There are no underage characters in this story. All characters are over the age of 18-years-old.

Cross-Dressing, Gay & Lesbian Sex 1

Sometimes wishing he was born a woman, Daniel struggled with his need to cross dress.

With his hands resting on her dressing table and his body leaning in for a closer and more critical look at himself in his wife's lighted, makeup mirror, Daniel sat in his bedroom. Looking as if he was doing something wrong being in his own bedroom and sitting at Emma's vanity table when his wife wasn't home, he looked so out of place. Out of sorts, he looked so confused. Always plagued by a guilty conscience, he looked so tortured. As if ready to flee the room and the house to run mad down the street, he looked so troubled.

Filled with anguish, he was already filled with remorse for something he hadn't yet done but something he knew he needed to do. With his face possessed by despair, he had to confess his dirty, little secret to his wife. No getting out of it, he must tell her his secret to save himself. Dying inside that he must tell her, he looked so miserable by the sexual needs that continually controlled him and by the secret that tormented him.

Wanting to tell her, he was tired of harboring a secret from his wife, from his friends, from his family, and from everyone. Yet, if there was anyone who should know his secret, married to her for ten years, for better or for worse, she should know. Just as he understood albeit was disappointed that she couldn't have children, if anyone could understand his need to dress as a woman, she should and she would, wouldn't she? He didn't know. Other than knowing that he had to tell his wife that he's a cross dresser, he didn't know what else to do.

Feeling so torn, as if he was a spy living a secret life, he wished he didn't have to live like this. Feeling so twisted, he wished he was happier. With him his worst enemy, he wished he felt better about himself. He wished he didn't beat himself up so much for something that was not his fault and out of his control. He wished he didn't have this monkey on his back of needing to cross dress. Only, he so enjoyed wearing women's clothes. With his hair, makeup, fingernails, and pedicure done, he so enjoy looking like a woman.

Envious of his friends doing guy things and with them not having the womanly thoughts that he always had for as long as he could remember, he wished he was as normal as were his close, best friends. Tired of concealing his secret from everyone, he'd be so embarrassed if anyone was to discover his secret. How could he possibly explain to his friends that he's a cross dresser? They wouldn't understand his need to wear pretty and sexy things. Yet, wishing to be free of the humiliation of his need to wear women's clothes, he wished everyone not only knew his secret but also accepted his secret. Tired of feeling guilty, not that he's gay but he wished that his cross dressing was more accepted in the way that gays and lesbians are more accepted now. He wished that everything was out in the open.

With his wife, Emma, confessing her sexy secret during their pillow talk of wanting to have sex with a woman, maybe this is a good time for him to reveal his sexual secret to her. Wouldn't she be surprised, shocked actually, that her husband was a cross dresser? Wouldn't she be surprised that, if only one time, just to know what it feels like, he'd like to have sex with a man. Yet, a woman having sex with another woman is one thing but a man having sex with another man is something else. Even swingers in the swinging lifestyle frowned upon men having sex with other men. Yet, sometimes when dressed as a woman, as if believing that he really is a woman, he craves the attention of a man. He's not gay, just curious.

With his wife out shopping and with the time she takes at the mall, he knew that she wouldn't be back for a while. Always shopping, she was buying more clothes that she didn't need and more clothes than she could possibly wear. She had a walk-in wardrobe already filled with clothes and with an overwhelming abundance of accessories, scarfs, headbands, earrings, necklaces, and fashion rings. He used to love to go shopping with her but had to stop. As if shopping for himself, under the guise that he was helping her find clothes in her size, he spent more time looking at women's clothes than he did looking at men's clothes.

* * * * *

He loved his wife but he needed to love himself too and the only way he could love himself is to be true to himself. Being that he needed to dress as a woman, something that he was unable and/or unwilling to change, he had to tell her his secret. In fairness to her as his wife, she needed to know. He couldn't hide the fact that he was a cross dresser from her any longer. Sometimes feeling as if he's a woman trapped in a man's body, truth be told, he more loves dressing as woman than he thinks about having sex with a man. Thinking about having sex with another man is only when he's horny or feeling wicked as if he's really a female slut trapped in a man's body instead of just a male cross dresser. It's weird how sexy clothes along with selected accessories can trick his brain into believing that he really is a woman.

