HYDRA's NOTE

This series is a little more anarchic and silly than my usual work. Normally I post only in Erotic Horror, but as this features sexy parodies of various computer games, horror isn't really the right home for it, although the story still features plenty of hot succubus action.

This is aimed more for the readers that like my succubi and monster girls, but wish I didn't have to kill my main characters off all the time. It's meant to be a little more lighthearted and fun. If you prefer my darker tales, don't worry, I have something just for you squirming in the pipeline ;)

Enjoy!

/NOTE

Where was he now? Ian Jackson thought.

He was standing on a giant conveyer belt running through some kind of madhouse factory. Giant gears clanked and clacked amongst puffs of steam. A lunatic carousel tune played in the background.

This didn't look like the usual hackneyed, sub-Tolkienesque setting he expected for a fantasy role-playing computer game. It was a cavernous factory, more suited to a First Person Shooter or Horror game, although the crazy organ-grinder music playing in the background seemed a poor fit for either.

Jackson wasn't alone on the conveyer belt. He might have been tempted to describe them as toys. They were yellow and looked like a plushy doll of a cartoon character—some kind of flightless bird with a long bill. A kiwi?

The dolls were hideous. They looked as though they'd been put together by demented lab assistants working under Doctor Frankenstein. The stitching was crude, visible, and looked more like scars. None of the dolls had legs or feet. Instead, a pair of miniature cartwheels was attached to the sides of their bodies. Jackson doubted they were toys. Children were more likely to run screaming than play with these.

They were also alive.

Jackson watched as one of the bird-doll-things sat up and blinked oversized cartoon eyes. It was maybe about three-foot in height. The thing turned a head and looked around. In animation it looked like a real-life cartoon gone horribly wrong.

More bird-doll-things stirred as the conveyer belt reached an end illuminated with purple and red spotlights. More of the bird-doll-things waited for them, but they were brown in colour rather than yellow and directed the new arrivals with the scowling efficiency of airport security personnel. Jackson watched as the bird-doll-thing ahead of him hopped off the end of the belt. It was given a leather bum bag and pointed in the direction of a growing queue.

Then it was Jackson's turn. He stepped off the end of the belt. The brown bird-doll-thing was halfway through the motion of giving Jackson a bum bag when it paused.

Jackson was about average height by human standards, which meant he towered over the three-foot-high bird-doll-thing. The brown attendant turned and found its bill level with Jackson's crotch. It tilted its head up a little, then a little more, and then tilted it up a lot more until it could actually see Jackson's face. It blinked slowly, as if aware something wasn't quite right with the picture but not exactly sure what.

"Um, where is this place?" Jackson asked.

Crazy oompah carousel music continued to blare away in the background.

"You're in the Nether Regions, mate," the bird-doll-thing said.

Nether Regions? Must be the setting for this game.

"What am I supposed to do?" Jackson asked.

He wanted to ask, 'What is my objective in this game?' but most characters he came across, even the obvious designated game tutors, rarely gave any indication they knew this was really a computer game.

"Work for the masters, pay off your debt, get reincarnated back to the living world, mate."

"Living world?"

"You're dead, mate," the bird-doll-thing said. "These are the Nether Regions. Souls are reincarnated here in the form of k'winnies and must work to pay off the debts their sinning accrued during their life, mate."

"Dead? No no no," Jackson said, shaking a finger.

He wasn't dead. It was just a computer game. He was trapped inside until . . . well, he wasn't sure exactly. He'd thought it was until he completed the game, but the rules—and the game—kept changing.

"Mate, they all say that," the brown bird-doll-thing—k'winny?—said.

"Look at me," Jackson said. "Do I look like I belong here?"

The k'winny peered at him. It frowned. Or rather Jackson assumed the expression was a frown given that it had a cartoon bird face rather than a human face. It blinked. Then it turned around and fetched a novelty yellow baseball cap that resembled the top half of one of the k'winny's heads. The bill had a slender beak stitched into the fabric and there were a pair of large googly eyes glued to the front. The k'winny motioned for Jackson to duck down and then it reached up to place the k'winny cap on his head. It looked up and smiled. All was right in its world again.

Jackson glanced up at the cap on his head and shook his head.

The k'winny bent down, retrieved the greyish-brown bum bag it had put aside and handed it to Jackson.

"This is to hold your tāra, mate," it said.

That meant nothing to Jackson. He held the bag up and looked at it in bafflement.

Something bumped against his leg. Jackson turned and saw another blearily blinking k'winny had come off the belt.

"Move along, mate," the brown k'winny said. "You're holding things up. Move along. Move along, mate." He directed Jackson with a limb that was somewhere between a wing and an arm and looked fit for neither purpose.

Jackson walked away shaking his head. Maybe it was one of those games where he had to do a bunch of everyday shit for a couple of hours before the real plot became apparent. JRPGs never seemed in any hurry to actually start.

He joined a line of yellow k'winnies. Two of them looked back at him in surprise. At least until they saw the yellow cap on his head, at which point they went back to grumbling amongst themselves as if nothing at all was out of place.

"K'winnies!"

A shrill voice ripped through the factory. The voice was high-pitched, as though the owner was small, but it blasted through the air as if expelled by the lungs of a giant.

"Oh k'winnies," the voice warbled.

"Shit. It's Pihanga."

Jackson turned his head. All the brown k'winnies had suddenly vanished. When he turned his head back the yellow k'winnies had vanished as well. Jackson was left alone to face the small party walking towards him.

Not quite alone. The k'winnies were still there, but hidden behind the barrels and crates littering the floor of the factory. Jackson saw a yellow head poke up from behind a barrel.

"K'WINNIES!"

The head hastily ducked back down. Jackson wondered if he should be joining it, but by then it was already too late. The party, a strange trio of individuals, had reached him.

At the front was a girl. Sort of. She had the dainty body of an adolescent girl or gymnast, but she also had horns, a tail and a pair of vestigial bat wings that looked too small to be anything other than ornamental. A devil girl, in miniature. Her eyes were the colour of raspberry juice. She gave off the air of a stroppy and spoilt teen and dressed as though she hadn't yet learned the difference between party girl and streetwalker. Spiky black hair erupted in defiance of gravity from two pigtails and her pointed ears were adorned with gaudy, lizard-skull earrings. Her red gloves and boots—long enough to reach her elbows and thighs respectively—covered more flesh than the rest of her clothes combined. Shorts that were little more than panties hid her crotch while a band of red leather was all that covered her chest. Not that there was much to cover—she was as flat as an ironing board.

"Aha, here's one," she said, looking at Jackson.

Behind her stood a pale-faced man in evening wear that had seen better days. Jackson assumed he was a vampire—one of the old school Nosferatu, not one of those stupid twinkly fairies from Twilight. He was hunched, had a hook for a nose, wide staring eyes and fangs so long they made him talk funny. Jackson supposed he should be scared of him, but he couldn't quite muster fear in the face of what appeared to be a walking cartoon caricature.

"Are you sure Mithtreth Pihanga? It lookth a little large and . . . awkward for a k'winny," the vampire said with a reedy lisp.

"Of course it's a k'winny, Schreck," the little devil girl said. "See," she pointed at the yellow cap on Jackson's head.

Jackson looked up at the bill of the baseball cap. They couldn't be fucking serious.

The third figure giggled. Jackson had no clue what she was doing here. She looked like an angel—in the cartoon sense. Fluffy white wings too small for flight stuck out from her back. A white ribbon was tied in her long blue hair. She had a similar flat-chested figure to the devil girl, Pihanga, but less of it was visible beneath her sensible white robes. Was it Halloween in the madhouse or something?

"Come with me, k'winny," the stroppy little devil girl ordered.

"Fuck off," Jackson retorted.

Pihanga pulled out a gun and shot him in the face.

