kind of short, maybe 5'7", and not very muscular. I'm pretty much the stereotypical nerdy Asian guy, minus the glasses.

I'm also gay.

I became pretty sure of that around the time puberty really kicked in, when I was about 14 years old. I found myself to always be more attracted to the boys around me and never the girls. I don't really act effeminate, but I'm not exactly a man's man, either. By the time I was finishing up my sophomore year of high school, there wasn't much doubt left anymore. Telling my rather traditionalist parents that I was gay the following summer was one of the hardest things I'd ever done. I was horrified of what they would do when they found out. I couldn't even imagine my parents not loving me, I had always had a good relationship with them, but I was scared something would break that couldn't be fixed again.

Thankfully, they took the news well. They weren't mad at me, they weren't even that shocked. They said that they had their suspicions over the years, before I could even put it together, and prepared themselves for the possibility. In all honesty I can't say that they had no qualms about it, but they still wanted to support me and wanted me to be happy. Our relationship became sort of touch and go for a while, both me and my parents feeling like we had to walk on eggshells when we were talking to each other, but over time it got easier.

Coming out to my parents that summer gave me the confidence to leave the closet fully. Starting my junior year, I was openly gay. I didn't parade it around or anything, but I promised myself to not pretend any more. I only really told my few sort-of-friends, but in this age of social media word can travel fast, and it seemed like the whole school knew in no time at all. My junior year started in 2015, and I lived in Maryland, a relatively progressive state, so I wasn't faced with nearly as much judgment and prejudice as I feared I would. Sometimes it seemed like the other boys were a little bit uncomfortable around me, especially during gym class, but most people didn't care I was gay. I only really had one bully: Todd West.

Todd was a jock, a member of the volleyball team and all-around popular guy. He was in the same grade as me and we were both at around the same academic level (above average but nothing spectacular), so we ended up taking several classes together. One constant source of discomfort was that I had a bit of a crush on him, and I think he could tell. Every time he caught me looking in his general direction he would glare at me, so I got into the habit of trying to not even face him if I could avoid it. The problem was that it was a relatively small school, so we saw a lot of each other. As the months of my junior year passed he seemed to hate me more and more. It started out with hateful stares and maybe some name-calling on occasion, but it got more and more aggressive. A few times he would "accidentally" bump into me in the hallway, making me feel just how much bigger and stronger than me he was.

Todd was pretty well built. I guessed he was around 6'3", and coupling his height with his broad shoulders and strong arms he was intimidating as well as attractive. He never really indicated that he wanted to physically hurt me, but he took every opportunity to remind me how much weaker I was than him.

I did everything I could to not provoke him, but that didn't seem to help matters. His animosity only increased over time. I didn't tell the teachers about it for two reasons: The first was that he never did anything that bad to me, nothing that couldn't just be brushed off as an accident or teasing. In a weird way, I kept things to myself out of a sense of pride. I felt like if I told the teachers about it, that would be proving to him that he got to me without doing too much at all. I convinced myself that if I ignored it and acted like he didn't bother me I would win in the end. Looking back on it, that was the dumbest thing I could have done.

The second thing that stopped me from talking about it was that I was terrified of him, and not just because of his size. He was popular and well liked. Most of the students were more likely to take his side than mine if things got ugly. I was pretty sure that most of the classmates were aware of the bullying, but didn't talk about it. I don't think it was because they wanted it to happen, but more likely because they didn't see it as their business, and thought that somebody else would probably do something about it instead. That didn't happen.

Things were never comfortable, but they definitely came to a head early in our senior year. I don't even remember what class it was, but during one of the classes we had together, the teacher asked me to come up to the front and do something on the board. I was sitting a few desks behind him, and when I walked next to him his leg shot out and made me trip. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and I snapped. I yelled at him, and the two of us got into a shouting match. None of the other students said a word, and the teacher had to break it up.

Todd and I both got detention for a week. Maybe they could sense how much we hated each other and figured that the awkward proximity would be a good way to punish us both. But, against my expectations, it wasn't that bad. I was under the impression that he would continue with the intimidation tactics, even ramp them up, but instead he just ignored me, and I was happy to do the same. The five days passed without incident.

It was after the last detention that things got ugly.

We were both walking down the hall so we could leave, as usual doing whatever we could to not acknowledge the other. I made it a point to not look at him, and made sure to stay behind him so that he couldn't sneak up on me.

It took about a second for several events to happen, one after another.

I was looking somewhere else, and he must have stopped walking, for what reason I didn't know. Since I wasn't looking, I walked right into him, but I was a bit to the side. Everything lined up perfectly, and my swinging hand made direct, obvious contact with his ass.

My blood turned to ice as I pulled away and jumped back. He noticed.

When he turned around, he was the angriest I had ever seen a person. It was like I could see an actual fire burning in his eyes. When he looked at me like that, I became petrified in fear.

"What the fuck was that?" He growled quietly.

"I-I'm sorry! That w-was an accident, I swear!"

He started walking up to me.

"That wasn't a fucking accident. You just touched my ass!"

"No! P-please, listen!"

He grabbed me by the collar and lifted me clear off the ground. He slammed me hard against the nearby lockers, pinning me against them. I struggled, but he overpowered me easily.

"I ought to kill you for that, you faggot!"

"T-Todd, please—"

He cut me off by kneeing me right in the gut. All the air in my body was forced out of me at once.

"Don't say my fucking name!"

I could hardly breathe and my stomach was burning in pain, but I tried to get some more words out.

"I d-didn't mean to—"

He interrupted me again, adjusting his grip so he held me up with one hand and drew the other back.

"Next time you're feeling horny maybe think about THIS!!"

With that last word he punched me full force in the eye, making my head slam back so hard the lockers rattled. At the initial impact everything flashed white and slowly faded back in. I was able to register him letting me go and myself crumpling to the ground. Through the fog, I could see Todd with an almost shocked look on his face before he ran away at full speed. I remained on the floor, trying to recover from what had happened.

As I returned to coherence, I started to really feel the pain. I knew that I would have a black eye, and possibly a concussion, too. My back and front both ached. Against my will tears started falling and I just lied there on the cold floor, weeping quietly. I was mortified, and felt more alone than ever before.

Somehow, I managed to ride my bike home and my mother noticed my injury the instant she saw me. The next hour was a flurry of her tending to me, demanding that I tell her every single detail about what happened, and her getting pissed off, at both Todd and the school.

"I'm calling them right now and giving them a piece of my mind!"

"No, Mom! Please!"

"This isn't up for discussion, Preston. You got assaulted and you expect me to just sit back and do nothing?!"

The two of us had an argument. I'm not sure why, but at that moment I considered needing my mother to come forward for me as just the cherry on top of all this humiliation. She wouldn't budge at first, but eventually she relented, as long as I swore up and down that I would tell a teacher or counselor the instant I got to school the following day.

"I have no idea why you won't just call now," she said.

"I don't want to do it right now. I just want this day to be over."

Naturally that didn't happen. Once Dad got home I had to do it all over again. More worrying, more explaining, more anger, more arguments. By the time we actually ate dinner it was about 8 PM, and I was so emotionally and physically exhausted that I went straight to bed afterwards.

*****

I woke up bright and early the next morning with a headache and one hell of a shiner. I examined myself in the mirror, sizing up the spectacular black eye Todd had given me. It wasn't faint and it wasn't small, it was a deep reddish purple, splotchy and uneven in color. It was tender to the touch, but didn't hurt too much if I left it alone. I had a headache, and it was possible that was mildly concussed, though it wasn't anything excruciating. I also had smaller bruises on my back from when he threw me against the lockers and on my stomach from when he kneed me in the gut. My body ached and my dad gave me some ibuprofen before I left for school that day.

I got there much earlier than I normally did, and spent a moderate chunk of time just standing in front of the principal's office. I was angry about the whole thing and wanted Todd to get in trouble for it, but there was still a part of me that didn't want to go in there. Still, my mother would have my hide if I did it, so I swallowed what was left of my pride and went in.

I told one of the counselors about it, making sure I was completely transparent and honest about what happened. Obviously, this was a very serious situation, not something anybody could ignore. They told me to wait in the little lobby of the administration wing and they would do what needed to be done.

