Authors note. Firstly, please read the previous chapters. I have not put in any reminders of what happened last time; there just wasn’t the room. Although this story is in the humour and satire category I have also tried to keep it sexy, and have attempted to at least touch on most genres over the full series. That means if you don’t like gay, lesbian, anal, transgender or any of the other categories within Literotica then there may be bits you want to skip over. Please give it a go and let me know what you think, I enjoy getting comments, even those with creative criticism. Do not expect reality, it is a fairy tale.

The story is set way before condoms, so if you want a safe sex message then remember that if you want to have sex on the local football field it is best not to do it at game time.

Please enjoy – BB1212



The seven pervs were gangbanging Snot Brite again. After some initial complimentary comments on her newly bald pussy they had got into stuffing it once more, and were trying some new ideas. Currently they were doing a thing they called ‘cum upstairs’ where Snot Brite had to climb up the stairs, on her hands and knees, but couldn’t move up a step until one of the pervs had cum in one of her holes. They were all having a lot of fun, but were watching Rock warily.

“AHHHHH, YEAH.” Noisy cried out, and Snot Brite moved up a step. Quickie moved up to take his place and the others didn’t bother resuming their fucking; it just wouldn’t be worth it. Quickie managed to last for about twenty seconds, which was close to a record, and Snot Brite moved up another step. Shitty shoved his cock back into her ass and Horsy returned his to her mouth. Snot Brite did struggle to breathe with Horsy’s monster in her mouth, but he enjoyed it so much that she just tried harder to get it all down. Snot Brite was becoming quite skilled in deep throat. She felt yet another cock push into her pussy, although it was not getting in very deep. It must be hard to get a good position for double penetration on a narrow staircase, even for smaller people like the pervs, she thought.

When they finally got to the top of the stairs Snot Brite was quite sore.

“I need to lie down for a while.” She said, and she did.

“I’ve got an idea for a new game.” Quickie said. “I call it ‘soggy Snot Brite’. We all make a circle around Snot Brite and masturbate onto her. The last one to cum has to lick it all up.”

“No way dude.” Said Rock, chewing on a leaf, and the others just laughed. Cunnie had resumed his favourite position, with his tongue in Snot Brite’s groove.

“Why would we cum on her,” he asked, “when we can cum in her?” Quickie smiled ruefully. He had thought that it was a good idea.

The Queen had prepared herself carefully. She had seen the castle witch, and had been given a special poison, one that would make the person who took it deeply unconscious until they were woken by loves first kiss. She had actually asked for cyanide, but the witch had run out of that, and it was two weeks before the next shipment. The Queen carefully made herself up to look old. She put ash through her beautiful hair to make it grey, and used charcoal to put lines on her face. Dressed in a shabby old dress, and carrying a basket full of apples the Queen left the castle quietly; she would fix Snot Brite once and for all.

Elsie was happily riding the magic dildo.

“I’m sure it didn’t take you this long to cum last time.” She observed, and the dildo wriggled.

“Can’t I just enjoy a tight pussy for a while?” It asked.

“You can,” Elsie said, and sighed, “but I don’t know if mine is tight any more, I was fucked for hours by five men with huge cocks the night before last.”

“And last night?”

“One man with a huge cock.” She sighed again.

“What’s the matter?” The magic dildo asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” The dildo suddenly tickled Elsie deep inside her, making her gasp.

“How did I do that?” It asked.

“You are a magic dildo.” Elsie said.

“So you’ve got a tight grip around a magic dildo’s neck and you still don’t want to tell it your problems?” Elsie thought.

“What can you do?” She asked.

“Just about anything, I’m magic.” The dildo replied. “But you’d better ask soon, I’m getting close.”

“How do I make William love me?” Elsie asked.

“You can’t make him love you.” The dildo replied, and Elsie slumped in disappointment, “He already does.” The dildo groaned and Elsie felt it cumming inside her.

“Thankyou.” She said; as dildo started losing it’s lifelike feel.

The Queen was having difficulty finding out where the seven pervs lived. She had been walking through the forest for hours, but hadn’t even met anyone to ask, and it was getting late. She thought she was in the right area, but she couldn’t see their house, there were just too many trees. The Queen cursed whoever it was that had invented forests, why did they have to have all these damn trees? She was sitting on a rock resting, when she heard some singing men approaching. The Queen hid behind some trees.

“Bye ho, bye ho, it’s off to work we go.

When we return, your keep you’ll earn,

Bye ho, bye ho, bye ho.”

“Bye ho, bye ho, it’s off to work we go.

But when dawn cracks, you’re on your back,

Bye ho, bye ho, bye ho.”

“Bye ho, bye ho, it’s off to work we go.

