Note: This story is significantly changed from the original post on ASSM and SOL particularly in Chapters 1 and 8 ...thanks for reading -rr

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This story is composed of 4 chapters of approximately 10K words each.

Copyright 2006 Rachael Ross all rights reserved.

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I couldn't bear the thought of sneaking around all the time. Going behind my husband's back to meet a boyfriend. He loves me and trusts me, so I don't want to hurt him, but I need a little more than he can give me, you know? He works so hard, putting food on our table, buying me little unexpected gifts that are just perfect. He's a pretty amazing guy, my husband, I'm a lucky woman and I know it. So I don't want to lose him. But, gosh, I just need...sex.

I'm only 20 years old, but sometimes I feel a lot older, just because I only get it from my husband maybe once every two weeks or so. He's tired, I know, exhausted from the daily stress. And he does try, but I hate making him do it, when he's so obviously uninterested. I do buy sexy clothes for him; you know lingerie, stockings and garters, thongs and peek-a-boo bras. I'm 5'4" tall about 105lbs, with a good hard body, a great ass, fine legs, and I got a boob job, so my breasts are magnificent 34C's now. My face is pretty, my teeth fine, my eyes brown and hair a long healthy wave of black silk. So, I don't know what else to do, nothing seems to work with him.

Maybe it's because I'm just not into really weird stuff, you know? I mean dressing up is okay, it's even fun, but when we first started dating, and even right after we were married he'd ask me to try things. But I guess I'm olad fashioned? Or it was my upbringing maybe, which I'd never thought of as being particularly strict, anyway I just wasn't comfortable with some of the things he suggested. But we could still have sex, wouldn't you think? That was all I really wanted and it was frustrating when he wouldn't give it to me.

Like I said though, I didn't really want to fool around on him. I love him. I masturbated a lot, and that helped, but not much. I need a man's touch. So, I was talking with a friend of mine named Clarice. Her husband is always there with her, a very attentive man of about 35 or so. She's 38 and comfortable with that as she's a strikingly attractive woman. I use her for my role model when I go shopping. If I look at a dress, I say to myself, 'Would Clarice wear something like this?' and if the answer is no, then I don't want it. So she has a lot of influence over me.

I started talking to her one day about my sex life. Actually, I think she brought it up, speaking at first about another friend of hers whom I vaguely knew. Clarice doesn't gossip very much, so this surprised me, but the conversation soon changed to mine, as I said. I told her I was a little frustrated, I supposed, because my husband wasn't very active in that department. He had a low sex drive, I shrugged.

"And yours is...high?" Clarice smiled at me.

"Yeah." I nodded and giggled a little self-consciously. "High like through the roof sometimes, you know?"

"Yes, I think I do." She was smiling at me. "Have you taken a lover?"

I gasped at that. "No, of course not!" I told her. We'd only gotten married 8 months before. "I thought it was common decency to wait at least a year!" I joked.

Clarice laughed too. "I have several lovers." She told me. "It really is the best thing when two people are in love, but just unsatisfied in that one small way."

I looked at James, her husband who was sitting there nearby, reading a book and drinking some iced tea. He must have heard his wife's words, which means he must have known...and didn't care? I wondered about that.

"Oh, James doesn't mind if I have lovers, do you James?" She smiled at her husband.

"No dear, of course not." He looked up and smiled back at her.

"See, Lisa?"

"But, uh, excuse me for being nosy, why doesn't your husband care?" I couldn't help but ask, could I?

"Oh, he probably would if I hadn't had him castrated." Clarice shrugged. "But since I've removed his balls, he's so much more relaxed and understanding."

"You...What?" I couldn't have heard her right. "I'm sorry Clarice, did you say you removed his...balls?"

"Well, I didn't do it of course. I have a friend, a doctor friend, who specializes in that sort of thing. She's very good; maybe you should talk to her about Jack."

Jack was my husband. "But, oh...I don't think so. He'd never even think about that, and besides we want to have children someday, so..." I was shaking my head.

"Well, it was just a thought, Lisa." Clarice smiled and changed the subject.

But the seed had been planted, as she'd known it would be, and I often found myself thinking about what she'd told me. I tried to picture what my husband would look like without his balls. They really were kind of ugly. I mean, I know some women like them, but I found them to be rather...unseemly. A hairy little sack swinging back and forth? Ugh! Where was the excitement in that?

One night, lying in bed with my husband, I started fondling his cock, trying to get him stirred up because I was feeling the need. But he just sighed and rubbed my thigh. He loved me, but he said he was just too wound up to relax, he had numbers and accounts and clients dancing through his head. He needed to work extra hard because we needed a new car, blah blah blah...I'd heard it all before and it didn't make the ache between my legs feel any better.

I felt his balls, hairy and warm, rolling them around in my fingers gently. I started thinking that maybe losing those wouldn't be such a bad thing. Clarice's husband was perfectly normal, very calm, almost sedate, but a lot of fun to be around too. He was the model of a good husband, just like Jack. The only real difference was that James didn't mind if his wife had a lover, whereas my husband...I couldn't even imagine his reaction.

"Jack?" I whispered.

"Hmmm?" He responded softly. "What is it, baby?"

"What do you think of castration?"

"Huh?" He rolled over. "Castration? Are you getting a dog?"

"No, Jack, I mean like a guy, a man getting castrated."

"Oh. Mmm...I don't know." He started sleeping about then and I rolled over, frustrated as usual and finding it hard to sleep.

If Jack was castrated, I kept thinking, perhaps I could be with another man then. I could be having all the sex I could handle and Jack wouldn't care. He'd still be the same, and I'd be so much happier. He might be happier too, Clarice seemed to think so. It really could work, I thought, if we could get around the baby issue.

I spoke with Clarice a couple days later, asking her about that doctor she'd mentioned.

"Oh, have you been thinking about getting Jack fixed?" She asked.

We were seated in the backyard with a young Hispanic woman, Roselyn, who couldn't have been more than 18 or 19 at the most. She was exotic, which made her all the more beautiful with her dark skin and black eyes. I didn't understand exactly what her relationship with Clarice was, but the two women seemed close somehow.

"Uh, kind of, I don't know. I'd just like to ask some questions, you know?"

"Oh sure, I have her phone number in my address book. Roselyn, would you be a dear and get Dr. Lyon's phone number please? It's on my writing desk. Thanks sweetie."

