Author's note:

As absurd as the concepts of hucows and ponygirls are, I tried to take them quite seriously, to delve in the psychology of a hucow or a ponygirl and her owner, in search of what these admittedly strange fetishes mean, at least to me. Therefore, beside the tropes of the genre (kinky sex, humiliation and de-humanization), you will find the musings of a young girl who chooses to become a cow in a quest for true love and a place in the world.

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20. Savior complex

The beauty of being a cow, is that only the present matters. Why worry about the future? The farmer will take care of that. So, even though our future worried both me and Cupcake, we mostly lived in the present. We had at least a couple of years to find a solution, right? So, that summer went by. We went to three more fairs, meeting her family every time. In one of those occasions, Wren reassured us that Cupcake's new solution for sending money to her folks had worked.

Even though the fairs all looked pretty much more of the same, at least from the limited point of view of a cow, it was fun to be Fudge's cheerleaders and see her take home a few prizes. I and Fergie became a rodeo sensation, to the point that Cupcake tried it too with Ava, swearing afterwards that you had to be bat-shit crazy like me to enjoy it. Ava, on the contrary, had a lot of fun and was disappointed that none of her cows would challenge her anymore.

Another big reason for me to be enthusiastic about our trips was that I became Aidan's prize cow for my production of milk. He paraded me wherever he went. Moreover, those were not the only trips I made that summer. My man also organized a lot of escapes in the country, just me and him. My love for him was stronger than ever, as was the one I felt for Cupcake, but instead of letting this tear me in two parts, I was determined to enjoy all of it.

I learned how to juggle my man and my woman with the consummate experience of a serial cheater and did not feel an ounce of guilt for it: I was finding a way to give to both just as much as one to receive from both. As for Aaron and Cream Pie, they did not leave each other after all. On the contrary, the more he knew about her, the more he needed to share things about himself too. It turned out that Aaron was a much more complex soul than we had given him credit for.

So autumn came again, allowing me to get a glimpse of what a life as a hucow meant. Now I could say that I knew what the future had in store for me for the next couple of decades at least. The cycle of seasons, perfectly predictable, was now the main driving force of the events surrounding me. The peace of mind that this gave to me is hard to describe. I guessed that many people would have found my life boring, but that was just because they never stopped to savor the moment, the glory of the instant, always in a run, like there was something whipping their asses, blinders to prevent them to see where they were, their eyes focused only on the path forward. I was no pony, though, I really was a cow. Those critics were just hypocrites: was not the majority of people believing in an afterlife, in a paradise? And what was heaven, if not an eternity of constant bliss, perfectly predictable? Would they call it dull? No, and they were all wishing to rest there after their death. I just happened to have found mine on earth.

So another year passed and life taught me that, no matter how you wish for time to freeze or at least repeat in loops, it just stubbornly goes forward. The farm was like an island in a river, a sanctuary from the weary flux of events, sure, but not immune to them, for it was still set in an ever-changing stream.

It all started with Aaron. Thanks to Ava, he had started to taste the Reagan underneath the cow and had found her even more delicious than the Cream Pie he had been used to until then. That made him greedy. We noticed that something had changed between the two in the first months of that summer. At first, we worried, because it seemed that the cow wanted to avoid Aaron and in general she looked uneasy with him around. When we asked her if he had done something to her, though, the answer was the last we could expect: he had asked her to resign from the farm together with him, run away to some city where nobody knew either of them, and finally be a couple. We all mooed or neighed in awe, but Cream Pie did not seem so happy.

While Fudge hugged her from behind and softly kissed her neck (ironically, they had become quite close), she explained to us that she was thrilled, of course, at the idea, but she was also terrified by it. It was true that she was not in danger anymore, because she had paid her debt to the people she had gotten involved with, but the outside world scared her nonetheless. She bluntly admitted that she was not sure it was a good idea to entrust her with freedom: the last time she had been free to do whatever she wanted with her life and body, she had risked overdosing herself. In the farm she was safe and she was in love. Why go away?

Of course, I agreed with her, hoping that Cupcake would too, but she just said that this kind of decisions could never be right if they were motivated only by fear. If Cream Pie wanted to be a cow, she had to own it. Fudge whinnied her approval. I spent the rest of the night in Cupcake's forelegs, trying to decide what her opinion meant for us. Within little more than a year she would be free to resume being a human again, so was she just saying that she would remain a cow because it was her free choice? Or was she warning me that I had decided to be a cow for good just because I was scared of the world? I turned my head to meet her gaze and a cryptic smile. I replied with a "damn you, devil!" look, making her moo-laugh. As her girlfriend, I had learned that she really could be "a dick", to quote her sister. She unnervingly enjoyed playing that kind of tricks with my mind.

A week later, Aaron decided to act. During the night he came in the barn and forced Cream Pie to face him:

"I understand that you are scared, believe me, I do." he whispered.

I imagined that Cream Pie, hidden by the hay, did not seem to think he could, because he added.

"Yes, I do, I am scared too. I keep thinking: what if it does not go well, what if she goes back into the tunnel of drugs and this time she does not make it out alive? It would all be my fault and, well, it would kill me too, Reagan." he admitted.

"The thing is, though, that this strategy of yours, to remain cooped up here, does not make sense. Do you seriously think that if you wanted to get it over with life and kill yourself, being here would stop you?"

Her moo said that she thought so.

"Ok, fine, so tell me, why do you want to be alive? To enjoy life, I presume, not to lose all the things that make it good. Well then: you are already killing yourself, at least partially. By being here, you deny yourself the very things you are afraid to lose! Like a life, with me! What we have here is amazing, sure, but it is just a bite of the cake!" he provoked her and then added, a little awkwardly "Pardon the pun."

She did not answer to that, prompting the man to go further.

"Reagan, there is only one way to keep yourself alive and it is to find a good reason to. I hope with all myself that our love is a good one, but even if it is not, you need to keep searching, because it's out there! If you stay here, you remain in a limbo: unable to kill yourself and yet not living either!"

Cupcake rose and so did the frequency of my heart beat.

"Come with me, Reagan. Choose life!"

I sat down too, just in time to see her moo yes and throw herself into his arms. I was happy for them, I really was, but I also knew that a storm was brewing as a consequence of that act of love.

