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Discussing Terms and Labels

The author of "Fifty Shades of Gray" did an excellent job of playing on the words, her main character's name and the concept expressed by "fifty shades." There are so many variations expressed, most especially when it comes to sexuality, that fifty is probably too small of a number. That said, I was thinking about various terms in common use and how they could mean different things to different people.

What finally brought this to the forefront with me was when I did a google search for "hotwife meme." That returned not only some great captioned sexy photos for hotwives, but also a plethora of memes and photos for cuckold. In many stories right here on Literotica you'll find tales of hotwives and their cuckolds. But if you pay attention, you'll also find stories about hotwives and stags, swinger wives, bulls, paramours and more. Perhaps partially for me to sort it all out in my head, I thought it might be interesting to take a look at some of the most common terms and variations.

First let's talk about the "hotwife." I used to be married to one. Not that my wife isn't hot anymore, but our lifestyle has evolved beyond what fits into the definition because I play with other women even as my wife plays with other men. We more closely fit the term "swingers" now as we both enjoy others - preferably in the same room at the same time so we can not only enjoy our playmates but also watching each other. According to the Urban Dictionary, "hotwife" is defined as: A married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals. Note that last word: "individuals" - not JUST other men. The hotwife may also be playing with other women. What makes her a hotwife is that she is having sexual relations with someone other than her husband, BUT... there's another condition: her husband is remaining faithful to her and having sexual relations ONLY with her.

The hotwife lifestyle may be generated by a dominant wife / submissive husband dynamic in the marriage where the wife expresses a need or desire for more than her husband can offer. Whether it's size, frequency, behavior... whatever. The dominant hotwife needs or wants something that her husband is lacking in ability to give her, so she goes out and gets it from another man. Her husband's outlook toward this, his behavior toward her and her playmtes, as well as how she treats him would, in my opinion, determine what category of hotwife partner he fits into (stag, neutral or cuckold, discussed further down).

The hotwife lifestyle may also be generated by a submissive wife / dominant husband dynamic wherein the husband desires to see his wife pleasured or used by other men and he presses that condition upon her. "Forces" isn't a good word because that implies rape and should never EVER be the case. Coercion is probably a better way to approach it. The hotwife becomes shared with other men as she fulfills her husband's desire to see her so. She is often treated as a piece of treasured property in this dynamic. The husband sees her as an irreplaceable trophy he possesses and allows other men access to so that they can appreciate her beauty and value too. This hotwife enjoys both pleasing her husband and the pleasures of recreational sex with others.

Using my own marriage as the example, I had the desire to see my wife with another man about five years after we got married. I communicated that kinky desire to her and she didn't laugh at it. It became a topic of discussion for years and she admitted she was curious about other men and enjoyed the idea of exploring fun with them. Her concern was the potential impact / damage to our marriage. It took those years (about five more) of discussion to agree that we both enjoyed the idea of her playing with other men and the only real way to find out what the marital impact might be was to try it. We committed ourselves to each other no matter what after she played with another. Quite happily, for us, the "test run" or "proof of concept" as she put it only added energy and passion to our marital life so we continued pursuing it. As mentioned earlier, we've evolved past that now, but for about five years she was a hotwife, I was a stag (see below) and it benefited our marriage a great deal.

Now, let's step back a minute to the dominant hotwife and her husband's role. A great many hotwives are married to men who are submissive to them. The reasons for such submission are vast but, for whatever reason, the husband feels inferior to his hotwife. He may or may not agree with his hotwife's sexual dalliances but he tolerates them. He may get off on the humiliation of his wife openly cheating. He may enjoy pleasing her and feel that her dominance is part of what brings her pleasure. He may harbor some fetishes of his own that involve pretending to be a woman, being denied sexual pleasure as part of giving her control and more.

In the hotwife marriages where the husband is only submissive to the point of remaining faithful while his wife plays, he may be a "neutral" (a term not commonly used) or he may be a Stag. However, in those hotwife marriages where the husband is subservient to and humiliated by the hotwife, he is called a cuckold. Many, if not most or all, cuckolds are subservient not only to their hotwife but also to the playmates their hotwife enjoys. Part of the pleasure the cuckold receives is the humiliation delivered upon him and the service demanded of him.