"Yes ma'am." The young woman nodded and walked off to find the information.

"Oh Dr. Lyons really is very good, too. You'll like her I think. She's been castrating men for years and I've never heard of anyone complaining." Clarice continued, gazing after her Hispanic friend.

"There are more castrated men in town?" For some reason I'd imagined Jim as the only one.

"Oh yes, dear!" Clarice chuckled. "Quite a few in fact. Most of my friends have had their husband's castrated already. It really is a very trendy thing nowadays, even among newlyweds like yourselves."

"Really?" I was surprised at that.

Roselyn returned with the phone number, written on a piece of stationary for me in her neat handwriting. "Here you are, Lisa." She gave me a little smile. She was quite beautiful but there was something about her dark eyes that was vaguely unsettling.

"Oh, okay. Thanks Roselyn, thank you Clarice." I smiled at the two women and decided I'd call this doctor and see what the deal was.

-=-=-

"Sunrise Care Services, my name is Peter, how may I direct your call." A very nice man asked me.

"Uh, Dr. Lyon's office please."

"Thank you, have a nice day." He said and then another phone was ringing.

"Good morning, Dr. Lyon's office, Nurse Ryan speaking, may I help you?"

"Hi, good morning, I got your number from a friend of mine and I was wanting some information regarding a, uh...castration procedure?" I actually blushed when I said it, I think, although I don't know why.

"Sure, I can answer any questions you might have. Could I have your name please?" She sounded very young.

"My...name? I just wanted to ask..."

"I understand, we just like to keep a record of who calls, the information is confidential, I assure you."

"Oh, well, my name is Lisa Pavageau and my husband's name is Jack." I hadn't meant to say that!

"Then I take it this is regarding the castration of your husband?"

"Uh, yes." I winced.

"And how old is your husband, Lisa?"

"He's um, 27 years old."

"Oh, that's a good age to get castrated." The woman told me.

"It is?"

"Oh yes, there's numerous health issues related to the testicles that first arise in the 25-35 age bracket. Many of these problems are undetectable by normal examinations until the they become symptomatic, and by then the medical costs of treatment is much higher, and the likelihood of successful treatment much lower. So many men who are very ill today, in their 40's and 50's would be living much better, healthier lives if they'd been castrated when they'd been 30 or so."

"Really?" I wondered how she remembered all that, but maybe Dr. Lyons really did have a lot of customers...er, patients or whatever.

"Oh, yes ma'am, that's a medical fact. Of course the biggest issue is that the medical establishment is largely run by men, if you catch my meaning, Lisa." She chuckled softly.

"Ah." I said, being a little unsure of what she meant.

"Men being, well, men...They're a little reluctant to publish the fact that castration as a preventive medical measure is both feasible and desirable."

"I see." Actually castration as preventive medicine sounded a little strange to me. I mean I wouldn't want to get a mastectomy to prevent breast cancer, would I? "But what about, uh babies? I want to, we want to, start a family and if..."

"Oh we always preserve sperm specimens from all of our patients. Your husband's sperm would be stored indefinitely, and available for in utero fertilization any time you desired it. The viability of the process is right around 98% which means very little of the spermatozoa itself is degraded, and in general terms it isn't even worth worrying about since the average patient donates roughly 10CC's of sperm containing literally millions of healthy sperm cells."

"So I could get pregnant any time I wanted?"

"That's right Lisa, exactly like that. All that is required is your husband to sign a few forms releasing his sperm for fertilization. He can sign those anytime and they'll stand up in any court in the country. Our clinic isn't interested in a hypothetical custodial battle over sperm;" she giggled, "we leave that to the daytime talk shows."

"So even if we got...divorced, I could still get impregnated by him?"

"As long as the paperwork has been done, sure."

Wow! My mind was going a hundred miles an hour. Is there such a thing as too much good news? That made me smile, but still, the whole castration thing was sounding strange too. This girl was almost excited about it!

"And, um...what about the procedure itself?" I wondered. "Is it..."

Nurse Ryan reassured me immediately. "Oh, the procedure is very simple. Unless your husband has complications, such as hemophilia for example, the castration itself is an out-patient procedure. That means he comes in and we prep him for surgery, Dr. Lyons removes his testes and excess tissue, and we suture him back up. It takes less than two hours and he's back home."

"It doesn't hurt, does it?" I had no desire to hurt my husband, of course.

"No. Not at all. We generally prefer to use just a local anesthetic, since anytime a patient is put unconscious it creates small but unavoidable risks. Of course, some men, many men, would prefer to be completely out during their castration." Nurse Ryan laughed. "But unless there's a real medical reason, we keep them awake. Dr, Lyons believes that seeing their balls removed is also good for the psychological health of the patient."

"I see." I paused for a moment, wondering if I'd asked about everything I wanted to.

"Would you like to set up a consultation?" Nurse Ryan suggested.

"Oh! Uh...I don't know, um..."

"It's okay, you probably haven't really had a chance to discuss this with your husband yet, have you?" Nurse Ryan must have had a lot of experience with young wives like me.

"No, um...not yet."

"Well, you could still come by, if you like. By yourself, or with your husband, and see our facilities, meet Dr. Lyons. Especially if you find it hard to talk to your husband. We might be able to suggest some methods to convince him of the value castration can add to his life...and yours, Lisa."

I could almost hear Nurse Ryan's smile through the phone and I couldn't help but make an appointment with Dr. Lyons for the following week. I wasn't really sold on the idea, it was just one of those weird thoughts really, but if Clarice seemed to think it was a good idea...

As we lay in bed that night, I broached the subject again with my husband. "Dear?" I was rubbing his chest lightly, knowing all too well that I'd probably get no physical interest out of him. "I was thinking about that...thing...that we talked about the other night."

"Mmm..." He murmured sleepily. "What thing?"

"The castration thing." I glanced at him but he just lay there. "Did you know it can be really good for you?"

"Good for me? What?" Jack turned over, onto his side facing me.

"Castration, the doctors say it can be really healthy."

"Lisa." He almost laughed. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"I love you. I just want to do what's best for you, that's all." I didn't add that I thought it would be pretty good for me too.

"I have the biggest presentation of my life in three days." He sighed. "The president is going to be there, the CFO, all the department heads..." Jack shook his head. "And you're talking about cutting off my balls?" He did laugh then.