I recommended to the two lovebirds that they presented the story to Aidan backwards: I remembered that he could be very vindictive and very effective in doing so too, when he felt betrayed. I did not want him to think that Aaron had conspired against him to steal his cow, so I suggested to Cream Pie that she notified him in advance and to Aaron that he staged fights with her, pretending that he wanted her to stay, that his job was great and he did not want to leave it. Cream Pie had also the brilliant idea of fighting with one of her regulars, which gave her a motive to leave the job.

Fortunately it all worked out. Cream Pie had not yet gone and somehow I, Cupcake and Fudge were already missing her. One night she revealed to us that the hardest part of leaving the farm was leaving us. We all teared up after that. She assured us that she would visit from time to time, to tell us how she was doing and would leave her number with Aidan, so that Fudge and Cupcake could find her when they went back to being human. This decision gave me a painful pang to my stomach. How many times would that happen? How many friends would I have to say goodbye to, because they would leave the farm and I could not?

"Yeah, I know it's a hard blow." said once Aidan, trying to console me, "However it is not different from what happens to humans all the time. They move, they change jobs... Life is made of goodbyes, for cows, humans and ponies alike."

He was right and so I got up from his lap, where he was gently stroking my hair and I kissed him. I would never have to say goodbye to my Aidan.

A month before Cream Pie was scheduled to bid us goodbye, her replacement came to the farm.

"So, why all the hush-hush on the new cow?" asked Kam to Ava, looking curiously to the barn front entrance, its doors wide open to welcome the livestock transport van coming slowly in, while the annoying beep that signaled its maneuvering in reverse tortured our ears.

"It's not like there's really anything to announce, is there?" was Ava's cynical reply "I mean, do you really care about who was this girl before Penny found her?"

We were all on our hooves, leaning against the wooden fence, waiting for the newcomer. On one hand we were excited to meet the new cow, on the other we were really depressed, knowing that it meant that Cream Pie was going to leave us soon.

Unexpectedly, it was Penelope the one who got off the van from the driver's seat. She was wearing a smug, vaguely haughty expression, which led me to think that this cow too, just like Cream Pie, was one of her failed models.

"Hi, guys! Ready to meet our new entry?" she asked theatrically.

We all mooed and whinnied in a way that sounded much like "do it already!", while the stable hands were showing polite curiosity. Well, Kam was not polite at all. As he absentmindedly stroked the bulge in his overalls where his cock had suddenly woken up, he was looking like a kid who has been promised a present. I guessed that, even if he was with Daria now, he still enjoyed the idea of fucking a new cow, possibly together with her.

"Well, then!" Penelope said, raising her voice and opening the van's doors.

We all held our breath for a second and... Nothing happened.

"Jesus, she's still asleep!" Aidan's wife exclaimed in disbelief, once she checked inside the cattle truck. In hindsight, that should have prepared me for what happened next.

"Come on, dear, wake up! We're here!" we heard her say.

A neigh! We cows looked at each other in the eye and then all at Fudge, who was petrified. Our worry for her distracted us from the main event: making the truck dampers creak, the newcomer got off and ran in our direction, too fast for us to do anything but retreat a little. I was just realizing that she had a dark coat and a light mane, when she leaped on the fence, putting a hoof on top of it for support, and jumped on Cupcake. The two fell together on the hay behind.

Everybody was screaming now. Ava had her hands on her mohawk and seemed the happiest woman on earth when she shrieked:

"Oh, Penny!"

I and Cream Pie were mooing loudly, shocked by the assault.

Kam was limiting himself to a "What the fuck?", while Penelope was yelling quite worried:

"Irish Coffee! Are you out of your mind?"

Cupcake was mooing energetically too, but in a very different way from us. She was happy and angry, moved and scared, all at the same time, for Irish Coffee was no common ponygirl: it was her sister!

As Penelope and Ava rushed to check on her and Cupcake, in the confusion I had the chance to see her body in all its beauty. She was now sporting a blonde mohawk of short dreadlocks, exactly the same color of the cream on the drink. The same was true for her tattoos, which were made with a white ink that blended a little with her natural skin shade. On her lower back, below her name, she displayed the limerick "I got spirit and never tire, just need your cream to go on fire!", while between her hips and just above her bush she had the script "If you can read this, I've drunk enough whiskey!" and finally, on the back of her thighs, to mock the opponents behind her in races, there were "Consolation" and "Prize", with the first word spread in two lines.

"Don't..." Penelope was yelling, landing the crop on her ass with all her strength.

"Do..."

Irish Coffee was neighing in pain, as her butt and her thighs were being covered in welts, no matter how she tried to wiggle out of the hay.

"That..."

She did not seem to regret one bit her choice about the proper way to greet her cow sister, even as she sobbed.

"Ever again!" concluded Penelope, annoyed by her pony's disobedience on their very first day.

While Cupcake covered her sister in kisses, Ava knelt in front of them, clearly with the intent of checking Irish Coffee out from up close.

"I can't believe that you actually bought her, Penny!" she murmured in awe.

"Well, it's the least I could to, seeing how much you have done for me!"

A neigh interrupted their affectionate conversation: it was Fudge's of course and it clearly meant that she could not believe Penelope's decision either.

The woman, turned around immediately, a sorry look on her face.

"Oh no, my love, you have nothing to worry about!" she said, taking the pony's chin in her hands.

Fudge tried to get free of her hold, but her owner was too determined and kissed the pony with passion.

"Don't be jealous, I bought her for you too, you know? This way you will have a mate! Remember how much Ava loved to have one?" whispered Penelope, stroking her mane.

Fudge whinnied in a way that conveyed that she did not need one. Tears where now about to overflow her beautiful eyes.

"And she will allow you to focus on short races, where you shine best!"

It still was not working.

"And, more importantly, she's going to stay only if you like her. I want us to be a threesome, but we are entering this journey as a couple!"

Fudge's eyes suddenly stared, as hypnotized, at her owner's.

"From what I've been told by Ava, perfection can still be improved and what we have can become even better! Think of Irish Coffe's breaking as a date to which we are both going!"

With that, Fudge looked more convinced, albeit not completely. She knelt next the new arrival and gave her a tentative lick on the cheeks, now wet with tears, both from the whipping and the joy of the reunion with Cupcake.

"Well done!" complimented Ava, fetching a sugar lump from her pockets.

