Rumors. Whispers. Urban legends.

This is the extent of the Celebrity Fantasy Service's advertising. You have never seen a commercial for them, or an online ad, or read anything about them in the news. As far as you're aware, the Celebrity Fantasy Service doesn't exist.

Which is why you are skeptical when a popup shows up on your computer screen.

"Hello, Marcus Bass. You have been approached by the Celebrity Fantasy Service. For a reasonable fee (continue for details), you can act out whatever fantasies you have with any celebrity you desire." Below the introduction are three buttons: [Continue], [Maybe Later], and [No!].

Intrigued by the fact that the popup knows your name, you decide to click [Continue].

A small Loading circle appears on the screen for a few moments. Then a video appears on the screen. A woman's silhouette is the main focus, the background solid white.

"Hello, Mr. Bass," the woman says in an Australian accent. "My name is something you do not need to know. I am contacting you on behalf of CFS, the Celebrity Fantasy Service. Do you know what the CFS does? Raise your hand in the thumbs-up position if you do, thumbs-down if you do not."

You slowly raise your thumb.

"Very good," she continues. At this point you realize she can see you, even though you can't quite see her. "The CFS has chosen you as a potential customer. Should you agree, any celebrity you desire, for any fantasy you have, we will provide. For a fee, of course."

"Why was I chosen?" you ask. For a moment, you consider the idea that even if she can see you, she might not be able to hear you. That idea is gone by the time she answers your question.

"Your Internet history," she says, amused. "We target our potential customers by their choice of... entertainment. You have spent quite a bit of time reading erotic fan fiction for several well-known celebrities. Don't be embarrassed," she adds, seeing the look on your face. "Most of our potential customers read the same material. We feel these are the sort who are most likely to have fantasies they would like to act out in real life."

"So... this is for real, then? Any celebrity...?" Your mind races, going through possibilities.

"Only if you agree. In a few seconds a link will appear on your screen. It will show you your options."

Just as she says the words, a message box appears. "Options", the box reads. "[Single: Get one celebrity for one fantasy: $149.99 USD]. [One Year Subscription: Get any number of your fantasies for one calendar year: $1500- USD]. [Cancel]."

The prices seem outrageous at first. Admittedly, the CFS is definitely illegal, and fifteen hundred dollars for a year of actually getting to live out your sexual fantasies...

"So, if I choose to purchase your services, how would that look on my credit card bill?" you ask. "And, since you're clearly all about secrecy, how does that work with the celebrities?"

"We have members in the credit companies," she explains. "All charges for our customers are disguised as innocent, innocuous expenses and examined with... lenience. As for the celebrities, though our methods remain secret, know that we make it so that they will comply with your fantasy, whatever it may be, and after it is over they will have no memory of it taking place."

Wow. So other than the money issue, which is really only... barely four dollars a day for the year-long subscription, this deal is pretty much consequence-free.

Eagerly, you click the [One Year Subscription] button.

"All right," the woman continues. "You will now be directed to our hidden site. You do not have permission to share any of this information with anyone. To contact me or one of the CFS's other employees, type the passphrase 'Diagonal Surreal Carnival Warrior" into a Microsoft Word document. This passphrase is unique to you; every user has a different one, and it will only signal for us to contact you if you type it on this computer. Enjoy your services."

The woman's video vanishes. In its place is an online catalog, showing a number of popular celebrities. Right on the first page are some of your favorites: Danica Mauricio, the statuesque singer of _Burn It All _and Forever in a Second, who just barely missed out (was cheated out) on singing the national anthem at the last Super Bowl; Jane Canton, the lithe blonde who played Tallie, the main love interest on the TV show Claws; Asuna Nakamura, the Internet personality with an extremely cute girl-next-door type body. The list goes on!

Since you're paying for a year's service, you decide to get started on your purchase immediately. You click one of the celebrities.