From his position on the floor of the factory Jackson looked up and saw a white number—forty-four—floating up into the darkness beneath the roof. Oh yeah, computer game physics. Boy was he glad for those stupid role-playing game physics. It meant he could be shot right in the face with a gun and it do nothing so long as the damage was less than his total hit points.

He wondered how many hit points he had. Normally he was able to see his full status. Not here for some reason. Maybe this was some kind of intro and the game hadn't actually started yet.

He got back up to his feet.

Schreck stared at him with his blank fish eyes opened wide. The angel girl had hands on her cheeks. Pihanga was turning her gun over in her hands with a puzzled expression on her face.

"One shot is normally enough to kill a level one k'winny," she said, looking at her gun suspiciously.

"He doeth theem rather hardy for a k'winny, mithtreth," Schreck said. "Are you thure—"

"He's an uber k'winny!" the angel said. She bounced with excitement like a tween standing in line for a Justin Bieber signing. "I told you they had a sixth rank."

Schreck looked up at the numbers floating away into the darkness of the ceiling. "It doeth theem to potheth an unusually high number of hit pointh."

At the mention of 'unusually high number of hit points,' Pihanga's pointed ears pricked up and she switched her attentions from the gun to Jackson. Her eyes lit up and her lips curled up in a crafty smile. "High hit points . . ."

She skipped forwards.

"I'm Pihanga, Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be of all the Nether Regions. You'll be a perfect addition to my k'winny mob."

"Uh . . . okay," Jackson said.

He didn't want to test if he had enough hit points to survive a second shot from her gun.

"Good." Pihanga turned to the side and a giant ghostly blue keypad appeared before her out of thin air. "Now to name you."

"Um. Actually, I already have a name," Jackson said.

Pihanga ignored him and tapped keys on the ghostly floating blue keypad. D, a, B, i, g, B . . . Jackson saw letters appear above the keypad.

"There. Perfect," Pihanga said.

DaBigBoom? What kind of stupid name was DaBigBoom? Only an eight-year-old could come up with a character name as stupid as that.

"Hey. I have a name. I'm—"

Pihanga moved her hand to the bottom right of the screen and tapped the enter button.

"—DaBigBoom," DaBigBoom finished.

He paused. Wait, that wasn't right. His name was DaBigBoom not DaBigBoom.

Huh?

No. His. Name. Was. DaBigBoom.

DaBigBoom tried again, but every time he thought of his name, DaBigBoom came up instead of DaBigBoom.

This sucks, DaBigBoom thought.

"Come along, DaBigBoom," Pihanga said. "We have the Nether Regions to conquer."

"And then it's the Post Game content," the angel said, jumping up and down with girlish excitement.

DaBigBoom looked at them—the trashy devil girl, the blue-haired angel, and the cartoon Nosferatu caricature. What kind of insane game had he fallen into? Shaking his head, he followed them out of the factory.

He walked out onto a landscape somewhere between Burton and Bosch. A spooky castle with spires sticking out at odd angles pierced the sky. Scattered around them were vast lakes of molten orange lava.

"Where are we?" DaBigBoom asked.

"These are the Nether Regions, home to demons, monsters and k'winnies containing the souls of mortals that sinned during their lives in the Living World," the angel said.

"So hell, basically," DaBigBoom said. "Hey, what was that about k'winnies?"

"Anyone who sinned during their life is reincarnated in the form of a k'winny. They must work off the debt their sinning incurred during their life before they can be reincarnated back to the Living World. In heaven we set them all kinds of boring tasks to do. In the Nether Regions it's much better. They get to fight for the glory of the Overlord!" The angel finished with a rousing flourish.

DaBigBoom looked at her fluffy white wings and white robes. "Heaven? Are you an angel?"

"Trainee," the girl said. "I'm Angel Student Fiore. Or was," she said, her nose wrinkling into a grimace. "They kicked me out for downloading shota porn."

Her breezy smile returned.

"I don't mind. It's far more exciting down here. We get to go on missions and kill people."

DaBigBoom didn't know what to say to that.

They walked into the castle and DaBigBoom was surrounded by a motley collection of monsters—rotting zombies, hunched over dragons shuffling on their hind legs, lions with scorpion tails and even girls standing inside giant roses. It was odd, weird, but not very scary. More Jim Henson than Nightmare on Elm Street.

The girls in the roses were also kinda hot and not wearing much more than a few strategically positioned bits of foliage. One of them winked at DaBigBoom and blew him a kiss.

"They're hermaphrodites," Fiore whispered in his ear.

DaBigBoom's hand froze mid-wave.

"I'm not sure what they're doing here either. They're not supposed to appear until the sequels," Fiore continued, making absolutely no sense again.

Pihanga made her way to the main hall. A spear stood in the centre of room. At first DaBigBoom thought there was a severed, moustachioed head impaled on the spear. Impaled so hard the point came right out of the top of the skull. The head seemed surprisingly well preserved. Then Pihanga picked the spear up, the head's eyes flicked open and DaBigBoom realised the head was actually part of the spear itself.

"Hey, unhand me!" the spear complained in a prissy voice.

Piihanga ignored it and tapped the shaft loudly on the stone floor. "Subjects!" she called out. "The throne of the Overlord will soon be mine. Join me and share in the glory!"

The weird inhabitants ignored her and carried on with what they were doing.

"Join me for a share of the loot?" Pihanga tried again.

That got the attention of some of the inhabitants, but only briefly before they waved their hands dismissively at her and walked away laughing.

Pihanga's nostrils flared. She looked like a teenage girl in a strop because her parents wouldn't let her go to the party.

"K'WINNY MOB!" she bellowed, banging the butt of the spear so hard onto the ground the moustachioed head complained in a camp whine.

A motley crew of yellow bird-doll-things emerged, grumbling, from the shadows. They looked even worse for wear than the Frankenstein's abominations DaBigBoom had seen on the factory conveyer belt. They looked like they'd been repeatedly torn apart and then stitched back up again by someone with only a passing familiarity with what they'd originally looked like.

"We're going to take on Cook Canyon again, and this time I want 150 percent."

The k'winnies collectively groaned.

"We need more soldiers, mate," one of them griped.

"We have more soldiers," Pihanga said. "This is Private DaBigBoom."

The k'winnies looked at DaBigBoom and for a moment their grumbling was silenced.

"Is he a player?" one whispered.

"What was that!" Pihanga said.

The offending k'winny gave an eep. They all shuffled backwards.

"I'm the player," Pihanga said. "I'm the main character. This is my game. I'm the star. Me. Me alone. Pihanga, the Empress of Elegance and Overlord-to-be."

She swung the spear like a golf club and the quavering k'winny vanished up over one of the balconies with a plaintive wail.

"Now we're back down to the same number of soldiers as before, mate," another of the k'winnies muttered, this time quiet enough for Pihanga not to hear.

"Follow me!" Pihanga ordered. "This time we will beat that level."

"She's not really the main character," Fiore whispered to DaBigBoom after Pihanga had marched in the direction of one of the side exits. "It's me." She gave a girlish giggle and followed Pihanga.

Madhouse, DaBigBoom thought, shaking his head as he followed the others.

They walked through a crazy marketplace. Skinny kids with anime-spiky hair sold swords that were far too large and impractical for any normal—or even large—person to wield. DaBigBoom saw the entrance to a tent with a bleeding red cross stitched above the opening. Moans and groans emanated from within. A cute girl in some kind of traditional Japanese dress stood in the entrance and smiled at DaBigBoom. As he walked by he saw she was holding a hacksaw with clumps of hair and flesh stuck to the serrated blade.

They reached a short staircase that led up to a bright blue swirl of light about as big as a door. More computer game physics. DaBigBoom assumed it was some kind of portal that led somewhere else. Standing next to the portal was a gorgeous blonde girl with elf ears sticking out of her long hair. She held a gnarled wooden staff and wore flowing green robes. She looked bored.