"Well, I think it would help you." I shrugged a little. "The lady I spoke to said a lot of stress comes from having balls." I wasn't explaining this very well, was I?

"A lady? A woman?" Jack closed his eyes. "What would any woman know about balls?" He rolled over again. "Just go to sleep, okay?"

He wasn't taking me seriously, I realized. I was just his trophy wife, not someone he wanted advice from. It made me more than a little sad and try as I might, I just couldn't think of a way to make my concern for him any plainer. I really hoped Dr. Lyons would have some ideas, if not about castration, then a pill to make him horny, at least.

I kept my appointment, feeling vaguely uneasy that I was alone. Jack should have been with me, but Nurse Ryan, who turned out to be a very attractive young girl, maybe 20 years old and just out of nursing school, reassured me.

"Most of our patients don't come to the first visit." She smiled and patted my arm. "Their husbands, or boyfriends, even sons and fathers sometimes, just don't understand how important their well-being is to the people around them."

I nodded, she was expressing exactly how I felt. If Jack only knew how much I cared about him, he would have come along. I filled out some forms in the waiting room. It was a very nice office, well appointed and pleasant. Not so much like a hospital at all.

There was another woman there, older than I, perhaps forty or so, and she smiled politely at me. Next to her sat a teenaged boy, looking somewhat bored and acting the tough, but it was obvious he was nervous. He was good looking, with short brown hair and a too big t-shirt, worn jeans and unlaced hiking boots. He looked like a typical teenager and I largely ignored him.

"Is this your first visit?" The woman asked me, when it was obvious I'd finished the forms. I nodded. "Husband?"

"Yes, my husband...I'm just getting some information really." I sounded like I was telling a sales clerk I was just browsing a store. "I mean, he isn't really interested in it."

The woman stared at me for a second and then laughed happily like I'd just told her a really good joke. "Oh, they never are! Believe me. I have a husband and three boys. But if Kevin wants to play football..."

Just then Nurse Ryan returned and took my forms. She smiled at Kevin. "Are you ready, Kevin? Right this way please." The boy practically jumped at the sound of his name and he looked at his mother with wide, pleading eyes, but when the woman stood up, the handsome youth did the same. I watched them leave wondering what playing football had to do with being castrated.

"Excuse me." I caught the nurse as she was walking by. I knew it was rude but... "That boy, Kevin, is he going to be...?"

Nurse Ryan looked at me, slightly confused. "What? Castrated?" I nodded and she giggled. "Good heavens, no! He's just getting a prostate exam for his sports physical." She looked around and lowered her voice. "He doesn't really need one, but his mom's a little...you know...overprotective." She twirled her finger near her right ear. "It won't hurt him anyway; Dr. Lyons is very gentle with our younger patients."

"Oh." I actually let out a little sigh of relief for young Kevin. "Uh, good."

Perhaps 15 minutes later I was surprised to see a very good looking man, dressed in green scrubs with a lab coat over his broad shoulders, approaching me. "Lisa?" I smiled and stood up, feeling a little self-conscious beneath his soft brown eyes. "I'm Dr. Prescott, the clinic psychologist." He smiled and I felt my knees go weak. When he took my hand gently in his, it was worse. This guy, I thought to myself, belonged in an art gallery. Or at least in some underwear ads.

"It's nice to meet you." I blinked, feeling my stomach doing little flip-flops. I could smell him. Not his cologne, not the soap he used. I could smell him. It was obscene.

"Dr. Lyons is with a patient right now, but I thought I could have a little chat with you." He let go of my hand and put his palm in the small of my back, making me give a slight gasp. "Would you like to come to my office?"

I nodded dumbly, not trusting my voice. I let him lead me gently down a warm, carpeted corridor and into a spacious office with a nice view. There was a desk, of course, but also a comfortable chair and small sofa, a love seat really, arranged in the corner. We moved there and I sat on the loveseat. I declined his offer of coffee and watched as he sat in the chair, leaning forward so that we were very close.

"Now you're here about your husband, right?"

"Yes, uh, yeah...Jack, my husband." I was looking into the doctor's eyes and having a very hard time remembering what my husband even looked like.

"So, I understand that you're interested in having him castrated." He nodded to himself. "But..." He smiled, inviting me to explain.

"But, uh...He's not very...interested." I admitted. "He doesn't really take me seriously."

Dr. Prescott nodded in understanding. "We'll talk about Jack in a moment. Why do you think it would be good to have this procedure?"
"Well, um...I love him." I had to say that. "I...he's under a lot of stress, at work. Maybe if he were...fixed..." I smiled weakly. "It would make things easier for him."

The truth was I wasn't sure if I wanted him to have that procedure or not. I mean I knew all the selfish reasons, especially since Clarice and James seemed so happy, but now that I was actually sitting there, I felt like an actress saying what I did. It was like I'd put myself in a hole and I really had no choice but to keep digging.

"I see." Dr. Prescott pursed his lips. "The testicles can certainly contribute to emotional as well as physical problems, especially if the patient works in a high-stress environment." He paused. "How is your personal life, Lisa?"

"What?" I frowned slightly. "My...personal life?"

"Yes." He shrugged. "Your sex life. Are you satisfied by your husband?"

I made a face and Dr. Prescott smiled. "Uh, no. I'm not satisfied."

"You realize that once your husband is castrated he'll lose virtually all interest in sex."

It was my turn to laugh. "That would be an improvement, Doctor, believe me." I closed my eyes. "Jack has no interest in sex now."

"Okay." Dr. Prescott looked at me, leaning back into his chair. "So, tell me, Lisa...What specifically is your interest in this? Your personal benefit from castrating your husband?"

"I..." I wasn't sure I wanted to answer this beautiful man, doctor or not. "I'm only 20 Doctor." I folded my arms across my breasts protectively. "I need...sex. I guess." I hoped that didn't make sound like a slut or something and I could feel my face reddening slightly.

"Well, of course you do, Lisa." He laughed and I blushed hard then. "So how does this help?"

"I want to...to take a lover." I looked down. "And maybe if...if...Jack was castrated..."

"He wouldn't care?" Dr. Prescott offered. "You'd feel justified having a relationship, a sexual relationship, outside the normal bounds of marriage?"

