Note: This story contains explicit sexual content and is for adults only. It should not be read by people who are offended by such material or are not legally allowed to access such material. All characters in this story are over the age of 18 years old.

Heya!

My name is Allie Bird, 27 year old blonde journalist extraordinaire. You probably know me from my advice column, Actu-Allie. Or maybe from my food column, Culin-Allie. Real Allie fans will, of course, know about work with the folk music scene in Acoustic-Allie. We can skip my short lived and ill conceived legal column Crimin-Allie Insane...

Anyway, I'm here to talk to you about a brand new exciting column: Erotic-Allie. It's about whales! We'll be talking to whale biologists about baleen, and the history of whaling, and how blue whales are the biggest mammal in the...

No, Erotic-Allie will of course be about doing it. It being the sex. Intercourse. Bumping uglies or, ideally, bumping attractives. The old horizontal tango.

Ok, confession time: I am not the world's biggest Sexpert. I am a journalist and, joking aside, a darn good one. But the career focused woman doesn't have much time for romantic adventure in this day and age. And my editor says that I can't just write about polite intercourse in long term relationships each week.

So don't expect to get an 'Ask Allie' column where I tell you whether your man is cheating on you with the Pool boy. Instead, each week I will be examining the many fascinating erotic subcultures that exist just under the surface of our safe, clean world. I'll interview the men and women who compose these cultures and try to understand why they behave as they do. And, when possible I will go into the field to observe their behavior in the wild.

So strap in, strap-on, and get ready a wild ride of Erotic-Allie charged adventure!