She was addressing both her horses when she added:

"And the two of you better know that I won't play favorites! Just 'cause you are my hero's foal, it doesn't mean that I will go easy on you!"

Time proved her right. Irish Coffe's breaking was just as hard as Fudge's. The new pony was isolated in her corral, while the palomino slept with us. I assumed that the presence of her sister would help, even if there was not much contact, but it turned out that Cupcake was a source of anxiety just as much as Ava's expectations: my girlfriend revealed to me that she and her sister could be quite competitive with each other, so it was hard for Cupcake to convince Irish Coffee that she was proud of her.

I believe that Irish Coffee's rock bottom was reached just before Cream Pie's departure. Seeing her friend leaving, changed Fudge's attitude towards the "intruder". Up until then, she had just showed disdainful indifference for Penelope's new pony, which was the best she could do out of respect for Cupcake. Now, however, her mind was dealing with worries I knew all too well.

She revealed to us that in principle she had intended to stay a pony only as long as needed to raise a sufficient amount of money to pay for her college. As all best laid plans do, this went sideways almost immediately when she had a chance to get to know her owner. She had been told that their relationship would be a very close one, but the young girl had not been expecting to fall in love with her! And yet it happened, shifting dramatically her priorities. To make matters worse, Fudge really enjoyed being a pony, the sense of relief that her carefree life implied, the freedom and pride that running and being ridden gave her, the admiration of the crowds... She had never felt so beautiful and sexy, which was good, because she had also never felt so horny! So, she had decided to remain Penelope's pony as long as she could, presumably until her mid-thirties. Just like me, though, this entailed a good amount of goodbyes with cows who would stay only for a few years.

Irish Coffe, however, was different from any other newcomer. Money was not what had brought her there with us, she was a real ponygirl, one who really wanted to be a horse. What if Fudge had just been handed over an occasion to make a friend who would stick along for the ride? Therefore, she decided to be more friendly and supportive with the newcomer, and this made all the difference. Oddly enough, Irish Coffee began seeing the older pony as a big sister, so to speak.

After that, her breaking went smoothly and when it was finally over, the two ponies were ready for the next challenge: spending actual time together. They mostly went along, but there were some incidents: they made each other skittish a few times and once they even reared up, threatening each other with their hooves.

"There's something that's not working with the new pony, but I don't know where I'm going wrong" Ava was musing with Penelope one night, just outside my breeding room, so that I could overhear while a middle-aged guy was slowly pounding my asshole, savoring the pleasure.

"Yeah, it's not your fault really. I know exactly what it is." Penelope replied.

Silence.

"We are not clicking. She's does not like me much." Aidan's wife explained.

"Well, of course that happens a lot, for obvious reasons, but I thought she was happy with me and you!"

"Nope, just with you, she has an adoration for you, haven't you noticed?" replied Penelope, amused by her friend's blindness.

Clearly not.

"Come to think of it, this is the solution!" she said excitedly "We just need to swap our roles: you should be her mistress and I her trainer!"

"What? But I couldn't, I mean..."

"Do you like her?"

"Well, yeah, she's even hotter than her mom, but..."

"Oh, Ava, even though you've been a pony, that doesn't mean you can't be a wonderful mistress!" Penelope encouraged her.

"But I don't own her, Penny!" Ava protested.

"You are right, we ought to set things right. How about this? I'm gonna give her to you, as a present..."

"What?" Ava shouted disconcerted, interrupting her.

Damn it! The customer was cumming!

"And since you don't have a farm," the other went on, more loudly to prevent Ava from protesting further, "I'll rent our facilities to you for a good slice of her earnings! This way everything is going to stay basically the same, except for a big bump in your salary!"
"But..."

"Look Ava, it's either this, or I sell her. I don't need a pony who doesn't behave."

"No, don't!" Ava begged her.

"So, will you accept my gift?"

I did not hear the following words, but I guessed that they were hugging from the noises.

"Wait, how do you train Irish Coffee? I mean, no offense, but..."

"Hey, I've picked up a lot of things from you! Anyway, you will teach me and tell me what to do. After all, the services that Irish Coffee needs from her horse breaker are more psychological than anything."

"Yeah, but it is a full-time job!"

"Sure, and some of it will still fall on you, but don't worry. I'm scaling down my personal involvement with the agency: I'm sick and tired of dealing with fickle brats. As soon as I stop chasing jobs for them and finding ways to satisfy their whims, I'll have plenty of time on my hands! The only reason why I don't sell it, is because it's a fantastic source of future cheap cows!"

I did not know what else they said to each other, because Kam came to fetch me, but I could see its consequences. To their utter surprise, the two ponies were briefed about the change of Irish Coffee's ownership. At first the latter did not seem very happy, interpreting it as a rejection, but then Penelope said:

"It's not what you think, dear. You are a present to Ava, to whom I'll be forever grateful for bringing Fudge into my life. As you should know by now, owning you is basically a dream come true for her!"

By the way Ava was being emotional, it was clear to everyone that Aidan's wife was right. Even though Penelope's time in the stables was still limited at the beginning, the new arrangement started bearing fruit almost immediately, in more ways than one. Irish Coffee was not only more obedient, but more motivated too. Ava, on her part, changed completely her attitude with her. The woman who had seemed to me exclusively made of sharp edges, was now sweet and caring. I mean, she had always been caring, but in a much more subtle way. Maybe the best words to describe her were "genuinely happy", for the first time since I had met her. Her finances benefited from the deal too. I noticed new cool and expensive clothing on her. One day when we were alone in the barn, I whistled to her in an allusive way.

"Like what you see?" she asked, quite pleased.

At that I eyed the pony's enclosure.

"Oh, yeah, I'm flush with money now that I reap part of Irish Coffee's earnings." she admitted and then said, more to herself than me, "Penny is right, it does feel good to sell her ass, it really makes you feel like you own her..."

I mooed in a way that sounded like "That's so romantic!", but in a sarcastic way. That made her blush and blurt:

"Yeah, maybe don't tell that to Cupcake..."

I shrugged: of all people, Cupcake was the least likely to see that as offensive. Relieved, Ava gave in to her newfound enthusiasm again:

"Anyway, I'm saving to buy this!" she said, showing on her phone a picture of a carriage for ponygirls.

