I was just minding my own business, watching TV while home alone, and felt a sudden urge. We all get them. I just felt like I had to 'take care of myself', you know what I mean.

So I did the thing all eighteen year old boys do. Went upstairs, into my parents' room, and approached the drawer.

You know the one I mean. Mom's special drawer. Where the sexy lingerie and the toys are kept. It's where all my best wank material comes from. I see exactly what I want.