"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation; it means understanding that something is what it is and that there's got to be a way through it." - Michael J. Fox

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Leaning against the marble tiled shower wall like he was holding it up, Dan let it all go. Let it all go. With his head tilted down, he smiled to himself with the enjoyment of letting the hot water from the shower pour over his head, roll off and fall drop by drop to the floor. As he watched the water swirl around the drain before going down, he considered it a perfect metaphor for where he was in his life. But it was calming. Until the hot water ran out and turned cold. He dried himself off and put on his robe. Now it was time for the lecture. It was time for some truths and acceptance after the fact.

Looking in the mirror, he gave himself a quick once-over, and speaking to his reflection, "Well, here we are again. Admit it to yourself now and acknowledge the truth... because the truth, Dan my friend, will set you free."

Decisions had to be made. Any thoughts of self-pity from now on we're going to be dismissed as pathetic, non-productive behavior. Don't do anything rash, but do something. Put a pen to paper and write down some sort of plan. Look at all the options. Divorce? Not this time. There would be no divorce.

To confirm that Dan spoke to his reflection, "Get real, you have it all here. But you didn't do it alone. Carrie was by your side the whole way. And now you depend on her. Your sort of stuck, sucker."

The face that reflected back to him turned stern and the voice hard demanding, "Make peace with this thing, Dan. It's over. If you don't, it's going to slowly rot you inside-out..."

Then the fact check. "Let's cut to the chase, your not going anywhere. You know she loves you. You know it. And you love her. That's something to work with. A beginning anyway. So are we done here? Because I want to go to bed. No more nonsense. No Divorce. The end! Final! "

That guy in the mirror seemed pretty convinced, but how I was going to live with Carrie and that decision?

That wasn't so clear.

Dan paused a moment to study his appearance in the mirror with a critical eye. Was he an attractive man? Did women consider him an attractive man? Leaning over the sink while twisting his head this way and that to examine his face for flaws, he continued the conversation with himself, "Now, if you're are going to move forward with Carrie, you have a really big inconvenient truth to accept. You already know the truth in your heart, but you have to make it real. You can't move forward without a reality check can you?"

Dan looked into the mirror with a mixture of resolve, regret, and sorrow by listening to an inner truth that could not be denied. So with surrender, he made it real by speaking the words aloud to his image in the mirror, "Be honest with yourself, it's not Carrie's fault you don't do it for her. That ball's in your court. That's your problem, not hers."

Man, that hurt to acknowledge. That cut a real as a knife. Down to the bone.

As he backed up from the mirror absorbing the truth of his own counsel, Dan sighed and gave himself no mercy, "You're pretty much a dumb fuck, you know that, right? How could you have lived with this woman for so many years and not know how to rock her world? But even a dumb fuck can learn to man-up. So man-the-fucking-up and stop being angry at Carrie because you can't do the job dipshit. Why are you hurting, because you're second best? Hell, you may not be even in the top one hundred, or top one thousand, or the top million even. Anyway, besides this sex stuff recently, she's been a good wife and a good mother. That's solid gold.

And can't you see she must really love you. She must love you something crazy. Think about it. Try and remember all the sex you've ever shared together. You couldn't count the number of times. And throughout all those years together, Carrie fake it with you to protect your feelings. She sacrificed herself for your ego.

Poor Carrie knew you were giving it your all, giving it your best shot and she didn't want to hurt your feelings by letting you know you weren't doing it for her. Yeah, she should have said something but isn't that just like Carrie. Being considerate and all.

That is a lot of unselfish love for a woman to give any man. How many women do you know, would fake it for you like that? Every moan of pleasure your ears heard or every display of passion Carrie displayed was faked. Sure that hurts to hear but you know it's true. And just to be married to you? Seriously, get real. Carrie loves you.

The end.

Accept it, you just can't do it for her like her fantasy man. Live with it. The song remains the same. Get on with your life and be happy. You know sex isn't everything. I guess..."

