I had to laugh when I rubbed the gravy boat and the genie came out. It only looked like a magic lamp; I didn't really think it was one. Still, plain as day, there stood a shimmering, slightly-see-through female genie, dressed in the classic Arabian getup.

Now, I'm not one to believe in ghosts or fairy tales or supreme beings. But somehow my conviction of disbelief vanished when it called out to me, in a commanding voice,

"Robert Dalton, you have freed me from my prison!"

"Rob," I corrected, sliding my glasses further up the bridge of my nose. "And you're welcome."

"I'm just shitting you," the genie said, suddenly shifting the tone. "My name is Kink."

"Kink," I repeated. "I like the sound of that."

"You know," she mused, "you'd be surprised how many people are disappointed when they don't get the full-on all-powerful genie treatment."

"Doesn't bother me," I said, shrugging. "Do I get any wishes for the liberation?"

"Well, actually, yeah. Three."

"And I can't wish for more wishes or more genies?" "Nope."

Before we get into the story of my wishes, let me just preface it all by telling you about my fetish. See, I get my kicks to this thing called Natural Body Magic. It's harmless, I assure you, but a lot of people looking in from outside don't get it.

In Natural Body Magic, a woman's body can be painlessly disassembled and reassembled. It kind of takes a cue from sideshow guillotines or classic stage magic acts like sawing a woman in half. Wherever it comes from, it gets me where I need to go.

"Okay," I said to Kink. "Do you know what Natural Body Magic is?"

I looked over to her, and did a double take. The genie had unbuttoned her vest and now stood juggling her detached head and breasts as if it were afternoon tea.

"I have no idea what that is," her head muttered as she passed it from one hand to the other.

"Great," I said, turning away. "So you know it. Good." I paused, and looked back at her. "You're not by chance one of those asshole genies, are you? You know, the kind that fucks wishes up so they don't work like you plan?"

Kink's head laughed as it sailed through the air.

"Nope. That's not me." She caught it and began to screw it back on her shoulders. Her breasts floated in mid-air. "I've found that letting you mortals play out your fantasies is far more interesting than anything I could come up with."

"Perfect," I said. "In that case, I wish that I could painlessly and safely detach the body parts of any person, a la NBM, provided that I touch the person's body part with the intention of it coming off."

Kink, head now firmly reattached, pressed her breasts against her chest and buttoned up her vest.

"Sounds like you'll get a lifetime of boners out of this one, big guy. One kinky wish coming right up." She waved her hands and I watched, grinning, as magic swirled around me.

The next day, Caroline came over. We'd been dating for a few years and last month, I'd told her about my fantasies. I can't say she was enthused. She didn't take it as badly as I imagined she might (imagination is so much scarier, sometimes, than reality). She just wrote it off as the odd fantasy of a girlfriend-less adolescent (as I was, growing up), and suggested her womanly charms were plenty for me in bed.

I honestly can't say what I was thinking that day. But I doubt you'd be in a clear state of mind either, if your weirdest fetishes were suddenly possible.

So there we were, in my dorm room, fucking in Caroline's then-favorite position. I don't know if there's a name for it, but it was basically me throwing her against the wall and fucking her from behind, standing, while she turned her head to the side and I leaned forward, over her shoulder, to lock lips.

I was waiting for the right moment to use my wish – I've always appreciated subtlety – when she complained halfway through our lovemaking session that her neck was bothering her.

"Rob, honey, I can't turn around any more."

I rubbed her neck gently, spelling out my intentions in my mental voice.

"How's that feel?" I asked, hoping at least that it didn't hurt.

"That's actually not bad," she replied. "I feel like I can turn it again."

And turn it, she did. But nothing happened. She had the same range of motion as before.

Thinking quickly, I asked her between breaths, "You know if you exhale you can turn a little bit more?"

She looked at me funny, and then closed her eyes and turned her neck.

Her head swiveled around, backwards.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't surprised, but I think she was completely shocked when she opened her eyes again, and looked down.

"Holy fuck," she whispered. She watched, eyes wide, as her ass crumpled under each thrust. "I can see my ass, Rob. Holy shit." I'm not sure if she realized the extent to which her head had rotated.

"I know, Carol. This is nuts."

"God, this is kinda hot. We can make out now, baby."

That was my cue. I leaned in, and I kissed her deep.

But just then, something happened. As I broke the kiss off, she leaned into the wall. I stood back up to get a better grip on her hips, and her head bounced down her back. Her face was caught between my groin and her own ass for at least one thrust, and then it bounced onto the couch, where it landed with her head facing her body.

I quite possibly may have been even more startled than her, and I stumbled backwards, tripped over some clothes and grabbed a curtain as I fell, ripping it right off the rod.

As I looked up, I saw her staring, unblinking, at her headless body, groping at her smooth shoulders.

"Ohmygod! Ohmygod!"

Her hands patted her shoulders frantically, and her naked body fell to its knees. I saw the color leave her face as she felt the slight dip where her head would've been.

"Rob!" she whispered, in a shrill voice. "Rob! I think I'm gonna be sick."

I flung the curtain off myself and ran over to her head. Her neck was capped in flesh, as if she'd always been a head and body.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Caroline stared at the couch cushion she rested on. "I mean I'm going to throw up."

"So go to the bathroom!"

Her eyes darted to mine, and she stared at me. I'm not going anywhere like this, she seemed to say.