"Yes." I looked up, as if daring the man to disapprove me. "I won't cheat on him. Not now, like this...I can't."

"But if he were castrated and unable to perform, you think he'd...approve?" Dr. Prescott arched his eyebrows. He didn't wait for my obvious reply. "What if he didn't approve?"

"If he...didn't?" I hadn't thought about that. "I don't know. I-I'd..."

"Would it matter to you? Really? Would it bother you having an affair with another man, knowing your husband disapproves..." he smiled. "And knowing at the same time that he was powerless to give you the satisfaction you need?"

"But he doesn't give it to me now..." I was feeling confused.

"But right now you're not having an affair. Is it because he wouldn't approve? Or is it because he maintains at least the potential to give you pleasure?"

"I don't know."

"Are you afraid of your husband, Lisa?"

"What? No! No, not at all." I shook my head.

"Then why are you afraid of having an affair?" He asked reasonably.

"Because...uh, because he's my husband. I love him." I looked out the windows briefly. "I respect him too much to do that to him."

"And so what would be the difference if he was castrated?"

"I'm...I don't know."

"You'd still love him?" Dr. Prescott asked.

"Of course, yes. Always." I had no doubt in my heart.

"Then...if it isn't fear, as you've said. And you'd still love him...then what changes?" He smiled and held out his hands.

"Respect?" I wondered softly.

"Can you respect a man with no balls, Lisa?" Dr. Prescott made it sound like the very idea was repugnant.

I thought about it carefully. I'd still respect my husband, I mean as a husband. As the person who loved me, who supported me. But as a man? Was he a man? Would he still be without his testicles?

"Lisa?" The Dr. prodded gently.

"No." I whispered, feeling the words escape my lips like a small betrayal.

"No." Dr. Prescott agreed. "Of course you couldn't. A beautiful woman like you. A woman who needs so much, and has so much to offer to the right...man." He shook his head sadly. "You can't respect him now, can you? As a man?"

I shook my head sadly, feeling bewildered more than anything else. I felt like Dr. Prescott had just spun me around a whole bunch of times and I was going to fall down any second. Did I really feel this way? I wasn't sure at all. But Jack couldn't even make love to me more than a few times a month. A real man, I was sure, would take me every chance he had. In every possible way he could ever want. He would do things to me...awful, terrible and beautiful things to make my body scream with ecstasy. My husband wasn't really a man at all, or so it somehow seemed. And if I understood what this doctor was telling me then I didn't respect him at all, did I.

"I..." I licked my lips, trying to find words for the thought forming in my mind. "I could respect him again, if he was castrated...couldn't I, doctor?"

"Of course you could." He smiled and nodded, plainly happy with me, but hat just confused me even more. I'd almost thought he was trying to talk me out of it.

Just then there was a knock at the door and an auburn haired woman entered the room, smiling. She was dressed in scrubs as well, with a lab coat and carrying a clipboard. She was tall and thin, with a pretty face. Her blue eyes were bright and her smile genuine.

"Ah, Dr. Lyons." Dr. Prescott stood up. "I was just speaking with Lisa, getting a feel for her situation."

"Good, good!" Dr. Lyons nodded and walked over, shaking my hand. "I'm Theresa Lyons, it's so nice to meet you, Lisa." She sat down next to me and Dr. Prescott took his chair again. "I've looked over your file, just briefly. So, you're interested in having your husband castrated?"

"Yes." I nodded.

"And you've had a little chat with Dr. Prescott." She looked at her colleague. "How was that?"

"Well..." He looked at me. "I'm not sure Jack, Lisa's husband, is really a good candidate for the procedure, frankly."

I stared at him, wondering what he was saying.

"The issue isn't so much Jack's health, or his present physical condition. If he was...mmm...exhibiting deviant sexuality, was sexually addicted, or if he was simply prone to serial infidelity..." He gave me a little smile. "...In such cases castration is a preferred and very successful form of treatment. But this isn't the case here. Jack's lack of interest in sex has resulted in the inability of Lisa to recognize his traditional role as the dominant partner in their marriage. She can't respect him as a man. She loves him, obviously, cares about him and responds to Jack's ability to support her..."

"Do you agree with Dr. Prescott, Lisa?" Dr. Lyons was tapping her pen against her clipboard softly.

"I...I guess so, yes." I nodded. I wasn't really prepared to dispute him; I just hadn't expected the man to speak so bluntly.

"I haven't spoken to Lisa's husband about this, of course, so I can't predict how he would react emotionally. Lisa's hope is that he would approve and even encourage her in seeking extra-marital affairs. My belief, my instinct...based in a large part on my observations of Lisa...are that Jack is a competitive, even protective individual, who would not willingly approve any such activities."

"What...uh, what does that mean?" I asked.

"It means, Lisa, you're a trophy wife. You're Jack's trophy wife and unless I'm very much mistaken, losing his balls is going to have very little to do with giving up something so important to his self-image. In fact, the effect achieved may be the opposite of what is intended. He might be inclined to paranoia, exemplified by fits of jealous rage."

"What?" I sounded shocked because I was. Jack going into a jealous rage? I would never believe it. "But I thought castrated men were...more calm. Had less testosterone or whatever it is."

"That's true dear. But the response that concerns us is caused by your husband's personality, his ego to put it in the simplest terms, and that does not change overnight." Dr. Lyons nodded and her voice softened. "We're not saying that's what will happen, of course. Once Dr. Prescott is able to meet your husband it becomes much easier to predict his reaction. But we do have a lot of experience to draw on and your story is not an unfamiliar one by any means."

"You want to meet him? My husband?" I wondered how I would ever talk Jack into coming to the clinic.

"That is the next logical step, Lisa." Dr. Prescott nodded. "It can be very informal, the information I need is fairly simple to gather from just a normal conversation really."

"So you're saying Jack doesn't need to know that you're a doctor?"

"Exactly." He smiled. "Your husband doesn't even need to come to my office, we could meet anywhere he would feel most comfortable."

"But please keep in mind Lisa, castration is not always the best option." Dr. Lyons told me. "You can't plan on it, okay? There are many considerations and there are other options available to you as well."

"What other options?" I looked at her, knowing I'd had my heart set on castrating my husband.

"Well, we can talk about those another time. After Dr. Prescott is able to make a better recommendation." She patted my knee. "I need to see another appointment, but you just be patient, okay?" She gave me a warm, sympathetic smile and left.

