During my initial forays into the swinging arena, the Internet wasn't even a whisper on the lips of the public. Digital cameras? The only things digital in that archaic Stone Age were alarm clocks and microwave oven displays.
We're talkin' VCRs and cassette tapes. Ozzy was still perceived as some dove-devouring, Satanic psychopath, as opposed to the pablum-eating shell of a marketing ploy he's become.
Even in those prehistoric times it behooved a single, swingin' dude to possess what would be the equivalent of a head shot for an actor.
Polaroids, man! In the early '90s, they were imperative. Back then you got 10 shots for 10 bucks. Hence, takin' a decent picture of your huevos and all-beef sausage was an expensive endeavor, financially magnified when heroically attempted alone.
Slick, glossy-paged copies of Hustler in your left hand, a one-shot camera coated in baby oil in your right, it was damned near impossible to capture your special purpose in frame. Still, one had to try. How else were you going to answer ads in local swing mags, without a pic to verify your assertions?
Keep in mind, a guy was workin' with completely different photos for each response, since making duplicates of Polaroids was as easy as running a two minute mile underwater. I'm certain you can see how costly this endeavor was for somebody like myself, who is the antithesis of Ansel Adams.
Combine all this with the fact you were responding via snail mail, and things became even more complex. When you consider the time it took for those who placed the ad to reciprocate to your reply, you may be looking at weeks in the waiting.
Of course, one also continuously ran the risk of no shows. There were instances in which I shelled out 40 bucks in Polaroids, six greenbacks in lubricant and a few dollars in mailing fees, only to discover the couple in question were filing for divorce.
Thankfully, most of this is behind the single swinger. The annulment drama is ubiquitous, but through the advent of the Internet, you can now instantly send a two-dimensional image of your dong anywhere on Earth.
Take advantage of this exponential improvement in science. Obtain some shots of your prized possession, so you can E-mail them to prospective sexual partners. Such a weapon in one's arsenal is essential in a swinging environment.
Keep the following tips in mind:
Since computer monitors only read images at 72 dots per inch, it isn't necessary to invest in an expensive digital camera. Grab a five megapixel for 30 bucks, and fire away!
The recipients of your magnum opuses could give a shit about composition, or three-point lighting. Still, should you have a copy of Photoshop layin' around — don't go out and buy one, because it's more expensive than a DUI — study a handful of free tutorials on YouTube. If you become proficient enough with said program, you can improve the quality of your pics: remove blemishes, lighten areas that aren't as visible as you'd like, etc.
Some folks may even go so far as to erase unwanted pounds, or add bogus length. This risks misrepresentation.
Even if, via Photoshop, you engage in a rapid weight loss program, and transform yourself into Long Dong Silver, you're eventually gonna have to strip down in front of your potential sex partners. Showing up with a two inch gherkin, dwarfed between thighs possessing more cottage cheese than a dairy processing plant — after you've described yourself as "fit and hung" — isn't going to get you laid.
If you've got an erection that curves downward, photograph it from above. It'll make your fun factory look larger. If you've got an upward-curving dong, shoot your pornographic pictures from below.
Close-up shots are advantageous, as they fill your recipient's computer monitor, so that nothing else seems to matter.
Experiment with various angles.
By following these rules, you can make six inches look like seven, seven like eight, eight like nine, and so on.
You may be of the misconception your best friend is your dog. Then again, you may be under the fallacious impression O.J. was innocent, Oprah isn't greedy, and Ted Danson's hair is real. For the single, swingin' male, your greatest pal is the Internet.
With the creation of the World Wide Web, you can now determine whether an orgy is occurring in Kowloon, China, or if your neighbor's wife is headed to the local Super 8 for a nude photo shoot. Sex is literally at your fingertips. All one has to do is grab an Internet connection.
Social networking sites possess clubs specifically designed for swingers in search of like-minded partners. That's because these online groups are created by other horny folk — usually whilst nude, as exhibited by the photos they post.
Internet investigation allows swingers to unearth a treasure trove of resources with the click of a couple buttons. Search engines, forums and various Websites give horny, one-handed typists the ability to find parties anywhere.
If you're not familiar with the Web, take the time to become so. You'll be glad you did.
For all you know, your realtor could be planning a bash that'll make the latest Tory Lane flick seem G-rated. That soccer mom at the homeowners' functions might be splayed in front of her computer, nightly, wearing nothing but the look of ecstasy. Seeking to chat with girlfriends and housewives modeling the finest in birthday suits? Give online, adult picture sharing sites a try.
Become your own industry. Create a harem, or several.
Adult film thespians were once a rare breed. With the introduction of the Internet, any guy can transform into Ron Jeremy. Instant porn star! Just add Web.
Become competent with standard online features, like bookmarking, that enable one to keep track of resources. After only cursory investments of time, you'll have more contacts than Michael Jackson had noses.