Pihanga walked up to the foot of the steps. "Cook Canyon," she said.

"Again?" the blonde girl said.

"We're going to defeat Waldorf this time," Pihanga said.

"You said that last time," the blonde said, "and the time before that, and the time before that, and the thirteen other times before that."

"My k'winny mob has increased in experience," Pihanga said.

"Your k'winny mob is falling to bits," the blonde said.

Pihanga gave her a crafty smile. "Ah, but this time I have a secret weapon," she motioned to DaBigBoom.

The blonde peered at DaBigBoom. For a moment her brow furrowed as though she wasn't quite sure of what she was looking at, and then she spotted the yellow hat and gave a disappointed sigh.

"It's just another k'winny," she said. "You need to recruit some proper monsters with classes. You can't expect to beat the middle levels with only k'winnies."

"K'winnies are cheap and easy to maintain," Pihanga said.

"K'winnies are useless."

The k'winnies quarked and harrumphed their disapproval.

"Do as you're ordered and send us to Cook Canyon," Pihanga said.

The blonde sighed. She waved her staff and the portal flared a brighter blue colour. "As you command, oh great and powerful Overlord . . ." Pihanga walked up the steps and jumped into the swirling blue vortex. ". . . to-never-be," the blonde finished as Pihanga vanished from view.

Fiore and the vampire, Schreck, went next, followed by the battered k'winnies. DaBigBoom considered running off in the opposite direction, but that might mean he'd be stuck in this lunatic role-playing game forever . . . as DaBigBoom.

Fuck it. The quicker he completed it, the quicker he could get the fuck out of here. He walked up the steps.

The blonde looked at him. A puzzled expression was back on her face.

"Hey wait!" she said. "You're the—"

Too late. DaBigBoom had already stepped into the portal.
They warped to a rocky location that somehow managed to look cheerful despite being largely desolate. The only plants DaBigBoom saw were the twisted remnants of dead trees.

Not quite dead, as it happened, but not exactly alive in any way DaBigBoom expected. He watched as one of the dead stumps grew spindly arms out of its top and began to shuffle around. Pihanga absent-mindedly booted it into a nearby pool of bright green acid. She took out a telescope and surveyed their objective from behind a boulder.

Before them a wide bridge led to an enormous gate at the entrance of a cartoon-scary castle carved into the high stone wall of a cliff. The gate looked like an enormous mouth and two openings above it looked like burning eyes. It still looked about as scary as a Scooby Doo cartoon.

The oddest thing to DaBigBoom was the ground. It was marked out with squares like a giant chessboard. The pattern covered most of the grounds leading up to the bridge and continued right into the fort. Some of the squares glowed with a strange light and that same glow lit up odd pyramid sculptures scattered throughout the grounds. DaBigBoom thought they must serve some purpose within the game although he didn't have the slightest idea what.

There were guards—more of the strange pointy-eared inhabitants he'd seen walking around back at the castle. They grumbled and fidgeted, but didn't leave the squares they were standing in, even though most of the positions they occupied seemed to serve no strategic purpose.

"Okay, equipment," Pihanga said.

From somewhere, DaBigBoom had no idea where, she pulled out a sack of gear that was bigger than her, Schreck and Fiore combined.

Computer RPG physics, no point in being surprised, DaBigBoom thought.

"You." She beckoned to DaBigBoom. "Time to equip you. The high HP gear I think." There was a gleam in Pihanga's eye DaBigBoom didn't like at all.

She threw him a flak jacket that looked more suited to a cop game. DaBigBoom had no idea what it was doing in a fantasy RPG, but it was armour and DaBigBoom would take any kind of protection. He put it on.

It also wasn't the only jacket as Pihanga passed him a second and then a third jacket largely identical to the first.

"Um, I already have a jacket," DaBigBoom said.

Pihanga ignored him. So did the world. Before he even realised it, he was wearing all three jackets on top of each other. They were uncomfortably warm and DaBigBoom could barely move his arms. How was he supposed to fight like this?

"Perfect," Pihanga said. "Lots of HP."

Once again, DaBigBoom really didn't like the gleam in Pihanga's eye whenever she mentioned 'HP'.

DaBigBoom felt something rather important had been neglected in the equipping process.

"Aren't I supposed to have something to fight with?" he asked.

"Fight?" Pihanga seemed surprised by the question, as if it wasn't really relevant. "Oh, take this."

She rummaged through the sack and came back with a bow so tiny it'd struggle to make even a child's toy. DaBigBoom held the undersized bow in his hands. Now what the fuck was he supposed to do with this?

Pihanga turned her back and went back to observing the fort. She turned around and began to draw lines in the ground. She studied them with wrinkled-brow concentration while Schreck watched and gave the occasional nod of his head. Fiore crouched down and watched Pihanga draw her plans, but didn't contribute anything other than the occasional giggle.

"You got a bum assignment, mate," one of the k'winnies, a real battered specimen, said to DaBigBoom. "She doesn't have the first clue about tactics. She should have hired a warrior, mage and cleric by now. Instead she just keeps throwing us k'winnies into the fray as if it's still the first level. It's hopeless, mate. I'm OldFart," the beat-up k'winnie introduced itself.

"DaBigBoom," DaBigBoom replied and then grimaced as he realised that stupid name had slipped out of his mouth again instead of his real name.

OldFart nodded sympathetically.

He introduced the other k'winnines. "This is Assploder, KwinnyBomb, ShitBlast, Bob—"

"Bob?" DaBigBoom interrupted.

"She hit Enter too quickly on the naming screen, mate," Bob explained, "and she hasn't figured out yet how to rename characters."

"LooserBait," OldFart finished the introductions, pointing to the last k'winny, who was missing an eye.

"So what's the objective?" DaBigBoom asked. If they could complete the mission maybe he could get the fuck out of here.

"Waldorf, mate," OldFart said. "The big pile of blubber over there."

DaBigBoom followed OldFart's malformed limb and saw a gigantic blue thing just inside the entrance. It was a big pile of blubber—Jabba the Hut with a pair of tusks. The thing looked so cumbersome DaBigBoom had no idea how it even moved until he noticed the cord around its midriff that led up to a large balloon with a cartoon cat face on the side of it. DaBigBoom raised an eyebrow.

"What, the walrus?" he said.

"Leopard seal," Fiore corrected. Bored with Pihanga's battle planning, she'd come over to join them. "It's a leopard seal, not a walrus." She grinned.

"So the objective is to storm a fortress and kill a wal . . . leopard seal with a giant balloon tied to its arse?" DaBigBoom queried.

Fiore nodded. "Exciting, isn't it."

DaBigBoom wanted out of this stupid game.

"And you guys are happy with this?" DaBigBoom asked.

"Fuck yeah," Assploder said.

"Waldorf's a cunt," Bob said.

"We want the bastard dead," KwinnyBomb said.

"He kidnaps k'winnies and sells them as toys to children in the human world," LooserBait said.

"That doesn't sound too bad," Fiore said.

The k'winnies stared at the angel with stunned expressions. They obviously regarded being sold to children as a fate worse than death.

"Human children are sweet and adorable," Fiore said. "Especially the boys." She stared off into space. "Delicious, scrumptious, cute young boys." There was a gleam in her eyes that was most un-angelic.

The k'winnies shook their heads. "Pervert," Bob muttered under his breath.

"Tubby isn't the problem," OldFart said. "He's big and he's got a lot of hit points, but none of his attacks does much damage. No, the real problem is her . . . the succubus."

OldFart pointed down to a pathway that ran off to the right of the bridge. It wound between dead trees and under a broken archway. At the end of the path was—

DaBigBoom's mouth dropped open.

Wow.