Falling in love with her the moment he laid eyes on her, he loved her long, blonde hair and her big, blue eyes. He loved her big, loving smile, her quick wit, and her great sense of humor. He loved her for who she is. He loved Emma, he really did. Fearing that she'd leave him if he told her that he's a cross dresser, he didn't want to lose her. Now that he had her in his life and in his bed, he couldn't imagine his life without her.

Transferring his thoughts from his wife to himself, he wished there was more that he could do with his short, brown hair. He loved how she was able to have a multitude of different hair styles just by tying her hair back, wearing it to the side, curling it, styling it, perming it, or allowing it to be free and frizzy. He loved how she always looked so different in what she wore, the makeup she applied, and the hairstyle she chose. So femininely pretty in pastels, with her always so colorfully sexy, he envied her ability to change herself in the way of a chameleon changing colors.

Her walk-in closet, the size of a room, was filled from floor to ceiling with sexy tops, short skirt, tight pants, designer jeans and handbags, sweaters, jackets, coats, scarfs, and shoes. If only he had a foot and shoe fetish instead of an urge to cross dress, he'd be in Heaven perusing his wife's extensive shoe collection but his secret wasn't his desire to covet his wife's feet and shoes. His desire was to wear women's clothes. Being that she was so tall and so busty, with her broad back and swimmer's shoulders, they nearly took the same size.

Not daring to remove anything from her closet for fear that she'd know he was in there snooping, he'd love to try on and wear some of her clothes. She had such beautiful things. Unable to resist, he did try on a few of her things that caught his eye. Making sure he put them back in the exact spot, he'd be so embarrassed for her to know that he was wearing her clothes. If only she knew that he was a cross dresser, he'd die. If only she knew he's been trying on her clothes, he wondered what she'd say.

If he had one secret desire that he'd never tell her what it was, his secret wish was in wanting to look more like her. With him probably being the only one, he couldn't even imagine how many other husbands wished they looked more like their wives. Why wouldn't he want to look like her? She was gorgeous. The reason why he married her, among other attributes, is because he's crazy about how pretty she looks and how sexy she is.

Crazy but true in his desire to look more like his wife when dressing as a woman, he wished he could go through his life looking more like her. The perfect woman, in his book, she has it all. Brains, beauty, sex appeal, and class, he hit the jackpot when he won her heart. Yet, not fully understanding why he did, when he really thought about him wanting to look more like his wife, he thought himself weird. Yet, in the way she looked, in the way she carried herself, and in the way she wore her clothes, she inspired him to copy her. If anything, it was a compliment to her that she could stimulate such a reaction in him and encourage him in his desire to want to look more like her.

A husband looking like his wife is not a new thing. Being that we look at ourselves so very much in the mirror, perhaps when looking to find our love interest, we seek out and are attracted to someone who resembles us. In the way that people sometimes grow to look like their dogs, many married people grow to look like one another. Perhaps, after living together for a long while, people sometimes involuntarily and without thinking, mimic their spouses' facial expressions, especially when evoking the same emotions. Perhaps, over the years, common life experiences can alter facial patterns even facial wrinkles. In the way they carry themselves, move, walk, and talk, as if mimicking one another, after a while, many married people look more as if they're brother and sister than they do husband and wife. He wouldn't mind looking more like Emma.

She has it all, college educated, a pretty face, a shapely body, and those huge, D cup breasts. What more could a man want in a woman? What more could a woman want in attributes? Other than money, of course, she had that too as part and parcel of her being married to him and with him being successful in the stock market after dabbling in real estate. Money issues were the least of their problems, not that they had any problems other than him being a cross dresser and her fantasizing about sleeping with a woman, they were happy. She didn't even have to work, unless she wanted. Yet, keeping her part-time job at her father's law firm, he figures she goes there just to get dressed up and as her excuse to buy more clothes.

