There's a crack in the sidewalk by my toe. Bright, hurtful light from the passing cars flows along the street like iridescent liquid, filling the crack with its brilliance briefly before moving on. It moves on and leaves me in the soft, candy-apple glow of the signs. The pretty signs make me pretty too; all electric blue and red...
A man wearing a suit that's too nice for me walks by. I ask him if he wants to take me home. He doesn't say no, but he doesn't stop walking either. He doesn't even look at me, that man with the tie. Doesn't like the pretty girl in the pretty light. Doesn't feel my pretty tits before going home to his wife. Doesn't like me, not really.
I'm waiting for Jerome to come. Jerome always makes me happy. He'll pull up in his little curvy car and let me inside into the warm curvy car air. He'll talk to me in his curvy car voice.
"Do you like snakes?" He'll ask. I do. And apples too. Yum.
"Do you want to see my black serpent?" He'll ask. I'll say yes, even though I know he doesn't really have a snake. He just has a big cock. Funny. Maybe I'll tell him that. You don't have a snake, Jerome. What you have is a rooster.
No. Roosters don't spit like his snake; and Jerome doesn't like it when I talk.
Another man goes by. I don't talk to him because now I mostly want to see Jerome. Jerome can always make me happy.
"Hey." The man says. He's a vampire man without the teeth. He has a long, thin, pale face; with a long, thin, pale, nose. He touches my pretty face. A car goes by and the light from its head-lamps makes him into a shadow man.
"Are you waiting for someone?" Asks the silhouette. I tell him I wait for Jerome. Wait for the curvy car.
"Is Jerome your pimp?" I shake my head. (Don't you ever be no whore, girl. I'd just die if you was a whore.)
"A customer." No. Why do you want to know so much about Jerome, Vampire Man? He doesn't have a pretty face and a nice, round ass. He just has a big snake. What do you think about that?
Jerome pulls up in his curvy car, but the Vampire Man doesn't fly away. I go to the car and put my head through the space where the window was before Jerome made the door eat it. Jerome did that just for me. Jerome loves me.
"Hey." Jerome says. Somebody else already said that to me tonight. You just stole the word.
"Who's that?" He asks. Who? The Vampire Man standing behind me? Nobody matters to me but you. Do you have my happy stuff?
"Sure baby." He says, even though I'm not one. (You'll always be Mama's baby honey.) He shows me the happy stuff in its happy little baggie. I take it and start to get in the car but the Vampire Man pulls me away. Jerome grabs his gun and points it at him. No, not that gun. That's funny. I laugh.
"Easy, man." The Vampire man says. He isn't scared of Jerome's big nasty gun. Bullets can't really kill Vampires though, not really.
"No, man, I don't need her. Tell you what, you give me fifty bucks you can have the bitch and the junk." No, Jerome, don't say these things. I know you don't mean it, you love me. I forgive you.
The Vampire Man gives Jerome some money and he drives away. I still have the happy stuff, and I didn't have to play with the black serpent. That makes me happy, even though I don't mind having Jerome's dick in my mouth, not really.
The Vampire Man takes my hand and walks away with me. (Help! I'm being stolen!) He walks fast and for along time. Please stop Vampire Man. I can't keep up.
"Alright." He says. He walks for about a block more and then he brings me into a coffee shop that I used to go to a long time ago. We go inside into the warm air and he sits me down in a soft seat.
"Do you want some coffee?" He asks. No.
"Something to eat?" No. I want my happy stuff.
"Heroin?" I nod and show him the happy little baggie. And you can't have none. It's all mine.
"What do you take it with?" I reach into my pocket and show him the really good needle I found in the alley. Some dummy just threw it away. Now it's mine. You can't have this either.
"Using dirty needles can kill you." He says. So what? The happy stuff's going to kill me anyway, dead, dead, dead.
"You don't want to live?" Nope. I just want to feel good. Don't you want to feel good, Vampire Man? Isn't that why you bought me? (I'd just die if you was a whore.)
A teenager with greasy hair and an apron comes up to our table.
"C'mon man, put that away." He whispers. "You can't do that shit in here." I look up at him and the Vampire Man grabs my happy little baggie. He walks out of the shop very quickly. I run after him. He turns around in the street and I try to stab him with my needle. I'll teach you not to take my happy stuff. He steps away and grabs my wrist. Once he has my needle he smashes it with his hand. No! Why did you do that, Mister Vampire Man? What did I ever do to you?
"Shut up. You tried to kill me. Now do what I ask or I'll dump this shit down the first sewer grate I come to." What do you want, huh? My lips? My ass? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, I promise. Please don't throw my happy stuff away.
"Follow me." He says, and he walks away so fast I almost have to run to keep up with him. I get so tired, but I don't stop. The Vampire Man has my happy stuff, and Jerome won't come back till Wednesday.
I follow the Vampire Man to an old, empty building. The walls have things growing out of them in places and moldy boards cover the windows. Is this where you have your coffin? He brings me around to the door and raps on it with his pale hand. Another vampire person opens it from the inside, a black woman who has faded to grey. She looks at my feet, and then slowly lifts her head till she's looking at my face.
"Why her?" She asks.
"She has black hair," says the Vampire Man, "like me; like Marissa."
"Ah." Says the Grey Lady. Even though that's not a word, not really.
The Vampire Man brings me inside into a big room that smells musty and wet. He takes me to a flight of creaky, vampire stairs, and we walk up them till I loose track of what floor we're on. We go down a hall way and he brings me into a bedroom with a little futon in it. A Futon-Room. That's funny. I laugh.
"You have a nice smile." He says. (All the better to eat you with.) "You're very beautiful." He lights a lantern that sits on an old sewing table with paint peeling down its legs. Can I have my happy stuff, Mister Vampire Man?
He grabs me and pulls me to him. I feel his breath on my lips.
"Fuck me, Marissa." He whispers. "Fuck me good and then you can have your junk." I kiss him, even though my name isn't Marissa.
The Vampire Man feels the part of my pretty stomach that my shirt doesn't cover, and then pushes his hands up till it doesn't cover anything anymore. It's cold in the futon-room and my nipples are hard. He kneels and licks them, sending little fire-fly tingles all through me. Oh God, Mama, I'm sorry if sometimes I like it. I know it's bad. I'm going to do the bad thing with this Vampire Man. I'm going to let him inside my bad, wet place and it's going to feel so good. I'm sorry.
He unbuttons my tight, black jeans and strips them off. He kisses my pussy through my panties before taking them off too. He makes me stand with my legs apart and then he kisses my pussy again. French kisses it; spreading the lips apart and pushing his tongue into me. I feel the screaming building up in me, filling me. Oh, I like it so much. I want you in me, Vampire Man. I want your essence to coat my insides.
He stands up and takes off his pants. Can you read my mind Vampire Man? His cock is long and thin, like the sword of Prince Charming. He picks me up and pushes me against the door. Shutting it and pinning me. I wrap my legs around his waist and he pushes into me. I lift myself with my legs and let myself fall into his thrusts. The screaming is all through me now, fighting to get out. I slide against the door as fast as I can and kiss him as I come, letting the screams out into his mouth. He spins around and lowers me to the cold, wooden floor. He keeps fucking me until he comes too. He covers my face with kisses. Little vampire kisses.
"Marissa... Marissa." He says. Did you like that Vampire Man? Was that good?
"Incredible." Good. I liked it too. Can I have my happy stuff now?
He pulls out of me and stands up; still in his sweater and long coat, but with no pants. His penis is limp now, and shiny in the light from the street. He goes to a closet across the room and opens the door. I see him reach onto a high shelf and take down a shoe box. Are you going to get high with me Vampire Man?