That was a hottie. A real, blazing hot, totally fuckable hottie. She looked like a porn star or glamour model in a Halloween Devil costume, what little of it there was. She looked a little like another Pihanga, but a Pihanga DaBigBoom didn't want to throttle. There was a whole bunch of other things DaBigBoom would like to do to her instead, most of which were unprintable. Like Pihanga, the succubus had horns, wings and a tail, but unlike Pihanga everything was filled out and looked more . . . mature.

18-rated.

Especially her chest. She was amply filled out in the chest department.

Were those real? They couldn't be real.

If he'd seen breasts like that on a real-life girl with a similarly slender figure, DaBigBoom would have snap-called them as artificial. The succubus was wearing a low-cut baroque bikini top that barely contained them. Her boobs had . . . bounce. She hovered a few inches off the ground, supported by languid flaps of her great bat wings. Her breasts bobbed with each down sweep.

"That's how she gets you, mate," OldFart said. "Hypnotises you with those puppies, and then . . ."

"She does things to you," Looserbait said. He stared at the floor. "Naughty things."

"Uh huh." DaBigBoom wasn't listening. His attention was focused on the way the shiny globes of her tits bounced and jiggled as she floated a few inches off the ground.

"Okay, listen up," Pihanga ordered. "This is the plan. KwinnyBomb, you come with me. We'll take out the guards to the left of the bridge. Schreck and the rest of the k'winny mob will charge the main gate and beat up Waldorf."

That was the plan? Charge? All that drawing in the dirt and that was the best she could come up with. That was a stupid fucking plan, DaBigBoom thought.

"What about the succubus?" Bob asked.

"DaBigBoom will take care of that," Pihanga said, again with the crafty gleam in her eye.

DaBigBoom looked at the succubus again. Or more particularly, at the way her breasts bounced up and down as she floated a few inches above the ground. He was down with that part of the plan.

"His is the second most important role," Pihanga said.

"Because if the succubus gets out of that path she'll cream us all," Bob whispered to DaBigBoom.

"Fiore will go with him," Pihanga continued.

DaBigBoom was still looking at the succubus's bobbing boobs.

"Okay, go!" Pihanga ordered.

She entered the chequerboard at a glowing orange square and moved towards the gate. The guards watched her scamper towards them with bored expressions. They didn't move out of the squares they were standing in. KwinnyBomb, cartwheels spinning, trundled after her. They moved four squares and stopped. Schreck followed next, with the rest of the k'winny mob fanning out behind him.

"This way," Fiore said, making sure DaBigBoom entered the board through the orange square and then pulling him to the right.

She also walked four squares before stopping abruptly. DaBigBoom was about to walk past when she held out an arm and stopped him.

"Wait. We have to wait for our turn to come back around."

Damn stupid computer game rules.

DaBigBoom looked at the succubus. She was really hot. And practically naked. Her hopelessly-skimpy frayed leather bra was matched by an equally skimpy pair of black panties. The tan expanse of her flat stomach was exposed as were most of her luscious thighs. In a perverse attempt to compensate for the acres of skin on display she wore long black gloves that went past her elbows and an equally long pair of kinky black boots that went up past her knees. DaBigBoom supposed baroque stiletto heels were less of an impracticality if the wearer never had to actually walk in them.

The succubus saw them coming and gave DaBigBoom a sultry smile. He smiled back and tipped her a saucy wink. The succubus pouted her full lips and blew DaBigBoom a steamy kiss. She placed hands underneath her considerable breasts and smooshed them together. DaBigBoom gulped.

Take care of her? Yes please.

"Stop flirting with the succubus," Fiore said.

"Why? She's not a hermaphrodite too, is she?" DaBigBoom asked. He looked down at the floating girl's crotch for signs of a tell-tale bulge. All he saw was a rather obvious camel toe that reddened his cheeks.

"No, they're just really . . . skanky," Fiore said.

DaBigBoom was fine with skanky. He looked at the succubus's teasing smile and bouncing tits. Especially this kind of skanky. The succubus stared at him, tossed back her flowing black hair and pulled a series of glamour model poses.

"True love must be pure," Fiore said, "just like my love for Ruhara."

She pulled out a scrap of paper and unfolded it to reveal a picture of a demon boy with a long flowing black cape. Other than the cape the boy was completely naked above the waist and his bare chest was totally exposed. He carried a sword that was bigger than him.

He also looked about twelve years old.

"He's post game content for sure," Fiore said. "We'll defeat him, then he'll join us, then he'll be mine."

She clutched the paper to her flat bosom and her face lit up in a way DaBigBoom thought was slightly disturbing.

"Pervert," he muttered, before turning back to stare at the succubus's bouncing titties.

"It's us again," Fiore said.

She took DaBigBoom's arm and took them four squares closer to the broken archway at the head of the path. Another turn and they'd pass under it and be right before the waiting she-demon. That thought triggered a pleasant little throb in DaBigBoom's groin.

"Launch k'winnies!" Pihanga yelled.

What the?

DaBigBoom turned around in time to see KwinnyBomb flying through the air in the direction of the guards to the left of the bridge.

"Mateeeeeeee!" KwinnyBomb yelled.

He landed on a square between two guards—skinny looking emo kids with pointed ears—and exploded.

The guards held up arms and grimaced. Thirty-four in white numbers floated up above their heads. When the cloud dissipated there was no sign of KwinnyBomb at all. He'd exploded. Like a grenade. Like . . .

. . . a KwinnyBomb.

DaBigBoom thought about the name Pihanga had given him.

He had a bad feeling about this.

Fiore had the build of a slim little teenage girl. Not the build of someone DaBigBoom would have thought capable of plucking him up off the ground and lifting him right above their head.

"Hey wait," he said.

Fiore didn't. She stretched her arms back and launched him the direction of the succubus with all the force she could muster.

Fuuuuck, DaBigBoom thought as he flew over the broken archway. The succubus already had her hands up in front of her face. Fiore had her eyes screwed shut and fingers in her ears.

DaBigBoom hit the ground at the feet of the succubus with a krump.

He didn't explode.

This seemed to take everyone by surprise.

DaBigBoom awkwardly picked himself back up. The succubus floated in front of him. Her smile and the seductive gleam in her eyes—more lustful even than Fiore's for her underage pin-up—had returned to her face.

"Um . . . hi," DaBigBoom said.

"Hi," the succubus replied. She pushed out her considerable chest.

Now what? DaBigBoom looked over to Pihanga. She was motioning Fiore to move towards a guard on the right-hand side of the bridge. She turned to DaBigBoom and pointed in the direction of the succubus.

DaBigBoom held up his child-sized bow. The stupid thing had snapped in half when he'd landed on it.

Pihanga didn't care. She furiously jabbed her finger in the direction of the succubus. Her orders given she turned her attentions back to the guards still standing after she'd thrown KwinnyBomb at them.

DaBigBoom turned back to the succubus and gave an embarrassed shrug. She smiled and giggled. Her ample bosom jiggled with her laughter. She didn't seem that bad, DaBigBoom thought.

"We could always just watch the others get on with it," he suggested. "We don't have to get involved."

"I'm Fifi," the succubus said. "Who might you be?"

"DaBigBoom," DaBigBoom said, cursing the syllables as they slipped out of his mouth. "It's not my real name," he hastily added.

"Those jackets look uncomfortably hot," Fifi said.

She stepped up to the edge of her square. DaBigBoom jolted backwards as he felt something pliant and flexible reach up between his legs. Her tail. Unlike Pihanga's, the end of Fifi's tail swelled out into a bulbous structure that resembled a jar. The end opened out into three flexible and triangular flanges.

"You'd be much more comfortable with less . . . covering," Fifi said. The nuance didn't escape DaBigBoom.

"It is a little hot," he said. "What about you?"

"I'm extremely hot," the succubus said.

DaBigBoom wasn't about to argue with that.