It was a few minutes after the school day started that I heard the announcement on the PR system telling Todd West to come to the principal's office immediately. I wasn't sure if he even came to school that day, but considering what happened there's no way he could have avoided consequences for very long. I was sitting in a location where he wouldn't pass me on the way to the office, which I was very thankful for. I sat there for what felt like hours, too nervous to read a book or play on my phone or do much of anything besides glance over at the wall clock every few minutes. It was about 7:10 when the call was sent out and almost 8 when the guidance counselor got back to me.

He sat down beside me, in what I'm sure would have been a comforting manner if I wasn't freaking out.

"Preston, I just had a discussion with Todd and his parents about this," he began.

I nodded hesitantly.

"Todd was completely honest about it, not trying to deny that he did it, and he described the events more or less just like you did. To put it plainly, he's pleading guilty to get a more lenient punishment."

I raised my eyebrows. I didn't really give too much thought about how Todd would handle this, I obviously had more pressing concerns, but it kind of surprised me that he didn't try to deflect the situation at all. At that point I realized that I really didn't know Todd that well.

"Is it okay if I ask what the punishment will be?"

"It's not exactly kosher, but if you don't tell anyone, he's getting suspended for two weeks. If you ask me I think he got off easy, but in the end, it was the superintendent that made the call."

I thought about it. It wasn't like I told them just so that Todd would get punished, but two weeks of suspension did seem rather light. Still, I didn't think it was my place to demand anything more.

"There's something else, too," he added. "In a few minutes I'm going to walk Todd over here so that he can directly apologize to you in person."

He saw the scared look on my face.

"I'll be there and he knows better than to try anything. I know this won't be fun, but it has to happen."

Once he got up it took all the willpower I possessed to not get up and run away. By some miracle I managed to stay put in the thirty seconds it took for him to leave and come back with Todd.

Todd looked like shit. He had dark circles under his eyes, like he didn't get any sleep the previous night, messed up hair, and utterly defeated body language.

He slowly raised his head so he could look me in the face, and he looked shaken when he first saw my black eye. If this was a performance, he was an astounding actor. Still, it scared me to even be in the same room as him. He started talking in a quiet, even voice.

"Preston, I'm sorry for punching you. It was completely out of line and there is no excuse for what I did. I'm sorry that I flipped out so much over a simple accident and then just ran away. I deserve all the punishment I'm getting."

He didn't try to sugarcoat it and he didn't ask for forgiveness. All things considered, it was the best apology I could have realistically asked for.

I still didn't forgive him, so I just nodded and quietly said "Okay."

The guidance counselor led him away, presumably to have him sent home, before coming back to me.

"You should go to class, Preston, but if you want to wait here a little longer that's alright," he told me.

I stayed a few minutes more before I went to class.

*****

Everybody noticed my black eye, and all the students tried to ignore it, or just ignore me and not look my way. Todd had gotten in trouble for something, and I had a black eye. Considering what things were like between the two of us it wouldn't have been hard to put two and two together. My few friends handled it well, treating me with the same kindness they always did, but for the rest of the students my presence was mostly uncomfortable to them.

As the hours passed I got more and more pissed off. I was pissed at Todd, pissed at all the students who knew he was bullying me and didn't do anything about it, and pissed at myself for letting things get this bad. Now it felt like I had a giant brand on my face, and in a very real way I did. Nobody could even look at me without being reminded of what happened. I guess I thought that actually coming forward would be the hard part, but the aftermath was just as bad, and it was only the beginning.

It was the last period of the school day when I did something I'm not proud of. During the few minutes where everybody was waiting for the final bell to ring, one of Todd's friends, a guy named Alan, approached me.

"Hey, Preston. How's it going?" He was trying to sound casual.

I glowered at him.

"Well, gee, take a wild fucking guess how I'm doing."

He blinked a few times.

"Don't be like that, man—"

"Like what? Bruised and pissed off about it? I can't really help that, sorry."

He seemed genuinely taken aback. "I just wanted to know how you were doing..."

It makes me sad to think back on this, but in all honesty, I reveled in his discomfort. I wanted more of it.

"Why are you suddenly so interested? You didn't give a shit about all the other things Todd's done to me, why start now?" I was starting to raise my voice.

Alan looked like I just punched him in the gut. "I..."

My eyes started getting teary. "Save it. I don't want your pity."

At that point the classroom was silent and everybody was looking at us.

Before he could reply, the bell rang and I dashed out of the school, managing to get to my bike before breaking down completely.

I was just so done with it all. I was done with that school. I was done with the other students. I was done with crying so fucking much. I just wanted to go home, so that's exactly what I did. That day happened to be a Friday, so I had a whole weekend ahead of me. I couldn't pedal home fast enough.

*****

I had a few days to think about things, and by the end of the weekend I was thoroughly disgusted with myself for how I acted towards Alan. Somebody showed some concern for once and I responded by throwing a tantrum. I needed to apologize to him.

Thankfully, he was in my homeroom, so I didn't have to wait long on Monday. I walked up to him, slightly nervous.

"Alan, I'm sorry for what I said on Friday. I was just frustrated, and I'm sorry I took it out on you."

He shook his head. "No, I'm the one who should apologize. You were right, I've been ignoring what Todd's been doing to you. That's not cool and you're right to be pissed about it."

He held out his hand. "Are we okay, dude?"

I smiled and accepted the handshake. "We're fine."

From that moment going forward things got easier. There wasn't a drastic difference, but everybody was a little friendlier to me when I stopped sulking. Todd was gone, and in his absence, things got better for me.

Alan made a conscious effort to be more of a friend. He'd talk to me during breaks and eat lunch with me, or even invited me to the table he usually ate lunch at, placing me in his group of friends without batting an eye. It's not like he was one of the popular guys and I was suddenly in the cool-kids club, he was just a normal person, but it was a group I'd never have hung out with otherwise. I wasn't just pushed in and tolerated though, I was welcomed. I was wanted.

Before that, I could count how many people in the school who I thought cared about me on one hand, but now I had support coming from all sides. It was strange, and I started out thinking that they only did it out of pity, or maybe guilt for just sitting back and watching Todd torment me for so long, but most of it seemed genuine.

I will admit that some of the love I got made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I had some people call me brave for getting through what happened, I even got a few anonymous notes from other gay students, telling me that I wasn't alone, or even that I inspired them. It was nice, but I didn't really think I deserved it. It was a good thing that I could make other queer students feel better about their lot in life, but at the end of the day I hadn't really done anything. I wasn't a hero, I was just a kid who got bullied.

Still, I knew that I couldn't say that. I didn't want to be ungrateful, considering that for the first time in my years of high school I was really looking forward to going to school every day. Those two weeks were comfortable and fun for me.

Then Todd returned and things got...messy.

*****

Todd's was back the Monday two weeks after I made amends with Alan. He was in a few of my classes, and from what I could tell just wanted to blend in and not draw any attention to himself. He looked down and kept quiet, which was an improvement from how it had been before.

I was eating lunch with Alan that day, and Todd sat down at the table. It hadn't occurred to me, but it seemed obvious at that point that Todd would sit at that table, too. He and Alan were friends, after all. He ate his food quietly, and on the few occasions he tried talking to Alan, he got short, curt answers. He finished his food and got up to leave the moment he was done. Alan must have registered my expression.
"Is something wrong, bro?"

"What? Oh, not really, it's just..."

"Just what? Todd? If you want I could ask him to not sit here anymore."

"No, you don't have to do that."

"I kind of feel like I have to, now that you're a friend of mine."

He said that like Todd never was. Those two were both on the volleyball team, and from what I could tell had been close friends for years.

"In case you're wondering, I don't want to be friends with him anymore. It's time for me to stop ignoring the facts: he's a homophobic bully, and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life."

My eyes widened. That was something I knew to be true for over a year, but I never expected somebody else to just say it, especially not one of his friends.

"I really am sorry for just watching him pick on you for so long."

I smiled. "I already told you that it's okay."

He nodded and we both packed up when we heard the bell ring.

*****

In a smaller high school like mine, word travels fast, and it didn't take long for me to learn that Todd's high school experience had changed just as much as mine had. He got cut from the volleyball team, so that was a huge part of his life taken away not far into his senior year. He also had fewer friends than before, and the ones who stayed sort of kept their distance.

It's not like I got a satisfaction from it, but I didn't feel sorry for him, either. As easy as it is to believe otherwise, what goes around comes around. A person can't get away with being a jerk forever, and the assault was the push that made everything catch up to him. He wasn't bullied, he was so big there weren't many people who realistically could bully him, but he didn't have people on his side the way he did in the past.

