I sighed as I close my textbook for the night. I just can’t think straight while I have so much work looming over me. The calm music stops as I pull my earphones out.

I wonder what all the non-losers are doing tonight? I thought as I clicked pause on my phone, and opened SnapChat. My friends had invited me out clubbing, but I just haven’t been in the mood. Dr Jakob’s assignment wasn’t going to do itself and besides, all I would get out of going out are some expensive drinks and constant teasing from my so-called ‘friends’

“Why can’t you get a boyfriend?”

“Your being too picky!”

“Just dance with that guy over there, he’s kinda cute.”

Sure Megan, he’s very good looking. Way out of my league. How do you even dance with someone you’ve never met anyway? They could be some serial killer for all I know! I may as well be using Tinder, probably have the same chance of getting kidnapped.

What the fuck am I thinking?

I paused for a minute after Megan’s story finished. Watching them all down Jägerbombs was making me feel sick.

And jealous.

I finally got up, grabbed my textbook off my desk and leant down to put it under my bed. My hand paused though, hovering over a shoe box.

How can I be so horny and so scared of boys at the same time? Does that make me a lesbian? No, I want a boyfriend not a girl. I just need a boy who’s shy and nerdy, like me.

I grabbed the box and sat down on my bed with it on my lap.

Maybe I do just need to get out more. It’s not like I was having any luck with the boys on my course. They’re all either all greasy, mumbling freaks who can’t even look a girl in the eye, never mind speak to them! Or they are beautiful, smart, sexy and too good for me.

I opened the box, revealing my silver bullet vibrator I kept hidden in there. I think I would just die of embarrassment if my family ever found it.

What if I did just go out? Get drunk, leave the club with someone, anyone! It doesn’t matter when your so intoxicated you can barley walk. Right? At least then I could lose my virginity.

I pulled off my t-shirt revealing my braless tits. They are small and perky, is that what boys like? My friends say so but they all have huge boobs. I moved the box onto the bed and stood up, taking off the little shorts I normally wear to bed. Dropping them on the floor, I noticed myself in the mirror.

I wish I could just change my body like I can in video games. Make my butt a little bigger, grow my tits a little more. Sure, I’m slim but I’m not toned at all. I just feel so self-conscious when ever I go to the gym. Is it my freckles? Maybe I just need to cover my face in makeup, but who has the time to do that every morning? Oh right, every other girl.

I grabbed the bullet out of the shoebox, and knocked the box to the ground. I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed a release. I laid back and pressed it to my clit. My whole body felt like lightning when I turned it on. I never really put it inside me, I just couldn’t get it past my hymen. Not that it mattered, I was so pent up that breathing on my cliterous could make me cum.

I started feeling the familiar tensing in my stomach as I drew circles around my clit with my vibrator. My left hand slowly traced a line up my belly up to my breasts where it started squeezing. My thighs started to twitch as my vibrator involuntarily moved into my folds, my wetness taking away all resistance. I bit my lower lip in an attempt to hold back my moan as my hand pinched my nipples.

An image of Charlie, a boy from my course appeared in my head. Charlie was one of the hot boys, with brown hair and deep blue eyes. He leant in for a kiss, his right hand behind my head and left on my shoulder.

I couldn’t hold it any longer. My hips bucked, electricity shot through my body as I came. I could barely hold on to my vibrator as I let out an uncontrolled gasp.

I froze.

Silence.

I waited for a good 30 seconds. I could hear the TV on downstairs. My parents must have been pretty engrossed in Game of Thrones to not of heard that one. I wiped my juices off my dildo onto my duvet and threw it into it’s box.

What a way to ruin an orgasm.

I closed the box and placed it deep under my bed where no one would find it. I got dressed back into my shorts and T-shirt and turned off the lights. Fumbling back to my bed, I let out a sigh.

It’s not like I could ever be with Charlie. Not while he’s with that slag Rebecca. He could do so much better. Not that I am.

No, this is ridiculous. I can find a guy. Uni starts in a couple of weeks, I’ll find someone then. Or I could go out with Megan and the girls? The clubs back here are shit but I mean, I’m pretty desperate.