Pink sparks crackled around the flanges of her tail. It started to glow like it was covered in St. Elmo's fire.

Oh, she meant that kind of hot. DaBigBoom wasn't sure he liked that kind of hot.

Fifi held her tail like a rifle with the bulbous tip pointing at DaBigBoom. A fleshy orifice yawned open at the end. The tail vibrated, the bulbous end swelled and it spat a glob of sparkling pink energy at DaBigBoom.

He was flung backwards by the impact.

Or would have been. Any backward motion would have sent him out of the square he was currently in and that didn't appear to be allowed by the physics of the game world. Instead, he did a kind of cartoon back flip on the spot.

Once again DaBigBoom was lying on his back and watching numbers float up into the darkness. At least this time it was a small number—a solitary four. Was that all? He felt considerably more beat up than someone who'd only lost four hit points. He picked himself back up.

"Mmm," Fifi said. She looked down his body and smiled appreciatively.

He looked down and saw why. His clothes were fried, at least the ones around his crotch. The front of his trousers and the underpants beneath were gone, as was most of the bottom of his plain T-shirt. His exposed skin was marred with little smudges of black ash. None of his three jackets had lost so much as a stitch.

"Um . . ." DaBigBoom said, realising he was showing his todger off to a girl, an extremely hot girl. He knew she was a devil and made out of pixels besides, but that didn't stop his face flaring bright red in embarrassment.

"Tut tut," Fifi said. "You should be more careful about exposing your weak point like that."

Weak point?

Fifi did a graceful pirouette on the spot and boom-boomed a hip at him, revealing a luscious peach of an arse. DaBigBoom was so busy looking at it he didn't notice her tail whip around and plunge into his crotch like a striking snake.

He doubled up. Not because she'd hit him with any force, but in the automatic male response to objects being flung at his unprotected goolies.

His evasion attempt failed. The slimy flanges of her tail left sticky trails across his skin. It was rooting around in his crotch for something.

"Where are you?" Fifi said.

The snuffling orifice at the end of her fleshy tail found the end of his cock.

Oh no.

"Ah, there you are," Fifi said.

The bulbous tip of her tail expanded. The end of DaBigBoom's penis was sucked into the moist orifice.

No, no, no! he thought with horror.

He tried to pull away, but her tail had already vacuum-sealed itself to his groin. Its fleshy flanges were stuck fast to his skin and his todger—his lovely todger!—was all the way inside the bulbous jar at the end of it.

Fifi giggled at his futile attempts to escape her tail. "I have you now."

The bulbous end swelled up and down like bellows. DaBigBoom doubled up again, but this time it was from unexpected pleasure.

Huh, that felt . . . pretty good.

The inside of her tail was slimy, but it was the good kind of slimy—moist, warm, tight, soft. Back in the real world Jackson wasn't exactly the most sociable, but he wasn't a complete stranger to sex, although he'd never experienced it without a condom. Was this what unprotected sex felt like? Her soft fleshy walls and warm juices squished around his member.

The bulbous jar slowly pulsed. Blood raced to DaBigBoom's groin and his hard-on expanded within her tail until it was pushing back at the fleshy tissue wrapped all around him.

Fifi gave her sexy arse a little wiggle. DaBigBoom heard a strange gurgling sound. He didn't have to ponder it for long before the bulbous end of her tail swelled up and filled with a warm, silky liquid. The jar contracted and DaBigBoom gasped as he felt warm fluids rush back and forth around his shaft. Her soft flesh pressed up all around his cock and gave it a teasing little tug.

What the hell kind of attack was this? DaBigBoom looked at the sultry form of the succubus. He could understand horny and frustrated game artists sneaking in a bit of fetish-bait for the lulz, but this was way beyond that. It felt like she was blowing him with her tail and that kind of shit only happened in the cheap and nasty hentai games.

Fifi's full lips parted in a sexy pout. Her heavy breasts had fallen out of her skimpy bra. Her left hand was already at her nipple and pawing her soft pink flesh. Her other hand was down between her legs and rubbing her pussy through the thin black material of her panties.

Okay, they were definitely no longer in a children's game, or in any game that could be stocked in a normal high-street store.
Again.

What was it with this crazy fucked-up world?

Not that DaBigBoom was complaining. The inside of her tail felt fucking incredible around his cock.

Fifi's cheeks reddened. She closed her eyes and gave a series of little sexy gasps. The bulbous organ at the end of her tail began to pulsate faster and faster.

Oh fuck.

DaBigBoom closed his eyes and gave a little moan of his own. Her tail pulsed and sucked on his cock. He didn't know what she was doing in there, but he definitely didn't want her to stop. Her slick walls rubbed up and down his shaft, sliding on a sensual layer of warm, silky liquid. Soft flesh contracted and gently pumped his swollen glans. Like a kiss.

Fifi's gasps grew louder and came more frequently. The pulsations of her tail speeded up to match. DaBigBoom was no longer doubled up but instead bent back the other way, teetering on unsteady legs with his crotch thrust out before him while Fifi's tail-full-of-every-known-hooker's-trick continued to work over his helpless manhood.

"Yes, yes, yes!" she squealed in delight.

Oh fuck. DaBigBoom couldn't hold on any longer. His hips jerked forwards, driving him deeper into the moist, sticky flesh of her pulsing tail pot. His erection swelled and he ejaculated a tension-flattening glob of spunk right into her tail.

Fifi gave a long, contented sigh. Her tail continued to move around DaBigBoom's cock, the motions slower and more deliberate now. She sucked on his spurting penis, gulped down his ejaculate and kept sucking until DaBigBoom's pipes were well and truly drained. Then her tail detached with a wet shlup.

DaBigBoom rocked on his feet. His knees, his whole body felt like a wobbly plate of jelly. A ghostly red heart blossomed in the air between them, before floating up into the darkness.

Aw, how sweet, DaBigBoom thought.

Then he noticed the number, forty-four, floating up from him.

Fuck, it had been an attack after all. It had bashed forty-four off his unknown number of hit points.

It was worse than that.

The same number, but in green rather than white, was floating above Fifi's head.

Fuck, the cheeky minx had sucked forty-four points right out of him and added it to her own hit points.

More importantly, DaBigBoom wondered how the fuck he was supposed to defeat her if every attack restored that much of her health. His crappy little broken bow certainly wasn't going to cut it.

"Delicious," Fifi said, running a tongue around her sensual red lips. She opened her eyes. "Oh, you're still alive. How wonderful."

DaBigBoom suspected her happiness at his still being alive was because it meant she could attack him again rather than any concern for his wellbeing.

"Hmm, I wonder."

Fifi pulled down and stepped out of her panties. The game had definitely swerved off into X-rated territory. The hairless folds of her pussy were clearly visible to DaBigBoom, and anyone else that happened to be looking.

"Did they tell you how these coloured squares work?"

Fifi motioned to the ground around them. Most of the ground was grey apart from some squares that glowed with red, blue, green or yellow light.

"Nope. It never came up," DaBigBoom said.

"How silly." Fifi tsked. "How can anyone plan strategy without accounting for the Terra effect squares. Oh well. You see, the different colours grant different abilities. Some are negative—they lower attack or inflict damage. Others have positive effects."

Stepping elegantly on her stiletto high heels, Fifi walked around him until she was standing on the red square adjacent to his.

"Now this square grants me two additional attacks," Fifi said. Her eyes gleamed with lust.

Uh oh, DaBigBoom thought.

"Mmm, and I have just the attack I'd like to triple up on," Fifi said.

She reached in and pulled DaBigBoom right to the boundary between their squares, close enough for her to embrace him if she wished.

DaBigBoom hoped his remaining life points were considerably higher than forty-four.

Fifi put her arms around DaBigBoom's neck. Her large black bat wings folded around him like a cape. His nostrils were filled with the musky perfume of her body. She stared into his eyes. Hers were bright and gleaming with lust.