He sits in front of me indian style and opens the box. It's filled with white powder. I've never seen so much in my life. I dip my finger into it and then into my mouth. It tastes like chalk though, so I spit it out. I hope you didn't pay too much for that Mister Vampire Man. It's not what you think it is.
"It's not cocaine." He says. What is it then? What does it do? How do you take it?
"You breathe it. I blow it into your face and it kills you." Kills? Dead? That doesn't sound like fun.
He holds up my happy little baggie.
"This shit kills you too, only it kills you piece by piece. First it kills your brain, then it kills your pride. Pretty soon you find yourself selling your ass for ten bucks on a street corner just to get more of the stuff. Eventually though, it kills your body; and then everything's over. You're dead and you never come back." So what, Vampire Man; at least that way you die happy. (Mama, I didn't mean to be no whore. I'm sorry.)
He picks up a handful of the Powder.
"But you see, the special thing about dying this way is that you get to come back. And when you come back you're better. You never need to eat or drink, and you never get sick. You never feel sad or guilty. You can live forever if you want to; and this," He holds up my baggie with his other hand, "you'll never need this again. All you'll need is the Powder." No, thank you. I don't want to die, not really. I don't want to be pale like you. I just want my happy stuff. Then I'll go away.
"I don't want you to go away, Marissa. I want you to stay with me forever."
I get up and run for the door. I don't care about my happy stuff anymore. He can keep it. I'll find Jerome and he'll give me some more. I know he will. He'll give me a new needle too; because Jerome loves me.
I pull on the door but it's stuck. (Oh, I don't want to die.) I spin around and the Vampire Man is standing right in front of me, with his handful of Powder between our faces. I gasp, and he blows it down my throat, into my lungs. I try to scream but the Powder's so dry it takes my voice away. Oh no, no, no, no.
"I'm sorry Marissa," He says, "I just couldn't let you leave me this time. The Preacher can't hurt us here."
My legs start to feel like they're made of play-doh. I think I'm going to fall but the Vampire Man picks me up and carries me to the futon. He kisses my forehead and stands up. His face gets blurry when it's so far away. The futon isn't long enough for my pretty body. I think it must have been made for some little vampire child.
He walks to the door we came in and yanks on it hard so that it opens. Oh, no Vampire man, don't leave me in here to die. I'll fuck you again I swear; just take your Powder back okay? Please...
He leaves and shuts the door behind him.
Oh, my legs won't move, oh God. The air tastes so good. I don't ever want to stop breathing. Everything is getting blurry now. I'll never see the pretty lights again. I'm so scared. Jerome, come save me. Come take me away from here and make me happy again. I don't want to go to hell. Mama says all whores go to hell. Why am I all alone? What did I do wrong? Oh please. God, tell me. I'm not bad Mama I swear... I swear... I'm so scared. My name's not even Marissa.
________________________________________
It's day out now and the room has no curtains. The light hurts so bad. Need to sleep more. Nowhere to go... Just sleep.
________________________________________
The sun is going down and taking the light and heat with it. The sky turns deep purple and fills the room with its hue. The futon is uncomfortable and I don't have a blanket. The air smells like old sex. I want to take a shower but I don't know where one is. The door to the hall way opens. Vampire Man? Is that you coming to kill me again? No. It's another one of the vampire people. A woman, but not the grey lady I saw before. A tall woman with stringy, blond hair. Her eyes are hidden behind it so I can't tell what color they are.
"Marissa?" She asks in a soft voice. I shake my head. That's not my name. That's just what the Vampire Man calls me.
"Are you the girl he brought in from the street last night?" Yes. That's who I am. The girl from the street.
"Can you be Marissa for me?" She asks. I nod. (I'll be anything you want honey, just don't leave me okay?)
She pushes aside her hair and smiles. She's pretty like me, but with sad eyes. I think she remembers things too.
She helps me up and takes me over to my clothes. I get dressed and follow her into the hallway. She leads me to another room on the same floor.
"This is my room." She says, and opens the door. There's a big canopy bed and a chest of drawers with a mirror on top inside. They both look old. Like stuff from the junk yard.
She brings me inside and takes me through another door. We're in a bathroom now. A bathtub is against a wall. It's one of the old kind with the little monster feet holding it up. It's filled with steaming water.
"Do you like where I live?" She asks. Yes I do. You have a beautiful little girl room. Like the one I had. I had a bed like yours once.
"Would you like to take a bath?" Sure, Sad Lady. I like baths.
She stands behind me and pulls my shirt over my head; letting her hands feel my pretty tits before she takes off my pants and underwear at the same time. I didn't bring my shoes.
She helps me into the tub and rubs at my back with a washcloth. Nothing feels real.
"Let's get you all clean Marissa." Who's Marissa? Why do I have to be her? Why's she so special?
"Marissa was his sister. She lived with their Mother far away from him; in the country. When he would go to visit he and his sister would sleep in the same bed; even when they were to old to be doing so and started having desires that they shouldn't have been having. Their Step-Father was a preacher, and he saw no reason they shouldn't spend the nights together since he believed that God protected his house from incest and all other forms of sin."
"Do you know what incest is honey?" Sure. Incest is the bad thing Uncle Phil did to me when I was twelve, and I did to him when I was fifteen. Did the Vampire Man do it too?
"Yes. He started fucking his sister when she was in ninth grade. It was bound to happen eventually. It was so hot there in the country that they slept naked. Sometimes they got into tickling fights. Wrestling with a naked girl would make him hard and one night he just slipped into her. After that they did it all the time. They liked it. Knowing that there was someone in the house that thought it was evil just made them like it more. They fucked every night they were together for a year." Yes? What happened then?
"The Preacher walked in one morning while his Step-Son was taking his sister from behind. He howled in rage that Satan had invaded his home, and stormed out of the room. He came back in a few moments later with a shotgun while his children were still dressing. He shot them both, and then himself. Only one of them lived." The Vampire Man? Of course. He didn't die till later. Not until he breathed the Powder.
Oh God. He blew the Powder down my throat. Am I dead now Sad Lady?
"No, of course not. You might have been for a while, but now you're fine." Am I a ghost? "No. You're Marissa. You're everything he's ever wanted since that day in the country." Oh, Sad Lady, I'm so cold. Why did you make the water so cold?
The Sad Lady kisses my forehead. "You need some more Powder."
She helps me out of the tub and dries me off with a big fluffy towel from a hotel. She leads me into her bedroom and leaves me standing naked on the floor while she opens the top drawer of her dresser and pulls out a small metal box. She lifts the lid and takes out a handful of the Powder inside.
"Take a deep breath." She says. I do and she blows the dust into my face. I look past the Sad Lady and into the mirror on top of the chest of drawers. The Powder makes my face all white. I rub it away but I'm still so pale. A pretty Vampire Lady now; with a pretty white face framed by pretty black hair.
"You're beautiful." She says. "What's your name?" You already know my name, Sad Lady. I'm Marissa.
"Good." She takes me into her arms and kisses me. Her tongue darts into my mouth and licks my teeth. All she's wearing is a short black dress with a zipper on the back. I undo it and let it fall to the floor. She pushes me gently onto the bed and bites my neck hard. I side my hand beneath her panties and feel her ass. It's not pretty and round like mine. It's tight and narrow, like a young boy's. I roll her over onto her back and pet the hairs between her legs. (Don't touch yourself there, girl. It's a bad place. A bad, wet place.)