Dr. Prescott rose and I stood up then as well, thanking him. I told him I'd give him a call in a day or two and hopefully we'd be able to schedule something, a time when he could meet my husband. I offered him my hand and he took it gently, smiling.

"Lisa, before you leave..." He looked into my eyes. "I was wondering if you'd do something for me."

"Oh?" I gave a little smile of my own. "What's that, doctor?"

"Get on your knees and suck my cock for me." He put his hands on my shoulders as I stood there, my jaw hanging open in shock. "Go on, be a good little slut."

"Excuse me?" I felt my heart stop and I couldn't breathe. "I don't...No! I can't!" I tried to sound indignant, but I made no effort to slap his face, like I should have done. Or even to leave the man's office.

"Yes you can." He spoke gently, reassuring me even as his hands pressed down on my shoulders, urging me to do as he demanded. "You don't respect Jack anyway, do you? Why should you suffer for a man you can't respect, Lisa?"

"But I..." My breasts heaved as I blinked into the doctor's face, trying to find an argument, or a reason not to do what we both wanted.

"Shhh...You need this, even more than you know, Lisa. You need a man you can respect, a real man who wants you." I felt my strength weakening, like my willpower was draining away with every word the man uttered. "Jack lost his balls a long time ago, didn't he Lisa?"

"Wha...what?" I was looking up at him as my knees touched the carpet.

"Take it out, go on, Lisa..." He coached me gently.

"I don't...I can't...please, don't make me..." I was pleading with him, but my hands had gone to his trousers, feeling the largeness trapped inside.

"Shhh...don't say that...just do it..." He laughed. "You need a strong man, don't you Lisa?"

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Yes." I whispered as I unzipped his pants, reaching into the warmth and finding his semi-hard cock. It felt huge in my hands and I pulled it free, gasping at the size of his organ.

"A real man, Lisa." He put a hand on my head, stroking my hair. "With real balls, who isn't afraid to take a woman if he wants..."

"Yes..." I whispered again and I had to hold his lengthening penis in both hands. It had to be 8 or maybe even 9 inches long and so thick that my fingers couldn't even go all the way around it! It was nothing like my husband's cock, which wasn't really small, just average.

"Suck it now...wash my big dick, Lisa...Show me how bad you want to fuck it!" He was pulling my head closer and I groaned with my embarrassing desire as I let him, opening my mouth for that huge swollen head and letting it stretch my lips wide. I'd never done this before, not even for my husband, and I shuddered at the thought of doing it now for a total stranger.

"Too big?" Dr. Prescott laughed. "Lick it first then, get it nice and wet and then we'll make it fit, Lisa!"

I licked his shaft up and down, letting my saliva run across his hot flesh, working my hands back and forth until it was shiny and dark, pulsing in my hands. I ran my tongue along the underside, around the crown and tickled that hard beautiful cock everywhere I could. I kissed it, spit on it, and let it slide across my lips and cheeks and nose.

"Take out my balls, Lisa...Wash them for me!"

I nodded, as though I were in some sex induced trance, and pulled his balls free so they hung like two huge plums trapped in his silky soft wrinkled sack. I felt them gently, marveling at their size and weight as I hefted them in my hand. Dr. Prescott pulled me closer, urging me to take them into my mouth, one at a time, and wash them thoroughly with my tongue. I sucked the man's balls tenderly, savoring his male scent and salty taste. Here was a real man, I knew, a man to be respected and worshipped!

When Dr. Prescott had enough of my mouth on his balls, he pulled my head back, his fingers twisting in my hair. He stroked his huge cock briefly and aimed it at my mouth, pushing the swollen head between my parted lips. "Suck it Lisa, oh! Suck it you beautiful bitch!" He pushed his cock into my mouth, even though I was unprepared for it, but that only made it better!

I felt my lips being stretched taut around him, his cockhead seeming to fill my mouth completely, leaving no room for my tongue or even my teeth. He grunted, holding my head tight in his hands while I braced myself against Dr. Prescott's powerful thighs. I dug my fingernails into his legs as he pushed, shoving that great prick inside me another inch and making me gag loudly.

"Choke on it!" He laughed. "Go ahead! I'm not stopping until you take it all!"

His words seemed cruel and frightened me, but at the same time I understood his need to dominate me totally. To use me and I wanted it! I wanted him to treat me that way, fucking his cock into my mouth and deeper, into my throat until I had every thick hard inch of him inside me.

"Open up, Lisa! Come on girl, or it's gonna hurt!" Dr. Prescott warned me.

I tried hard to open for him, forcing myself to swallow and hold that position, with my throat open. His cock was so huge though, it was forcing tears to leak from my tightly shut eyes, running down my red cheeks. I felt him shoving again and suddenly there was a peculiar and almost painful popping sensation as his cock found itself in my throat and Dr. Prescott pushed hard then, sinking inside me until his balls pressed against my chin and my nose was buried in his public hair.

"Ahhhh! Fuck yeah! Lisa! You did it!" He held me like that a moment and then pulled slowly back, letting me take a breath and gasp a little. "Let's do it again!"

Over and over he pushed his big dick into my throat, until finally I was taking him, if not easily, then at least with only small difficulty. He was fucking my throat slowly, moving in and out and I loved it. My face was impaled on his great cock and I had the horribly wicked thought that I wished my husband had been there to see it!

"That's enough!" Dr. Prescott chuckled as he pulled his cock out of my mouth completely. "Bend over the couch, Lisa. I want to fuck you now."

"Oh yessss!" I breathed. "I want it!" I'd never even seen such a huge cock in my life and my pussy was soaked already. I wanted it inside of me; I wanted to know what that monster felt like inside my burning pussy!

He pushed me down, over the back of the leather loveseat and yanked my skirt up, over my hips. "God! What a fine ass!" He slapped my ass hard and I yelped, wriggling slightly as he grabbed my panties, deliberately ripping them with his hands. He pushed a finger into my anus with no warning at all, just shoved his thick digit deep into my tight virgin asshole and making me hiss with pain. "Maybe I should fuck you there, Lisa! You ever been ass fucked?"

"N-No! No...never...!" I moaned and my body instinctively recoiled at the thought of taking him there.