"What's the matter?" she asked with a disarming smile.

DaBigBoom thought of the forty-four floating up into the sky.

"I was wondering if we could, you know, skip the whole attack thing," he said.

Fifi was close enough for her cute little button nose to brush against his. She smiled and shook her head.

"It's a really . . . naughty attack," she said. "You'll love it."

Her soft cheek rubbed against DaBigBoom's.

"Especially when I triple it," she whispered in his ear.

Her hands slipped down his back and she pulled their bodies together in a close embrace. Her wings tugged against his back like soft latex. He felt the soft press of her boobs against his chest. The erect points of her nipples caught on the fabric of his T-shirt.

"You're different," Fifi whispered in his ear. "There's a reality about you the others don't have."

The spicy musk of her body, the heat, was overpowering. She nibbled on his earlobe before leaving a trail of soft kisses along his cheek. Their lips met in a passionate kiss. DaBigBoom was too lost to notice as her hands moved further down and loosened the remnants of his trousers until they slid down and fell to his ankles in a crumpled pile. DaBigBoom's erection hadn't even had a chance to subside. Fifi rubbed her naked crotch against him and he trembled as the hard staff of his cock slid along the folds of her sex. She was already wet.

"And you're mature enough to truly appreciate my special . . . talents," Fifi paused the kiss to whisper.

She stared at him with bedroom eyes. She slipped a foot out of her thigh-length heels and rubbed it down the outside of DaBigBoom's thigh.

Fuck, she was hot—incredible. Jackson might fantasize about girls like this in the real world, but if one had thrown themselves into his arms like this he'd have assumed they were drunk, or tripping out. He peered down at the perfect pink globes of her boobs, boobs that were even now rubbing against his chest. So hot. DaBigBoom felt hot too, boiling. Given the cartoon quality of most of the setting, he was surprised steam wasn't rushing out of his ears. Who cared she was only pixels when they felt as good as this.

"See, I told you we didn't need to mess around with all that fighting malarkey," DaBigBoom said.

Fifi tipped her head back and laughed. "Silly boy, I'm a succubus. Sex is my attack."

Now that really put DaBigBoom in a quandary. His body was on fire. He really really wanted to have sex with Fifi. But if sex was her attack, how much damage would it do? And did he have enough hit points left to withstand that damage?

Fifi kissed him again.

Fuck it. It was a risk worth taking.

He put his arms around her and clutched the soft flesh of her ass cheeks. Fifi giggled and did the same back to him. He jolted with a shiver as her bulbous-ended tail curled up between his legs and left a trail of sticky kisses up the inside of his thigh. He moved his legs further apart to give her tail easier access. She rewarded him by tickling down his perineum and giving one of his testicles a pleasant little suck with her tail orifice.

Fifi unwrapped her wings from around DaBigBoom. She set her body hovering again with languid flaps. Now both of her feet were sliding up and down the outside of his legs. Her hands gripped the sides of his body and she moaned as his hard-on slid along the moist crevice of her sex.

"Want me to put it in?" DaBigBoom asked, unable to hide his enthusiasm.

Fifi smiled at him in amusement. "You want to suicide?"

Er, when you put it that way, not really, DaBigBoom thought. What was he doing? Was it really a good idea to stay in the arms of a devil woman like this?

Fifi crossed her legs behind DaBigBoom. Her sex parted like the lips of a mouth. Glistening strands of mucus formed threads between her plush labia. She gobbled up the swollen head of his cock and slid slowly—really slowly—down his shaft until her moist labia were kissing his groin.

Yep. Good idea. Definitely a good idea.

DaBigBoom closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of his manhood sliding up a moist tunnel with soft—super soft—fleshy walls. They pressed around him and undulated with gentle pulses. Fifi added to the sensation by wriggling in his lap.

Now this was definitely unprotected sex.

Normally, DaBigBoom would have been terrified of attempting a sexual position like this for fear of tipping the girl over and bouncing her skull off the floor. Girls didn't normally have wings. Fifi might have had both feet off the ground and her legs wrapped around him, but she was definitely the one in control here. All DaBigBoom could do was stand braced with his feet apart while she flapped her midnight-black bat wings and moved her body against him like a wave.

Up, down, her hips moved. Up, down; DaBigBoom sighed as his erection moved inside a moist, lubricated channel of heavenly soft flesh. Fifi gave her own sighs as her hips met his with a lewd squelch. Her juices bubbled out and dribbled down the insides of his thighs. He felt the lascivious suction of her sex as each downward stroke of her wings took her hips up to the peak of the next stroke.

"I can take triple of this," DaBigBoom said.

"Mmm, that's good to hear," Fifi said, "then let's begin."

Begin? Weren't they already beginning?

Her hips came back down and this time DaBigBoom felt his cock plunge into something soft, warm and sinful. Sinful. That was the best word for it. Like he'd just plunged into a cushion of congealed sin. It puffed up inside her and smothered the swollen tip of his cock. A pleasant little tickle crawled across his engorged glans. Fifi pressed downwards and that warm something engulfed the whole of his member, right to the root.

Fuck. He felt like his dick was soaking in every dirty little immoral thought given physical form, every filthy little perverted desire.

"Oh yes," Fifi sighed.

A gentle little rippling squeeze ran along the length of DaBigBoom's shaft from the root to the tip. It felt like a soft little tug from a hand entirely made out of honey. DaBigBoom lasted about as long as every perpetually horny teen presented with the real thing for the first time. At least he didn't feel guilty this time.

"Coming," he said with a grunt.

He squeezed her ass between his hands and pressed his hips forward. A column of semen rushed up his shaft and erupted into the soft sticky tissue enveloping his twitching manhood. It absorbed his seed like a sponge, like a black hole absorbing light. The sinful organ wriggled and pulsed leisurely around DaBigBoom's swollen penis while Fifi moaned in delight. DaBigBoom's cock responded with a series of slow, steady throbs as he emptied his balls into her devilish body.

"That was one," Fifi said with a smile.

A ghostly red heart bloomed in the air between them and floated upwards into the sky on a spray of smaller spinning red hearts. One hundred and forty appeared above her head in green numerals.

That was one? DaBigBoom thought. His knees were trembling and his fringe was wet with perspiration.

Fifi relaxed her legs and shifted position. She leant forward and let a flap of her wings pull their conjoined hips apart. DaBigBoom's cock was released from the cushion of super-soft sinful tissue. She nearly let him slide all the way out before her pliable labia squeezed down around the mushroom head of his cock, keeping it inside her heat.

The bulbous tip of her tail pressed up between his arse cheeks. The flanges stuck to his buttocks. The orifice at the centre of her tail nudged against and began to suck on his anus in a sensation that was unexpected but surprisingly pleasant.

Fifi rubbed the tip of her nose against DaBigBoom's. "Two," she said.

Her legs folded tightly around his waist. She slid back down his pole and once again DaBigBoom was pushing up against that moist, perversely pliable bulge of tissue at the back of her vagina. His cock never even had a chance to go down before its head was wrapped in a clingy membrane that drew him back into a glob of congealed depravity. Fifi closed her eyes and pulled in her taut midriff. She sucked.

Forbidden pleasures whispered up DaBigBoom's shaft. His body tensed and he groaned in pleasure as he erupted again. Once again she thoroughly absorbed his issue. The black hole pull of her sex extended down his urethra and into his crotch until DaBigBoom was no longer sure if he was pumping his seed into her, or she pumping it out of him.

Another spectral red heart bloomed in the air between them. A +1 floated up into the sky together with two lots of 220, one green and one white.

That sounded like a lot, DaBigBoom thought. It felt like a lot. His breath came out in ragged gasps. Sweat ran down his body and stained the inside of his jackets. His hair was a soaking mop. Wasn't he supposed to be a level one k'winny or something? How come he had so many HP?