But when day cums, we’ll fill your bum

Bye ho, bye ho, bye ho.”

The line of small men marched past, singing their bawdy song, and the Queen guessed that these were the seven pervs. She waited until they were out of sight and then hurried off in the direction they had come from, she must be close to that bitch Snot Brite now. The Queen walked for a few minutes, and then she saw a small track that went off the main path and behind some trees. She went to investigate, and soon she saw that there was a cottage behind the trees, she smiled.

“Hello dear.” The voice at the door said, and Snot Brite jumped.

“Oh, you scared me.” She said, to the little old lady in the doorway.

“I’m sorry dear, I was just passing and I wondered if you would like one of my lovely juicy apples?” The lady held up an apple.

“Oh, you are so kind, but I have to say no.” Snot Brite replied.

“Really, why?” The lady sounded upset.

“My daddy told me that nine out of every ten Princesses who are poisoned have the poison given to them in a lovely, juicy apple.”

“Really?” The lady asked.

“Yes.” Snot Brite said.

“Oh…” The last thing the Queen had expected was the girl being smart enough to not take the poison apple. She looked at Snot Brite slyly. “How about this then?” She asked, and peeled a firm banana. Snot Brite giggled.

“I can’t eat it,” she said, “because you had the apples, but it looks like a cock, do you want to screw me with it?” The old lady smiled.

“Of course dear.” She said. “Just bend over the table there.” While Snot Brite was lifting her skirt and bending over the table the Queen poured some of the poison over the banana.

“I’m ready.” Snot Brite said, and the Queen smiled evilly and shoved the poison banana up Snot Brite’s bald and waiting pussy.

The pervs were in the middle of another dirty story when they all suddenly looked in the direction of their cottage.

“Boobies, must help boobies.” They all said, and to the great frustration of the mine they all got up and ran out.

The Woodsman was chopping wood in the forest when he looked up, and barely missed cutting his own foot off.

“Boobies, must help boobies.” He said, and he ran in the direction of the pervs cottage.

A colony of ants was marching down a familiar path when those in the lead suddenly diverted off into unknown territory.

“Boobies, must help boobies.” They said, in ant language.

ET was having a few meads with his mates in a local tavern when he looked up.

“Boobies, must help boobies.” He said. First he drank his mead and then he and his mates flew out of the window in the direction of the cottage. One of the patrons asked the tavern owner if it was really Halloween already, but he just shrugged and poured another drink.

Merlin was a very long way away doing a house call, when he suddenly looked around mid curse.

“Boobies, must help boobies.” He said, and he glided out of the room and toward the pervs cottage.

“Hey, wait.” The victim called in vain. “Aren’t you going to finish the job?” Merlin disappeared and the victim looked at himself. “What the hell is the use of a man who is a horse below the waist?” He asked. His wife lifted his tail.

“I can think of one good use already.” She said with a smile.

The Queen was happily running back toward the castle. It had worked so well, she thought. Soon after she had bonked the bitch with the baited banana Snot Brite’s eyes had drooped, and then she had fallen down onto the table unconscious. The Queen had left her there with her skirt up and had run out of the cottage cackling madly. At last it was done and the Queen was once again the most sexy woman in the land. She was so happy with herself that she ran right into the seven pervs without seeing them, and she fell to the ground. The Queen looked up and saw it was the pervs.

“Ha ha,” she laughed madly, “you’re too late. I have poisoned Snot Brite and there’s nothing you can do to save her.” She looked up as the pervs faces clouded with anger.

“Kill her.” One said.

“You can’t kill me, I’m the Queen.” She said, suddenly a bit frightened.

“I’ve fucked a Princess, but I’ve never fucked a Queen.”

“OK, fuck her and then kill her.”

“You can’t…” But they did. The Queen was gagged and then shoved roughly onto her back and her dress lifted, then, with no preparation, a perve cock was slammed into her pussy.

“Shit,” Squirty said, “She’s too fucking loose, this is like throwing a strand of spaghetti down Fifth Avenue.” But he fucked her anyway, and eventually shot his cum in her eyes. The Queen screamed with rage into the gag the whole way through, but the pervs weren’t listening. As soon as Squirty had finished Noisy jumped in.

“HOLD MY ARMS GUYS, I DON’T WANT TO FALL INTO THIS PIT.” But he too fucked her until he managed to cum in her. “NEXT.” He shouted and Quickie slipped in.

“I like this,” he said happily, “there’s no friction, so I can last longer.” And he did, a full two minutes, which was a new record for him. Shitty was next, and he went for the ass as usual.

“Bloody hell,” he said, “even this hole is slack, the whole army must have been through here.” After Shitty had cum in the Queen’s ass it was Cunnie’s turn, and he didn’t bother tasting this one, he just fucked her.

