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Naruto: Reality Relic

Tsunade sat in her chair located inside the Hokage residence. She, as well as Jiraiya, had both summoned their pupils, with Sakura standing at attention on one side, and Naruto too eager to stand still on the other. Both masters were holding strange items in their hands. Speaking up, Tsunade took the first word, "As you know, me and Jiraiya have decided that it's time for you to become true ninja."

"And because of this, we are lending you our most powerful relics. Be amazed by the awesome power we are in possession of," Jiraiya continued in a much more energetic tone.

"All right!" exclaimed Naruto with a fist-pump, as he'd been waiting a long time for this.

Rolling her eyes at the two idiots next to her, Tsunade presented the gift she was giving her student. It was a pendant consisting of a golden chain and a big, glowing, purple crystal at the center. "This is The Pendant of Power. In essence, it powers up any jutsu, while simultaneously making it faster and easier to use." As an example, Tsunade did some hand signs and summoned a clone without the pendant. She then dispelled it, and tried again, this time using the pendant. Her chakra flared, and without even moving an inch, three clones appeared next to her.

Everyone looked on amazed as Tsunade handed the pendant over to Sakura. The possibilities of what she could do with this had the young girl ecstatic.

"Me next! What do I get, Perv Sensei? Naruto shouted, arms reaching over the desk in an attempt to get his reward.

Rolling up his sleeves, Jiraiya laughed pompously. "Something even greater I assure you, my young student." Pulling a pen out of his pocket, he carefully pressed it against a tiny book he held in his hand. "This is The Universe Records of Impending Greatness. Any whim of mine written in here instantly becomes reality: BEHOLD!" Naruto jumped in excitement as his teacher completed 2 minutes worth of exaggerated hand signs. Tsunade watched with an unimpressed expression, positive the douf would mess it up somehow.

"Watch as I turn completely invisible!" Jiraiya declared as he wrote his wish into the mystery book. It lit up for a second, and Jiraiya did a dramatic pose, but instead of disappearing, he was left standing there just slightly transparent.

Nose diving in disappointment, Naruto struggled to find words. "Wha.. but.. It didn't even work! How would this help me in a fight!?"

Sounding insulted Jiraiya countered, "Fool! You don't see the possibilities this book presents. I need simply write about another ninja and this jutsu becomes the most powerful genjutsu in existence." Again completing 2 minutes worth of hand signs, Jiraiya wrote and quoted his words out loud "Witness: Tsunade is completly unable to move!"

Tsunade felt a minor cramp in her muscles - the type she usually felt after completing the first, and often last ten minutes of paperwork for the day - yet continued to move all the same. Grabbing her pendant again, she moved a single finger towards Jiraiya and uttered, "Bedtime jutsu," before the man in front of her came crashing down to the floor, thumb in mouth.

"Sorry kid. Your master's an idiot." Tsunade handed Naruto the book before dismissing both of them.

Sakura laughed hysterically all the way out of the building, flaunting the pendant in her hands, "Don't feel down, Naruto, everyone knows you couldn't handle something this great anyway. You do realize being a ninja takes more than spamming shadow clones, right?" Finally getting one over the knucklehead ninja had her feeling ecstatic, and so she made a point of rubbing it in extra hard. The only reason she stopped at all was the feeling of a tap on her shoulder.

Turning her head, she saw what she presumed to be a Naruto clone go up in smoke. Confused, she turned back just in time to see the pendant get pulled from her grip. Furious at the now fleeing Naruto, she ran up and grabbed him, but not before he finished writing a sentence in his stupid book.

"HEY! What do you think you're doing? Just wait until I tell Tsunade about this. Give that back!" Sakura drew a blank. "Give It b...ack?" She was certain she'd been mad about something, but for the life of her couldn't remember what, "Strange..."

She knew it had to do with the relics they just received. Checking, she made sure she still had her relic, her fingers squeezing the pink rubbery texture tightly. Naruto stared at her expectantly, still in possession of the book and pendant he got from Jiraiya. "You alright Sakura? Can you tell me what just happened." He prompted, seeming even more dorkishly hyper than usual. He again wrote something in his useless reality booklet. Could there be something she missed?

Sakura didn't like the cocky tone in his voice; however, she was feeling talkative for some reason, and decided to answer him anyway. "Don't be daft, Naruto. We just received our masters' most powerful possessions, like, a second ago. You got the Pendant of Power and some scam book, while I received Tsunade's old dildo" something about that sounded wrong to her, but she couldn't pinpoint what.

"Hahaha! No way! What's it called?"

Sighing with discontent, Sakura started remembering why she was mad. Naruto just had to rub it in, didn't he? "It's called the Bitch Buster, OK?!" She said, waving the sloppy phallus toward him in an attempt to seem less embarrassed than she actually was.

"And *pfft* why's it called that?" Naruto asked, doing his best to write and laugh at the same time.

"Because it lights up whenever it detects a big stuck-up bitch," Sakura stated matter of factly just as the dildo lit up in her hand like a Christmas tree.

"Seems it found one!" blurted a hysterical Naruto.

Sakura's face turned red from anger and embarrassment. Who did he think he was? "Oh my God Naruto you're such a brat! I don't have to take this from some faux ninja who fails at literally everything," was the last thing she said before storming off

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