Fifi shifted her body again. Her internal cushion released DaBigBoom's cock, but this time not so far. He was still deep inside her, his still-engorged cock pressing lightly against the pliant membrane of the mysterious organ at the end of her pussy.

"Are you okay there?" she asked. Her voice was all light and breezy as if this was just a bit of fun rather than a series of brutal bashes to DaBigBoom's HP total.

"I'd be enjoying it a lot more if it didn't take so much out of me," DaBigBoom panted.

"Oh quit complaining," Fifi said. "You've still got plenty to give."

Her tail wormed up against his ass. The orifice kissed and sucked on his sphincter in a way that sent shivers of pleasure running up his spine.

Then DaBigBoom heard a crackle. Like static electricity. The flanges of her tail grew warm—hot—against his soft ass cheeks.

DaBigBoom's eyes widened.

Fifi laughed at his expression.

"I'm not going to blast you," she said. "That would be gross."

DaBigBoom was trying not to picture several thousand volts of electricity jolting up into his ass, or imagine what that would do to his colon.

"Men are such fragile little things when it comes to sex. A couple of pops and you're done. Totally unacceptable. I still have an attack left."

Her tail orifice sucked his anus open. The bulbous tip of her tail contracted. A warm crackle of energy zinged up his rectal wall and enveloped his prostate gland in a warm glow.

"There, a little help for your prostate," Fifi said.

DaBigBoom's mouth fell open. His cock, which had just started to soften, twitched back to aching fullness and nudged up against the sticky trap at the base of Fifi's vagina.

"Three," Fifi said.

Back down she came, and back into that soft bubble of concentrated degeneracy DaBigBoom plunged. It felt like the moist organ was whispering indecent suggestions right to his cells, murmurings he could not resist.

Fifi took her hands off DaBigBoom's sides and brought them back to her own body. She sighed and massaged her heavy boobs as they bobbed back and forth with each thrust of her body. He wasn't even sure who was supporting who now. Her body tugged and pushed him while her wings flapped harder and faster, working to keep both of them upright.

DaBigBoom had thought he had nothing left. Fifi had other ideas. Her tail continued to pulse pleasant little crackles of energy into DaBigBoom until his prostate—then his balls—felt like they were lit up and glowing.

"Oh yes!" Fifi cried.

Her sex clenched around him, smooshing that soft sinful something against his over-sensitised penis. DaBigBoom groaned and let fly with the biggest ejaculation of the three. Fifi drew the torrents of cum from his body and absorbed it all.

Then she released him. Her tail detached from his ass, her legs uncrossed from behind his buttocks and her vagina dilated. DaBigBoom toppled backwards and fell flat on his back.

Fifi continued to hover for a few moments before elegantly landing back on her naked feet.

"Mmm, that was most enjoyable," she said to no one in particular.

DaBigBoom gave a loud groan. How could something that felt so good leave him feeling so shit. He looked up. Two 400s, a +2 and another stupid red heart. That must be it. She'd knocked him out, incapacitated him, or whatever this game treated zero HP as.

Fifi looked down at him and her big eyes widened in surprise.

"You're still going?"

DaBigBoom could just about move his arms and legs. He wasn't sure that qualified as still going.

"How intriguing," Fifi said. Her lips turned up in a wicked smile.

DaBigBoom wasn't so sure he liked that smile. He pulled up his knees and started to get back to his feet. He was unsteady, like a punch-drunk boxer in the tenth round.

Fifi held her tail in her arms like a rifle again. DaBigBoom liked that even less. The bulbous end swelled up as if inhaling a deep breath and then puffed out a thick cloud of sparkling pink dust and shimmering red hearts. DaBigBoom was enveloped. He breathed in and inhaled a powerful, sultry perfume that smelt like something an expensive escort would wear when entertaining exclusive clientele. The scent set his heart racing and caused his brain to throb with sexual excitement.

It also made his arms and legs feel like sacks of wet cement.

"Don't get up," Fifi said with a smile.

Not that it was needed. DaBigBoom was already falling back to the floor. The cloud wrapped around him like a comfortable duvet. Ephemeral hearts collided with his skin and popped like wet kisses. The dust covered him and set pleasure receptors sparking all across his body.

"I surrender," DaBigBoom said. "I give in. You've beaten me." Even his dick had decided it'd had enough.

"I thought I had," Fifi said, "And yet you're still here on the game board. Most intriguing."

She grabbed his ankles and pulled his body off the rocky path and onto the softer dirt or ash making up the verge. DaBigBoom noticed he was now lying at the intersection of four board squares with Fifi lying on her elbow next to him.

"What about the game rules?" he asked. "Shouldn't we be staying within our own squares?"

"Rules, feh," Fifi said dismissively. "I'm more interested in you."

She tip-toed up his exposed chest on long fingernails and flicked the bottom of DaBigBoom's chin.

"You're clearly not a k'winny, but what are you? Even with the stat boost from these," she tugged one of the three jackets he was still wearing, "you still have far too many HP for any character class of your level."

"I'm DaBigBoom."

For once he was glad that stupid word fell out of his mouth rather than his real name. A cold calculating spark had appeared at the heart of her big bright eyes. DaBigBoom had a disconcerting feeling the over-sexed demonic ditz with a magical tail was just a costume and now he was glimpsing the actress beneath.

"That's the name Pihanga gave you. She behaves as though she's the main character, the player, but she's just another piece in this game. Her role is to attempt to usurp the starring role for comedic effect. That's all."

Fifi's long nails tickled lightly around his nipple. They looked a little too pointed and sharp for DaBigBoom to be entirely comfortable with them being where they were.

"You, however, are something entirely different."

DaBigBoom didn't need to be told that. He was human. Real. Everything apart from him was a collection of pixels—nothing more than 1s and 0s within the memory of a computer.

At least that's what he'd thought.

Fifi's hand, her fingers tipped with those wickedly sharp nails, tickled down to DaBigBoom's crotch.
"I'm DaBigBoom," he blurted out. Again getting the word wrong.

DaBigBoom's penis lay on a nest of pubic hair matted down with a combination of both his and the succubus's sexual fluids. Like all dicks after sex, it looked sorry for itself. Fifi placed a thumb and forefinger around his flaccid manhood and began to rub up and down in an attempt to bring his sex back to life. DaBigBoom never would have thought he'd be unable to get erect in the presence of a hot girl until he was at least ninety-five, and definitely never would have thought that inability would make him feel relieved.

"Tsk, males," Fifi said. "No stamina for sex at all."

Fifi's tail curled over his prone body. The three triangular flanges opened out to reveal the puckered orifice at the heart of the jar-like structure. Like a gun to his head, was DaBigBoom's uncomfortable thought.

"That's not going to help," he said. "It's making me nervous. And nerves are kryptonite to erections."

The bulbous jar at the end of her tail expanded and then contracted to whoosh a cloud of pink gas into his face. His head was completely enveloped. The strong scent—a melange of sleazy perfume, sexual perspiration and the forbidden musk between a woman's thighs—overwhelmed his senses. His head fell back and his brain throbbed. Countless memories of illicitly-watched porn films and eager fumbles with old girlfriends poured forth. Pornographic images—slutty eyes, long silky hair, bulging boobs, lasciviously long legs and vaginas held agape—flooded his eyeballs in a slick of sexual depravity. His ears were plugged with sighs of passion and the quiet squelches of coupling bodies. And the smell—it was like Fifi was sitting right on top of his face, her wet cunt dripping juice onto him.

"Aphrodisiac, keyed directly to your physiology," Fifi said. "We succubi never accept 'No'."

The pleasurable throbs passed down DaBigBoom's spine and collected in his balls. There they grew in strength and frequency. Blood stampeded back down to his groin.

"Much better," Fifi said.