“She’s got a French pussy.” He said grinning.

“Why to you say that?” Quickie asked.

“I think it’s named Toulouse.” Cunnie said. And he too slammed into her violently until he managed to cum. Horsy was next, and even his larger cock was not sufficient to stretch the Queen.

“Isn’t this one of the natural wonders of the world?” He asked.

“Why?”

“I’m sure I’ve discovered the Grand Canyon.” He said with a smile. When Horsy had finished Rock took over, and he squeezed his nuts into the Queen as well as his huge cock.

“Hey look guys, it’s the Royal ball room.” He said with a smile. When Rock finally managed to cum in her (it wasn’t taking so long now, since the drought had broken) the pervs looked down at the enraged Queen.

“How are we going to kill her?” One asked, but then some eerie creatures floated up the path to them.

“She killed Snot Brite.” Horsy said, with a sniff.

“ET fuck Queen, then kill Queen.” One of them said. The pervs looked at each other.

“OK.” They said, and ran up the path toward their cottage.

ET pushed his cock into the Queen and shook his head.

“Black hole.” He said. “Need help.” The other aliens moved in and soon there were four alien cocks all probing the Queen’s inner depths. But they weren’t being nice, they each had a little set of teeth on the end, and they were finding the most sensitive places and biting them hard. The Queen was screaming into her gag, her eyes wide with pain and horror as the aliens fucked her. When they finally did cum it was like acid had been squirted up inside her. ET looked at her evilly.

“Kill Queen now.” He said and lifted a glowing finger.

“Wait.” A voice said, and the aliens turned to see the woodsman standing there.

“I’ll kill her with my axe.” He said, “But first I’ll fuck her with the handle, then I’ll fuck her with the blade.” ET nodded, and he and his mates floated up the path toward the pervs cottage.

“Your Majesty.” The woodsman said to the wide-eyed Queen, and then he shoved the axe handle up her pussy. The Queen wriggled in pain. “I’m sure there won’t be too many splinters.” The woodsman said with satisfaction, as he twisted the axe.

The Seven pervs found Snot Brite lying motionless on the table, the poison banana lying on the floor next to her. Sorrowfully and gently they lay her on the table. They looked at her lying there and then stripped her. They did that because she had experienced so much joy when she was undressed that they though that was how she should be remembered. It was a sad time for all of them, and no one was sure exactly what to do.

“We’ll wait for Merlin.” Shitty said. “I don’t care how many diamonds we have to give him, he just has to save her for us.”

“Yeah.” They waited with hope.

The woodsman was finished. He had fucked the Queen thoroughly with the axe handle, he had masturbated and shot his cum up the Queen’s nose, while telling her it was hard to find a tight hole on her to cum in, and now he lifted his axe. The trembling Queen was almost glad it was going to be over. She ached inside and out and she knew the damage was permanent.

“Stop.” A quiet voice said, and the woodsman turned to see a wizard standing there.

“She killed Snot Brite.” The woodsman said, not moving.

“I know,” The wizard replied, “but you can’t kill her yet.” The woodsman looked at the wizard.

“Are you going to fuck her?” He asked.

“Well and truly.” The wizard said, with an ominous smile. The woodsman lowered his axe, and the wizard raised his wand.

“You have attacked Snot Brite just because of your desire to be the most sexy.” Merlin said to the Queen, who was blinking rapidly. She was crying, but most likely that was because of the cum in her eyes. “I have decided that you will spend the rest of your days in a unicorns body,” Merlin continued, “but you will remember everything about being the Queen and what you have done.” He smiled. “You will not be able to communicate with humans though.” He waved his wand and the magic started to take effect. “I will make you the sexiest unicorn on Earth.” He said, and with a final crackle the Queen had changed into a unicorn. There was a light ring of fur around her horn that looked a bit like a crown.

“Is that really a bad enough punishment?” The woodsman asked, trying to show enough respect. You should try hard not to upset someone who could turn your balls into blowfish at a whim. The wizard smiled.

“Oh yes,” he said as the new unicorn struggled to get used to four legs. “Unicorns are usually monogamous.” The woodsman looked confused. “They only have one partner.” He explained, and the woodsman nodded his understanding. “That is because each male that has sex with a female unicorn during her season will sire a baby.”

“OK.” The woodsman didn’t see the point. Yet.

“If there is only one baby the horn grows out through the birth canal,” Merlin said, “but if there is more than one then the horns of the others pierce the side of the unicorn slowly from the inside and they die the most horrible death.” The woodsman shuddered. “This unicorn is in season now, and she is so sexy that there won’t be a male unicorn in the forest that hasn’t mated with her by morning. Give it a couple of months and she will look like a porcupine.” The ex Queen neighed in fright, and ran off into the night. There was a thunderous roar of approaching hooves. The woodsman looked at Merlin with respect.