"I bet a slut like you would love it, huh?" he spanked my ass hard again, twice...three times, making it sting nicely. "Answer me!"

"Yea...yeeesssss!" I looked over my shoulder. "Yes!"

"Next time!" He laughed. "I'll give you a couple days to think about it..." Dr. Prescott pulled his finger out and reached around, pushing it into my mouth. "Suck it, Lisa!" He hooked his finger, pressing it into the inside of my cheek like a fish hook while I tongued it. "Clean that finger for me, bitch!"

A moment later he was rubbing my steaming cunt with that same finger, spreading my labia and telling me how wet I was. All I could do was moan and push myself back against him. I bit my lip as I felt Dr. Prescott bring his immense cock to my pussy, rubbing the head up and down my slit.

"Are you on the pill, Lisa?" he asked me and I shook my head.

"I-I'm trying to get...P-Pregnant..." I sighed. "With...M-My husband."

"Well, I'm not going to pull out, bitch." He chuckled and slapped my ass again. "I'm not going to use a condom either...Do you still want me to fuck you?"

"Ohhh...God!" I wanted a baby, a baby with Jack so badly...But that huge cock, rubbing up and down my slit felt so good. And this was a man, a real man... "Do it! Please...Oh please! Fuck me!"

He laughed and grabbed my right arm, pulling it back. "You want it? You have to prove it, Lisa! Put it in...Put my big cock in your pussy, slut!"

I groaned, feeling for his penis and squeezing it as my fingers found him. I pulled him closer, feeling blindly for the entrance to my fertile womb. I rubbed his cock across my wanton cunt until it found purchase and I pulled him harder, urging Dr. Prescott to push it in me.

"Ahhh...fuck your hot!" he said with a sigh, grabbing my hips in his strong hands. "Feel free to scream, Lisa...Everybody knows what we're doing and this is gonna feel so good!"

Everybody knows? I wondered at that, but only for a brief second before he was pushing that huge slab of meat into my too small cunt. I did scream as he squeezed my flesh in his strong hands, getting a better grip and then lunging forward with his hips, spearing his cock all the way inside me. The rush of pain and pleasure was a heady combination and I arched my back, crying out loudly as he bottomed out, the head of his penis smashing into my cervix.

He fucked me hard for a long time, making me cum over and over again on his cock until I could barely lift my head. I was being worn out by this man, this real man, who seemed to have all the stamina in the world. He slowed down at one point, letting me catch my breath.

"How's that cock feel, Lisa?" He pulled my head up by my hair, twisting it so he could see my face as he worked his cock slowly inside me.

"G-Good...Sooooo good!" I gasped and he laughed, reaching underneath me to pull at my blouse, popping off some buttons and yanking hard at my bra until it came free. He grabbed my breasts and then lifted me, actually pulling me off the sofa so I was impaled on his cock and carried somewhat roughly in his arms.

He walked me over to his desk, putting me on my belly and started fucking me again, slamming his great prick in and out so that even that big heavy desk was rocking back and forth beneath us. A few minutes later he was finally close and he pushed himself as far inside me as he'd ever gone, even when he'd lifted me.

"Here it comes, Lisa! Oh fuck!....Yeaaaahhh!!" His cocked seemed to swell even larger, if that was possible and it jerked noticeably inside me as his hot sperm erupted inside me. It jetted onto the bruised pillow of my cervix, flooding me with an incredible and distinct warmth that I'd never experienced before.
It triggered another orgasm of my own and I screamed with the insane pleasure of the moment. Both of us cumming hard at the same time, our juices mixing in my womb, bathing my eggs with it. Another man, a real man had finally taken me, used me the way I'd always wanted and it was fantastic! Right at that moment I didn't care if I was getting pregnant, I didn't care what my husband would think or say, I didn't respect him enough for that...All I knew was that I wanted this, real sex with a real man.

But such moments pass.

I drove home slowly, shaking inside and out as I tried to concentrate on the traffic around me, but it was hard. I had left the clinic feeling suddenly ashamed. Dr. Prescott had fucked me; there was no other word for it. He'd taken me and filled my womb with his potent sperm, and then waited, holding me down as if to make sure his seed had opportunity to find my egg.

At the time I'd felt nothing but arousal, almost euphoric ecstasy and I bathed in the knowledge that a real man had taken my husband's wife. He'd pulled out finally, his cock still semi-hard, and given me a small slap on my ass, chuckling as he zipped himself up. He told me to make sure and call the office, to let him know when he could see me again, when he could meet my husband.

He was done with me then, our appointment finished and with it the sensations that I'd enjoyed so much. I'd reached down, feeling my loose and puffy sex, soaked with our juices and leaking the doctor's semen only slowly; most of it remained deep in my womb like a warm stain on my soul.

What had I done?

I dressed quickly, worried that someone might catch me there in Prescott's office and see me like that. Or smell our recent union in the air. I snuck out like a criminal, fleeing the scene of a crime, my eyes down and face red. My heart was pounding, but for a far different reason than it had just a short time before.

"Ma'am? Miss Pavageau?" The receptionist, Nurse Ryan stopped me and I swallowed nervously, afraid to look at the girl, but somehow I did. "Would you like to schedule a follow-up?" She was smiling.

"Oh, uh..." I shook my head. "I haven't talked with my husband yet, I..."

"Oh not for him!" The girl laughed and then leaned close over the counter. "I meant for you, with Dr. Prescott...You know..." She lifted her eyebrows suggestively.

"W-What?" I stared at her for a second and I couldn't think of anything to say. I just turned and walked quickly towards the doors, my entire body flushing with embarrassment.

"I'll pencil you in for next Wednesday, okay? Two o'clock." She giggled and I almost fell running down the shirt stairs and outside.

I loved my husband. I hadn't meant what I'd said at all, how could I possibly not respect the man I married? Because he didn't have sex with me often enough? Was that even a reason? He took good care of me, always. He was patient and tender, thoughtful of the little things I loved. I'd married him because I loved him, not because he could fuck me and laugh about it the way Prescott had.

Who was the real man here, I thought, driving through a veil of tears. Some doctor, a stranger I didn't even know who had known what buttons to push, played some little game with my head to bend me over? Or the man who loved me and cared enough to be honest with me, even if he couldn't always find the right way to give me pleasure?