I put my first two fingers inside her and fuck her with them. She moans softly at first, but screams when she comes; like I do. Shh, Sad Lady. You're going to wake the neighbors.
She kisses me again and then runs her tongue down my body till she reaches my pussy. She licks till the hair there is as wet as it was in the tub. Then she explores my insides with her mouth. Tasting, licking, sucking. I've haven't been with a woman since that time with Johnny. I did it for him, then, and I didn't really like it. I like it now though. The Sad Lady takes my clit into her mouth and tongues it until I stiffen and bite my lip. She stops and rests her head on my leg. I taste blood in my mouth.
"Sleep now." She says. "I know you must be tired." No. Mostly I'm hungry, even though the Vampire Man said I wouldn't need to eat any more. I never get tired after sex. Not like Johnny did. But I close my eyes anyway and try to take a nap on her big, beautiful, canopy bed.
________________________________________
I was a little girl once. I lived in a flat top house with its own backyard. I had a little orange cat named Fairy that loved me. The man Mama made us call Daddy loved me too. Sometimes I would try to play outside with the other children, but they always called me names.
"Crazy girl, crazy girl!" Toby shouts at me, circling me and shooting me with his squirt gun. Leave me alone. I just want to play Barbies with Patty.
"Well Patty doesn't like you crazy girl. Hazy, lazy, spacey, crazy girl." Shut up! Why don't you shut up? I yell and yell, but the children never stop teasing. They hate me. Just like Mama. Mama hates me cause I'm always doing bad things.
"I just got off the phone with little Mike's Mother you little bitch. She says you were showing your bad place to that boy. That's a bad, evil thing, do you hear me? Evil!" Mama's face gets so red when she's angry; and she puts it so close to mine. Her breath smells like cigarettes. I'm sorry Mama. I didn't want to but he said he'd buy me a candy bar if I did.
"Then he's almost as bad as you! Do you know what you're going to be if you keep doing that? A whore! Don't you ever be no whore girl. I'd just die if you was a whore."
The man Mama makes us call Daddy is home now. Mama is telling him about all the bad things me and Rory did today. I'm in bed, hugging Fairy close and trying not to listen; but her voice is so loud. Rory is teasing me through the wall.
"Nyah, nyah, you're gonna get a whippin, you're gonna get a whippin, Crazy Girl." No. Daddy loves me. He won't whip me.
"Will too, will too. He hates you; and Mama's real mad. Maybe he's gonna come kill you." Maybe. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe he's gonna come kill me like the Preacher killed the Vampire Man.
Rory touches my shoulder. He's in bed with me now, his little ten year old penis is hard. Mama is still yelling in the living room.
"Wanna fuck, Crazy Girl?" Rory asks me. No. Now be quiet before the Preacher comes to kill us. I shove his head under the covers to hide him. He goes down and starts to lick my bad place. I let him because it feels so good. I'm so bad. I didn't even tell Mama the worst part; that I let Little Mike touch my bad place. I think of my shiny silver dollar and about all I'm gonna buy with it. A candy bar and a soda, maybe even a comic book; even though I don't like them, not really.
"Honestly Eva," I hear Daddy say. "you know what the Doctor said about that girl. You know she has problems."
"Doctor?" Mama screams, "Doctor? I don't care about no Doctors! Look at this damn bible Mister! Look at it!" Rory is making the screaming build up inside me. If it gets out Mama will hear and she'll come kill us. Mama and the Preacher.
"They hate you." Rory says from between my legs. "They hate you cause you're bad. But I'll love you. I'll love you if you fuck me." He will. Everybody loves me if I let them inside me. Little Mike, Uncle Phil, Johnny...
Johnny loves me when I'm sixteen. He takes me to the carnival. Johnny loves me when I'm eighteen and I move with him to the city. Mama doesn't want me to move. I don't care Mama. I'm going. Johnny loves me and you don't. I'm taking Fairy and going. I reach to get my cat off the floor but Mama grabs him first. Gimmie my cat Mama!
"Oh, no, you Devil Child. This cat is staying right here!" Mama takes Fairy by his tail and swings him into the kitchen counter. His head bounces off the corner and blood from his nose sprays on the wall. She drops him on the floor and I kneel to pick him up. His head's broke. One eye is bulging out. Why did you kill Fairy, Mama? I didn't deserve that!
"It was for your own good, child. You would have done the same thing if you were me." No! I won't never kill nobody's cat! I won't never kill nothin! I run all the way to Johnny's house. I never see Mama again.
Johnny loves me the first year we live together. He tells me that all those other girls don't mean anything to him. He tells me that I'm the only one for him. But when we're in the alley together and I tell him about the baby growing inside me he gets as bad as Mama. He tells me to kill the baby before it's even born.
"Don't you say no to me, you bitch!" He screams. "You don't have enough sense to have no baby!" Oh, but Johnny I want it so much. I want a little baby that loves me just like I love you. I want a little baby that loves me just because I'm me. I won't kill it, Johnny. I won't never kill nothin.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about! You're crazy! You'd have little crazy kids! Look, you fucking cunt, it's either me or that damn kid! I'll leave this time I mean it!" That's okay Johnny, I don't love you anymore. You want me to kill something. You say mean things and you aren't cute with little tiny baby fingers. You go away.
"You bitch! I'll show you to talk like that to me! I'll show you what you can do with a baby!" Let go Johnny! Please don't hit me like that. It hurts so bad. Stop it! I can't breathe. My legs feel wet. I look down at the pool of blood forming at my feet. That's our baby there, Johnny. There on the sidewalk. I wish you let me wear panties. Maybe if I was wearing panties they would have held the baby in. Wait, don't leave me here! See, I don't have a baby anymore! I'll forgive you! Oh God, it hurts so bad...
The Doctor Lady wants to take my pain away. She puts a needle in my arm and pumps me full of stuff that makes me forget about Johnny, and Mama, and dead fairies and babies on the sidewalk. It's liquid mercy, and it makes me happy. I go to sleep.
The nurse man is in the room. The one who always wipes his nose with his hand.
"You sure are pretty." He says. I am. I'm Mama's pretty girl. Do you want to fuck me, Nurse Man? I'll let you, even though my ribs are all broke. All you have to do is get me some more of the happy stuff in the needle. The Doctor Lady hasn't been giving me enough lately. Will you do that for me?
The Nurse Man nods.
I leave the hospital today. No more happy stuff for me... I never really needed it anyway.
Oh, Jerome, I need some stuff to make me happy again.
"Sure baby, I have some stuff like that. It's expensive, though." Expensive? I don't have much money. Jobs are hard to find.
"Hey, I know. You don't have to cry to me. I got your stuff right here. Tell me somethin though; do you like snakes?" Jerome laughs. He always laughs when he shows me his snake. Snakes... Shakes.
________________________________________
Someone is shaking me. It's the Vampire Man. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. The Sad Lady is gone. I'm so glad you didn't go away forever, Vampire Man. I'm glad you didn't leave me all alone like Johnny did. When I'm alone I remember things. I hate to remember.
"I'll never leave you again, Marissa." He says. He loves me because he loved Marissa. I love him because Marissa loved him too. I am Marissa now. Does that make you happy, Vampire Man?
"Yes. Come with me, my sister. I want you to meet our family." I already met our pretty blond sister. She licked my pussy for me. Does that make you jealous?
"No. All I want is for you to be happy." Oh, I love you my brother; my Vampire Man.
He waits for me to dress and then he takes me down the hall and the old stairs. He leads me to the ground floor and to an elevator shaft with no elevator in it. I can't see the bottom in the dim light of the lanterns that are all around, but the Vampire Man tells me to crawl down the ladder on its side. I do. I want to meet my new family.