"Okay," I said, awkwardly picking her head up. It was heavier than I expected. As I left the room, I stepped over her body, which at that point was getting up on all fours.

"What're you getting up for?" I asked, squatting next to the toilet with her head in my hands.

"It's easier to ralph when you're in the position, you know?"

"I guess. I just – "

And then she heaved. I cracked a smile as I turned back. In the room behind me I could see her body on all fours, leaning over a chair. Every time I heard her heave in the bathroom, I saw her stomach tense up in the other room. Finally, she was done, and gave an exasperated sigh.

"Jesus," she said as I flushed. "Can I get some water?"

"Well, can I just put you under the faucet?"

"No, Rob. For fuck's sake, don't you have a cup?"

"Downstairs I do."

"Fine."

Caroline's head cradled in my arms, I made my way downstairs to the kitchen, and put some water in a cup. She took a drink, and then I stood there, looking at her neck. It looked almost like a screw with the tiniest amount of threading, as if one turn would be enough to unscrew it. I rubbed it with my thumb, and then I heard crying. I flipped her head over so that she was facing me.

"Rob," she sobbed. "What happened to me?"

There came a crash from the dorm upstairs.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Sorry, I was getting up. I can't see anything."

"Just, just sit down, okay?"

I heard the scooting noise the couch makes when someone sits on it.

"You comfy?"

"Yeah," she sniffled. I wiped her nose.

"Good. Caroline, I have no idea what's going on, but I need to look at your body."

"Whatever." She looked away, out the window. "I know this is your fantasy."

"Hey," I said, tucking her under my arm as I went back upstairs. "Maybe this is your dream, and I'm just a figment of your imagination."

"Whatever."

We stood outside my dorm.

"Can we go back in here?" I asked. "You won't freak when you see yourself, will you?" She was silent, but she gave me an odd look. "I was trying to shake my head," she explained.

"Good," I replied, opening the door.

There, on the couch, she'd sprawled her body. She wasn't very demure; it was as if someone had thrown a headless sex doll onto my couch.

"Comfy?" I asked sarcastically, plopping down next to her. Her body sat up and leaned forward. I put her head out for her to grab.

"Look," I said. "I need to you hold your head so I can see how it goes back on. Can you at least hold it for me?"

She begrudgingly took it from me. I saw her freeze for a second when she held it the first time. I imagine it was strange; she turned it left, then right. Her stomach was inches from her face; above her head swayed her sizable breasts, and just below her chin, a tuft of hair between her legs.

"Hold it upside down," I said, bringing her up to the correct height and flipping it upside down in her hands. I saw her staring, confused, at her breasts.

"You know I've got vertigo," she complained. "Yeah, I know."

As I looked at her shoulders, I noticed that the dip where her head would go had the same threading as her neck. I gave a triumphant "aha!"

"What? Can you put me back together?"

"I think so." I took her head from her hands and dropped it back to her shoulders. A quick twist, and she sat up. "Good as new?" I asked.

"I think so!" she laughed, turning her head one way, and then the other. And then, it rolled off.

I caught it, thankfully, before it hit the floor. But it wasn't enough to stop her from crying. I handed her head back to her body, and couldn't help feel some pity for her. She looked up, eyes wide, at her headless heaving shoulders, and wiped a tear from her face.

"I'm in two places, Rob. I hate it. Please put me back together."

"I will, Caroline. Calm down. You just got something in your...uh, neck socket. It's probably just dust. Let me get a paper towel from the bathroom, and I'll put you back together." I was always good at bullshitting.

Once I was back in the bathroom, I hunched over the sink and whispered "Kink!" loud as I dared. Immediately the shimmering genie appeared behind me.

"You see what I said about you mortals being more interesting than me?"

"Yeah, yeah," I waved a hand. "What's going on with her head? Why won't it go back on?"

Kink laughed. "You never wished that detached parts could go back on."

"Jesus, really? Consider that wish number two. Same as number one, but with the intention that it reattaches."

She waved her hands, and magic again swirled around me.

"Just to be clear," I said, wetting a paper towel in the sink, "I don't really need to worry about cleaning the area before I reattach stuff, do I?"

Kink laughed, and disappeared.

When I stepped back into the dorm room, I laughed. Caroline sat, naked on the couch, holding her head above her shoulders. She had turned it so she could see her own neck socket, and she was blowing into it as if it were a non-functioning Nintendo cartridge.

"That's not going to work, Carol. I've got a paper towel right here."

"Forgive me for being desperate," she snipped, resting her head on her lap.

Two wipes later and I was fairly certain I'd gotten all of the dust out of her neck.

"Do you want to do the honors, or should I?"

She stared daggers at me.

"Okay," I muttered, lifting her head up and twisting it into her neck. Gingerly, she turned it side to side, and then she bobbed it, and it stuck fast. She gave me a light hug, but I could sense she was unhappy.

"When do I wake up?" she asked at the door, a few minutes later.

"Caroline, I have no idea what happened, okay?"

"Whatever, Rob. I'll see you later." And then she walked out to her car.

Kink reappeared next to me when I closed the door. She was holding her head in her hand as if it were Yorick's skull.

"Well, Rob, that was certainly hot," she said, turning her head to me. "Any thoughts on your third wish?"

I thought about how my first two wishes had gone with Caroline, and I beamed at Kink.

"Does it even matter?"