One thing I had learned when I first came out is that you shouldn't spend so much time worrying about how other people act. You can only control yourself, so you're the one you should keep at your highest standards. I treated Todd exactly the same way I always did, I avoided interaction with him at all cost. If other people didn't want anything to do with him, that was their choice. It was understandable, too. Nobody likes bullies or bigots, and he had announced to the whole school that he was both of those things. I didn't tell anyone to distance themselves from him, they did it on their own. Todd had made his bed, so he had to sleep in it.

It was around mid-January that something unexpected happened. I was going to the bathroom during one of my classes, and when I went in I could hear sobbing. My initial reaction was to leave immediately and give whoever it was his privacy, but then it occurred to me that I recognized the voice. It was a voice I knew all too well.

Todd was crying in the bathroom alone.

There was something about that, just as a concept, that sort of gave me pause. Still, I was the last person he needed to see at the moment, so I left and went to the men's room on the other side of the school.

For some reason I just couldn't get the image of Todd breaking down like that out of my head. I shouldn't have dwelled on it so much, it wasn't any of my business. That didn't stop me from thinking about it, though.

Later that month, something even crazier happened. One morning, there was an announcement that one of the cars parked outside every day had been keyed. It was a serious act of vandalism, and they said that any information that could lead to finding out who did it would be appreciated. I talked about it with Alan at lunch that day.

"Somebody keyed a car. That's nuts."

"Yeah, but you know what I heard?"

I raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I heard that it was Todd's car."

That totally caught me off guard. Now it was hard to see it as something random. Whoever did it probably knew it was Todd's car. I asked some of the other people at the table about it and they agreed that it was probably planned as well, but they weren't bothered. It's not like they applauded the vandal, but they made their apathy towards Todd and his property clear.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that. He didn't deserve to have his car vandalized like that, but I think I spent more time thinking about the reaction people had to it. Why was I so bothered by this?

I think part of it was the fact that things were still bad for him, even almost six months later. He punched me in the face, and that was a rotten thing to do to someone. He deserved to get suspended for it. I knew that was true. But did he deserve to turn into an outcast over it? My wounds healed up over time, but Todd was still paying for what happened.

I told myself that it was ridiculous to think like that, but then a little voice in my head interrupted my thoughts.

Is it?

As uncomfortable as it made me, I forced myself to really analyze the situation, look at things more objectively. All the signs pointed to him at the very least feeling guilty about what he did to me. He took his punishment without a struggle and seemed sincere enough in his apology. He also hadn't done anything to me since then. Yes, he had been a bully. He also targeted me mostly because I was gay. Even so...there had to be a point where enough was enough, right?

I tried to imagine what somebody would think if they just transferred in, knowing none of the backstory, and just looked at the situation. To them it would probably look like Todd was this quiet, reserved guy without any friends, one so many of the students hated. If that person then heard about what had happened, would all the animosity piled on him now really seem suddenly justified?

I thought about when I stumbled upon him crying in the bathroom a few weeks prior. Even at the lowest points of my experience I never did that. Was he just more sensitive than I was? It occurred to me that I always had a couple friends to lean on. As far as I knew, Todd didn't have anybody.

Then I had the most uncomfortable realization of all: most of the things I thought to myself concerning Todd's situation were things the other students probably thought when they saw what was happening to me. I had thought things like it's none of my business, it's not that bad, it's not up to me to do something about this.

I thought back to that time. How would I have felt if at somebody had stood up and told Todd to leave me alone? I think I would have probably felt grateful.

I had been mulling things over for almost a week when something happened that felt like a higher power presenting an opportunity to me on a silver platter. In a few days there would be a school-wide assembly about bullying, and at the end, there was going to be a chance for students to get on the mic and talk about their experiences or thoughts concerning that subject.

I didn't think I had an opportunity, and now I did. The only remaining question was whether or not I would take it.

That night at dinner, I tried to ask my parents about it, if in an indirect way.

"Hey, how do I know if something is the right thing to do?"

Dad furrowed his brows. "In what context?"

I shrugged. "Like, hypothetically. Is there a general sign or question you can ask?"

They both thought about it for a while.

"That's a tough question," my mom said. "One thing I've learned is that it's easier to look at situations objectively if they're happening to somebody else."

"Yeah," Dad agreed, "but I think the right choice is always the one with the most integrity. Like which option you would feel the best about looking back years later. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, just wondering."

They both seemed unconvinced, but thankfully didn't press any further.

I thought about it that night in bed. I imagined that this was a situation happening to a total stranger, like something sent to an advice columnist. I also tried to imagine what course of action had the most integrity.

Both tests yielded the same result. I knew what I had to do.

*****

I was trembling when I waited in line for the open mic at the assembly. I'm not exactly the most outgoing or confident person in general, and I was about to speak in front of the whole school.

I had what I would say prepared. I only had one shot and wanted to get it right. I spent so much time adjusting what I would say, changing things so they came off the way I wanted. I put more effort into getting this just right than I ever had for an essay.

Once I got to the mic, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the sheet of paper with my little speech on it.

"To me, the worst thing about bullying is the dehumanization of it. You feel like you don't matter, or that you're not worth caring about, but one thing I've learned is that dehumanization doesn't just come in the form of beatings in the locker room or death threats over social media. It can also happen subtly, and needs to pile up over time for a person to feel the effects. It doesn't even have to be done with malicious intent, it can be bred out of apathy or even a sense of justice.

"Something that truly scares me about people, our age and older, is how quick we are to just hate each other. We see something, and the mistrust that forms may be justified, but we hold on to that and use it to discount other things the person does. Humans are imperfect creatures, and we're still kids, after all. We do stupid things and say stuff we regret later. It's hard to let things go and forgive, but if the person really puts forth a conscious effort to change, we should acknowledge that.

"I'm no better than anyone else. I hold grudges, too, and I know how it feels to be hesitant to come forward. You think it's none of your business or it's not your place to take a stand. The thing is, you can't control anybody else, you can only control yourself. If you choose to not speak up, you pass up doing the only thing you can about the situation, and there's somebody in this school who I really think needs a friend right now."

I took a deep breath, gathering my courage to say the final statement.

"I forgive you, Todd West. I believe that you're sorry and want to move on from what happened last year. I want the same thing."

I walked away from the mic and went back to my seat. The room was so silent I would have heard a pin drop on the other side of the room. Nobody talked. It didn't seem like anyone even breathed.

If this were a movie, the silence would probably be broken by a slow clap or something, but of course that didn't happen. All I heard was murmuring. Nobody knew how to feel about what I had just said. I felt so many eyes on me.

The next twenty minutes before the final bell rang were a blur. I didn't remember anything the remaining students talked about. I just registered that the bell rang and got up to leave.

No one approached me while I walked to where my bike had been locked up. There was just one person who wanted to talk to me, and he waited for me to come to him.

Todd was standing at the bike racks. He knew I took a bike home since we left school together last year when we both got detention. I'd head for my bike and he would go to his truck.

He looked at me, then looked down.

"Hey, Preston."

I tried to be genuine when I smiled back. "Hi, Todd."

He only said one thing to me before walking away.

"Thank you."

*****

That evening my parents both said they wanted to talk to me about something. My mind instantly went into panic mode.

"The school called us earlier," my dad started.

Fuck...

"What...what did they tell you?" I asked nervously.

"They told us something interesting, but we want to hear you tell us," my mom said. "Tell us everything."

I did. I told them about how my life got better after the initial incident, and how Todd's life became worse. I told them that I felt sorry for the guy, despite what he'd done to me. He seemed to try to be a better person, and people kept hating him. I asked them for advice on what the right thing was, and used that advice to decide to speak up about Todd being ostracized after the assembly.

I finished and looked at my parents, nervous about what they would tell me. They both showed some of the most anger I'd ever seen from them after my assault. How did they feel about what I did?

"Preston?" Dad asked.

"Yes, Dad?"

"I've been your parent for eighteen years now, and I can honestly say that I have never been more proud of you than I am right now."

My eyebrows shot up.

"I'm proud of you too, sweetie," Mom said. "That was big of you. You took the high road when almost nobody else did. I'm so proud to have you as a son."

"You're not mad?" I asked.

Dad laughed. "Why would we be mad?"

"I...I don't know."

"Look Preston, what Todd did to you was inexcusable, but he hasn't given you any trouble since then. If you truly forgive him, we will too."

I didn't know what to say.

Mom chimed in. "It's not over yet. You need to try to be his friend if you want to set the right example."