I was driving in circles, afraid to go home. My husband would be at work, I knew, but part of him was waiting for me anyway. It was our home, the place where we lived together. Where we ate and slept and talked and made love, not often perhaps, and not as much as I desired, but that's what it was. Making love. I couldn't go back there. I didn't live there anymore, I didn't deserve to.

It was Clarice's fault, I told myself, wiping my eyes with my fingers. She was the one who'd planted that silly idea in my head. Her and her husband. He was a man I couldn't respect, and so I couldn't respect her either. Not anymore. She'd been so eager to help me, to suggest that I fix my problem by fixing my husband. Well I had news for her, my husband wasn't broke! I was the one, me, I had listened to someone I thought I'd admired and now look at me.

I parked the car near the curb, sobbing and pressing my hands against my tummy. I was probably pregnant now, just a few tiny cells, too small to see, growing and replicating and attaching themselves to me forever. I had betrayed my husband, betrayed my wedding vows and my family, my parents who had raised me. I'd done all that just for a few minutes of pleasure with a man I barely knew and would never love.

I didn't want to see Clarice. Not that I was afraid of her, only that I had nothing to say to her. She'd just spoken the words, I'd done the listening. It was all on me and I'd never felt so ashamed in my life.

"Miss?" There was a tapping at my window and I was startled by the policeman tapping on the glass.

I wiped my eyes quickly and licked my lips, looking around like I'd forgotten where the switch was for the window. I rolled it down, apologizing and blushing at my appearance.

"I'm sorry, I was..."

"Are you okay?" He was asking me, looking at me and then around inside the car as if I might be hiding something.

"Yeah, yeah...I just uh, I got some bad news." I was nodding. "I'll...I'm going home."

"Where do you live?"

"Just there, over there on Maple Court." I glanced in the direction of my house.

"I'm not sure you should be driving..."

"Oh, I'm fine." I tried to smile. "Really, I'm...I'm okay, officer."

"I'll follow you, alright?" He told me and there was little room for argument and I had no choice at that point. I was going home.

I spent an hour in my bathtub, washing myself thoroughly and then washing myself again. I had a lot of sperm inside me and my sex was stretched and loose around my fingers as I pressed them inside, wriggling and trying to get every last drop of Dr. Prescott's gift. But it was too late, I was sure.

I washed my clothes, everything I'd worn, not caring about colors or whites or hand washing or any of that. I threw them all in the washing machine and added twice as much detergent as I needed and turned it on. I'd wash them twice, or three times, or maybe I'd just throw them away. I wasn't crying at least, not anymore, but I wanted to.

Especially when I laid down on my bed, on my husband's bed. It wasn't mine anymore, or ours, it was his alone. I was just borrowing it, borrowing the memories. I could smell him, I thought, on his shirt that I was wearing, on the sheets and pillows. His cologne, his sweat. I looked through our photo album, the thick white one with golden letters. Our wedding album and I wondered who that woman was.

I stared at the pictures one by one, studying every aspect, every small detail. I looked at how she smiled, how her eyes sparkled and her skin glowed. She was beautiful and pure, dressed in white like a fairy tale princess. There she was with her new husband, and there with her parents, and with her bridesmaids. So happy, so radiant and bright with promise.

I went to the closet and found that dress. It was wrapped in plastic, in a pale grey garment bag and I threw it on the bed, unzipping it and smelling it, pulling the soft satin and silk to me face. I covered my body with it like a blanket, wrapping it around me. I curled up, crying again finally, alone in that big bed with nothing but someone else's memories to comfort me.

It was no comfort at all.

"Lisa?" I'd been dreaming, perhaps I still was. "Hey, taking a little nap?"

My husband's voice was soft and his touch was gentle. He was waking me up, bringing me back and for just a second I forgot everything. I was just sleeping on our bed and he was home from work. It was normal and okay and I almost smiled the way I do when he finds me like that, unguarded and innocent. But then I felt the dress I was still wrapped up in, clutching it to my breasts. And there in front of me the album, laying on our bed. I stared at it, feeling the doctor still in my womb.

"I'm sorry." I said, before I could stop myself. It was all coming out and there was nothing for it. "I'm so sorry, Jack." I looked at him, his handsome features becoming puzzled as he tried to understand what I was saying.

"Sorry for what?" He smiled. "It's your dress. I sorta like it."

His hands were moving over me and he leaned down kissing me in the soft light of the setting sun streaming through the windows. He was moving, getting on the bed with me, lying on his side in his clothes and holding me. Our faces were close and I was afraid to see his eyes.

"Have you been crying?" He brought a hand to my face, running his thumb across my cheek. "What's wrong? What happened?"

I was crying again, burying my face away from him, covering myself with that wedding dress and wishing he would leave me alone. He shouldn't have been there, he shouldn't have been touching me, or kissing me. I could feel his lips on the top of my head as he hugged me, shushing me and rocking me slightly like a little girl.

"Just tell me, what happened?" He was worried now and I wanted to tell him so badly, but I couldn't. I couldn't make my lips form the words and even if I could, there was no breath in my body. I couldn't breathe, my heart was stopped, or going to fast, or something. It hurt and it was breaking, I knew. I'd broken my own heart and how could I break his as well? I was dying.

We didn't say anything for a long time, neither of us, and I'd stopped crying. Not because I wanted to, but I'd just run out of tears. There wasn't anything left in me but pain and it wasn't enough, not yet. I'd hurt Jack, I knew, I'd hurt him and it would end finally. I'd take it and hold it and leave with our pain growing in my belly, I could do that much, I thought. If nothing else, I could give him the satisfaction of watching me leave.

"I cheated on you." I said softly, beneath my snow white shroud. "Today, with another man."

"What?" He asked and his voice was soft, not angry or even disbelieving. It was like he hadn't heard me correctly, that's all.

"I went to a clinic." I told him and I felt a curious calm. My skin seemed to cool, and I could breathe. I felt detached, like someone else was speaking for me.

"A clinic? Why?" Jack cleared his throat a little.

"I wanted to find out about..." I did need a breath there, just a small one. "...about castrating you."

"You can't be serious." My husband said, almost laughing like this must be a joke. But my tears had been real enough, and they lent an undeniable credence to my words.

"I thought we'd be happy and I met a man, a doctor." I shivered, just a little and my husband lifted his hand from my back. "He had sex with me. He..." I had my eyes closed, but I could feel my husband pulling the dress away from my face. "He came inside me. I let him."