I go down for a long way, but I start to see light beneath me after just a little while. When I get to the bottom of the ladder I'm still not on the ground. Strong hands help me so that I don't fall. I'm in a big room, like a basement, but with parachutes tied to the ceiling, and torches mounted on the walls, far below them. The room smells like sweat and burning wood. There are a lot of people down here, maybe as many as twenty. They all have pale, vampire faces, even though not all of them are white like my brother and I. The Grey Lady is down here; and so is the Sad Lady. She smiles a sad smile at me. Where is the Vampire Man? I look for him. He drops from the ladder I came down and lands in a crouch. He's so beautiful, cat like and pale. The man who helped me down looks like an exotic model. He is tall and dark and muscular, with his hair in tiny braids that go down to his waist. Strings of beads are fastened to the bottom of them so he sounds like a rattlesnake when he moves. Just looking at him makes me feel my bad place getting warm. He and the Vampire Man lead me into the middle of all the other pale people. A lot of them reach out and touch me as I go by. Some just brush my arms, but some feel my breasts over my shirt, or my ass over my jeans. All of them seem like they've been waiting for me for some time.
The people stand aside and reveal a large, round tub with steam spilling over the sides. I already had a bath today, Vampire Man. The Sad Lady gave it to me.
"This bath is special." He says. "It washes away your past and brings you into our family. Do you want that?" Yes. More than anything. You know that.
The Strong man stands behind me and tears the back of my shirt so that it falls off me. The Vampire Man gently helps me out of my pants and underwear. The Strong Man lifts me up like he's rescuing me from something. You don't need to save me, Strong Man. I'm with my new family. He carries me up the steps that lead to the tub. He lowers me into the too hot water. Goose bumps rise on skin from the shock. The water doesn't burn, but it makes me feel all prickly.
All the pale people cheer, and start stamping their feet on the ground; making it into a big bass drum. The rhythm's hypnotic. The Strong Man begins to dance like a charmed snake. He writhes his way out of his clothes and steps into the tub with me. His cock is so big it looks like it would hurt to have it in me, but I want to feel it so bad.
An Indian man and a woman with fiery red hair climb the steps carrying a big, shallow bowl filled with Powder between them. When they get to the top they pour it into the tub. Thick white smoke rises up and covers the strong man and I in a mist. The fog spills over the edge of the tub and drifts down to all the people who continue their rhythmatic pounding. The water and the heat and the Powder make me dizzy.
The Strong Man gets to me, spins me around, and enters me from behind. I have to open my legs wide to get him in me, and I can feel the tip of his cock brushing against my womb. God, it feels so good to have you fuck me all the way to my baby making place, Strong Man. (I don't think she'll ever have children... not after what that bastard did to her.)
My family is watching the Strong Man take me. It is exciting them. They like watching my face change shape as he moves in and out of me. The Grey Lady is kissing the Vampire Man's neck. Her hand slides around and squeezes the erection growing in his pants. The Sad Lady is kissing an oriental woman. I can see their tongues touching. Everyone is forming small groups; twosomes, threesomes, they are all watching me, and at the same time, taking their pleasure from each other. A woman takes off her shirt. The Vampire Man's pants fall to the ground.
The Strong Man bites my shoulder. I feel his eyeteeth pierce my skin. He pushes into me hard. Yes, Strong Man, hard like that.
"The Powder made all this." He hisses into my ear. How?
"It makes us feel like this, like we're in a dream. It makes us what we are. It keeps us alive so we must always have it." He pushes deep into me. He makes a noise that I think means I'm pleasing him, but it sounds more like a growl. Where do we get the Powder? Where do we buy it?
"We make it. Its recipe is simple." He moans loudly. What is the recipe?
"One part mandrake, two parts clay tablets, painted with the old writing." Don't slow down Strong Man. You feel so good inside me. Faster, please faster. The screaming is getting so close.
"Listen," he says, "The most important part is the bone." The Sad Lady and the Oriental woman are rubbing their pussies together. The Grey Lady has the Vampire man deep inside her mouth. A bead of sweat rolls down his cheek; or maybe a tear. (Sweat and tears, girl, that's the only way you get anything in this world.)
"You have to help us get the bone." The Strong Man says. I picture the Vampire Man and I wandering through a graveyard, digging up old bones, watching out for ghosts; but even this can't stop the screaming inside me. I erupt in orgasm, as the Strong Man fucks me hard and fast. My shriek makes everyone turn to look at me. Someone laughs quietly. My vision blurs. I feel like I did the first time I took the Powder. I'll help you get the old bones. I like the Powder.
"No," Says the Strong Man, as he continues to move inside me. "The bone must be fresh. We must kill to get it. You must kill to get it. It takes me a moment to really hear his words. Suddenly I can see Fairy, with his broke head and his bulging eye, floating towards me in the tub. I scream and pull away from the Strong Man. He grabs me and turns me around to face him, and then forces himself back between my legs; forces his cock back into me. He starts fucking me hard again. I claw at him, and leave lines of blood across his chest, but he doesn't stop. He hisses like a snake. His eyes are snake's eyes, golden, slit pupiled cobra's eyes. I try to push him away but he's too strong. I can't stop him.
"I'm going to come into you!" He shouts. "You will be one of us! You struggle, but I can feel your cunt clutching at me! You want this! You want me to fuck you!" suddenly he arcs his back and roars. I feel his cum spray into my womb. I hear the moans of my family as they please each other. The room spins so fast. Make it stop, Vampire Man. Why didn't you save me? I didn't want him to fuck me, not really.
Oh, Mama, I'm so sorry. Sometimes it feels so good.
Everything goes dark. The Strong Man lays against me. He's softening inside me, but he hasn't stopped moving completely.
"You screamed when you came." I hear him say from far away. "You like me being inside you. You'll want me to fuck you again. You'll help us get what we need." No. I won't never kill nobody. Never. Just watch, Strong man, just you watch.
________________________________________
There's a crack in the sidewalk by my toe. Hurtful white light from the passing cars flows along the street like iridescent liquid. It fills the crack and moves on. It leaves me in the soft, pretty light of the signs. Their candy-apple glow makes me feel like I've come home.
I left the old Vampire Building the night after the one the Strong Man took me in the tub. The day after that my body started to die. At first I hid. The Vampire Man found me. He begged me to come back. He said he couldn't bear to loose me again. I told him I'd find something to make it so I didn't hurt anymore. All I needed was to have Jerome give me one more fix.
Jerome pulls up in his curvy car. He opens the door and I climb in.
"Hey baby," He says. "Jerome's here. I got what you need." He holds up a bag of the happy stuff. "You look like you need this pretty bad. You're all pale. Maybe we should increase your dosage, huh?" I take the baggie from him and smile. No, that's okay, Jerome. As a matter of fact, I won't be seeing you anymore.
"What? What do you mean by that?"
Jerome's door flies open and the Strong Man pulls him out of the car. Jerome reaches for his gun on the way out, but I push it away from his hand. The Strong Man pulls Jerome into the alley I'd had him hide in before the curvy car pulled up.
"What the fuck?" Jerome is yelling. "What the hell is going on?" The strong Man lets Jerome go for a second, but grabs him again when he tries to lunge for me. Jerome tries to fight, but my brother is too strong for him. He flings him up against the wall like he weighed less than a child.
"Hey, what is this, huh?" Jerome asks more quietly. "What's up, baby? C'mon, you still need me. Where else are you gonna get the stuff that makes you happy? Damn it, you still need me!" What a silly thing to say, Jerome. Of course I still need you.