I nodded. I knew that I had to walk the walk. If I just told the school I forgave Todd but went right back to avoiding him, then the whole speech would just be virtue signaling, putting myself on a high horse without following through.

"What do you think I should do?" I asked.

"Start small," Dad suggested.

I nodded. Small I could handle.

*****

The following day at lunch, I walked around until I found Todd sitting on the floor against the wall, eating lunch alone. Without a word, I sat next to him.

Todd was surprised. "Preston?"

I nodded. "Hey, Todd. How's it going?"

"Uh...good, I guess..."

I started eating.

"Look, I don't want to sound ungrateful or anything, but...you don't have to do this."

I kind of thought that I did, but I didn't tell him that.

"I'm doing it because I want to. I meant what I said yesterday."

He looked at me like I was an alien.

I glanced at what he was eating. It was a big sandwich that looked really good.

"Where'd you get that?"

"This? I made it myself."

"Really? I never made it past PB&J. Do you cook?"

He nodded. "A little."

Believe it or not, after the initial awkwardness, the conversation flowed easily between the two of us. We kept eating lunch together and things stopped feeling weird. I would never have guessed, but the two of us could become friends.

After eating lunch with him for a few days, Alan asked me where I'd been.

"Oh, I was hanging out with Todd."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Really?"

I nodded. "He's actually a cool guy."

He certainly looked confused, but not nearly as much as when I brought Todd to our normal lunch table the following day. I didn't say anything, I just sat down with Todd and talked to him normally. After a few minutes Alan eased himself into the conversation and the two of them seemed to get along just fine.

Never before had I been more aware of the fact that I knew next to nothing about Todd West. He was a bully, and I figured that that was all I needed to know, but now that he wanted to start over I found out that he wasn't bad at all. I actually liked being with him and talking to him. Especially at the beginning, he seemed guarded when I approached him, like he was trying to figure out my angle, but over time he relaxed, too. I had been so scared of him before, but against all odds he became one of my closest friends.

At one point it occurred to me that I didn't even know what his eye color was, so I took a look and was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. He had sharp, blue-green eyes that complemented his brown hair nicely. I looked a bit more before he noticed me staring at him.

"What's wrong? Do I have something on my face?"

"Huh? Oh, no, I just realized that I didn't know what your eyes looked like."

He gave me kind of a dubious look.

"Can I ask you kind of a weird question?"

"Um...yes?" I said hesitantly.

"Is it okay if I asked what kind of Asian you are? I've been wondering."

After a second of that question sinking in, I laughed.

"Yeah, it's fine. My dad is Japanese and my mom's Filipino."

He nodded and smiled. I think I had forgotten how handsome he was.

The weeks continued and we kept being friends with each other. It was nice. It felt right.

*****

A little after St. Patrick's Day I got a bit of a surprise. It was before school and I was just sitting around and not doing anything when I was approached by a guy I had seen around the school but didn't know.

"Hi, Preston. I don't think we've met before, my name's Chris Schaffer."

We shook hands.

"Are you a junior?" I asked.

He nodded. He was pretty cute. Like most of the guys in my school he was taller than me. He was wiry, but had nice curly hair and a great smile.

"I know that this is a little out of nowhere, but do you have a date for the prom?"

I had legitimately never even thought about the prom. I hadn't planned on going. I didn't even know that it was coming up.

"No."

"Okay, well...do you think you could go to prom with me?"

Wait, what?

"Like...as a date?"

"Well, we could just go as friends if you want, but I would prefer to go as dates. I've sort of had a crush on you for a while and figured what the hell?"

I blinked a few times. Actually going on dates with guys wasn't something I thought would happen in high school. I mean, obviously being gay is less common, but I also never really thought of myself as attractive. I was just the nerdy Asian kid, but this guy had a crush on me?

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, it's just sort of unexpected." I thought about it for a second. I couldn't think of any reason to turn him down.

"Sure, I'll go with you."

He flashed that grin again. "Like as friends, or as dates?"

I smiled back at him. "As dates."

The whole thing must have brightened up my day more than I thought, because when I got to the lunch table Alan noticed immediately.

"What's got you so chipper today?"

I grinned sheepishly. "I got a prom date."

"No kidding!" He congratulated me and clapped me on the back.

"That's awesome! You should meet up with me and Miranda!" He'd been going out with her for a few months, so he never had to worry about finding a prom date.

I nodded. "Totally." I turned to Todd. "What about you? Are you going to prom?"

He gave me a weird look before answering. "Nah, that's not really my thing. I don't have a girl to go with, anyway."

"That's no excuse," Alan said cheerfully. "I'll help you get something set up. Senior prom is a big deal, so you're going with us."

Alan, Todd, and I had become real close over the course of the semester. It felt right that we all would experience this as a group. Todd was hesitant, but both me and Alan convinced him to come anyway. Everything was falling into place, and I had a feeling that prom would be a night to remember.

*****

I had the stereotypical senior prom experience. My mom helped me with my outfit, I spent way too long getting ready, and Dad let me borrow his car to drive to the school. Once I got there, I met up with Chris, who looked incredible. His hair was gelled just right and his smile was completely dazzling. He even had a rose for me that he pinned to my lapel.

"You look stunning," he told me.

I blushed and thanked him.

We met up inside with our group: Alan and Miranda, Todd, and Jesse, one of Miranda's friends who agreed to be Todd's date for the night. The six of us had a good time: we took all the semi-embarrassing pictures, danced (some better than others), and enjoyed the refreshments. Miranda and Alan were already an established couple, they kissed and held hands and danced without reservation. Todd and Jesse were obviously not a couple, so they didn't act romantic at all, they just enjoyed themselves in the group. Chris and I were somewhere in the middle.
He started out the night with his arm around my shoulder, a rather friendly gesture that read as mostly platonic, but at some point in the night he switched to placing his hand on my hip. I had had zero experience, but even I knew what that signified.

During one of the slow songs, we danced and he looked me deeply in the eyes. He leaned forward, and I knew what was coming. He covered my lips with his and I had my first real kiss. He gently opened his mouth and stroked my lip with his tongue, making me open up so he could push further. After a few seconds he withdrew, grinning ear to ear.

"Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. "I couldn't resist."

I laughed. "It's okay."

We danced some more and I processed what had just happened. For a first kiss, it wasn't bad. It definitely wasn't explosive, though. It was just...nice.

After prom, our group went to a nearby restaurant to eat. It was fun, though there was something that got my attention. Amid the laughing and joking, every once in a while, I'd catch Todd looking and Chris and I, and he didn't seem so happy. I wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. Still, he wasn't bothered enough by whatever it was to say anything, so I didn't worry about it.

Afterwards, we all said our goodbyes and went to our respective vehicles. Chris gave me another kiss.

"You know, Preston, the prom night experience doesn't have to stop here," he told me. "If you want, you can come over to my place."

It took a second for me to realize what he was implying.

"Oh..."

I chose my words carefully when I spoke again.

"Look, Chris, I had a nice time with you tonight, and you're a great guy, but I don't think I want to take things in that direction with you. You think we could just be friends?"

He looked a little disappointed, but nodded.

"Okay. Can't blame a guy for trying. Can I kiss you one last time, though?"

I smiled. "I don't see why not."

He leaned in and kissed me. He stroked my tongue with his and held me possessively in his arms. After a few more seconds, he pulled away and took a step back.

"Okay, we're friends now. I'll see you around."

I said goodbye as he walked away. I went to the car.

*****

After prom, something changed in the relationship I had with Todd. Something happened, and he seemed to want to be distant. It wasn't a temporary thing, either. After a few weeks I was getting concerned. I asked Alan about it when we were alone.

"Am I crazy, or is Todd acting weird around me?"

He shook his head. "It's not you. Did something happen?"

"Nothing that I'm aware of."

I remembered the weird look he gave me and Chris during prom night. He didn't seem to have any reservations about my sexuality before. I decided that the best course of action would just be to ask him what was wrong.

I confronted him about it in class later that day.

"Todd, something changed ever since prom night. You've been avoiding me and I don't know why."

Todd looked like he wanted to run away.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I got annoyed. "Yes the fuck you do!"

A few other students heard and were looking at us.

He glanced around, looking embarrassed.

"Preston, you're making a scene."

"Well, pardon me for being concerned about my friend!"

"Please," he begged. "Let's talk about this later."

He looked mortified. I decided to back off.

"I'm holding you to that," I warned him.