"

Carrie was in bed, rolled over to one side. With her right arm propping up head in hand, she lay quietly alone with her thoughts. She heard Dan mumbling something to himself in the bathroom. It wasn't unusual after he got out of the shower, he would talk to himself in the mirror of their bathroom.

She considered them pep talks to himself. Before he would start any new projects around the house she would know about them weeks in advance because of these talks with himself after a shower. She had heard him many times while checking out her phone waiting for him to come to bed. "...it's not going to get done if you don't start it. You're going to need a least 3 gallons of paint..maybe 4...." Those 5 minutes after a shower was where Dan would turn over ideas to formulate plans that could be turned into action. She felt a sense of comfort hearing him as he mumbled to himself in their bathroom.

Carrie had plenty of time to think about what she had done to Dan over the past two weeks, but tonight made it real. To see her husband having sex with another woman had been devastating. How could he have done that to her? Then almost immediately it flipped back on her, how could she have done that to him?

Watching the bathroom door intensely for Dan to come out was her focal point, but her thoughts were all over the place. "At least he's home. I can start working on fixing this now. How did I get into this mess? Less than 3 weeks ago I had everything. Now I am struggling to save my marriage to a man I know I can't be without. It's not just the love between us, it's also the companionship we share. I'm struggling to save that friendship. We had our own world. He trusts me so much. At least he used to. I just pray I can regain that trust. And I promise, never again. Never, ever again. I swear to God if we can just move past this...."

So many thoughts were zipping through her mind, but there was one thought just under the surface and couldn't quite break through. And in between all those random thoughts, that one that was below the surface would make its presence known to Carrie by hinting during pauses of the inner voice's consul. About tonight. Like there was something she missed. It definitely had something to do with tonight and Janet. Something was off. She could feel she almost had it, but her inner voice would reassure Carrie saying, "It must not be important, it will come to you later." Then the bathroom door opened.

Dan looked at her briefly and smiled before he flicked off the light which left the bedroom in total darkness. Carrie heard Dan mover over to his dresser, open a drawer and pulled out something to wear in bed. After putting on some old track pants and a t-shirt, Dan slipped under sheets and mirrored Carrie position turning on his side propping up his head with his hand to face her.

The room was dark except where the curtain was open allowing some illumination in from the street lights. What small amount of light that came through, fell across their bed and allowed each to view each other. Their king size bed allowed both enough space to keep their distance comfortably. Looking a Carrie, Dan knew he should say something, " You want to talk Carrie?"

Carrie looked at her husband but didn't say a word. Slowing Carrie started moving her way towards Dan side of the bed. Dan looked at her come toward him, what the heck was she doing now. When she reached the middle Carrie spoke softly, "Scoot over to the center of the bed Dan." Dan did as he was told. Carrie moved right next to him face to face and kissed him gently on the lips. Then she took his hand in hers, quickly turned over, and pulled his arm around her so they were spooning. She tucked his arm into her body, she kissed his hand and said, "Welcome home husband. I've missed you. Goodnight."

"I missed you too, wife. Goodnight."

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Dan drove to work hoping the day would go by fast. It was Friday and he was tempted to call in sick but he thought it better Carrie had some space to think alone after last night. Pulling into the parking lot of his workplace, Dan slipped into his spot and turned the engine off. There was a tap on the passenger side window. When Dan looked over and there was Janet smiling with a disposable tray holding a couple of paper cups

of coffee. She was looking really good. Dan smiled to himself, leaned across, opened the door, "Good morning beautiful, nice to see you again.''

Janet handed Dan the tray and scooted in and closed the door. Turning back to face Dan who still had his hands full with the tray, she moved her hands to his chest and gave him a passionate kiss. Dan was surprised and a bit flustered at first, but quickly allow himself permission to go with the flow. When she pulled back, Janet took one of the coffees for herself and the other for Dan so he could put the tray away. Dan took his coffee and flipped the tray over his shoulders into the back seat. Janet laughed at that and said, "So did you and your wife enjoy yourselves last night?"