It was very different from Penelope's, which Ava borrowed to ride with her pony, in that this model had a modern design. It was very minimalist and light, painted glossy black and outrageously bright pink. All in all, it was bold, rebellious and controversial, just like anything she wore anyway, so I gave her an approving moo, to her delight.

"Thanks, Gumdrop!" she said in a good mood, fetching her crop, "Now, turn around and show your butt: cows don't whistle!"

I sighed and complied, but I was spared from my punishment because Daria was bringing the ponies back from the breeding rooms and needed help. They were both laugh-whinnying about something. Now that they were not really competitors, the two ponygirls had slowly become friends. After all, they did share interests and personality traits, so it had been just external factors that had come in the way until then.

Anyway, in all of this drama, Cupcake was beyond happy to have her sister with us. Together they bickered a lot, but in a hilarious way. One of the first days in which Irish Coffee was allowed to be with us, for example, they fought because Cupcake maintained that the pony's limerick was a rip-off of her tattoo and that led to a match of recriminations about things that each sister had supposedly stolen from the other one, going back to absurd disputes about toys from when they were very little.

From my point of view, it was quite endearing. I never had siblings, despite my wishes, and so the fact that Irish Coffee had stolen Cupcake's favorite plush when she was six, to me was just a testament of the time they had spent playing and going through the adventure of childhood together. Also, this opportunity gave me a less biased window on Cupcake's previous life. Apparently she was a bit of a stoner, as I suspected, because Irish Coffee said that her mother never thought that Cupcake could become a pony, for she smoked way too much to be good at sports. My girlfriend was needlessly embarrassed, for even her flaws were cute to me.

In good time the farm reached a new equilibrium. Aaron was sorely missed, but he was replaced by Ava's friend Daria: her relationship with Kam and her deep friendship with Ava made the three a great team. We all felt the benefits of that in our daily life. So, all in all my hopes were high: the presence of her sister and the way the farm was working could very well convince Cupcake to stay a cow for some more years!

Months passed and everything seemed to proceed smoothly. Actually this is an understatement: one day Aidan decided that he did not really need more money and so he stopped personally managing his investments, leaving that job to a consultant, in order to become a fulltime farmer and enjoy life. The fact that being with me had convinced a man who had spent his life getting richer to give up everything, just to tend to me, made me feel the luckiest girl, or rather cow, in the world.

The following spring, we met Fergie in a fair, but not where we expected her. We found our friend, sporting a black eye, in the pony race tracks, as the proud owner of "Red MenAss"! It had taken her a while, but she had finally come across the perfect ponygirl for her. Red MenAss was a tall pony with flaming curly red hair, of course styled in a short mohawk, a ton of freckles and piercing green eyes. She had a somewhat cunning expression, accentuated by her slightly asymmetric mouth that always seemed on the verge of a shrewd smile. Both the bald sides of her head were tattooed with a stylish script: on the left, it spelled "Ride Wild" and, on the right, "Wild Ride", so that the words had the same specular position. They were appropriate, because we learned that she had a really short temper and, before becoming a pony, she had had many counts for underage drinking and drunken and disorderly behavior.

"Isn't she just gorgeous? And so wild: check this out!" Fergie said, introducing the pony to us and proudly pointing at her black eye, "She's the cutest sociopath!"

Red MenAss gave our ponies a wicked smile, while Fergie absentmindedly played with her golden nipple rings with dreamy eyes. For the first time, our otherwise proud ponies looked a little frightened. And with reason. Red MenAss was fast. Just when we were hoping to have Fudge finally arrive first, the poor pony had to watch Red MenAss skinny ass cut the finish line before her. Her thighs read "NO" and "PE".

Later that day, Fergie challenged me to a rodeo, as usual, and I gladly accepted. This time I tried a move that I had conceived with Ava during the winter and managed to unsaddle her quite fast, impressing the audience. As our little tradition required, we ended up having sex afterwards and then a little chat.

"You know, I look forward to this every year!" she whispered with a content look on her face, astride me, with her chin resting on my huge udders.

I mooed that I felt the same. There was something off with her, so I also mooed a question.

"Yeah, sorry, it's fitting to say that I'm in a wild ride of emotions lately." she admitted, lowering her eyes "I broke up with Pete a couple of months ago."

I mooed in a sorry way and then asked who left who with my eyes: we now quite understood each other.

"I left him, but it was his fault anyway..."

Did he cheat on her? Did it even makes sense to talk about cheating, considering that she was currently fucking a sexy 18-year-old? Maybe they shared Red MenAss, though.

"Apparently the piece of shit paid off the technician who performed my analyses, you know, those for the cow transformation, to force me into staying human."

So Cupcake had been right! I was not sure how to feel about this.

"Yeah, it seems romantic, right? Everyone told me that, even my dad! But it wasn't! He forced me to do what he wanted, not I, he!"

Yes, that was just wrong, so I mooed my angry agreement.

"The funny thing is, the moron thought it was very romantic too! I found out because I was there, talking to him and saying that I was really enjoying being in charge of the farm, when he blurted out the truth!"

I mooed quizzically.

"Ah, yes, my dad wants me to run it, so he's giving me free rein. Anyway, I was telling Pete that not becoming a cow had not been bad at all, that maybe I was never fit to be a cow. I have too strong a personality, you know, I'm too energetic to become a meek animal. Even though I love the idea of being a cow, I've always known that, on some level, and that's why I had decided only at the last minute to follow my sisters' paths."

I had to agree again: she was a wonderful farmer.

"Yeah, thanks Gumdrop: you know, teaching you how to be a cow has been fundamental to help me understand this side of me. I'll be forever grateful for that: I know that we've spent very little time together, but you are my friend, for what I'm concerned."

I licked her face happily to express my reciprocation, making her smile and kiss my forehead.

"Anyhow, I was opening my heart to the douche-bag, when he interrupts me and reveals his treachery, all proud of himself. I was aghast! I trusted him, I really did! I felt so stupid, so weak! I even fell on the ground, if you can believe it!"

I had never been betrayed that way, so I could only imagine how it felt and I mooed in a consoling way.

"He tried to lift me up and I slapped him in his stupid smug face! Not because I was not a cow, you know? Maybe he was right, maybe it was better this way, maybe he loved me too much to lose what we could do together and was impossible for a cow, but it had to be my choice! Mine! He could have talked to me, convinced me, but he was too cowardly, he feared that he would lose the argument and make me angry. Can you believe it? He treated me like a child!"