After school, instead of going to my bike I went to Todd's pickup truck, parked at the spot Todd purchased for his senior year. It still had a long, ugly scratch mark from when it got keyed back in January. Todd never found out who did it and never got the damage fixed. I sat on the hood of the car and waited until he walked up a few minutes later.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Following through. You can't leave until we talk."

"Preston, you're being ridiculous."

"I think that that's mostly your fault. You're really making me worry."

He looked around helplessly.

"Do we seriously have to do this?"

I nodded.

Todd sighed. "Fine, but not right now. Let's wait until there aren't people everywhere."

I patted the spot next to me and he climbed on.

In the time we waited for things to get less crowded, I thought about how much things had changed, not just for me, but for him, too. In our junior year, he was sort of brash and loud. He fit the confident, masculine jock stereotype pretty well. But now he was much gentler. He was soft spoken and always concerned about what others were thinking.

I, on the other hand, changed in the opposite direction. I used to be so shy. I'd keep my head down and avoid talking to people, but ever since I gave that speech in February I'd come out of my shell. I got less concerned about what people thought of me. That day I acted in a way that I wouldn't have dreamed of a few months prior, I was assertive and even a little bossy towards Todd.

"Todd, I am being kind of ridiculous, and I'm sorry about that. I just want to know what's wrong."

"It's okay," he assured me. "We have to have this conversation sooner or later."

Maybe twenty minutes later, things calmed down and the lot mostly emptied of people. I turned to him.

"Alright, Todd, this is as private as it's gonna get. Please tell me what's been bothering you since prom."

He nervously drummed his fingers against the hood of the car.

"Preston, I think it's for the best that we stop being friends."

I blinked a few times. There is no way I just heard that.

"Excuse me?"

He looked down.

"I don't think I can be friends with you anymore."

The shock turned to anger.

"Why the hell do you think that?"

"I...I can't answer that..."

I was so mad I started laughing uncontrollably.

"No, no, no, that's not how this works, Todd. You're one of my best friends, you can't just leave without even the courtesy of telling me why!"

He kept silent.

"Todd! Say something! Say anything! Why do you hate me all of a sudden?"

"I don't hate you," he muttered. "It's worse."

"You're scaring me! What's worse than that?!"

There was a long pause before he spoke again, so quietly I could hardly hear him.

"I love you."

For the second time in a few minutes, I felt like I got knocked flat on my ass,

"You love me?" I asked.

He nodded, head still hung in despair.

I had no idea how I was supposed to reply to that. It took a few minutes before I found the courage to speak again.

"If you want to talk some more, I'm happy to listen," I said gently.

He took a deep breath.

"Back in junior year, I wasn't really sure why you bothered me so much. I could tell that you had a crush on me, but my reaction was so intense I knew that that couldn't have been it. I was confused, so I took it out on you. Then...the incident happened."

There would only be one thing he could have meant by that.

"I think that that was when I put together why I got so upset when I thought you were coming on to me. I was attracted to you, too."

My jaw dropped. He continued.

"I never felt that way about a guy before. I couldn't accept that. The notion that I was gay was too hard to swallow. I'm not a homophobe, at least I don't think I am. Gay people in general don't bother me, but I refused to believe that I was gay, or bi, or whatever. That's why I started avoiding you when I got back from my suspension."

Wait...he was avoiding me? I didn't know that. I guess I was too busy avoiding him to notice.

"But...but then you told the whole school that you forgave me. You wanted to be my friend. I couldn't believe it."

He raised his head at last so he could look at me.

"I still felt weird being around you, but I thought I had my feelings under control. Then prom happened. When I saw you with that Chris guy, I knew I still had feelings for you. Not just that, they've gotten worse. I was jealous of Chris. After becoming your friend, I fell for you without even knowing it. But I know that you could never love me back. That's why we can't be friends."

The silence was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I softly put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Todd. I never knew."

"You don't have anything to apologize for."

I thought for a moment before speaking again.

"Todd, is it really so bad that you can't be friends with me? Because I still want to be friends with you."

"Are you sure? Even after all this?"

I nodded.

"It's all just so confusing," he said.

I patted him on the back.

"Well, if it's any consolation, it's not like we have much longer. Graduation is right around the corner. Do you think we can stay friends until then?"

He shrugged.

"I think we can try."

I grinned. "I'll take that."

I climbed down from the hood of his car.

"Thanks for talking about this with me, dude. I'm sorry for holding you up like this."

He dismounted right after me. "Don't worry about it. Like I said, this conversation had to happen eventually."

He walked over to the driver side of the car.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Preston."

I nodded. He got in the car and drove away.

*****

The final months of my senior year were some of the best of my life so far. I had made so many new friends, Alan, Todd, Chris, and others. It felt so good to not just have friends I could be with, but just to feel like I could belong somewhere.

Things were still a little awkward between me and Todd. He loved me, and that created some dissonance, but I knew that I wanted him to be my friend. I didn't really know why I was so adamant about keeping him close to me, but I was sure that I had to be with him for as long as I could. For about the millionth time, I marveled at the fact that I was such good friends with the guy who used to be my bully, who punched me in the face and called me a faggot.

We approached graduation, a turning point in the life of everybody. Whether you were planning to go to college like I was, work like Todd, or join the military like Alan, graduating high school is the time where you know you're not a kid anymore. You may not be an adult yet, but you definitely had different expectations put on you than you ever had before in your life.

That scared me, and what also scared me was that there were so many people who, after graduation, I knew I likely wouldn't ever see again. I hadn't known them for that long, but throughout my very eventful senior year, they'd become a part of me. People like Chris, or Alan.

Or Todd. For some reason he was the one I wanted to say goodbye to the least.

Still, time marches on, and before long we were facing graduation. The ceremony was held on campus, and it was pretty standard as far as graduations go. We sat around and walked up when they called our names. The band played Pomp and Circumstance so many times the tune was permanently etched into my brain (Chris was a band kid, and this would be his third year at it, thankfully his last), and we all got our diplomas.

It was alphabetical, so Todd was among the last names called up. I knew that I had quite the senior year, but his was an emotional rollercoaster. I was proud of him. He did something horrible, but really put everything he had into redeeming himself, even during the months when nobody would give him the time of day. He had gone from my worst enemy to probably my closest friend.

Even after he sat back down I still kept thinking about him. He had become so humble and kind. He turned his life around. That was powerful.

But our lives were taking different paths, and we probably wouldn't see much of each other in the future.

That really bothered me. That got under my skin, though I couldn't exactly pin down why.

After the ceremony, when I was with my parents, I still kept thinking about Todd.

A few minutes later, Chris approached me.

"Hey, Preston. Congrats."

I smiled. "Thanks, man."

He nodded. "I'm glad I met you, even though we haven't known each other for very long. I'm happy I could be your friend."

"Likewise." Sort of an odd way to put that, but the sentiment was still there.

He put a hand on my shoulder, suddenly getting serious.

"As your friend, I need to give you some advice."

I raised my eyebrows. "What?"

He gave me a little smile. "I'm pretty good at reading people, and I could see you most of the time today. I saw your reactions throughout the ceremony, and I can tell that you are dead in love with Todd."

My eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

He chuckled. "I don't know the details of what happened between the two of you, and it's not really any of my business, but you're starry-eyed over him. Anyone could tell that if they knew what to look for."

I let that statement sink in. He thought I was in love with Todd? Why would he say that? It's not like I—

In an instant, everything snapped into focus and I felt like I got whiplash.

He was right. I didn't know when, how, or why it happened, but he was right. I was in love with Todd. Everything that had been bothering me the past few days started making so much more sense.

He saw the realization flood my expression and smiled sadly.

"I wish it was me who could do that to you, but I still want you to be happy."

He looked me in the eye.

"Go."

I nodded. I told my parents I needed to leave right now, and they must have heard the desperation in my voice, because they put up no resistance. Knowing who Todd was as a person, he would be heading out sooner rather than later. He wasn't the type to linger. I jogged outside and turned to look at the parking spot. I thanked whatever higher power that Todd had a designated parking space that he'd rented that year. I knew where to look for him.

A few seconds later, I spotted him, and I almost had a heart attack when I saw him getting in his car.

I didn't know his phone number, or his email, or where he lived. While it likely wasn't the case, at that moment I was certain I would never see him again if I let him get away.

I broke into a dead sprint. Somehow, even over the distance I could hear his truck's engine start. He was about to drive away, drive out of my life.

I ran as fast as I possibly could and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"TODD!! WAIT!!"