Dan looked at Janet. Wow. Just wow. Glancing briefly at the time on the dash, it was 8:25 in the morning. And Janet was...so beautiful. Dan felt like he was in love again. The feeling anyway. What does love feel like anyway? When you see that special someone and your heartbeat's faster. You feel different inside when you are near them. When they're not with you, you miss them. You want to touch them. Not just for sex, but to be close in an intimate way.

"First off, I want to say thank-you for last night. You are quite an amazing woman. I don't know if I will ever get over the sex we had last night. "

Janet was looking down at her coffee listening, gathering her thoughts and then looked up to speak, "Dan honestly, that was the most freaky thing I've ever done in my life. You, me, having sex while your wife videoed it. It was so weird with your wife being there. Is she okay now?"

"You got me. She'll survive, I'll survive, we'll figure something out. And you? You okay?"

"Mmmm...am I okay? Yeah, I just wish you weren't married. We've known each other for almost 2 years. Remember the first time we met?"

"Sure, it was right across the street in the park where everyone eats lunch. We met sharing a table for the first time. " Pointing his finger, "It was that third table on the left of the water fountain." Look back at her and smiled, "Didn't think I remembered?"

"What did we talk about?"

"You had recently divorced and were down. We talk about the weather and what we did. That kind of stuff."

"You remember what you talked about Dan?"

"You got me there. You remember?"

"Dan, you spoke so lovingly about your wife and children. I felt jealous. I was messed up after my divorce. When I got married at 19, I was committed for life. Unfortunately, my ex-husband didn't feel the same. When I found out he was cheating on me, I died. The only good thing that came out of my marriage was my 2 daughters. Married at 19, divorced at 23."

Janet turned her head to look out her window, "I hate my life sometimes..."

Turning back to look at Dan, "Then you came to me one bright lovely summer and we shared a table for lunch. And you shared yourself with me. What I learned about you is your a "nice" guy."

Dan sort of winced at that, "I've been called worst."

Janet smiled, "Seriously Dan, that's nothing to be ashamed about. You're a good man too. And in those two years, you never hit on me. Never once. Then last week you give me this bizarre story about your wife and some fantasy man of hers. I've heard tales of people doing some stuff like that, but to know someone who was part of something like that...That was crazy."

"No, it wasn't crazy. It was insane. Look, Janet, I hope I didn't screw anything up between us. I enjoy our friendship. I want to keep it."

"I'll tell you something, Dan. After about 2 or 3 months meeting in the park for lunch, I realized you were a genuine friend. You were always there for me. You're a great listener. You're funny. I like talking with you about things. I look forward to having lunch with you and the days you don't show up I missed you. I've wanted to kiss you like I did this morning so many times. I have been alone since my divorce. I'm lonely and your the best thing available for me now. I know you're not leaving Carrie and I don't expect you to. What I would like is not only to keep our friendship, I want more of what you gave me last night. I know I haven't had sex in quite some time, but last..."

Carrie turned her head to look out her window again, "...last night was pretty good. It was really good. Just thinking about it, you and me..." Then turning back to face Dan, she leaned back against the car door, spread her legs, and lifted her dress to reveal she wasn't wearing anything. Dan's eyes were drawn to her sex. Janet saw the lust in his face, "You like this don't you Dan. Come here. Touch me with your hand."

Dan looked at the time on the dash. 8:35. Had to be in the office by 9:00. 5 minutes from the car to his desk. "Janet, I ..."

"Finger me, Dan. Play with my pussy and make me come..."

"Janet, I...I.."

"Touch me, I need you. "

And he did. As Dan slowly fingered Janet, and she started rocking herself in rhythm to his hand. She pulled him closer and whispered, "Fuck my pussy. It's yours to use. I'll be your little whore. Do you want to tie me up? You can do that. You can tie me up and use my body. I can be your slavegirl, Dan. You could handcuff me and led me around on a leash. Would you like that? Slavegirl Janet all tied up and she can't get away, helpless to stop you from doing anything you want to her and you're..." And then Janet came. She held on to his neck tightly for a moment then release her grip and fell back against her car door. Dan looked Janet directly in her eyes. She looked satisfied. And she was. She smiled back, "Thanks, that was good. I needed that...I owe you one."

