Chapter 5 -- Risk
Introduction:
From the moment we wake up in the morning, to the time we go work, and even when we sleep we face uncountable number of risks. If we took the time to plan for every conceivable risk and then thought about how we could mitigate them we would spend our lives preparing for events that may never happen. Through our learning experiences we have developed mechanisms that allow us to filter out inconceivable risks in order for us to lead productive lives while still being aware of possible risks. This process exists for threesomes but instead of using the autopilot to sort through the risks in daily life, it becomes necessary to sort through them on a more detailed level. This chapter will briefly look at the issue of risk by examining a hypothetical situation and then showing how examining the threesome for risks works.
Risk -- defined
Risk can be simply thought of as the chance that an event will occur that will results in some damage being done. Essentially risk is the one element that makes each threesome unique from similar threesomes that other couples may have and it is the one thing that prevents providing generic advice almost impossible since it requires knowing about the couple. For planning a threesome the couple also needs to consider the impact of that the risk would have on their safety and relationship. Along with considering the expected damage to be done the couple also needs to consider the likelihood, chance, that the expected event will occur.
Risk -- applied
Hypothetically let us assume John & Jane have been married for 10 years and Jane has suggested to John that she would like to have a threesome with a formed boyfriend. There are several risk issues here and for the sake of the discussion only a few of the risks will be examined for this discussion:
Chance of Occurring: This depends on to a large extent the former boyfriend and his ability to understand the need for discretion. Without further information this author would have to say chance is low.
Way to mitigate: Generally speaking if the need for privacy and discretion is communicated to the third it is usually not an issue.
Chance of Occurring: A function of several factors such as if Jane is pre-menopausal and if so when the threesome occurs in relationship to her menstrual cycle. Also it depends on what form of contraception is being used, if it is used as described, and if either of them has been sterilized. This means the chance of occurrence can be high.
Way to mitigate: Use of contraception, especially condom
Chance of Occurring: Chance of occurring is dependent on several factors, such as how much Jane told John about the relationship with the boyfriend, including any residual feelings for him. In addition the chance that this will adversely impact their relationship rises further if John is uncomfortable with this planned threesome and he is afraid to discuss this with Jane for fear of letting her down. Chance of this occurring is a function of how much communication has occurred and how comfortable John is with this situation.
Way to mitigate: Relationship between Jane & John is such that John is comfortable enough with Jane that he feels as though he can immediately discuss any concerns with her and she is willing to work with John to work through them. Also keeping the planned threesome to a one off whereby John is a full participant will help to lower the risk.
Conclusion
The concept of risk is an involved topic that requires examining all aspects of a planned threesome. Reason for talking about risk, albeit briefly, is to get a couple planning a threesome to understand that a threesome carries risk, that the risk can be reduced though not completely eliminated, and the need to think about what is being planned. In addition this chapter brief introduced how to look at risk in a threesome situation. However a real threesome situation is more involved than this because it is unique to the couple and it is this author's hope that this introduces the couple to the need to examine risks.
Introduction:
From the moment we wake up in the morning, to the time we go work, and even when we sleep we face uncountable number of risks. If we took the time to plan for every conceivable risk and then thought about how we could mitigate them we would spend our lives preparing for events that may never happen. Through our learning experiences we have developed mechanisms that allow us to filter out inconceivable risks in order for us to lead productive lives while still being aware of possible risks. This process exists for threesomes but instead of using the autopilot to sort through the risks in daily life, it becomes necessary to sort through them on a more detailed level. This chapter will briefly look at the issue of risk by examining a hypothetical situation and then showing how examining the threesome for risks works.
Risk -- defined
Risk can be simply thought of as the chance that an event will occur that will results in some damage being done. Essentially risk is the one element that makes each threesome unique from similar threesomes that other couples may have and it is the one thing that prevents providing generic advice almost impossible since it requires knowing about the couple. For planning a threesome the couple also needs to consider the impact of that the risk would have on their safety and relationship. Along with considering the expected damage to be done the couple also needs to consider the likelihood, chance, that the expected event will occur.
Risk -- applied
Hypothetically let us assume John & Jane have been married for 10 years and Jane has suggested to John that she would like to have a threesome with a formed boyfriend. There are several risk issues here and for the sake of the discussion only a few of the risks will be examined for this discussion:
- Former boyfriend tells friends that he had a threesome with Jane & her husband (discretion / privacy risk).
- Jane becomes pregnant by former boyfriend
- Relationship is adversely impacted
- Former boyfriend tells friends that he had a threesome with Jane & her husband
Chance of Occurring: This depends on to a large extent the former boyfriend and his ability to understand the need for discretion. Without further information this author would have to say chance is low.
Way to mitigate: Generally speaking if the need for privacy and discretion is communicated to the third it is usually not an issue.
- Jane becomes pregnant by former boyfriend
Chance of Occurring: A function of several factors such as if Jane is pre-menopausal and if so when the threesome occurs in relationship to her menstrual cycle. Also it depends on what form of contraception is being used, if it is used as described, and if either of them has been sterilized. This means the chance of occurrence can be high.
Way to mitigate: Use of contraception, especially condom
- Relationship is adversely impacted
Chance of Occurring: Chance of occurring is dependent on several factors, such as how much Jane told John about the relationship with the boyfriend, including any residual feelings for him. In addition the chance that this will adversely impact their relationship rises further if John is uncomfortable with this planned threesome and he is afraid to discuss this with Jane for fear of letting her down. Chance of this occurring is a function of how much communication has occurred and how comfortable John is with this situation.
Way to mitigate: Relationship between Jane & John is such that John is comfortable enough with Jane that he feels as though he can immediately discuss any concerns with her and she is willing to work with John to work through them. Also keeping the planned threesome to a one off whereby John is a full participant will help to lower the risk.
- Overall risk
Conclusion
The concept of risk is an involved topic that requires examining all aspects of a planned threesome. Reason for talking about risk, albeit briefly, is to get a couple planning a threesome to understand that a threesome carries risk, that the risk can be reduced though not completely eliminated, and the need to think about what is being planned. In addition this chapter brief introduced how to look at risk in a threesome situation. However a real threesome situation is more involved than this because it is unique to the couple and it is this author's hope that this introduces the couple to the need to examine risks.