On the surface, once they got used to the idea of not having children, free of that time constraining, emotional consuming, and money draining part of life, they had a perfect marriage. With him semi-retired at 40-years-old and working for himself from home anyway, they were free to go anywhere at any time. The perfect life with a beautiful wife, luxury automobiles, money in the bank, and a vacation home by the beach, he should be happier but he's miserable. He's tired of living a double life with one foot in life's reality and the other foot in sexual fantasy.

Sometimes, when he looks at himself in the mirror with his blue jeans and button down or polo shirt, he wishes he was born his wife's sister instead of her husband. Only with her being an only child, she didn't have a sister. If she did have a sister, he imagined her looking much like her. If she had a sister, he imagined wanting to look just like her. If she had a sister, he imagined being attracted to her sister.

Perhaps it's a good thing she didn't have a sister and he didn't have a sister-in-law. He could only imagine the mess on his hands if he had an affair with her sister. Yeah, it's a good thing that Emma is an only child and doesn't have a sister. Even worse, what if she had a brother? Oh my God. What if he had an affair with her brother? Wow! To be honest, he'd much rather have a sexual affair with her non-existent sister than with her non-existent brother, that's for sure.

He couldn't believe all of the stupid things he was thinking about and imagining while sitting at her vanity table. Boring, boring, boring, he was bored with himself and with his bland, masculine clothes. He put his hands to his flat chest while imagining himself having breasts. If he had been born a woman, he'd have breasts, big breasts just like his wife, Emma. He stood to walk over to her full length mirror. He turned to the side to peer at his flat backside. If he was born a woman, he'd have more of a pronounced ass. Definitely, if he was born a woman, he'd have more curves he thought while turning one way and then the other.

If he had been born his wife's sister instead of her husband, no doubt about it, he'd have all kinds of pretty clothes. That's not to say he'd rather be her sister than her husband, he loved being her husband. He felt privileged seeing Emma in her panty and bra, topless, and/or naked. She has a great body and body that most every woman would envy. He loved having sex with his wife.

Only if he was born her sister, he'd have his hair and his makeup regularly done at the beauty parlor instead of having to wear a wig and instead of making a mess of his face with her makeup. If he was born her sister, he could go out in public dressed as a woman because he would be a woman. Alas, it's not nearly the same being a cross dresser than it would be being Emma's imagined sister. With him never able to look enough like a woman to fool anyone in the light of day and within a quarter of a mile from one another, he was so confused.

What the Hell was he doing dressing like a woman? Why he was putting himself through all of this anxiety, worry, and torture? Was the sexual feelings he received when dressing as a woman worth all that he had to go through to live out his fantasy of pretending to be female instead of male?

Yet, most times, other than when those urges take control of him to feel sexy and pretty, he enjoyed being a man. He enjoyed going to a baseball game, having a beer, and eating a hot dog. He enjoyed hanging around the hardware store on a Saturday morning and lounging in bed reading the newspaper with her while doing the crossword puzzle together. He enjoyed looking at pickup trucks even though he'd never buy one. He enjoyed having sex with women, especially with his wife, now that he's married. If being born a woman meant that he'd want to have sex with men, he'd rather be born a lesbian woman so that he could still have sex with women.

Only, sometimes, once in a great while, he's not ashamed to admit that he's had gay thoughts. Perhaps with him having gay thoughts comes with the territory of dressing like a woman. Who is he trying to impress actually, if not another man while dressed as a woman? Surely, his audience is more male than female. In the way that he looks or doesn't look like a woman when he's in drag, he's no competition to other women, although there are men who enjoy having sex with cross dressers when in drag. Not wanting to compete with other woman, he dresses as a woman for himself. Yet, if he could and if it's at all possible, he'd rather look as best as he could when dressed as a woman. Certainly, in that regard, in the way that he makes a mess of his hair and makeup, he's no eye candy for men either. He more looks like a freak, a pitiful freak, than he looks like a woman.

Sometimes he wonders what it would be like to have sex with his wife while dressed as a woman. Once in a great while, he wonders what it would be like to be with a man while dressed as a woman. When he's really horny and/or drunk, he thinks about another man sucking his cock. If he was drunk enough, was sexually excited enough, and the mood and man was right, he may even suck another man's cock. Who knows? Things happen with the right mood, lighting, and music.