He heard me.

I am not in shape. By the time I got to him I was panting so hard I could barely talk.

"Preston? What's wrong?" He asked, rattled.

I tried to speak in between gasps.

"I need...to talk...to you I...have to...before..."

He waited for me to calm down.

"You're really determined when you want to talk to me, huh?"

I remembered how I sat on his car a few months prior. I smiled a little.

"I need to tell you this more than anything."

He nodded. "Okay, but we're not doing this in the parking lot again." He got in the car. "Hop in."

I complied and he drove us to the baseball field, a part of campus totally devoid of people. We took off our gowns we had to wear for graduation. I looked at him, dressed in a button down shirt and slacks. He looked so handsome.

He lowered the tailgate of his truck and took a seat.

"What's on your mind, Preston?"

"I've been thinking about graduation and what lies ahead for us," I began.

He nodded.

"High school isn't forever. It's not like we'll see much of each other going forward. It's sad, but true. The problem was, I couldn't really accept not seeing much of you anymore."

He raised an eyebrow.

"I almost couldn't put this together in time, but Chris helped me figure it out."

For the first time in a while, I started feeling that nervousness around Todd. I pushed it down the best I could before I spoke.

"I love you, Todd."

He had absolutely no reaction for what felt like thirty seconds. Then his expression hardened.

"That's not funny."

I got sort of scared.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't say that to me. Don't be cruel."

I was completely dumbfounded. "Cruel? What are you talking about? I love—"

"SHUT UP!" He screamed. I realized that he hadn't raised his voice even once since that evening after detention with me. His eyes were shiny.

"DON'T LIE TO ME LIKE THAT! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT TO ME?!"

"I'm not lying! I love you, Todd!" I was getting hysterical myself.

"YOU CAN'T LOVE ME!" He cried. "I'M A PIECE OF SHIT!"

He took a few breaths before he started sobbing into his hands.

"You can't love me," he whimpered. "I'm the bully that hurt you. I don't deserve your love. Please...please don't be so cruel..."

As he cried, I sat down next to him. I tried to think of what I could say.

"You were a bully, and you did hurt me," I told him, "but that's in the past. You're not that person anymore, Todd."

He shook his head. "It doesn't work that way."

"Yes it does," I said gently. "You changed. You're not a bully. You're the nicest, sweetest guy I know."

He cried some more.

"I still did all those horrible things," he said. "How can you be so kind to me?"

"Because you proved to me that you're not that kind of person. The Todd West that hit me last year is gone. I know who the real Todd West is. He's sweet and gentle and a good friend. He's the man I fell in love with."

He shook his head, still crying into his palms. I knew he felt bad about what he'd done, but I didn't know that it was eating away at him like this. He was still punishing himself over it, even after so long. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"I forgave you. Alan forgave you. Everybody forgave you. I think it's time that you forgive yourself."

He whimpered.

"Todd, I love you."

He shook his head again.

"I love you."

He kept crying.

I stood up.

"I love you!"

"Preston...p-please..."

"I LOVE YOU!"

"D-don't..."

I was screaming now.

"I LOVE YOU, TODD WEST! I LOVE YOU AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!"

He wailed and burst into hysterics.

"I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!!"

He cried out, his voice thick with tears.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!!"

He cried so hard, and I felt myself tear up, too. I did what felt natural and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me and sobbed. Eventually we were lying down in the back of his pickup, him crying his eyes out and holding me like I was going to be taken away from him. After about ten minutes, he finally brought himself down.

"Thank you so much, Preston." He whispered. "I thought I had ruined things with you forever."

He gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead.

"I'm so happy."

I nuzzled his neck a little.

"I'm happy, too. I'm so glad we could figure this out before it was too late."

He carded his fingers through my hair.

"You didn't have to love me," he said. "I don't know how I could ever repay you."

He stroked my cheek and I leaned into his hand, enjoying the affection.

"You could take me out to dinner first," I offered. "That sounds like a good place to start."

He laughed weakly. "Yeah, that sounds fair." He pulled me close and hugged me tight against his body.

"I'm going out with my parents tonight," I told him. "Graduation and all, but I'm free after that."

He petted my face and hair some more.

"How does tomorrow night sound?"

I smiled. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

He kissed my forehead again before placing my body down next to him and sitting up.

"On that subject, I should probably be getting you back to your parents."

I nodded and we got back in the truck.

*****

Todd picked me up the next night for our date. He gave me a peck on the cheek when I got in his truck with him.

"Hey, Preston."

"Hey, Todd." Just his name tasted so sweet on my lips.
We went to an Applebee's for dinner. He told me point blank that he'd be paying for everything and I could get what I wanted. We had fun, eating the greasy food and enjoying our conversation.

"I kind of realized I know next to nothing about you," I told him at the beginning of the meal. "Tell me about yourself."

He shrugged. "My birthday is June 25^th, so I'll be turning 19 soon. My family is originally from Arkansas, but we moved here when I was a little kid. I live with my mom, dad, and four siblings."

I whistled. "That's a lot. Gimme the rundown."

"I'm the second oldest. My older sister Erika is 23 now, and on her way to a bachelor's degree. Then there's the twins, who are 15. They're identical twin brothers, named Hal and Otis."

That sparked something in my brain. I remembered what that reminded me of.

"You mean like—"

"Yes, like Hall and Oates. My parents were kind enough to not make it exact, but they're lucky pretty much nobody their age would get the reference even if they had. That leaves Holly, who just turned 9 in April."

I thought about all the ages. "I kind of thought that families usually have kids closer together in age."

He nodded. "My parents are kind of weird like that. They say that there were times where they knew that they wanted more kids, and always heeded that feeling. But after Holly was born they said their family was complete and Dad got a vasectomy."

"How crowded is your house?"

He chuckled. "Probably very crowded, but it's been like that for so long I've gotten used to it. It's not bad. Both my parents have day jobs, but there's always someone to talk to."

"Lucky. I've always wanted a sibling."

Todd gave me a wry look. "You'd be surprised. Sometimes they're a blessing and sometimes I want to bash my head into the wall. But I think most siblings are like that."

I laughed.

We had a good time together, and by the end I didn't want it to stop.

"I don't wanna go home yet," I told him after we got in the car.

"Well, we could go to my house, maybe your house. We'll see how we feel."

Considering what Todd looks like it's kind of funny how he was able to say that with nothing but innocence.

"Your family sounds interesting," I offered.

He grinned and nodded. "Alright, then."

I texted my parents that I'd be out late as he drove us to our new destination.

*****

We arrived at Todd's house, a normal sized suburban home just like mine, at about 8 PM. Coincidentally, his parents were out on a date night, too, so only his siblings were waiting for us there.

"I'm back!" he called out.

I heard a few voices yell greetings in return.

We walked into the kitchen, which was connected to the main den of the house. A blonde woman who I assumed to be Erika was sitting at the kitchen table reading something on an iPad. She raised an eyebrow when she saw me.

"I didn't know you'd be coming over," she said.

"We didn't wanna end things just yet," Todd explained.

She stood up and shook my hand.

"You must be Preston. I'm Erika."

I nodded and said hello. Her demeanor was oddly formal. It wasn't off-putting, but it wasn't the most natural thing in the world, either. At about 5'9", she didn't tower over me, but I've always been a little insecure about my height and it added to the mild discomfort.

Todd led me to the den, where the twins were watching TV. They were one of those sets of twins that looked nearly identical, but tried not to. They were both blonde like Erika, but one had short hair, green eyes, and glasses while the other had longer hair and blue eyes. In every other way they looked exactly alike: same height, same build, same face, same voice, same everything. They both stood to introduce themselves, each a solid three or four inches taller than me. The twin with the glasses was Hal and the twin with the longer hair was Otis.

"Wow, you're 18? I would have pegged you for younger," Hal said.

"I get that a lot."

The last sibling came running in. "Hey, Todd!"

Holly was adorable. She had the same chocolate brown hair Todd had, freckles all over her face, and the cutest little smile. She looked confused when she saw me.

"Who are you?"

She was 9, not really old enough to be that familiar with same-sex relationships. I thought that Todd would just call me a friend of his, but he surprised me.

"This is Preston, my new boyfriend."

To my further surprise, she didn't even bat an eye. "Oh, hi!" She went right in for the hug, which I wasn't prepared for. I sort of awkwardly laid my hands on her.