“That has got to be the most awful possible way to die.” He said. “Is it true?”

“Yes,” Merlin assured him, “do you know that’s why an erection is called a horn sometimes? A man once saw a pregnant unicorn and said ‘that unicorn has a really big horn’, well the rest is history.”

“Shall we go to the cottage?” The woodsman asked, and the wizard nodded.

Elsie was riding the magic dildo again. It was true, she did become more beautiful each time it shot it’s cum in her.

“Ask me about the Queen.” The dildo said.

“What about the Queen?” Elsie asked.

“The Queen is gone and she won’t be back.” The dildo said. Elsie considered this.

“I’ll just have to look after you then.” She said. "I'm sure William won't mind."

“Oh yeah.”

“I can’t help her.” Merlin said sadly. “The poison is too strong.” There was a collective gasp of horror from the assembled group.

“Who can help her then?” Rock asked.

“The poison can only be reversed by love’s first kiss.” Merlin said. “No, not you lot,” he said as the pervs scrambled to be first, “it has to be a Prince.”

“I know a dog named Prince.” Squirty said hopefully.

“That would just be love’s first lick.” Cunnie said.

“Oh, yeah.”

“Where are we going to find a Prince?" Noisy asked quietly.

“It shouldn’t be too hard.” Merlin said. “There was a gay sex scene in the last chapter, so this is a fairy tale, and in a fairy tale there is always a Prince to save the Princess.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, all we have to do is wait.”

The unicorn that had once been the Queen had been cornered, and had already been mounted by at least ten males. And there were a lot more waiting for their turn. She knew she was doomed, and she couldn’t even enjoy the sex. There were ants crawling all over her and biting her anywhere where she was tender, she wondered why.

It took two days for a Prince to find them. All of Snot Brite’s friends sat in vigil around her naked body waiting.

“Hello,” a voice finally called, “is this the place with the sleeping Princess? Or is it the one in the tower with the long hair? I get so confused.”

“This,” Merlin said, turning to the Prince, “is the one where the Princess has been poisoned and needs to be woken by loves first kiss.”

“Ah, OK.” The Prince replied. “Where is she?” The crowd parted, and the Prince saw Snot Brite on the table.

“Nice tits.” The Prince said, and he walked confidently to the table, leaned over and kissed Snot Brite firmly on the lips. The assembled group held their breath.

Three minutes later the assembled group was turning blue. Nothing had happened. The Prince looked confused.

“Why hasn’t she woken up?” He asked. Merlin finally breathed.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“Maybe,” the woodsman said, gasping for air, “it needs to be loves first fuck? The poison was actually applied at that end.” Merlin thought.

“You could be right.” He said to the woodsman. “Give her a poke will you?” He said to the Prince.

“What with all these people here?” The Prince asked.

“Yes.” The Prince thought for a moment, but she was a real looker, so what the hell? He took out his rather small cock sheepishly, and positioned himself it the entrance to Snot Brite’s pussy.

“Hurry.” Someone gasped, still not breathing, but the Prince hesitated, rather embarrassed. ET shoved him from behind, and the Prince was fucking Snot Brite’s inert form.

“Bit of a dead root.” The Prince quipped, but all he got were frowns. “Hard room.” The Prince muttered. The he felt the cum rising. “Oh, yeah.” The Prince said, and streams of loves first Prince cum filled Snot Brite. She opened her eyes and there was a sudden group intake of breath.

“Thank fuck for that.” Shitty said, “I was about to pass out.” There was cheering and rejoicing, and the wizard made mead out of water for them all to share.

“Are you going to come to my castle to marry me?” The Prince asked a still naked and celebrating Snot Brite. She looked at him carefully.
“You are rich aren’t you?” She said.

“Yes.”

“Hmmm, but you do have a little dick.” She said. He blushed.

“It’s average.” He protested.

“Not around here it isn’t.” Merlin said, and all the celebrating people suddenly got naked.

“But will you marry me?” The Prince asked.

“No.” Snot Brite said. “But you are welcome to join the orgy whenever you want.” The Prince smiled.

“That’s good enough.” He said.

“Got a diamond?” Merlin asked, and the Prince nodded. “Then you’re going to love this bit.”

The End.

So, you ask, what was the moral of the story? Well first I have to point out that it really had fuck all morals. But if there is a message somewhere it would be that the girls don’t always go for the rich man, and if they say size doesn’t matter they are most likely just trying to make you feel good. The reality is it does.