Only, nothing more than a fleeting thought, if he was to be with a man, that's something he'd have to do with his wife in the same room. Just as he'd never cheat on her with another woman, he'd never cheat on her with another man. They'd both would have to agree to such a sexual relationship for him to even consider it. Yet, with him not even able to tell her he's a cross dresser for fear of her reaction and her divorcing him, how could he tell her that he sometimes thinks of having sex with a man?

Yet, now with his wife fantasizing about having sex with a woman, not that he really wants to have sex with a man, but he just wondered how open she'd be about him having sex with a man. So very cosmopolitan and hip, no doubt, she'd be more agreeable to them having a threesome with both of them doing another woman instead of both of them doing another man. Yet, the old double standard reared its ugly head, just as he'd love to watch Emma having sex with another woman, he wouldn't want to watch her having sex with another man, especially a younger, better looking man who had a better body than him. He'd be too jealous. He'd be too worried that he'd lose her to him. Even after all of her assurances that she loved him and would never leave him, he'd be paranoid that she was seeing another man behind his back while plotting their separation and planning their divorce.

Only he didn't understand how he could enjoy being a man and still have this unrelenting desire to dress as a woman. What's that all about? He never understood the reason behind his twisted need to cross dress. When he has all that he could want, a beautiful wife and a good life, why him? Why now? Was he always this way and didn't know it? Assuredly and admittedly, he enjoyed looking sexy and pretty only he never understood why. Thinking back when he was a child, he enjoyed playing with his sister's Barbie dolls when she wasn't home. A phase he outgrew only to replicate it in adorning himself with women's clothes and accessories, he enjoyed dressing his sister's Barbie dolls in different clothes.

Still troubling to recall it, once, when he was twenty-years-old, drunk, and lonely in his college dorm room, he made out with his male roommate. Nothing more happened than hugging, French kissing, touching, and feeling but it's something he always felt guilty about doing and, sexually excitingly, it's always something that he wanted to do again. Obviously, his roommate wanted to do more but he stopped him. At the very least, with his roommate's hand already around his cock and slowly stroking him, his roommate wanted to masturbate him, possibly even blow him. Only he couldn't imagine having gay sex with his roommate. He wasn't gay. Firmly a heterosexual, he was just a cross dresser.

If anything he was bi-curious and twenty years later, that homosexual curiosity has not only stayed with but also has reared its ugly head again. In the same way he looks at women, sometimes he looks at men while wondering what they'd be like in bed or what it would be like to kiss them. Weird thoughts that surface out of the blue, he did all that he could to suppress them. Never jeopardizing his marriage for a sexual fling with a man or with a woman, he'd never cheat on Emma.

Truly, he loved Emma. He loved Emma enough for him to agree for her to have fantasy sex with another woman. Maybe she'd allow him to watch. Maybe she'd allow him to participate. Who knows? Only he'd never want to do anything to jeopardize their relationship, ergo the reason for his internal struggle in wanting to tell her about his cross dressing secret.

Feeling as if he needed to reiterate it in his thoughts, he wasn't gay after all. He was just drunk and horny when thinking those thoughts of having sex with a man while dressed as a woman. If he was anything, he may have been curious what it felt like to kiss another man, especially a man that he felt a sexual attraction to while living with him in his college dorm room. If anything, he was curious what it would feel like for another man to suck him. Only, he wasn't curious then about another man sucking him and/or sucking another man twenty years ago than in the way that he sometimes is now.

A curious revelation to him, a mixed bag of emotions, he was as sexually excited as he was confused and ashamed to feel the need to dress as a woman as he was when thinking about having sex with a man. Sometimes as if he has an extra female gene or one less male gene, as if he's schizophrenic or has a split personality, his feminine side overwhelms his masculine side. It's only then that he has the urge to wiggle his ass and to giggle like a girl while pretending he's a woman by raising his voice an octave higher even while dressed as a man. Something he'd never do in public, a private fantasy he sometimes entertains in his head, he wonders how people would react to him wiggling, giggling, and talking in a woman's voice.
In a complete quandary, feeling so anxious and feeling so sexually and emotionally unsatisfied, when not dressed as a woman and when wanting but unable to dress as a woman, he didn't know what to do to quell the feeling inside. Obviously he can't control his feelings for wearing sexy and pretty things. He needs to wear women's clothes. The need just comes over him and, when it does, his emotions overwhelms him and his need to dress as a woman consumes him. Destroying his self-image and his confidence in who he thought he should be, he's tired of feeling bad about himself. Tired of beating himself up about his need to cross dress, none of the way he is in wanting and needing to dress as a woman is his fault.