— authored by Hugh Mungus
We're talkin' VCRs and cassette tapes. Ozzy was still perceived as some dove-devouring, Satanic psychopath, as opposed to the pablum-eating shell of a marketing ploy he's become.
Even in those prehistoric times it behooved a single, swingin' dude to possess what would be the equivalent of a head shot for an actor.
Polaroids, man! In the early '90s, they were imperative. Back then you got 10 shots for 10 bucks. Hence, takin' a decent picture of your huevos and all-beef sausage was an expensive endeavor, financially magnified when heroically attempted alone.
Slick, glossy-paged copies of Hustler in your left hand, a one-shot camera coated in baby oil in your right, it was damned near impossible to capture your special purpose in frame. Still, one had to try. How else were you going to answer ads in local swing mags, without a pic to verify your assertions?
Keep in mind, a guy was workin' with completely different photos for each response, since making duplicates of Polaroids was as easy as running a two minute mile underwater. I'm certain you can see how costly this endeavor was for somebody like myself, who is the antithesis of Ansel Adams.
Combine all this with the fact you were responding via snail mail, and things became even more complex. When you consider the time it took for those who placed the ad to reciprocate to your reply, you may be looking at weeks in the waiting.
Of course, one also continuously ran the risk of no shows. There were instances in which I shelled out 40 bucks in Polaroids, six greenbacks in lubricant and a few dollars in mailing fees, only to discover the couple in question were filing for divorce.
Thankfully, most of this is behind the single swinger. The annulment drama is ubiquitous, but through the advent of the Internet, you can now instantly send a two-dimensional image of your dong anywhere on Earth.
Take advantage of this exponential improvement in science. Obtain some shots of your prized possession, so you can E-mail them to prospective sexual partners. Such a weapon in one's arsenal is essential in a swinging environment.
Keep the following tips in mind:
Since computer monitors only read images at 72 dots per inch, it isn't necessary to invest in an expensive digital camera. Grab a five megapixel for 30 bucks, and fire away!
The recipients of your magnum opuses could give a shit about composition, or three-point lighting. Still, should you have a copy of Photoshop layin' around — don't go out and buy one, because it's more expensive than a DUI — study a handful of free tutorials on YouTube. If you become proficient enough with said program, you can improve the quality of your pics: remove blemishes, lighten areas that aren't as visible as you'd like, etc.
Some folks may even go so far as to erase unwanted pounds, or add bogus length. This risks misrepresentation.
Even if, via Photoshop, you engage in a rapid weight loss program, and transform yourself into Long Dong Silver, you're eventually gonna have to strip down in front of your potential sex partners. Showing up with a two inch gherkin, dwarfed between thighs possessing more cottage cheese than a dairy processing plant — after you've described yourself as "fit and hung" — isn't going to get you laid.
If you've got an erection that curves downward, photograph it from above. It'll make your fun factory look larger. If you've got an upward-curving dong, shoot your pornographic pictures from below.
Close-up shots are advantageous, as they fill your recipient's computer monitor, so that nothing else seems to matter.
Experiment with various angles.
By following these rules, you can make six inches look like seven, seven like eight, eight like nine, and so on.
You may be of the misconception your best friend is your dog. Then again, you may be under the fallacious impression O.J. was innocent, Oprah isn't greedy, and Ted Danson's hair is real. For the single, swingin' male, your greatest pal is the Internet.
With the creation of the World Wide Web, you can now determine whether an orgy is occurring in Kowloon, China, or if your neighbor's wife is headed to the local Super 8 for a nude photo shoot. Sex is literally at your fingertips. All one has to do is grab an Internet connection.
Social networking sites possess clubs specifically designed for swingers in search of like-minded partners. That's because these online groups are created by other horny folk — usually whilst nude, as exhibited by the photos they post.
Internet investigation allows swingers to unearth a treasure trove of resources with the click of a couple buttons. Search engines, forums and various Websites give horny, one-handed typists the ability to find parties anywhere.
If you're not familiar with the Web, take the time to become so. You'll be glad you did.
For all you know, your realtor could be planning a bash that'll make the latest Tory Lane flick seem G-rated. That soccer mom at the homeowners' functions might be splayed in front of her computer, nightly, wearing nothing but the look of ecstasy. Seeking to chat with girlfriends and housewives modeling the finest in birthday suits? Give online, adult picture sharing sites a try.
Become your own industry. Create a harem, or several.
Adult film thespians were once a rare breed. With the introduction of the Internet, any guy can transform into Ron Jeremy. Instant porn star! Just add Web.
Become competent with standard online features, like bookmarking, that enable one to keep track of resources. After only cursory investments of time, you'll have more contacts than Michael Jackson had noses.
— authored by Hugh Mungus