I need you so that I can make the Powder.
A man wearing a suit that's too nice for me walks by. I ask him if he wants to take me home. He doesn't say no, but he doesn't stop walking either. He doesn't even look at me, that man with the tie. Doesn't like the pretty girl in the pretty light. Doesn't feel my pretty tits before going home to his wife. Doesn't like me, not really.
I'm waiting for Jerome to come. Jerome always makes me happy. He'll pull up in his little curvy car and let me inside into the warm curvy car air. He'll talk to me in his curvy car voice.
"Do you like snakes?" He'll ask. I do. And apples too. Yum.
"Do you want to see my black serpent?" He'll ask. I'll say yes, even though I know he doesn't really have a snake. He just has a big cock. Funny. Maybe I'll tell him that. You don't have a snake, Jerome. What you have is a rooster.
No. Roosters don't spit like his snake; and Jerome doesn't like it when I talk.
Another man goes by. I don't talk to him because now I mostly want to see Jerome. Jerome can always make me happy.
"Hey." The man says. He's a vampire man without the teeth. He has a long, thin, pale face; with a long, thin, pale, nose. He touches my pretty face. A car goes by and the light from its head-lamps makes him into a shadow man.
"Are you waiting for someone?" Asks the silhouette. I tell him I wait for Jerome. Wait for the curvy car.
"Is Jerome your pimp?" I shake my head. (Don't you ever be no whore, girl. I'd just die if you was a whore.)
"A customer." No. Why do you want to know so much about Jerome, Vampire Man? He doesn't have a pretty face and a nice, round ass. He just has a big snake. What do you think about that?
Jerome pulls up in his curvy car, but the Vampire Man doesn't fly away. I go to the car and put my head through the space where the window was before Jerome made the door eat it. Jerome did that just for me. Jerome loves me.
"Hey." Jerome says. Somebody else already said that to me tonight. You just stole the word.
"Who's that?" He asks. Who? The Vampire Man standing behind me? Nobody matters to me but you. Do you have my happy stuff?
"Sure baby." He says, even though I'm not one. (You'll always be Mama's baby honey.) He shows me the happy stuff in its happy little baggie. I take it and start to get in the car but the Vampire Man pulls me away. Jerome grabs his gun and points it at him. No, not that gun. That's funny. I laugh.
"Easy, man." The Vampire man says. He isn't scared of Jerome's big nasty gun. Bullets can't really kill Vampires though, not really.
"No, man, I don't need her. Tell you what, you give me fifty bucks you can have the bitch and the junk." No, Jerome, don't say these things. I know you don't mean it, you love me. I forgive you.
The Vampire Man gives Jerome some money and he drives away. I still have the happy stuff, and I didn't have to play with the black serpent. That makes me happy, even though I don't mind having Jerome's dick in my mouth, not really.
The Vampire Man takes my hand and walks away with me. (Help! I'm being stolen!) He walks fast and for along time. Please stop Vampire Man. I can't keep up.
"Alright." He says. He walks for about a block more and then he brings me into a coffee shop that I used to go to a long time ago. We go inside into the warm air and he sits me down in a soft seat.
"Do you want some coffee?" He asks. No.
"Something to eat?" No. I want my happy stuff.
"Heroin?" I nod and show him the happy little baggie. And you can't have none. It's all mine.
"What do you take it with?" I reach into my pocket and show him the really good needle I found in the alley. Some dummy just threw it away. Now it's mine. You can't have this either.
"Using dirty needles can kill you." He says. So what? The happy stuff's going to kill me anyway, dead, dead, dead.
"You don't want to live?" Nope. I just want to feel good. Don't you want to feel good, Vampire Man? Isn't that why you bought me? (I'd just die if you was a whore.)
A teenager with greasy hair and an apron comes up to our table.
"C'mon man, put that away." He whispers. "You can't do that shit in here." I look up at him and the Vampire Man grabs my happy little baggie. He walks out of the shop very quickly. I run after him. He turns around in the street and I try to stab him with my needle. I'll teach you not to take my happy stuff. He steps away and grabs my wrist. Once he has my needle he smashes it with his hand. No! Why did you do that, Mister Vampire Man? What did I ever do to you?
"Shut up. You tried to kill me. Now do what I ask or I'll dump this shit down the first sewer grate I come to." What do you want, huh? My lips? My ass? Just tell me what to do and I'll do it, I promise. Please don't throw my happy stuff away.
"Follow me." He says, and he walks away so fast I almost have to run to keep up with him. I get so tired, but I don't stop. The Vampire Man has my happy stuff, and Jerome won't come back till Wednesday.
I follow the Vampire Man to an old, empty building. The walls have things growing out of them in places and moldy boards cover the windows. Is this where you have your coffin? He brings me around to the door and raps on it with his pale hand. Another vampire person opens it from the inside, a black woman who has faded to grey. She looks at my feet, and then slowly lifts her head till she's looking at my face.
"Why her?" She asks.
"She has black hair," says the Vampire Man, "like me; like Marissa."
"Ah." Says the Grey Lady. Even though that's not a word, not really.
The Vampire Man brings me inside into a big room that smells musty and wet. He takes me to a flight of creaky, vampire stairs, and we walk up them till I loose track of what floor we're on. We go down a hall way and he brings me into a bedroom with a little futon in it. A Futon-Room. That's funny. I laugh.
"You have a nice smile." He says. (All the better to eat you with.) "You're very beautiful." He lights a lantern that sits on an old sewing table with paint peeling down its legs. Can I have my happy stuff, Mister Vampire Man?
He grabs me and pulls me to him. I feel his breath on my lips.
"Fuck me, Marissa." He whispers. "Fuck me good and then you can have your junk." I kiss him, even though my name isn't Marissa.
The Vampire Man feels the part of my pretty stomach that my shirt doesn't cover, and then pushes his hands up till it doesn't cover anything anymore. It's cold in the futon-room and my nipples are hard. He kneels and licks them, sending little fire-fly tingles all through me. Oh God, Mama, I'm sorry if sometimes I like it. I know it's bad. I'm going to do the bad thing with this Vampire Man. I'm going to let him inside my bad, wet place and it's going to feel so good. I'm sorry.
He unbuttons my tight, black jeans and strips them off. He kisses my pussy through my panties before taking them off too. He makes me stand with my legs apart and then he kisses my pussy again. French kisses it; spreading the lips apart and pushing his tongue into me. I feel the screaming building up in me, filling me. Oh, I like it so much. I want you in me, Vampire Man. I want your essence to coat my insides.
He stands up and takes off his pants. Can you read my mind Vampire Man? His cock is long and thin, like the sword of Prince Charming. He picks me up and pushes me against the door. Shutting it and pinning me. I wrap my legs around his waist and he pushes into me. I lift myself with my legs and let myself fall into his thrusts. The screaming is all through me now, fighting to get out. I slide against the door as fast as I can and kiss him as I come, letting the screams out into his mouth. He spins around and lowers me to the cold, wooden floor. He keeps fucking me until he comes too. He covers my face with kisses. Little vampire kisses.
"Marissa... Marissa." He says. Did you like that Vampire Man? Was that good?
"Incredible." Good. I liked it too. Can I have my happy stuff now?
He pulls out of me and stands up; still in his sweater and long coat, but with no pants. His penis is limp now, and shiny in the light from the street. He goes to a closet across the room and opens the door. I see him reach onto a high shelf and take down a shoe box. Are you going to get high with me Vampire Man?