It just happened that he enjoys pretty, sexy, and feminine things. In the big picture, what's so wrong with that? So what? He's not hurting anyone, other than his wife, perhaps, especially if she was to find out that he's a closet cross dresser. Keeping his secret to himself, he wasn't bothering anyone. Whenever she's not home, he was content to roam about his big house while dressed as a woman. He was happy to enjoy his perversely perverted, sexual peccadillo in private.

Obviously, in the way a man is born a man and a woman is born a woman, whether they're white, brown, black, or yellow and whether they are heterosexual, gay, or lesbian, they're just born that way. With one foot wearing Oxfords as a man and the other foot wanting to wear high heels as a woman, tortured in his need to dress as a woman, unfortunately for him, he's born that way. Obviously in the way he's so focus, too focused on women's clothes, he has a screw loose or a missing wire not attached in his brain. Yet, even though he knew he needed help, he could never sit across from a psychiatrist or a psychologist and tell him or her his secret. Maybe just a phase, perhaps this is something he'll outgrow. Maybe one day, he'll awaken and will no longer want to dress as a woman.

At his crossroads, hoping to take the right path by making the right decision, literally and figuratively, he decided to expose who he really is to his 35-year-old wife. With her unable to bear children and with her born that way, if he could understand and love her unconditionally, then, with him born this way, she should understand his need to cross dress. If he could accept her wanting to have sex with a woman then she should understand his need to dress as a woman and, perhaps, even his curiosity to have sex with a man. In the longevity of their marriage, if their marriage should survive this, what would it matter? In the scheme of things, it's all just a different slice of life.

So very secretive for such a long time, she'd be the first and the only one to know his secret. Knowing better than doing that, he'd never tell any of friends that he's a cross dresser. No way. First of all, thinking he was pulling their leg, they wouldn't believe him. Then, if they did believe him, they'd laugh at him and make fun of him. He'd be opening himself up for ridicule by telling his friends that he's a cross dresser. He could only imagine what they'd say if they knew he was thinking about having sex with a man. Some friends they are. He'd be better off getting new friends. Perhaps, being that he's now accepted cross dressing as part of his life, he should seek out other cross dressers as new friends.

Being that he knew what he wanted, he knew exactly what he needed to do. He needed to tell his wife that he's a cross dresser. With him her husband, her best friend, and her confidant, she needed to know. It wasn't fair to her that he was hiding this from her. It wasn't fair to her that he wasn't including her in this part of his life. He needed her to see him for who he is, not just a cross dresser but a loving, faithful husband who'd do anything for his wife, even allow her to have a lesbian lover.

Too much of a burden for him to continue to shoulder himself, he needed to end all of the sneaking around, the hiding, and the lying. He needed to be honest with her. He needed to purge himself so that he'd no longer have a guilty conscience from living a secret life. Already too twisted with him battering himself for something that he obviously has little control over, he needed to seek her counsel and her emotional support for him to know her opinion of what else he could do to feel better about himself.

Yet, with his all about him, what about her? If he freed his guilty conscience by telling her what may be so justifiably upsetting to her, unable to go to him for his unbiased opinion, who would she seek for emotional support? Maybe she could seek the counsel of a therapist by sharing with him or her that her husband is a cross dresser. Maybe without having to sit through therapy and/or group sessions, together, her and her therapist could shed some light on why he has this uncontrollable need to cross dress. Maybe by helping her to understand his desire to wear women's clothes, he may understand his reasons for cross dressing too.