At that, I hugged her. He had humiliated my friend and now I was furious too.

"So, after this, I was kind of lost, you know," she went on "I talked to my sisters, I talked to my dad but the best answers came from my pony. I spend a lot of time with her, we ride in the country... It's just as cool as I always imagined. Well, she's just cool, I guess. So there we are, I tell her that maybe I am still in time to become a cow, and she suddenly rears up, neighing in anger and hits me in the face with her fore hooves. I fall on the ground and realize that nothing has changed: I am her owner, how could I even think about becoming a cow? Who would take care of her? Who would ride with her? I want to do those things and would never let anyone else do them! So, in a way, I'm good, no regrets," she concluded shrugging.

I replied with a shrewd smile and taunting moo.

"Yeah and I'm kind of madly in love with her too!"

Speaking of love, Cupcake's third birthday was approaching. With Irish Coffee's money, their parents were now out of trouble, so in principle she could cease to be a cow. She had not told me anything, though, and therefore I just assumed that she would remain. That did not make me any less relieved when she came back from Aidan's office the day of her yearly examination, confirming my suspicions.

That night she asked me to do some serious talk, plunging me in anxiety again. She asked me to let her speak and not interrupt her until the end. She said that she still loved me as much as ever and that posed a problem, because she did not want to remain a cow for good. Sure, she liked the life, but she wanted more from her future. So, at first she feared that she had to choose between me and going back to be human. It looked like an impossible choice. However, the recent events had made her realize something important and conceive a solution.

She thought that there was something wrong in my relationship with Aidan: in particular, she feared that he was not really in love with me, but rather he had deceived himself that he was. At that I tried to protest, but she glared at me and I let her continue. She said that, in her opinion, if he was actually in love with me, he would just have chosen to be with me, maybe in secret or maybe leaving Penelope. Instead, even though it was my idea in the first place, he let me become a cow. What he really loved, then, was the cow, not me.

He had gone through incredible lengths to hide from himself whatever made me, Leah, me. He had chosen not to hear what I said, forbidding me to even mime it, and he cast me out from his house, banishing me in a barn, an environment where he dictated the way I interacted with him. That was not loving me, in her opinion, but rather loving the idea of me as a cow. Did I enjoy being a cow? Sure, it seemed so, and therefore nothing had been forced on me. Did I want to stay a cow because I felt like it? Ok, she could accept that. However, she would not tolerate that I was not loved properly.

She concluded by proposing a deal. She was willing to accept that she might have been wrong about Aidan and, most importantly, she did not want us to break up because of that disagreement. So, she asked me to keep an open mind, think seriously about the issue and heed her observations in the future. On her part, she would do the same with me and allow me to try to convince her that Aidan actually loved me. In any case, she would not leave my side until the matter was settled, no matter how much time it would take. Then, if it turned out that she was right, we would think together about our future, possibly outside the farm. After all, she felt that without Aidan being a cow would be much less attractive for me. On the other hand, if it turned out that she was wrong, she did not know what she was going to do, but at least, in case she decided to leave me, she would be sure that I was going to have a happy life, with somebody loving me as much as Cupcake did.

I was very moved by her speech and so I accepted her deal, with a loving kiss and a hug as tight as our enormous udders would allow. After that, Cupcake composed an aureole with the hay and rested her head on it: "see, I have a savior complex too!" said her smug smile. I went down on her and we made love for the rest of the night.

21. Our way

Although we had big hooves, I and Cupcake managed to walk a very thin line for several months. Having someone continuously doubting the love for the man you have considered your soulmate for years is not nice, especially knowing that the criticism comes from a girl who wants you all for herself. At the same time, it must be hard to hear the woman you love explain to you why she wants to be with someone else and not you. However, by then we both trusted each other so much, that we kept our ends of the deal with very few fights, helped by Fudge and Irish Coffee, who we thought should be kept in the loop, to take advantage of their insights. It should be said that they were both far from impartial, but in ways that canceled each other out. Irish Coffee had taken a liking to me and she was clearly hoping that I would choose her sister. On the other hand, Fudge usually defended Aidan, perhaps unconsciously trying more to prove to herself that Penelope really loved her.

To be fair, nothing really happened for several months after that fateful night. I think that both of us did not really want to know the answer about our future straightaway, fearing that it might be apart from each other. After the winter, though, we began addressing the question, ever so slowly.

On my part, in order to prove my point (or Cupcake's inevitably), I began to make experiments on Aidan, gauging his reactions. For example, I tried to behave more like Leah and communicate my thoughts with a greater effort. He was not happy about that and reiterated that as a cow I had to stop thinking about all those things and just enjoy myself. He said that it was for my own good.

So, my point of view had to shift in order to prove Cupcake wrong: he wanted to make me happy, so he was stripping me of those things that would be in the way, like chunks of my human personality.

Cupcake said that the worst part of being a cow was that she would miss a great deal of those and she would be more than happy to know my flaws and the things that created conflicts with others in my life.

Then I replied that it was dangerous: what if I left Aidan and we both returned to society, finally able to speak to each other and do the things we liked, and then find out that we could not stand each other? Why risk our love, so pure, with a bunch of stupid details and frills?

Cupcake just replied that if those were actually stupid details and frills, they would never break us apart. We could still communicate with our eyes, have our telepathic conversation, and set aside our differences.

So, why was Aidan so afraid of them? I was convinced that he was not scared at all, he just loved the fantasy.

Cupcake, however, reminded me that he had said that he did not believe in marriage, because it ruined everything, not like owning your hucow. So there had to be things that could break us apart.

At that I retorted that this was valid for us too.

Cupcake smiled to me defiantly and replied something that could be transliterated as "yeah, and I'm willing to take this huge risk just to have more of you, while he's not!".

The first visit of Reagan did not help me either. Having a conversation with her talking felt weird, but at the same time our chemistry was still all there. She told us that her first year with Aaron had been a mess, but now at least they had finally known each other for real and had worked out their relationship: it was just a matter of realizing that it had changed from the days of the farm and needed tweaking here and there.