He sits in front of me indian style and opens the box. It's filled with white powder. I've never seen so much in my life. I dip my finger into it and then into my mouth. It tastes like chalk though, so I spit it out. I hope you didn't pay too much for that Mister Vampire Man. It's not what you think it is.
"It's not cocaine." He says. What is it then? What does it do? How do you take it?
"You breathe it. I blow it into your face and it kills you." Kills? Dead? That doesn't sound like fun.
He holds up my happy little baggie.
"This shit kills you too, only it kills you piece by piece. First it kills your brain, then it kills your pride. Pretty soon you find yourself selling your ass for ten bucks on a street corner just to get more of the stuff. Eventually though, it kills your body; and then everything's over. You're dead and you never come back." So what, Vampire Man; at least that way you die happy. (Mama, I didn't mean to be no whore. I'm sorry.)
He picks up a handful of the Powder.
"But you see, the special thing about dying this way is that you get to come back. And when you come back you're better. You never need to eat or drink, and you never get sick. You never feel sad or guilty. You can live forever if you want to; and this," He holds up my baggie with his other hand, "you'll never need this again. All you'll need is the Powder." No, thank you. I don't want to die, not really. I don't want to be pale like you. I just want my happy stuff. Then I'll go away.
"I don't want you to go away, Marissa. I want you to stay with me forever."
I get up and run for the door. I don't care about my happy stuff anymore. He can keep it. I'll find Jerome and he'll give me some more. I know he will. He'll give me a new needle too; because Jerome loves me.
I pull on the door but it's stuck. (Oh, I don't want to die.) I spin around and the Vampire Man is standing right in front of me, with his handful of Powder between our faces. I gasp, and he blows it down my throat, into my lungs. I try to scream but the Powder's so dry it takes my voice away. Oh no, no, no, no.
"I'm sorry Marissa," He says, "I just couldn't let you leave me this time. The Preacher can't hurt us here."
My legs start to feel like they're made of play-doh. I think I'm going to fall but the Vampire Man picks me up and carries me to the futon. He kisses my forehead and stands up. His face gets blurry when it's so far away. The futon isn't long enough for my pretty body. I think it must have been made for some little vampire child.
He walks to the door we came in and yanks on it hard so that it opens. Oh, no Vampire man, don't leave me in here to die. I'll fuck you again I swear; just take your Powder back okay? Please...
He leaves and shuts the door behind him.
Oh, my legs won't move, oh God. The air tastes so good. I don't ever want to stop breathing. Everything is getting blurry now. I'll never see the pretty lights again. I'm so scared. Jerome, come save me. Come take me away from here and make me happy again. I don't want to go to hell. Mama says all whores go to hell. Why am I all alone? What did I do wrong? Oh please. God, tell me. I'm not bad Mama I swear... I swear... I'm so scared. My name's not even Marissa.
________________________________________
It's day out now and the room has no curtains. The light hurts so bad. Need to sleep more. Nowhere to go... Just sleep.
________________________________________
The sun is going down and taking the light and heat with it. The sky turns deep purple and fills the room with its hue. The futon is uncomfortable and I don't have a blanket. The air smells like old sex. I want to take a shower but I don't know where one is. The door to the hall way opens. Vampire Man? Is that you coming to kill me again? No. It's another one of the vampire people. A woman, but not the grey lady I saw before. A tall woman with stringy, blond hair. Her eyes are hidden behind it so I can't tell what color they are.
"Marissa?" She asks in a soft voice. I shake my head. That's not my name. That's just what the Vampire Man calls me.
"Are you the girl he brought in from the street last night?" Yes. That's who I am. The girl from the street.
"Can you be Marissa for me?" She asks. I nod. (I'll be anything you want honey, just don't leave me okay?)
She pushes aside her hair and smiles. She's pretty like me, but with sad eyes. I think she remembers things too.
She helps me up and takes me over to my clothes. I get dressed and follow her into the hallway. She leads me to another room on the same floor.
"This is my room." She says, and opens the door. There's a big canopy bed and a chest of drawers with a mirror on top inside. They both look old. Like stuff from the junk yard.
She brings me inside and takes me through another door. We're in a bathroom now. A bathtub is against a wall. It's one of the old kind with the little monster feet holding it up. It's filled with steaming water.
"Do you like where I live?" She asks. Yes I do. You have a beautiful little girl room. Like the one I had. I had a bed like yours once.
"Would you like to take a bath?" Sure, Sad Lady. I like baths.
She stands behind me and pulls my shirt over my head; letting her hands feel my pretty tits before she takes off my pants and underwear at the same time. I didn't bring my shoes.
She helps me into the tub and rubs at my back with a washcloth. Nothing feels real.
"Let's get you all clean Marissa." Who's Marissa? Why do I have to be her? Why's she so special?
"Marissa was his sister. She lived with their Mother far away from him; in the country. When he would go to visit he and his sister would sleep in the same bed; even when they were to old to be doing so and started having desires that they shouldn't have been having. Their Step-Father was a preacher, and he saw no reason they shouldn't spend the nights together since he believed that God protected his house from incest and all other forms of sin."
"Do you know what incest is honey?" Sure. Incest is the bad thing Uncle Phil did to me when I was twelve, and I did to him when I was fifteen. Did the Vampire Man do it too?
"Yes. He started fucking his sister when she was in ninth grade. It was bound to happen eventually. It was so hot there in the country that they slept naked. Sometimes they got into tickling fights. Wrestling with a naked girl would make him hard and one night he just slipped into her. After that they did it all the time. They liked it. Knowing that there was someone in the house that thought it was evil just made them like it more. They fucked every night they were together for a year." Yes? What happened then?
"The Preacher walked in one morning while his Step-Son was taking his sister from behind. He howled in rage that Satan had invaded his home, and stormed out of the room. He came back in a few moments later with a shotgun while his children were still dressing. He shot them both, and then himself. Only one of them lived." The Vampire Man? Of course. He didn't die till later. Not until he breathed the Powder.
Oh God. He blew the Powder down my throat. Am I dead now Sad Lady?
"No, of course not. You might have been for a while, but now you're fine." Am I a ghost? "No. You're Marissa. You're everything he's ever wanted since that day in the country." Oh, Sad Lady, I'm so cold. Why did you make the water so cold?
The Sad Lady kisses my forehead. "You need some more Powder."
She helps me out of the tub and dries me off with a big fluffy towel from a hotel. She leads me into her bedroom and leaves me standing naked on the floor while she opens the top drawer of her dresser and pulls out a small metal box. She lifts the lid and takes out a handful of the Powder inside.
"Take a deep breath." She says. I do and she blows the dust into my face. I look past the Sad Lady and into the mirror on top of the chest of drawers. The Powder makes my face all white. I rub it away but I'm still so pale. A pretty Vampire Lady now; with a pretty white face framed by pretty black hair.
"You're beautiful." She says. "What's your name?" You already know my name, Sad Lady. I'm Marissa.
"Good." She takes me into her arms and kisses me. Her tongue darts into my mouth and licks my teeth. All she's wearing is a short black dress with a zipper on the back. I undo it and let it fall to the floor. She pushes me gently onto the bed and bites my neck hard. I side my hand beneath her panties and feel her ass. It's not pretty and round like mine. It's tight and narrow, like a young boy's. I roll her over onto her back and pet the hairs between her legs. (Don't touch yourself there, girl. It's a bad place. A bad, wet place.)
I put my first two fingers inside her and fuck her with them. She moans softly at first, but screams when she comes; like I do. Shh, Sad Lady. You're going to wake the neighbors.