"Janet, I'm trying to work things out with my marriage and all.."

"So...I'm not asking for a commitment. Except that your wife and I are your only playmates. I just need you sometimes. It's not easy meeting a good man. And last night was phenomenal. Admit it, sex last night very, very good."

"Yes, the sex last night was amazing."

"And you want me too, Dan. It's ok, just say it."

"Yes, I want you, Janet..."

"See, that wasn't difficult. Dan, you really rocked my world last night. I have needed that feeling for a long, long time. Last night, you set free within me some long pent-up crazy sex thing that is demanding my attention now. I want to do so many dirty nasty things with you. What I whispered in your ear before wasn't just some foreplay talk. You showed me a side of yourself last night I had never seen before. I want to show you a side of myself you've never seen. Don't you want Janet to be your own little slavegirl?"

Dan looked at the dash. The time was 8:50. Turning to Janet, "Let's call in sick and get a room for the day over at the Holiday Inn. I got to be home by 6:00. We can be check in by 9:30 and leave around five. "

Janet smiled, pulled her phone out and call in sick.

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Carrie mother came over early the next morning to find Dan had already left for work and Carrie making sure the children were brushing their teeth properly. They didn't talk for a while. When they did, Carrie's mother didn't mention anything. She was waiting for her daughter to ease into the topic of her adultery. Once that ice was broken, her mother would not stop until knew the whole story.

Carrie asked her mom if she would mind coming with her and the children to a nearby park so they could play. Carrie's mother assisted her in gathering children and Carrie locked the front door after everyone was out on the steps. The children were excited to go and ran a bit ahead. At that point, as they walked Carrie began and calmly told the entire story. By the time she finished, both were sitting on a bench near the playground equipment watching the children play.

Carrie's mother had some wild times in her days but this was unbelievable. Watching her grandchildren playing on the swings she questioned, "And Dan took a video of everything? And you took a video of everything? "

Carrie replied matter of factly, "Yes mom, Dan and I videoed everything."

"Carrie, can I ask you something? Don't be angry with me."

With the same dull tone, "Sure mom, whatever. Just ask."

"Was he any good?"

"Was who any good?"

"That black man, was sex with him good?"

Carrie looked over at her mother for the first time since she sat down. "Yeah mom, he was pretty good."

"Was he big down there?"

"Mom..yes, he was big down there."

"Was he better than Danny?"

"Oh Jesus mom, they're just different. None of it was worth it. After last night I really learned how bad I must have hurt Dan. Seeing him with that woman killed me. I don't know how we are going to go on now. I'm afraid for our marriage. And somethings been bothering me about last night that I just can't put my finger on yet. "

"Well sweetheart, start again from the beginning when she came in."

"As I said, I was sitting on the chair when she knocked on the door. Dan walked over and opened it. She kissed him briefly on the cheek, turned and introduced herself. She was so beautiful. And younger. And it's just that..."

Carrie stopped. In her mind, she replayed the mental image again. She was sitting in the chair. There was a knock on the door. Janet entered and kissed Dan on the cheek, then turned and introduced herself...

Again, She was sitting in the chair. There was a knock on the door. Janet entered and kissed Dan on the cheek, then turned and introduced herself.

Carrie's mother turned to her and said, "Honey, are you okay?"

The light bulb suddenly went off in Carrie's head. That bitch walked in and kissed Dan on the cheek. Kissing someone on the cheek is a pretty intimate thing to do. Only people who know each do that. That wasn't the first time those two had met. That son-of-a-bitch! How fucking long has Dan known her?

Carrie was furious.

She stood up so fast she startled her mother as she screamed out to the children, " KIDS! Get off the swingset. We are going home. Now! "