I continued having a fun night as me, Todd, Hal, and Otis played Smash Bros. on their Wii U. I played Brawl in the past, and thought I was good at it, but the three brothers consistently kicked my ass without mercy. What made it worse was that they insisted on everybody randomizing their character select, so I couldn't even find a character to get good with.

"You gotta keep things interesting," Otis said. "You take it too seriously and before you know it you're one of those stick-in-the-mud players who turn off items and only play on boring stages."

They were so clearly a level above me that before long I elected to watch and avoid further humiliation. Holly sat on my lap and watched them with me.

"Are you okay with this?" Todd asked me, glancing at the little kid I barely knew snuggling up to me.

"It's fine," I assured him. Normally this kind of thing would be weird, but Holly really was a sweet little girl. I didn't mind.

I watched the three brothers duke it out, and they were all really good, seeming to know how to play every single character.

"You guys play this game a lot?" I asked.

"All the time," Todd answered. "Smash has been an established part of the family for years."

I looked at the twins, who acted a lot more informal and casual than Erika had. Since they were 15, I figured that they just finished their freshman year.

"Do you two go to our school?" Although at that point it was our former school. Damn, it'll take some time to get used to that.

Hal nodded. "Yep," he said, not looking away from the TV for a moment.

"Why haven't I seen you two before now, then?" I asked. "I know you're freshmen, but I hang out with Todd all the time."

"Well, Todd doesn't share any classes with us, obviously," Otis explained. "And he doesn't drive us to school. Dad drops us off so we could get there earlier."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really?"

Their older brother nodded. "Yep. One of the perks of being the big bro with the car is that you don't have to drive your little brothers to school at 6 AM so they can just fart around for an hour."

"That's better than almost being late every day," Hal countered.

"It's worth it to get the extra sleep."

"Who takes you home?" I asked.

"Usually Erika," said Hal.

"What about you?" I asked Holly. "Where do you go to school?"

"I go to the elementary school by our neighborhood. I take my bike."

"Really? I ride my bike to school, too."

We continued our banter. The siblings all worked well off each other and accepted me as a member of the group without much resistance.

We played more video games until about 10 PM when Erika told Holly to go to bed and the twins went off to their room.

"What do you want to do now?" Todd asked.

I grinned sheepishly. "I mean, if you want me to stay the night...I wouldn't really be opposed to it. I kind of like the thought of sleeping in the same bed with you." I added that last part so the expectations were clear.

Todd beamed. "As long as your parents are okay with it, I don't see why not."

I texted my dad about and he said it was fine, just as long as we avoided any hanky-panky. He actually used that word, too. God, I love my family.

We got to his room and we both stripped to our underwear.

"Whoa, Preston," Todd said, "you're even cuter than I thought you'd be."

"You're every bit as stunning as I thought you'd be, Todd."

He walked up and gave me a hug.

"Preston?" he asked me. "May I kiss you?"

I nodded.

He leaned in, and when our lips met I felt it. I had only kissed Chris before, and it was nice and all with him, but when Todd kissed me I felt the spark. As cliché as it sounds, I saw fireworks. Our mouths opened and our tongues danced and it felt like my body was on fire. I had no idea that something as simple as a kiss could be this powerful. He pulled back and peppered kisses all over my face. He was so gentle and affectionate. He made me feel loved and wanted.

"I love you so much, Preston!"

"I love you too, Todd," I replied breathily.

He got us on the bed and we kept kissing for probably an hour. He was a total gentleman, he didn't hump me or grab my ass or move down to give me a hickey. I had no problem with him doing those things at a later time, but at that moment I was perfectly content to keep things where they were. I felt like I could cuddle and kiss him forever.

He held my face in his hands and kissed the tip of my nose. "Thank you so much for giving me a second chance, Preston." He hugged me and ran his hands through my hair. Todd was so much bigger than me that he could pretty much envelop me in his embrace. I melted into him, feeling so safe and warm.

Things calmed down enough for us to have a conversation. We laid on our sides, so close our foreheads almost touched.

"Your family is really nice," I told him. "Progressive, too. I wasn't expecting your little sister to be so chill with you having a boyfriend."

"That's not quite it," he said. "Yeah, they're accepting and all, but we were totally used to gay people long before this. Erika's a lesbian."

That was a bit of a shock. "What are the odds of two queer kids in a row?"

He laughed. "Not high. It's a good thing all signs point to the twins being straight as an arrow, or else Mom and Dad might give up on ever getting grandchildren."

"So do you think you're gay or bi or what?"

"I'm pretty sure I'm gay. I've never been interested in getting a girlfriend. You're the only person I've ever really been attracted to."

I nodded. After a few minutes something occurred to me. If Erika was gay, then that meant that what happened at the beginning of our senior year would have caused even more drama in Todd's family than it would have otherwise. Todd was able to pick up on my concerned expression.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"Don't worry about it."

He held my face and made me look him right in the eye.

"Preston, I don't want us to hide things from each other. I've gone through so much grief already because I couldn't just talk to you. If we're gonna be a couple, we need transparency. I promise, whatever it is, we can talk about it."

I blinked a few times, taken aback by his sincerity. He was right, though.

"Well, I was just thinking about what happened between us last fall. Considering the details, it...you know..."

He nodded in understanding.

"My family was shocked. The twins didn't really know how to react, but Erika was pissed, as she should have been. She wouldn't talk to me for weeks. The whole arrangement where the twins would come and leave school separately from me was set up by her. She didn't want them to be seen with me. It's harsh, but her disgust was justified. I didn't want them to be seen with me, either."

My jaw dropped. I had no idea how much what he did to me rocked his entire life to the core. Now it was starting to make sense that he thought he needed to punish himself so much. It wasn't right, but it made sense. It also explained why she felt weird about meeting me, the kid Todd had bullied who was now his boyfriend.

I lightly cupped his cheek with my hand.

"It's not like that anymore, right? It's been almost a year."

He smiled sadly.

"Things were rocky between me and her for a while, but I was able to prove to her eventually that I was sorry. The twins still have that schedule, but it's for the reasons we told you earlier instead of us needing to distance ourselves from each other."

I didn't know what to say. I'm sorry wasn't right, it's not like I did anything to him. He did something wrong and got rightfully punished. But it was kind of insane how one thing so completely shook his whole life. He didn't just make the whole school hate him, he made some of his family hate him.

I kissed his lips.

"You've come a long way, Todd." I told him. "You're not that bully anymore, and that makes me happier than I can put into words."

He smiled. "I couldn't have done it without you, Preston. I could spend the rest of my life thanking you and it wouldn't be enough."

I kissed him again and he nuzzled my cheek.

Enough time passed for us to get tired and want to go to bed for real. He turned out the lights and flicked on the fan. It was at a high setting and my tiny body felt it.

"Are you cold?" He asked. "I'm just used to sleeping at a low temperature. I get sweaty easily."

"I'll be fine," I told him. "Just hold me and I'll be warm enough."

He drew me into his arms and spooned me, lightly kissing the nape of my neck. It felt right. It felt like home.

It was so good that a few minutes later I got a little bolder. I wanted more.

"Hey Todd?"

"Yes, baby?"

My heart warmed to hear him call me that.

"I normally sleep in the nude." That was true, but I had an ulterior motive bringing that up. He caught on.

"Well...if it'll make you more comfortable, I don't mind."

"I mean, I would, but I'm kind of shy," I said, trying to sound innocent. "I think I would feel better if you did it, too..."

He nuzzled the nape of my neck.

"I really want you to be comfortable, baby. I don't mind if you don't."

We both took off our underwear and he hugged me tightly again. It seemed so much more real and intimate to just feel that there was nothing separating the two us. His naked body was against mine. I felt his cock touching my bare skin.

"Does that feel better, baby?" He whispered.

"It feels perfect."

He kissed my ear and pulled me closer. I felt his dick touch my ass and it aroused me. It aroused me a lot. I forced myself to calm down. We didn't have to rush things. This was all we needed for now.

I cuddled with my new boyfriend before falling asleep in his embrace.

*****

The two of us stayed together all summer. We got to know each other's families a bit better. There was a bit of a wall between Todd and my parents at the beginning, for obvious reasons, but eventually they got along. Things also got easier between Erika and me. She got less stiff and her interactions with me became more like the interactions I'd have with the twins or Holly.

Todd really was the sweetest, gentlest boyfriend, but he got a little bit more forward as time went on. Once he realized that I liked it when he acted possessive of me he did more things to line up with that. He'd have his arm around my body, holding me against him by the hip. He'd put me on his lap and wrap me in his arms. When we were in bed together, he's spoon me so firmly I wouldn't have been able to get away, not that I ever wanted to.