The sliding scale of cuckoldry is long. On one end you'd have the extreme of the cuckold kept in chastity and completely denied any sexual pleasure from his wife or any other woman. He would be forced / commanded to service her only orally, preparing her for her lovers and then cleaning her of any deposits they left on or in her after her play. They are forced / commanded to service her lovers as well, "fluffing" (giving them blowjobs) to fully prepare them to service the hotwife. If that cuckold also desires to be penetrated anally by the hotwife's lovers, he may be termed a "sissy" but it's not a lifestyle I've learned enough about to comment beyond that here. On the other end of that cuckoldry sliding scale would be the husband married to a dominant hotwife who doesn't hide her sexual play from her husband but doesn't humiliate him beyond lack of concern for how he feels about it. To me the key factor in determining whether a husband is a stag, neutral or cuckold is how HE feels about his wife being a hotwife.

Before I move on to discussing the Stag, I'd like to briefly discuss "creampies." In general use, a creampie is the load of ejaculate a man leaves in a woman. As it oozes out or is delivered onto the outside of her labia and vaginal lips, the usually thick white cum can look like cream. Many men, both cuckold and not, enjoy licking a woman clean after the woman has been "creampied." The man doing the cleaning may himself have been the one to cum on/in her or it may be cum from another man and the cuckold is ordered / forced / desires to clean it up. I know a married couple who are swingers and the husband thoroughly enjoys eating cum out of or off of his wife - and he doesn't care if it's his cum or that of another man. She gets no particular pleasure from this fetish beyond the normal pleasure she gets when he orally pleasures her, but he gets particular pleasure from licking up and eating the cum. It's his kind (one of them). The act of eating another man's cum out of or off of his wife doesn't make him a cuckold. He's a very dominant man and remains the alpha male in his wife's life. For other men, most especially those who do view themselves as submissives and cuckolds, eating another man's cum from the hotwife is another symbolic behavior that indicates the cuckold's submission to the hotwife's lover as well. To put this in personal perspective, my wife has never asked me to eat her clean after I cum in or on her and I've never had a particular desire to do it. If she asked me to, I would to please her. That said, I wouldn't even consider eating another man's cum off or out of her. I would consider that symbolic of my submission to him, desire of him sexually, or something else. It's not something my perception of myself and my own sexuality would allow me to do with any level of comfort.

One more thing I'd like to discuss on the topic of cuckolds is "cuckqueens," the female variant of a cuckold. The cuckqueen is the wife of a man who has sex with other women. The cuckqueen can be dominant - finding the women her husband plays with and often directing the action - or submissive, merely being tolerant of her husband's play. The dominant cuckqueen may also be bi-sexual and demand service of the woman she brings home to service her husband. In that vein, the cuckqueen may often be a bisexual woman who enjoys threesomes with her husband and another woman. The husband isn't going to complain (what man would?) and the cuckqueen wife gets to fulfill the female-desirous side of her sexuality. The woman invited to join them is also often bisexual and gets the best of both worlds with no strings attached. The variations of the cuckqeen dynamic are as vast as that of cuckolding. The cuckqueen can be dominant, submissive or neutral. The woman invited into the marital bed can join the cuckqueen in dominating the husband, being subservient to the husband or simply enjoy the husband as the voyeur cuckqueen watches.