"You let him?" Jack's voice was growing louder. "Look at me...You let him? What does that mean, Lisa? Look at me!"

I opened my eyes and he was there, sitting up above me, staring at me in the growing darkness. I had nothing else to say really, I'd told him everything he needed to know. I was just waiting now. Maybe he'd hit me, or more likely just tell me to leave. Or he might leave himself, I didn't know. Whatever he did, I'd accept it. I had no choice, I loved him.

"You want to cut off my balls?" He demanded, searching my face for an answer. "Is that what you want?"

"I...I don't know." I whispered. "No...I don't, I just..."

"Fuck." He snorted, turning his head away. "And you let this guy fuck you, I see. You cut my nuts and fuck this guy, is that the plan? You bitch."

He got up, walking away, leaving me there.

"I'm sorry." I said, but I don't think he could hear me. I'd barely heard it myself.

I got up once to use the bathroom, but otherwise I didn't move at all and as soon as I'd finished I returned to the bed, curling up under my dress. I was waiting, that was all I could do. I'd heard my husband downstairs, in the kitchen, and in the living room, turning on the television and turning it off a minute later.

And it was quiet too, for a long time I could hear nothing but my own breathing. The lights were off, everywhere, there wasn't even the soft glow from a light downstairs. Jack was sitting in the dark, I knew, thinking about me. I wondered if he would drink, or might even be drunk already. He wasn't much for alcohol, but we had some bottles from last new years in the cabinet. He wouldn't though, I was sure. It would be the furthest thing from his mind, like hitting me. It hadn't occurred to him, no matter how angry or disappointed he might have been, he wasn't built that way.

The LED's on my husband's alarm clock had just clicked over to 1:08 when he came in. All I could see was his outline, like a shadow in the darkness. The only light came from a streetlamp outside and it cast the room with shades of grey.

He was on the bed and his hands were neither gentle nor rough, but insistent and strong. He was turning me, pulling the dress away from my legs and hips, pulling and pushing me to my knees.

"Jack, I..."

"Shut-up." He said, and it was an angry quiet sound like I'd never heard from him before. "Don't say a fucking word. You wanna fuck, we'll do it this way from now on. You don't, then after I'm done get your stuff and call a taxi."

That was all the explanation he was giving me and then I felt him ripped my panties, slapping at my thighs in the darkness. I gasped and cringed and shivered at the sensations. I felt blindfolded somehow as I tried to lift my head only to have my husband push my face back down into the mattress.

My heart was going again, confusion and excitement filling my head. I didn't know what he was doing, or perhaps I did, but it was so unexpected. Was he trying to prove himself to me? Was that was this was about? He was mad that another man had put his penis inside me, so now my husband had to reassert his claim? I wasn't fighting it, not at all, if anything I was ready for it. My body warming quickly, my sex coming to life as I realized my husband wanted me. If only for that moment, for reasons of jealousy and anger, rather than love, he wanted me still.

I wanted him as well, more than anything else in the world. I'd give myself to him, do whatever he asked. I wanted him to take me and the one real hope I entertained was that I hadn't gotten pregnant that afternoon, that Prescott was sterile, or his sperm weak, or my womb just not quite exactly ready. Please God, I prayed, let my husband make me pregnant. I wouldn't know whose baby it was, and maybe I never would, but if I found out in a week or a month that I was pregnant, then there was that chance that it was Jack's. That was my redemption, I thought, my only hope at salvation.

I held my breath, spreading my thighs as I knelt there, feeling my husband's cock, as hard and swollen as it had ever been, rubbing across my slit. I moaned softly, pushing myself back, aching to feel him inside me, but he pulled away, teasing me, I thought.

"You want it, huh?" He was breathing hard. "Well, I'm not putting my dick in that dirty hole..." I started lifting my head as I felt his pressing his cock against my anus, "...So this one will have to do from now on...Ugggh!..."

He pushed his cock inside me hard, grabbing hops and pulling me back so that I screamed with pain as my asshole was suddenly split open by his penis. It was a blunt searing pain that spread through me like a fire and I was confused by it, all my previous thoughts and hopes and dreams shattered suddenly.

"Nooo...Ahhh...P-Please..." I was whispering, my voice muffled against the mattress as Jack shoved me back down. I felt sick and frightened, the pain was terrible, but the humiliation was even worse. He was in my ass, in the dirtiest, most private part of me because it was cleaner than my vagina now. I sobbed with a sudden and pathetic loathing for myself.

"Uhhh yeah...You whore...How's that? Pretty...Ugh!...Good now? You like...Uhhhg...That?" He was fucking my ass as hard as he could, tearing into my delicate flesh. It was an act of rape, for all of its uncaring violence and dominant desire, nothing else. I was being punished with a corruption of our lovemaking, just as I'd corrupted our marriage.

I was crying out and jerking my body as if I might get away, but he pinned me down easily and in truth I wasn't fighting him at all, just the awful knowledge that I'd never have his child now. If I was pregnant, it would be Dr. Prescott's and his alone, my husband was keeping me, but he wasn't going to save me. Not this night, or for many more to come I imagined, but I was free to leave. As soon as he'd fucked me one last time, left me with a painful and humiliating reminder of what I'd been so concerned with that I'd let it ruin my marriage and my life. I could go or stay.

My husband fucked my ass for many long minutes before he finally came. I was weeping still, and my cries were soft and punctuated his deliberate thrusts. I was limp and exhausted however, and he took me as he liked until Jack told me he was going to cum and then did so, burying his penis as far into my torn rectum as he could and flooding my useless bowels with his sperm.

Jack collapsed on top of me, his body pressing mine flat to the bed while he caught his breath. "I'm sorry..." I whispered and his face was so close to mine he must have heard me, but he said nothing.

A few minutes later he was getting up, pulling his cock from my ass slowly and it was a different sort of ache. My rectum felt mushy and loose, filled with grease or oil maybe, almost like I needed to use the bathroom, but I didn't. I didn't move at all, I just watched my husband's dark form as he wiped his penis clean on my wedding dress and left the room, leaving the door wide open in case I wanted to leave.

But I just curled up again, hugging my knees to my breasts and feeling Jack's sperm leaking slowly from my stretched anus. I couldn't leave him. I respected him too much for that.