On that subject, we also fooled around a lot. We went from kissing to making out to hand jobs and oral. I was blown away when I first saw his dick. It was long, 7 inches, but more than that it was thick. I'm a guy, I've seen porn. His cock was right up there with the best of them. Sucking his dick made me feel like I was swallowing a beer bottle, but with time and practice, I got good at it.

I, on the other hand, had a thoroughly unimpressive member. The stereotype of Asian men being a little smaller unfortunately has some basis in reality, and I wasn't an exception to the rule. Fully erect, it was right under 5 inches: nothing tiny, but small, definitely smaller than average. Like my height, it was always an insecurity of mine, but Todd never did anything that indicated he wasn't satisfied. He told me that he loved everything about my body, from my dick to my nipples to my ass. He especially loved my ass.

Both me and Todd were completely unexperienced with sex before this, so we took the journey together. I couldn't think of a better person to do it with.

By the end of July, we were ready to take the final step. We got tested (yes, it was unnecessary, but you can never be too careful) and we were both totally clean. We talked about it and decided that we wanted our first time to be special, so we wouldn't wear condoms. Even though we did our research and prepared ourselves, it was a little intimidating. I was nervous in the hours leading up to it.

Todd is going to fuck me, I thought.

Yeah, but it's Todd, I countered. Nobody else would be more gentle.

That was true. He was such a tender lover with me. Still, the loss of virginity was a big deal, so I was still anxious about it all.

The stage was set and everything was perfect. My parents were away for the weekend (it was their anniversary), I had thoroughly cleaned myself out, we had an excess amount of lube, and so many other ridiculous preparations we didn't need were made. There was no better time than that Friday night at my house.

We went to my room, knowing that when we left it again, there would be something different between us we'd never be able to reverse. It was kind of scary, but the thought of Todd being with me for it made it alright. We took off our clothes and looked at each other. The only light was coming from a lamp, so the lighting was dim and sensual. I saw his large, strong form. He was muscular and hard-looking, but I knew firsthand how soft he could be. I was small and thin, but Todd told me time and time again that I was the cutest, sexiest thing he'd ever laid eyes on.

Todd gently cupped my cheeks and kissed me on the lips, his lightly whiskered face tickling me a little.

"Baby, will you do me the honor of letting me mate with you?"

I looked right into his beautiful eyes, blue-green and deep like the ocean.

"I love you," I told him. "I want you to be my first."

He picked me up and carried me to my bed in his arms. He gently laid me down and got next to me. He kissed me, moving down from my face to my neck.

He sucked the tender skin and it made my body light up with pleasure. If I woke up with a hickey the next day I would wear it with pride. I was his.

He nuzzled and petted and kissed me until my whole body was warm from the inside out.

"Todd," I panted, "I need you now. Make love to me!"

He nodded and got me on my stomach. He rimmed me for a bit before slowly inserting a thick, lubed finger into me.

"That feels so good!" I moaned.

He added another and massaged my prostate. The first time he touched it a few weeks prior, I screamed. My dick wasn't even hard and come poured out of it like water from a faucet. It was the strangest, most intense, but most satisfying orgasm I'd ever had. That's when I knew I wanted him to fuck me.

He had three fingers inside me. The pain was ebbing as he stroked my sweet spot. I wanted more of him.

"Todd, you have to fuck me,"

"Not yet, baby," he said. "I don't want to hurt you."

He gradually inserted a fourth finger and my virgin hole swallowed it right up. After a few more minutes I was delirious with want.

"Please, Todd, please!" I begged. "I need you now! I can't take it anymore!"

He slowly pulled out his hand and the empty feeling was horrible. He generously lubed his manhood.

"Preston, if it hurts too much, let me know."

"I promise. Please fuck me!"

He kissed my ear and slowly brought the head of is cock to my hole. Gently, he pushed forward. Even with all the preparations it was still painful. Anal sex is not exactly the most natural thing in the world. It's one thing to say that you want to get fucked in the ass, but it's another thing entirely to actually feel the cock stretching you open.
He heard me breathing heavily through clenched teeth. "Baby, I think I need to stop."

"No!" I yelled. "Please keep going! I'll be fine."

He kept pushing, and very gradually I started relaxing. Every millimeter came easier than the last one. It was a process, but eventually he was inside me and it felt amazing. The two of us were joined. He was a part of me that no other person could be.

"Fuck me," I moaned. "Make me yours!"

He started out with slow, shallow strokes, but got more and more intense. Soon he was fucking me with the entire length of his cock. His full weight was on my back and he wrapped me up in his arms. I was at his mercy and it was incredible.

After only a few minutes, we both started climbing up, me without touching myself even once. He came first, and the feel of his dick twitching and flooding my body with his seed pushed me over the edge. Even after we came so hard and for so long, we were both still aroused and needy.

"I need more!"

He nodded and flipped me over so I was on my back. He pushed my legs back and buried into me with one thrust. I was completely relaxed, hungry for more of him. He made love to me, making sure to get my prostate and kiss me. It was better than I ever thought possible. We built up more and more, and this time I could feel us both come at exactly the same moment. Our bodies were perfectly in tune with each other and as we both came, I felt like I was flying. It was so good that it brought tears to my eyes.

Slowly, gradually, we came down from the high. Todd's cock got softer and softer until it slipped out of me. We were so sweaty and tired we couldn't even speak. After a solid thirty minutes of lying on the bed catching our breath, Todd was the first one to break the silence.

"I'm not sure we should have done that."

I got scared for a second. "Why not?"

"Because now I want you to be mine forever."

After a moment, I laughed and punched his arm.

The two of us got ready for bed. We showered together, brushed our teeth, and changed the bedsheets. The whole time we didn't say a word to each other. We just kissed occasionally.

Once we were in bed again, he cuddled me in the dark.

"I meant what I said back there," he told me. "I don't think I can ever let you go again. I'm yours now."

I nuzzled him. "You say that like it's a bad thing."

"Well, we're both barely out of high school. We have our whole futures ahead of us. What do we know about building a life with each other?"

I put my forehead against his.

"We'll figure it out. We have friends and family that'll help us, but most of all we've got each other. As long as we're together, we can handle whatever comes our way."

I could still see the concern in his eyes, even in the near darkness.

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

I laughed quietly. "I don't really know why I'm so confident, either, but something tells me it'll be alright. Deep in my bones, I know the two of us were meant to be together. Do you feel that way, too?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Making love with you confirmed it to me. You're my mate."

I snuggled up tighter against him. "We can start from there, then. You and I are gonna be just fine."

He turned me around and kissed the crown of my head.

"I love you, Preston."

I felt myself get drowsy.

"I love you too, Todd."

Seconds later, I was asleep.

*****

It has been almost a year since that day, and the two of us are still going strong. I just finished my freshman year of college, and am ecstatic to have another summer with Todd. He would drive me to and from school with his pickup truck, which he finally got repainted, mostly due to insistence on my part. I'd go to college and he'd work in construction during the day. In the evenings we'd be together, and after the first semester we had saved up enough money to get an apartment. We've lived together since.

We're not adults yet by any means, we still have a lot to learn, but with him by my side it doesn't seem so bad. We love and support each other, give the other someone to lean on.

If you had told me a few years ago that Todd West would be the one I loved, the one I'd want to marry one day, the one I'd be happy to settle down and start a family with, I probably would have taken it as an insult. He used to torment me, make me feel small, but now he makes me feel better than anyone else could. To me, that's just a testament to how much he's grown.

Things like bullying and homophobia and prejudice are wrong, but they come in the form of actions, not people. I truly believe that all people have the potential to be good, just like how they all have the potential to be bad. That's why I think we should be quicker to forgive and show love when people indicate that they want to change. I'm not perfect, nobody is. I still make judgments on people and write them off, but looking at my boyfriend reminds me that everybody has a story, and on a one-on-one level, any two people can understand each other if they're both willing to put forward the effort.

Nobody is beyond redemption, not if they're willing to try. We need to love if we want the hate to end. I don't want to get on a soapbox like this, but we all know that life is complicated. It's messy. There's so much we don't know, so much we don't understand, not only about others, but about ourselves. Even so, compassion can bring us together, no matter how far apart two people can appear to be. In my eyes, Todd and I are direct proof of that.

Todd isn't a bully anymore. He's the man I love.