Above, I used the terms "neutral" and "Stag." As I briefly explained, I view a neutral husband to a hotwife as a man who is neither dominant or submissive, but simply accepting of his wife's desires to play with another man, and permits it without positive or negative feelings either way. He is neither humiliated by it nor turned on by it. It just is. The Stag, on the other hand, holds a special place in his hotwife's heart and life. As her husband, he is her first concern; prioritized always. He will not accept being humiliated or demeaned in any way and she will not tolerate anyone who attempts to treat him that way. She appreciates that her Stag views her as beautiful and sexy and to respect him, she insures that all of her playmates also pay him adequate respect. If you're the potential playmate of a hotwife and are disrespectful to her Stag, you'll get told, "Too bad. You fucked up. Go away," real fast. The hotwife of a Stag is usually referred to as a Vixen. I wish I knew who had come up with those labels / terms because they deserve a medal. It gave name to many hotwife relationships that didn't fit into the hotwife/cuckhold realm. The Vixen's Stag may be purely a voyeur - before, during or after the fact, or he may join in, or he may even watch and direct the action between his Vixen and her playmate. The Stag will often find playmates for his Vixen, seeking out men who she will find attractive; who are physically fit; who are well equipped sexually; and who have the correct outlook toward pleasuring her rather than simply looking "to get their own." The one over-arching universal characteristic of a Stag is that he has the ability to put a stop to his Vixen's play at any time. This should never be done out of cruelty or just to prove he can, but if he senses something isn't right, or the Vixen's playmate isn't properly respectful / crosses a boundary that's been previously put in place, then the Stag can say "STOP" and enforce it. The Vixen will immediately echo the command and put a stop to all sexual play. She knows that her Stag has her best interests at heart and he will take care of all her sexual needs.

Finally, the Stag will always "reclaim" his Vixen hotwife after she's been with another man. No matter how long or involved her sexual play was with another, when she gets reunited with her Stag he will take her again. Quite often the Stag is the only man allowed to have unprotected sex with the Vixen hotwife and where other men have penetrated her with their condom-sheathed cocks, the Stag will take her bare and cum deep into her or "mark" her by coming on her wherever another playmate had. His sexual follow up with her makes him always the last man she's had sex with in any given day or event. In this way, he reclaims her, marking her as his and reaffirming their connection after she's been with another / others.

As a final topic, let's discuss a few terms used to describe the men and women invited into the marital bed in whatever dynamic. The term "bull" is often used for the man invited to play with or service a hotwife. The bull is often viewed as dominant over the cuckold; stronger; bigger; more virile. In some variations (and it seems, a large focus of a LOT of hotwife stories/videos) the bull dominates both the hotwife and the cuckold, humiliating the cuckold by being abusive to the hotwife and taunting him that there's nothing he can do about it. More shame. More disgrace. While there are plenty of cuckolds that this approach appeals to, there are many more Stags and neutrals who are turned off by this dynamic. Many Stags would be angered if their Vixen was treated in such a fashion and would stop all action immediately, sending the bull on his way and making sure he understood he'd never be invited back.

A different term for that male playmate is "paramour." This is a term often preferred by Stag's when discussing playmates for their Vixen as it doesn't imply any dominant traits for the playmate, leaving the Stag as the clear alpha male in the hotwife's sexual life. The paramour may well be physically larger than the Stag; he may have larger genitalia; he may be younger, older, more fit, etc. The key characteristic of a good paramour is that he understands his place in the sexual relationship: he is lucky to be there; his purpose is to enjoy pleasuring the hotwife even as he takes his pleasure from her; he shall not be disrespectful to either the Stag or the Vixen and if he does a good enough job of pleasuring her, he may be invited back for repeated visits.

The last term / label I'll discuss is the Unicorn. As hard to find and lucky to find as the unicorns described in myth, the Unicorn is a single bi-sexual woman who actively seeks out and enjoys playing with married couples. She is as eager to please the wife as she is the husband, and takes great delight from both of them pleasuring her. As nearly every man I've ever met would enjoy his wife bringing home another woman for a threesome (what man doesn't have this fantasy?), the Unicorn makes an excellent gift from a wife to a husband. For the bisexual wife, the Unicorn is also an excellent gift for her from the husband. No matter which half of the marital couple is giving the gift, both get the reward. The interesting part here is that, at least in common usage, a Unicorn would never be involved with a cuckold couple. A cuckqueen couple? Yes. A Stag and Vixen couple? Maybe. A hotwife couple where the hotwife is slightly dominant or submissive? Yes. But unless she has a particular fetish for humiliating the husband, a Unicorn won't go to play with a cuckold couple.

That's my essay on labels and terms. Your comments are appreciated.
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