Anyway, they were in love and she was still clean. For the moment she was doing some porn, mainly to keep herself occupied, but she was studying to become a nutritionist: when she had to start eating anything that was not fake sperm, she had become passionate about the job of choosing the nutrients for a well-balanced diet even though, she revealed, her mouth still watered whenever Aaron came into her. All in all she seemed happy.

The final argument, the one that settled the matter, was one that Cupcake presented me at the end of the spring that followed the day of our deal. Why me? Why did Aidan love me? What was the difference between me and any other cow, if he kept making me behave with him like one? What if he had found or bought another girl so much into being a hucow, that she was perfect too? In a relationship, just because there are people who correspond exactly to someone's aesthetic tastes, it does not mean that any of them would do. Being a cow, on the other hand, is primarily a way to conceal things that are not superficial like beauty.

That time, I did not know what to reply. She was right. I loved him, truly, because I knew him. He had known me, but the moment he had started loving me, he had decided to stop exploring the universe that I was, while I never ceased to do so with him. He wanted a cow, not me.
It was a hard blow. A really hard one, especially because I still loved him very much, even though I now knew that it was not reciprocated, not really. On top of this, I had to see him every day. And fuck him every day. It was horrible, because in the heat of sex our chemistry was still all there and a part of me just wanted to pretend that the recent revelation was just a bad dream, that he felt what I felt. But all good things must end, one might say, and whenever our sexual energy was depleted, I was left with a burning scar in my heart, the knowledge that he did not love me and was not even himself aware of it.

This shitty situation even endangered my relationship with Cupcake: it was hard not to look at her and see the woman who had destroyed my love story. She gave me space, though, until I realized that my love story, the one that had begun the day I had become a cow, was and had always been, the one with Cupcake. The day I asked Aidan to buy her at the auction, I had made the best decision in my life.

The problem was: now what? I wanted to go far away from Aidan, I was sure only about that. But how? He would never sell both me and Cupcake to the same person and I could not get free anyway. We had to wait until the next fair to find an answer. I would like to add that in all of this Aidan never suspected anything. He had managed to distance himself so much from me, that his understanding of what was going on in my mind could have been as deep as the one he would have with a real cow. I cannot describe how hurtful that was.

At the fair, we asked for advice first to Cupcake parents, who told us that, since I could interrupt my contract whenever I wanted, I could just exploit Cupcake's impending inspection to relay a message to the inspector through her. Our plan was settled. Anyway, I did not feel ready to go back to being a human like that, all of a sudden. I needed time to adjust back. So I told everything to Fergie:

"Silly, you can come to our farm! I can take care of everything!" she said and kissed me.

The plan was now complete. I will never forget the day I left Aidan's farm.

"What on earth are you doing?" he asked the balding inspector who entered the barn, followed by a very smug Cupcake: she had won me, after all, managing to convert an otherwise straight girl, no less!

"One of your cows has asked to be released immediately." the inspector said, loping in my direction with a worried look.

"No she hasn't! How could she?" asked Aidan, flabbergasted.

"Through the other cow, Cupcake." replied curtly the man, now in front of me.

"What? And you believe her?" he protested, looking at me.

I smiled.

"No, of course, that's why I'm interrogating Gumdrop, here." assured the inspector, professionally, addressing me afterwards:

"Do you want to invoke the clause of your contract that ensures an immediate termination of your services for personal reasons? Jump for yes."

I jumped. Aidan was now agape.

"I have been told that a transportation has been arranged for you and Cupcake by her parents, am I correct?"

I jumped again, wondering why I could not just moo.

"Then, follow me."

As I exited from the gate of our enclosure, Aidan tried to stop me desperately:

"Gumdrop, dear, what's happening? If there's anything wrong with us, we can work it out!"

I did not even look at him and mooed in distress.

"Sir, I must ask you to leave Gumdrop alone!" said the stranger, sticking his chest proudly out: that must have been the most exciting inspection of his career.

Aidan retreated at once. I and my girl had already said our goodbyes the day before, so we just went out and, without further moos, we walked down the road, at the end of which we found Fergie and her van. It was not a cattle truck, so we could finally travel comfortably.

"Now, girls, " she said with a grin, as she turned on the engine "I have arranged a room for the both of you in my house, where you can stay as long as you want. I'll do everything I can to help you adapt."

We mooed our thanks. Cupcake had not had time for removing her device and must have communicated in writing with the inspector.

"Anyway, even though I am your friend, it is my duty as a farmer to try to convince you to become my cows, in order to exploit your bodies for my profit." she continued amiably "So, in the rest of our short trip, I will offer you a deal and, if you like it, you can sign a new contract as soon as we arrive. Otherwise, you can just enjoy my hospitality and relax in the sun."

I and Cupcake both looked at each other. Well, let her try her best!

The day after, both not quite sure how, we were Fergie's cows. Her farm was much different from Aidan's. She let us have a small stable just for the two of us, we were fed slop and, most importantly, as part of our deal, we had our moo-devices replaced with ones that could be turned off with a remote. This way, she let us have the opportunity to talk a little, at first once a week, and later more often, every day. We were also allowed a TV and stuff to read through a cow-friendly touch-screen.

She had also changed her business a little, ever since she had taken her father's place. Impressed by our antics when we cheered for Fudge and Irish Coffee, she had started to host a night show, not unlike one that you could find in a nightclub, but cow-themed. Her sisters enjoyed the opportunity to dance and put up a show and people were drawn closer to the brothel with a less extreme experience than sex with a hucow. Moreover, ever since she had adopted Aidan's policy of milking us every two hours, like we suggested her, her farm was producing much more milk. In general, business was good.

We remained cows for two more years. In the meantime, we grew closer with Fergie and understood the reason of our choice. I had not become a cow for Aidan only. I had done it because I was scared of being out there, in the world. I had been convinced that I had no place, that I was forever separated from the rest of the people by my tragedy and so it had made perfect sense to make that separation apparent and permanent.

I had been wrong. I was not separated, I had separated myself and not from humanity, but from my humanity. It had become a burden and I had fled from it. The tsunami was the kind of event that is just too much for an individual and the suffering of a human being is much worse than the one of an animal, because it is more complex, more sophisticatedly hurtful.