She kisses me again and then runs her tongue down my body till she reaches my pussy. She licks till the hair there is as wet as it was in the tub. Then she explores my insides with her mouth. Tasting, licking, sucking. I've haven't been with a woman since that time with Johnny. I did it for him, then, and I didn't really like it. I like it now though. The Sad Lady takes my clit into her mouth and tongues it until I stiffen and bite my lip. She stops and rests her head on my leg. I taste blood in my mouth.
"Sleep now." She says. "I know you must be tired." No. Mostly I'm hungry, even though the Vampire Man said I wouldn't need to eat any more. I never get tired after sex. Not like Johnny did. But I close my eyes anyway and try to take a nap on her big, beautiful, canopy bed.
________________________________________
I was a little girl once. I lived in a flat top house with its own backyard. I had a little orange cat named Fairy that loved me. The man Mama made us call Daddy loved me too. Sometimes I would try to play outside with the other children, but they always called me names.
"Crazy girl, crazy girl!" Toby shouts at me, circling me and shooting me with his squirt gun. Leave me alone. I just want to play Barbies with Patty.
"Well Patty doesn't like you crazy girl. Hazy, lazy, spacey, crazy girl." Shut up! Why don't you shut up? I yell and yell, but the children never stop teasing. They hate me. Just like Mama. Mama hates me cause I'm always doing bad things.
"I just got off the phone with little Mike's Mother you little bitch. She says you were showing your bad place to that boy. That's a bad, evil thing, do you hear me? Evil!" Mama's face gets so red when she's angry; and she puts it so close to mine. Her breath smells like cigarettes. I'm sorry Mama. I didn't want to but he said he'd buy me a candy bar if I did.
"Then he's almost as bad as you! Do you know what you're going to be if you keep doing that? A whore! Don't you ever be no whore girl. I'd just die if you was a whore."
The man Mama makes us call Daddy is home now. Mama is telling him about all the bad things me and Rory did today. I'm in bed, hugging Fairy close and trying not to listen; but her voice is so loud. Rory is teasing me through the wall.
"Nyah, nyah, you're gonna get a whippin, you're gonna get a whippin, Crazy Girl." No. Daddy loves me. He won't whip me.
"Will too, will too. He hates you; and Mama's real mad. Maybe he's gonna come kill you." Maybe. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe he's gonna come kill me like the Preacher killed the Vampire Man.
Rory touches my shoulder. He's in bed with me now, his little ten year old penis is hard. Mama is still yelling in the living room.
"Wanna fuck, Crazy Girl?" Rory asks me. No. Now be quiet before the Preacher comes to kill us. I shove his head under the covers to hide him. He goes down and starts to lick my bad place. I let him because it feels so good. I'm so bad. I didn't even tell Mama the worst part; that I let Little Mike touch my bad place. I think of my shiny silver dollar and about all I'm gonna buy with it. A candy bar and a soda, maybe even a comic book; even though I don't like them, not really.
"Honestly Eva," I hear Daddy say. "you know what the Doctor said about that girl. You know she has problems."
"Doctor?" Mama screams, "Doctor? I don't care about no Doctors! Look at this damn bible Mister! Look at it!" Rory is making the screaming build up inside me. If it gets out Mama will hear and she'll come kill us. Mama and the Preacher.
"They hate you." Rory says from between my legs. "They hate you cause you're bad. But I'll love you. I'll love you if you fuck me." He will. Everybody loves me if I let them inside me. Little Mike, Uncle Phil, Johnny...
Johnny loves me when I'm sixteen. He takes me to the carnival. Johnny loves me when I'm eighteen and I move with him to the city. Mama doesn't want me to move. I don't care Mama. I'm going. Johnny loves me and you don't. I'm taking Fairy and going. I reach to get my cat off the floor but Mama grabs him first. Gimmie my cat Mama!
"Oh, no, you Devil Child. This cat is staying right here!" Mama takes Fairy by his tail and swings him into the kitchen counter. His head bounces off the corner and blood from his nose sprays on the wall. She drops him on the floor and I kneel to pick him up. His head's broke. One eye is bulging out. Why did you kill Fairy, Mama? I didn't deserve that!
"It was for your own good, child. You would have done the same thing if you were me." No! I won't never kill nobody's cat! I won't never kill nothin! I run all the way to Johnny's house. I never see Mama again.
Johnny loves me the first year we live together. He tells me that all those other girls don't mean anything to him. He tells me that I'm the only one for him. But when we're in the alley together and I tell him about the baby growing inside me he gets as bad as Mama. He tells me to kill the baby before it's even born.
"Don't you say no to me, you bitch!" He screams. "You don't have enough sense to have no baby!" Oh, but Johnny I want it so much. I want a little baby that loves me just like I love you. I want a little baby that loves me just because I'm me. I won't kill it, Johnny. I won't never kill nothin.
"You don't know what the hell you're talking about! You're crazy! You'd have little crazy kids! Look, you fucking cunt, it's either me or that damn kid! I'll leave this time I mean it!" That's okay Johnny, I don't love you anymore. You want me to kill something. You say mean things and you aren't cute with little tiny baby fingers. You go away.
"You bitch! I'll show you to talk like that to me! I'll show you what you can do with a baby!" Let go Johnny! Please don't hit me like that. It hurts so bad. Stop it! I can't breathe. My legs feel wet. I look down at the pool of blood forming at my feet. That's our baby there, Johnny. There on the sidewalk. I wish you let me wear panties. Maybe if I was wearing panties they would have held the baby in. Wait, don't leave me here! See, I don't have a baby anymore! I'll forgive you! Oh God, it hurts so bad...
The Doctor Lady wants to take my pain away. She puts a needle in my arm and pumps me full of stuff that makes me forget about Johnny, and Mama, and dead fairies and babies on the sidewalk. It's liquid mercy, and it makes me happy. I go to sleep.
The nurse man is in the room. The one who always wipes his nose with his hand.
"You sure are pretty." He says. I am. I'm Mama's pretty girl. Do you want to fuck me, Nurse Man? I'll let you, even though my ribs are all broke. All you have to do is get me some more of the happy stuff in the needle. The Doctor Lady hasn't been giving me enough lately. Will you do that for me?
The Nurse Man nods.
I leave the hospital today. No more happy stuff for me... I never really needed it anyway.
Oh, Jerome, I need some stuff to make me happy again.
"Sure baby, I have some stuff like that. It's expensive, though." Expensive? I don't have much money. Jobs are hard to find.
"Hey, I know. You don't have to cry to me. I got your stuff right here. Tell me somethin though; do you like snakes?" Jerome laughs. He always laughs when he shows me his snake. Snakes... Shakes.
________________________________________
Someone is shaking me. It's the Vampire Man. I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tight. The Sad Lady is gone. I'm so glad you didn't go away forever, Vampire Man. I'm glad you didn't leave me all alone like Johnny did. When I'm alone I remember things. I hate to remember.
"I'll never leave you again, Marissa." He says. He loves me because he loved Marissa. I love him because Marissa loved him too. I am Marissa now. Does that make you happy, Vampire Man?
"Yes. Come with me, my sister. I want you to meet our family." I already met our pretty blond sister. She licked my pussy for me. Does that make you jealous?
"No. All I want is for you to be happy." Oh, I love you my brother; my Vampire Man.
He waits for me to dress and then he takes me down the hall and the old stairs. He leads me to the ground floor and to an elevator shaft with no elevator in it. I can't see the bottom in the dim light of the lanterns that are all around, but the Vampire Man tells me to crawl down the ladder on its side. I do. I want to meet my new family.