Her tail contracted again and puffed another cloud of sensual odours into DaBigBoom's face. It encompassed his head and this time he inhaled eagerly, lost in his appreciation of the exciting fragrances.

"And now with a little encouragement . . ."

DaBigBoom's cock started to rise in Fifi's hand. Through a pink haze he watched as she bent over and pressed her considerable boobs together around his swelling erection. Nestled between her warm and soft pillows, his cock quickly swelled back to a hardness that tugged at his crotch and caused his balls to ache. Fifi dipped her head down between her cleavage and lapped up a droplet of pre-cum from the tip of his penis with her tongue.

"Much much better," she said.

The cloud of perfume dissipated and DaBigBoom recovered enough of his senses to realise Fifi was now lying alongside him. The soft bulges of her breasts rested against his side. One of her legs was crossed over his. One arm was slid underneath his neck while the fingernails of her other hand twiddled with his chest hair. His erection stuck up like a pole. The fleshy bulge at the end of Fifi's tail hovered above it. The orifice at the end opened out and a little stream of slimy lubricant drooled down onto his lap.

"Now where were we?" Fifi asked. Her hand caressed the back of DaBigBoom's neck. She stared at him, her eyes bright. And hard. Like precious stones. "Oh yes. Who are you, really?"

DaBigBoom tried again to tell her his real name. "I'm Da—"

Her tail came down and took in his whole length with a wet schlub. Jackson twitched as his cock was once again sheathed in soft, pliable flesh. The tail attached itself to his groin and began to pulse and suck obscenely. Warm juices were exuded over his helpless member and lascivious flesh wriggled up and down his shaft. He moaned and writhed as Fifi expertly used her tail to suck him up through higher planes of pleasure.

"The name isn't important. It's just a label."

Her moist eyes seemed to expand large enough to swallow him whole. The tail worked up and down like a piston, making lewd squelches as it sucked and squeezed him into paroxysms of ecstasy. His hips were already responding with sympathetic twitches.

"Tell me who you are and how you came to be here," Fifi asked, light yet irresistible.

"I don't know," Jackson moaned. He writhed in pleasure as her tail continued to pleasure him. "I was playing a game, a computer game, and I got sucked in. I think. I can't remember exactly. All I know was one moment I was living a normal life in the real world and the next I was in the game. Not just this game. Other games too."

Fifi's tail slowed down and began to gently pulsate around his cock, teasing him with soft, insistent tugs. She rubbed her leg against his. A gurgling sound travelled down her tail and Jackson shivered as his cock was flooded with a slithery, licentious liquid. The bulbous jar massaged it into the stretched skin of his erection with lewd pulses.

"I play them," he continued. "I thought if I completed the game I'd get back to the real world, but it doesn't happen. I keep getting moved on from game to game before I can get near the end."

"Fascinating," Fifi said.

Jackson groaned. Her tail had sucked him to orgasm. His muscles bunched and spasmed as he sprayed cum right up into the cloying grip of her tail.

"A gamer from the human world, the real one. And not just an avatar, here in the flesh. How can that be?"

She leaned over and pressed her soft lips against his in a kiss. Jackson came again. Or maybe it was a continuation of the last orgasm. The succubus had him completely in the palm of her hand. She reinforced the point by cupping his overworked balls in her hand and tickling the flesh behind with the points of her nails.

"No wonder you taste so delectable," Fifi said with a contented sigh.

Jackson was starting to get afraid. A steady stream of single digit numbers floated up from his body as her tail milked semen from him. That didn't concern him so much. It was part of the game. Pixels. It was what the succubus was doing to him and how it made him feel inside that was worrying him. He felt weird—tugged about and twisted around.

"Please," Jackson said. "I just want to get out and get back home."

Pink sparks crackled around the end of her tail. Jackson felt it grow warm around his cock, but pleasantly so. Electricity sparkled across Jackson's nerve endings. His cock stayed hard and throbbing, eager to disgorge another load. Fifi continued to squeeze and suck on him with her tail.

"Who welcomed . . ."

She paused while Jackson bucked and thrashed in the throes of another orgasm.

"Who welcomed you to the game? The first one?" she asked.

Her tail continued to pulse with slow throbs.

"Welcome? No one, I think," Jackson said. The inside of his innermost jacket was soaked with sweat.

"Curiouser and curiouser," Fifi said. "There are rules. Someone should have been there to meet you and give you your quest. A gamer must always have a quest. Oh well."

Numbers continued to stream up into the sky. Jackson screwed up his eyes as the channel within her tail contracted around him. Soft flesh squeezed up against his swollen glans in a wet kiss. The bulb squeezed right down, preparing for one last, final suck.

A loud cheer went up from the direction of the castle. Fifi lifted her head, glanced over and tsked.

"That fat pile of blubber always was a most unimpressive boss," she said.

Her tail detached from him with a noisy wet squelch. Sickly white streams of cum dribbled down his shaft for a few moments before the flow dried up.

"Pihanga's—your—forces have won this level. This battle is over."

She stood up. She was about to turn and walk away when she looked down at DaBigBoom's jackets and mmmed. She reached down, pulled the outermost one off him and tried it on. It was blue with yellow trim, with broad shoulders and long like a cape. It looked good on her, which was stating the obvious; her supernatural sexiness meant she could wear anything and make it look good.

"Wait," he called out as she was about to leave. "What's this quest I'm supposed to complete? Where—how—do I find it?"

Fifi shrugged. "I'm sure it will become apparent. These things usually do."

Her hair changed colour. Violet flowed out from her scalp and down her silky long hair, washing the black away. Her skin lightened in colour and a spiralling black tattoo blossomed on the left side of her body like twisted ivy. She struck a sexy pose for DaBigBoom.

"It's been most enjoyable, but I'm needed in another game."

The sexiness of her body was breathtaking. DaBigBoom felt like he'd just gone thirty rounds with Lennox Lewis, but a glance from her sultry eyes, a glimpse of the creamy white bulges underneath her jacket, the hairless folds of her sex, and his body wanted to do it all over again. She knew it and her eyes glittered with amusement. The orifice at the end of her tail dilated. DaBigBoom thought it was winking at him.

"It's a hentai game," Fifi said, her eyes lighting up with lust. "If I beat the hero I get to do whatever I want to him."

And this wasn't a hentai game? DaBigBoom thought. He looked down at the slimy mess of his crotch. Sure seemed perverted enough.

"Maybe it'll be you," she giggled.

She put a hand to her lips and blew him a kiss that took the form of a sparkly red heart. It floated through the air and burst against his skin with a sound like silvery bells.

A 1 appeared above DaBigBoom's head. He popped and vanished from the game board in a puff of smoke.

* * * *

DaBigBoom opened his eyes. Three faces were looking down at him. Pihanga and Fiore were already familiar to him. The third wasn't as familiar, but DaBigBoom remembered seeing her outside the hospital tent back at the castle. She smiled and looked down at him with wide blue eyes that held a smidgeon too much crazy for DaBigBoom's comfort.

"Good as new," the girl with long black hair and unsettling eyes said.

"We won," Fiore said. "You held off the succubus long enough for us to kick Wally's flabby ass."

"In recognition I hereby promote you to the rank of sergeant," Pihanga said. "Now get out of bed and follow me. We've the next level to complete."

"Ahem," the girl—DaBigBoom assumed doctor or nurse despite her wearing a costume that looked more suited to a shrine maiden from Medieval Japan—said. She held out a hand.

Pihanga tossed her a coin.

The girl looked down at the single coin in her palm and frowned. "Hey. Resurrection and full HP restore. This isn't enough."

Pihanga pointed to DaBigBoom's yellow baseball cap. "K'winny," she said.

The girl looked dubiously at DaBigBoom but didn't push it further. DaBigBoom shrugged apologetically and followed Pihanga and Fiore out of the hospital.