So I had tried to become less to hurt less. As a cow, though, I found out that I was not incapable of deep connections with others, that my suffering did not necessarily keep people away and, most importantly, that I just needed to care about people, even if the last ones I had cared for had died and left a bleeding hole in my heart. So, ironically enough, becoming a cow has taught me how to make peace with my humanity. I had to do it slowly, speaking with my lover a little by little, figuring out our future with her a little by little.

I had been right about Cupcake, who now I knew as Drea: the more I knew about her, the more I loved her. She was the one. As I said at the beginning of this story, I had had to adapt, but not by becoming something else, like what Aidan wanted me to, but by starting to see the world in a different light. I had to accept that, even though I was attracted to men, I could find true love in a girl, that sometimes a person can be so special, that her gender does not matter at all.

So, what is the end of the story? I have no clue. It has been four years since I and Drea have left Fergie's farm, even though, she being one of our closest friends, we are there very often. Moreover, she has a pool that we happily scrounge whenever we can!

By the way, she is now married. I will never forget the day of her wedding! I and Drea were at the RedHead Angus farm for Red MenAss' fourth pony-birthday, namely her fourth year as a pony, which came a few months after we had resumed being human. We were waiting for the pony's inspection to be over, so that we could ride to a field for a celebratory picnic. I was a little antsy about having Red tugging such a heavy carriage, but Fergie was reassuring me that the engine in the carriage would compensate it easily:

"What we should actually worry about is space!" she was saying, when her gaze drifted to a point behind us.

As we turned our heads, we saw the very same balding man who had freed me from Aidan's clutches, walking quite stiffly towards us. I looked at Drea and she at me to share the same unspoken thought: "It's not possible! She's leaving Fergie?".

"Ladies, if you could follow me, please?" he said, after clearing his throat in an embarrassed way.

Our friend was visibly worried. Anyhow, we went inside her house (she does not have an office, because she thinks that the very idea is soul-killing), and found Red with all her gear still on, for Fergie's relief.

"What's going on here?"

The pony just walked towards her, with her trademark wicked grin and talked, catching us all by surprise:

"Marry me, Fergie. Here and now." she whispered, with a confidence that I could never have, and most people too, for that matter.

Fergie did not even think about her answer:

"Fuck yeah!" she said, just before pulling her much taller pony's nipple rings down in order for her to bend down and kiss her.

I was agape. They basically had just met!

"Well," murmured Cupcake in my ear hugging me "that's a great deal of overthinking they just spared each other!"

The two gingers made out shamelessly for a while, before they were interrupted by the inspector clearing his throat:

"Well, we are here..."

"Come on, man, just get it over with and marry us!" Red MenAss impatiently commanded.

"I... Well, yes. Miss Angus, you should know that I am ordained..." he started, but Fergie interrupted him:

"Sure sure, how does it work? Do I have to sign something?"

"Wait, what about a ceremony?" I asked.

"Fuck ceremonies, Gumdrop!" sneered Red MenAss, who still was not used to my human name.

I looked at Drea, who happily shrugged: she enjoys breaking traditions.

"Well, then, will you, Fergie Angus, take..."

"Yes, you deaf or something?" interjected Red, quite annoyed.

"Yes, sir, I love this short-tempered pony with all my heart." confirmed our friend before he could protest.

"Ok, let's continue... I'm sorry, I really have to ask out loud," he meekly defended himself, intimidated by the pony, "will you, Cassidy Brady, take this woman as you lawfully wedded..."

"Yeah!?" she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Ok, well then, sign here." he said, a little irritated by the whole thing.

Fergie signed while Red MenAss or, as I just learned, Cassidy, was stripped of one of her hooves to do the same. When it was all done, the inspector took his leave and we ran to hug the two happy brides.

"This was all so... Romantic!" commented Drea with a big smile, pretending to be moved by the ceremony.

"You are both crazy!" I said, shaking my head in fake disbelief, "I can't think of a better paired couple!"

"Oh, yeah, speaking of which, I also have a gift for you!" said the pony, moving away a little.

"A gift too?" asked Fergie elated, intertwining her fingers on her chest, oddly resembling a little girl at her birthday party.

"Yeah, this!" replied Red MenAss moving her hooves along her body up and down, biting her lip in a lewd way, "I asked for a change of inspector. From now on, it's going to be the dude you pay not to inspect shit!"

Fergie was now jumping with tears in her eyes. Was she actually more moved by owning Red than the marriage proposal? Knowing her, the answer was a definite yes.

"So, from now on, you can do whatever the fuck you want to me," the horse whispered approaching her again, "for as long as you want!"

Fergie smiled mischievously and went on tiptoes to kiss her again, murmuring:

"Hell yeah!"

I and my girlfriend just looked at each other, not wanting to intrude on their moment. I was blushing a little, remembering how I had recklessly renounced my freedom for Aidan. Drea hugged me and whispered:

"Don't worry, I don't plan on owning you. Just your heart!"

After that, Fergie remotely reactivated the device that made Red MenAss neigh every time she used her voice, not before asking how she wanted to spend their first day as a married couple. It turned out that Red did not feel like celebrating with Fergie's family just yet and would have rather stuck to the original plan of a picnic. I had the feeling that most of all, she wanted to take us all for a ride. So we mounted Fergie's carriage, with Drea sitting on my lap and squealing amused whenever we hit a bump in the road. It was so weird witnessing our friend whipping her whinnying wife as she pulled us all towards the fields!

Their relationship is now just as strong as it was that day. Cassidy is 26 (8 in ponygirl years) and is still her prized pony: she even competed internationally a couple of times. Last year, I asked Fergie how long she planned on keeping her wife a pony.

"Oh, Leah, this girl is going to be my horse for as long as she can pull a carriage!" she said, laughing and absentmindedly fingering Red MenAss, who in turn kissed her neck and mocked me with her smile.

At first, I worried that my friend was making the same mistake as Aidan. A little later though, when we were alone, I voiced my concerns and Fergie revealed to me, somewhat embarrassed, because... Well, she's Fergie, that when we moved in her farm and asked to be able to talk to each other, we inspired her to install a new neighing device on her pony, taking advantage of a visit to the veterinary. After that, she had actually been secretly deactivating it remotely, so that she could talk to her soon-to-be wife from time to time. At first, it was a sporadic thing, but, as months passed, it had to become a daily habit, because they had just so much to tell each other!