I go down for a long way, but I start to see light beneath me after just a little while. When I get to the bottom of the ladder I'm still not on the ground. Strong hands help me so that I don't fall. I'm in a big room, like a basement, but with parachutes tied to the ceiling, and torches mounted on the walls, far below them. The room smells like sweat and burning wood. There are a lot of people down here, maybe as many as twenty. They all have pale, vampire faces, even though not all of them are white like my brother and I. The Grey Lady is down here; and so is the Sad Lady. She smiles a sad smile at me. Where is the Vampire Man? I look for him. He drops from the ladder I came down and lands in a crouch. He's so beautiful, cat like and pale. The man who helped me down looks like an exotic model. He is tall and dark and muscular, with his hair in tiny braids that go down to his waist. Strings of beads are fastened to the bottom of them so he sounds like a rattlesnake when he moves. Just looking at him makes me feel my bad place getting warm. He and the Vampire Man lead me into the middle of all the other pale people. A lot of them reach out and touch me as I go by. Some just brush my arms, but some feel my breasts over my shirt, or my ass over my jeans. All of them seem like they've been waiting for me for some time.
The people stand aside and reveal a large, round tub with steam spilling over the sides. I already had a bath today, Vampire Man. The Sad Lady gave it to me.
"This bath is special." He says. "It washes away your past and brings you into our family. Do you want that?" Yes. More than anything. You know that.
The Strong man stands behind me and tears the back of my shirt so that it falls off me. The Vampire Man gently helps me out of my pants and underwear. The Strong Man lifts me up like he's rescuing me from something. You don't need to save me, Strong Man. I'm with my new family. He carries me up the steps that lead to the tub. He lowers me into the too hot water. Goose bumps rise on skin from the shock. The water doesn't burn, but it makes me feel all prickly.
All the pale people cheer, and start stamping their feet on the ground; making it into a big bass drum. The rhythm's hypnotic. The Strong Man begins to dance like a charmed snake. He writhes his way out of his clothes and steps into the tub with me. His cock is so big it looks like it would hurt to have it in me, but I want to feel it so bad.
An Indian man and a woman with fiery red hair climb the steps carrying a big, shallow bowl filled with Powder between them. When they get to the top they pour it into the tub. Thick white smoke rises up and covers the strong man and I in a mist. The fog spills over the edge of the tub and drifts down to all the people who continue their rhythmatic pounding. The water and the heat and the Powder make me dizzy.
The Strong Man gets to me, spins me around, and enters me from behind. I have to open my legs wide to get him in me, and I can feel the tip of his cock brushing against my womb. God, it feels so good to have you fuck me all the way to my baby making place, Strong Man. (I don't think she'll ever have children... not after what that bastard did to her.)
My family is watching the Strong Man take me. It is exciting them. They like watching my face change shape as he moves in and out of me. The Grey Lady is kissing the Vampire Man's neck. Her hand slides around and squeezes the erection growing in his pants. The Sad Lady is kissing an oriental woman. I can see their tongues touching. Everyone is forming small groups; twosomes, threesomes, they are all watching me, and at the same time, taking their pleasure from each other. A woman takes off her shirt. The Vampire Man's pants fall to the ground.
The Strong Man bites my shoulder. I feel his eyeteeth pierce my skin. He pushes into me hard. Yes, Strong Man, hard like that.
"The Powder made all this." He hisses into my ear. How?
"It makes us feel like this, like we're in a dream. It makes us what we are. It keeps us alive so we must always have it." He pushes deep into me. He makes a noise that I think means I'm pleasing him, but it sounds more like a growl. Where do we get the Powder? Where do we buy it?
"We make it. Its recipe is simple." He moans loudly. What is the recipe?
"One part mandrake, two parts clay tablets, painted with the old writing." Don't slow down Strong Man. You feel so good inside me. Faster, please faster. The screaming is getting so close.
"Listen," he says, "The most important part is the bone." The Sad Lady and the Oriental woman are rubbing their pussies together. The Grey Lady has the Vampire man deep inside her mouth. A bead of sweat rolls down his cheek; or maybe a tear. (Sweat and tears, girl, that's the only way you get anything in this world.)
"You have to help us get the bone." The Strong Man says. I picture the Vampire Man and I wandering through a graveyard, digging up old bones, watching out for ghosts; but even this can't stop the screaming inside me. I erupt in orgasm, as the Strong Man fucks me hard and fast. My shriek makes everyone turn to look at me. Someone laughs quietly. My vision blurs. I feel like I did the first time I took the Powder. I'll help you get the old bones. I like the Powder.
"No," Says the Strong Man, as he continues to move inside me. "The bone must be fresh. We must kill to get it. You must kill to get it. It takes me a moment to really hear his words. Suddenly I can see Fairy, with his broke head and his bulging eye, floating towards me in the tub. I scream and pull away from the Strong Man. He grabs me and turns me around to face him, and then forces himself back between my legs; forces his cock back into me. He starts fucking me hard again. I claw at him, and leave lines of blood across his chest, but he doesn't stop. He hisses like a snake. His eyes are snake's eyes, golden, slit pupiled cobra's eyes. I try to push him away but he's too strong. I can't stop him.
"I'm going to come into you!" He shouts. "You will be one of us! You struggle, but I can feel your cunt clutching at me! You want this! You want me to fuck you!" suddenly he arcs his back and roars. I feel his cum spray into my womb. I hear the moans of my family as they please each other. The room spins so fast. Make it stop, Vampire Man. Why didn't you save me? I didn't want him to fuck me, not really.
Oh, Mama, I'm so sorry. Sometimes it feels so good.
Everything goes dark. The Strong Man lays against me. He's softening inside me, but he hasn't stopped moving completely.
"You screamed when you came." I hear him say from far away. "You like me being inside you. You'll want me to fuck you again. You'll help us get what we need." No. I won't never kill nobody. Never. Just watch, Strong man, just you watch.
________________________________________
There's a crack in the sidewalk by my toe. Hurtful white light from the passing cars flows along the street like iridescent liquid. It fills the crack and moves on. It leaves me in the soft, pretty light of the signs. Their candy-apple glow makes me feel like I've come home.
I left the old Vampire Building the night after the one the Strong Man took me in the tub. The day after that my body started to die. At first I hid. The Vampire Man found me. He begged me to come back. He said he couldn't bear to loose me again. I told him I'd find something to make it so I didn't hurt anymore. All I needed was to have Jerome give me one more fix.
Jerome pulls up in his curvy car. He opens the door and I climb in.
"Hey baby," He says. "Jerome's here. I got what you need." He holds up a bag of the happy stuff. "You look like you need this pretty bad. You're all pale. Maybe we should increase your dosage, huh?" I take the baggie from him and smile. No, that's okay, Jerome. As a matter of fact, I won't be seeing you anymore.
"What? What do you mean by that?"
Jerome's door flies open and the Strong Man pulls him out of the car. Jerome reaches for his gun on the way out, but I push it away from his hand. The Strong Man pulls Jerome into the alley I'd had him hide in before the curvy car pulled up.
"What the fuck?" Jerome is yelling. "What the hell is going on?" The strong Man lets Jerome go for a second, but grabs him again when he tries to lunge for me. Jerome tries to fight, but my brother is too strong for him. He flings him up against the wall like he weighed less than a child.
"Hey, what is this, huh?" Jerome asks more quietly. "What's up, baby? C'mon, you still need me. Where else are you gonna get the stuff that makes you happy? Damn it, you still need me!" What a silly thing to say, Jerome. Of course I still need you.
I need you so that I can make the Powder.