Maybe, other than the sexual excitement, as an added emotional, supportive benefit, she'd find the solace in her companionship with her lesbian lover. Whomever she may be, he could almost envision them together making love. Maybe he'd be fodder for them to laugh over and joke about in the ridiculous way he looks when trying to look like a woman. In that regard, he'd be willing to sacrifice his shame and dishonor for her levity and the good humor of them having a jolly, good time at his expense. So long as she stayed with him and didn't divorce her, he'd be agreeable to anything that she proposed. Only, however his confession played out, he needed to tell her the truth. Confessing his cross dressing secret was his first step.

Yet, filled with consternation, should he or shouldn't he tell her? Must he tell her? When should he tell her? Why should he tell her? No question about it, he needed to tell her now. What kind of marriage would they have if they kept secrets? She didn't have to tell him about her sexual fantasy about making love to another woman but she did. Now, it's up to him to reciprocate. Only, he feared the ramifications of his cross dressing confession.

Filled with dread about confessing his dirty, little secret to his wife, the love of his life, maybe she already suspects his secret. Maybe she already knows his secret. Wow, wouldn't that be something if she not only already knows but also if she's okay with him being a cross dresser. Maybe with her knowing that he's a cross dresser is the reason why she felt comfortable enough to confess her secret, sexual, lesbian fantasy to him. With him having a cross dressing secret of his own, how else could he possibly react to her secret of wanting to sleep with a woman other than favorably?

She had him over a barrel. There was no way that he wouldn't agree to allow her to sleep with a woman, as if he had any control of her sleeping with a woman or not. Yet, the joke was on her. He'd love for her to sleep with a woman. During their nightly pillow talk, he'd love for her to tell her all of the dirty details of what happened when she slept with a woman. He'd even like to watch his wife having sex with a woman.

Nonetheless her wanting to sleep with a woman, the real issue was him being a secret cross dresser. She is his wife after all and they live in the same house. When he thought more about it, how could she not know he's been hiding this from her for so long? How could she not know that he's a cross dresser? What clues has he been leaving behind to make her suspect he's a cross dresser? Perhaps she suspects he's a cross dresser because he uses her nail polish remover or her eye makeup when she's not around.

When he pondered his stupidity in leaving clues of his cross dressing behind, how could she not know that he enjoys cross dressing? She must know. So sensitive to her needs, enjoying chick flicks, crying at the end of movies, and always buying her special arrangements of flowers, at the very least, she must suspect that he's different and not like his other friends and unlike any other normal man. Stupid, he's so stupid. If his wife knows he's a cross dresser and obviously she must know he's a cross dresser for her not to say anything, she's okay with him being a cross dresser. He's been feeling guilty all of this time for nothing. Only, what if she doesn't know he enjoys wearing women's clothes? He needed to know how much she knows before divulging his secret to cross dress.

After she confessed her secret of wanting to have sex with a woman, with the timing right, not only was it time to tell her but it was the right time to tell her. He almost confessed his cross dressing secret to her right then and right there. He needed to tell his wife his secret. She needed to know. If there was one person he could trust, he could trust Emma with his secret. If there was one person who needed to know what he's been hiding all of these years, she needed to know.

Yet, troubled by her reaction, he wondered what her reaction would be to him telling her his secret. Maybe she'd be disapproving of him. Maybe she'd be disappointed in him. Maybe she'd ask him to leave the house and get his own place. Maybe she'd want a divorce. Maybe she'd be so disgusted by him and by what he was about to tell her that she'd never want to see him again. Maybe she'd be so angry that he kept his secret from her for the ten years that they've been married that she'd feel the need to embarrass him in the way he humiliate her by telling all of friends and family that he's a cross dresser. Yet, it didn't matter what she did or how she reacted, she needed to know. If only to save himself, he had to tell her.

With her such a positive and loving person, too negative and close minded of her not to understand his need to wear women's clothes, maybe she would understand. Maybe she'd be accepting of him. Maybe she'd love him even more for all that he's gone through and for the trust he showed in her by telling her his secret. Maybe he's worried about nothing. She's his wife and she loves him after all. Maybe, she'd even help him in what he needed and was driven to do. Yeah, maybe she'd help him dress as a woman. Maybe she'd help him look more like a woman.

To be continued...