They now live all by themselves in a small two-storied building in the farm grounds: the upper floor is an apartment and the ground floor is a stable/bedroom. Fergie slides down a pole to go to sleep with her pony on a big hay-bed every night, just like a fireman!

As for Reagan and Aaron, they don't believe in marriage, but they are still together and we visit each other when we can, even though they live a little far from here. It is a real pity, because a couple of years ago they found themselves unexpectedly expecting! They believe that their contraceptive solution must have failed without anyone noticing at some point. Anyhow, it does not matter to anyone: now they have a little boy named Skyler, in honor of the friend of Reagan's who overdosed when she was seventeen. Aaron is just adorable with him. Whereas children sometimes disrupt a couple's life, in this case it was the opposite: the little boy brought a newfound stability in theirs. In our first visit after the baby's birth, while Aaron was changing Skyler's diaper, Reagan explained to us why:

"Don't get me wrong, I love Aaron, I really do, but now I'm absolutely certain that I will never use again, and it's all because of Skyler."

Aaron added his own piece of wisdom when he came back:

"You wouldn't believe how much a baby shits even though their diet is just comprised of their mom's milk!"

Penelope and Aidan, on the other hand, are still a mystery to me. A part of me wishes I could forget all about them, but Drea's sister is still a pony at the "Milk 'Em and Shake 'Em" farm, so I end up knowing a lot of gossip.

The circumstances of the termination of my contract there turned Aidan in a bit of a pariah in the scene. So he returned to finance and let his wife become a more acceptable face of the brothel for a few years, during which his fake semen has become the standard feed for hucows (and pony alike now): even Fergie uses it. Then, after the dust had settled a bit, he managed to score two cows for himself, possibly thanks to his wife, and went back to his life as a farmer.

They are two gorgeous identical twins named Lollipop and Popsicle, in honor of their oral fixation. Their hair is respectively bright red and neon green. This has led me to think that he tried to replicate what he had with me, apparently with success, since it has been four years already and they are still there. According to Irish Coffee, they both adore him and have some daddy issues, which is fitting considering that his age was three times theirs when they started. Every time we see each other at the fairs, we act civil, but now I recognize that he just took advantage of me, even if it has taken me some time to get there.

Fudge never went to college after all, and is still Penelope's pony. At 28, she is considered a pony in the middle of her career, even though in five years or so she will probably have to retire from the races and choose between being a pet pony or go back to living as human, a rich one at that. What will happen then? She does not know and at the moment she does not care. She loves Penelope and she has been promised a job in the farm with her, if she wants it. The question remains though. Now her owner is 51 and, even though she still looks as a hot cougar, the difference of age is starting to be problematic, I think. Moreover, there is no indication that Penelope will ever leave her husband.

Yes, against all odds they are still together. With this I mean not divorced. One might argue that they probably were not really together already when I was his cow, but still they live in the same house, they spend their time in each other's company and do all the things one expects from a couple. So, as I said, they are a big mystery.

Irish Coffee matured a lot in these few years, athletically speaking. She really is champion now. Whereas Fudge has good results in the national competitions at the fairs, Drea's sister went international at four (in ponygirl years). Ava is perhaps the proudest horse breaker you can possibly meet. Contrarily to Fudge, Drea's sister does not hold any hope of being with Ava when she retires, considering that now her owner has been in a relationship with another ex-pony for six years and they even had a child together. However, she loves Ava deeply and she is loved back just as much. It is a strange, beautiful feeling the one that indissolubly links a ponygirl and her mistress.

To conclude this account on my former farm, Kam and Daria broke up and the first left his job too. I have no idea of what happened to him and frankly I don't care.

I started my journey as a cow alone, perhaps looking for a herd, because I could not be the girl who lost all her family anymore. These people I have met, Drea, Reagan, Aaron, Irish Coffee, Fudge, Ava, Fergie and Cassidy, are not blood and I have had sex with each and everyone of them, but they are my family now, crazy and seriously fucked up, and I love them all.

As for me and Drea, we still have our enormous boobs and we have both decided to keep them: as for me, I've worked too hard to get them to ever even considering getting rid of them. They shrank a little, after we removed our milk-enhancers, but luckily not much. So we have to dress with bespoke clothing, but that is fine: it allows us to exert our creativity and invent our look. We also kept our gear, the tattoos and the piercings, even though our nose rings now are smaller (they just reach our mouth) and more elegant. We are not ashamed of our past, neither we regret it. Quite the contrary, since it brought us together and repaired my soul. In fact, we still go to all the fairs and we have and proudly display a lot of pictures from those six years we spent as cows. I am particularly fond of one featuring one of my rodeos and one with me and Cupcake asleep in each other's forelegs.
As we grew once again accustomed to normal food, we both realized that we missed sweets more than anything (especially Drea) and so we decided to invest part of our money into opening a small coffee shop where we bake our own cakes. Apparently, it had always been a passion of Drea's and, after attending some courses, we managed to set up a nice place. It's cozy and small and sends a very strong vibe of a family business. Its walls are covered with books, since we both love to read. We called it "A cow knows". As for now, we are doing good: our boobs attract a lot of horny teenagers!

We also moved into a house together and that has gotten us into some fights, because, let's face it, Drea is a huge slob. She has resumed smoking (probably too much) weed, which she now has managed to hook me on too. We are very different and there were a lot of aspects of each other that we had never known and would have never discovered had we remained cows, some good and some bad, but whenever they come in the way, we stop talking and just look at each other in the eye. It has worked every time.

Will it last? We are confident that it will, but if it does not, there is still hope. We now know that there is a place for us in the world and we are certain that our places are very close anyway. The world is our stable.

THE END

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An afterword:

We finally reached the end of Gumdrop's journey. I want to thank all the readers who stuck with me until the end and all the people who commented, encouraging me to continue. This (short) novel has been a first for me in many ways: it is in English and is Erotica. I hope that I did a good job and, besides entertaining the reader, I managed to say something original and meaningful about the fetishes depicted.

For this reason, I welcome any comments: what are your thoughts? What did you not like? Are you satisfied with the ending?

I am currently working on a BDSM novella, but I still have stories in my head set in Gumdrop's fictional universe, with cats (and possibly bulls) in particular. I don't know whether I should write more on the topic, because it feels to me that I said all I had in my mind. So, if you have suggestions about new themes and aspects of extreme pet play you would like to read about in this context, just write me!