2020, Somewhere in the UK, a universe right next door.
“So I get infinite wishes?”
“Yes.”
“That seems weird.”
“Ok.”
“You get that it seems weird, right?”
“Not really.”
“Well who gets infinite wishes? There’s always a limit. Like three. Three wishes I would have understood.”
“...You could stop wishing after three if you like. But you can have as many as you like.”
“And out of curiosity have you made this offer to many people before?”
“No.”
“So how many people have received infinite wishes?”
“None.”
“None?”
“There has never been wishes before. You are the first. You will also be the last. Unless you wish for something other to be the case.”
“So unlimited wishes.”
“Yes.”
“And is there any limits on the type?”
“No limits.”
“Wait so I could wish for world peace?”
“Well you’d have to spell out how you wanted it to happen. Killing everyone would grant that wish. If you wanted something different then you’d need to explain it to me.”
“Well what about changing the past?”
“Yes.”
“I mean, can I do that?”
“Yes.”
“But how would that work?”
“You would wish to change the past and I would change the past.”
“But what if I accidentally killed myself in the past?”
“What?”
“I mean what if I wished for something that meant my parents were never born? What would happen to me.”
“Oh you wouldn’t exist.”
“But. But. What?”
“You wouldn’t exist.”
“But then who would make the wish?”
“Oh then the wishes would never have existed. The world would exist in its new state.”
“So before I change the past I should either protect myself to ensure I always exist or possibly that I continue to exist in some phased reality or something so I can continue to exist and still change the past.”
“Sure, you can do that. They’re your wishes.”
“...I’m confused.”
“Ok”
“What happens if I don’t make any wishes?
“The universe will continue without wishes.”
“And what happens to me?"
“Whatever would have happened anyway.”
“But does this affect my immortal soul or something?”
“There’s no such thing.”
“What?”
“There’s no such thing.”
“What about God?”
“No god. There are beings in the universe who have vast powers but none are active in any galaxy that has been observed by humanity thus far.”
“Could I wish for a god?”
“Yes.”
“Hmmm. Could I wish for a soul?”
“I would need you to explain what you wanted but yes.”
“And I can change anything?”
“Yes.”
“I could be smarter.”
“Yes.”
“I could be a god like figure.”
“Yes.”
“I could quite literally be anything.”
“Yes.”
“Wait. If I wish something that turns me into an animal or something will I still have wishes?”
“Yes.”
“But how would I make them?”
“I can understand meaning in any language or communication. But if clarity is required then I will not be able to act without some guidance. If you were in a form you were unfamiliar with you might find it difficult to provide that guidance.”
“Huh. And you are just a disembodied voice.”
“Unless you wish for something different.”
“So if I wished you to take on the appearance and voice of someone…”
“I would take on the appearance and voice of that person.”
“And if I wished for you to behave like that person?”
“I would behave like them.”
“What if that person wouldn’t grant me a wish.”
“Then I would not grant you any further wishes.”
“Ok. So basically, be fucking careful. Let’s start small. I wish that no wish of mine ever causes me harm or for me to cease to exist.”
“Granted.”
“I wish that I will be the only person aware of any changes that I create unless I specify otherwise.”
“Granted.”
“I wish that no other wishes are granted to anyone or anything without my permission.”
“Granted.”
“That seems like a good base to start with. Right. Now what? I should probably dedicate my powers to good right. Right the wrongs in the world, that sort of thing. Right?”
“You can wish for whatever you want. They are your unlimited wishes.”
“Sure. Yeah. Still. I should probably fix things. Wait could I wish to rule the world?”
“Yes. Although I would need a few more details if possible.”
“What happens if I didn’t give you any details?”
“I would attempt to carry out your wish as I understood it.”
“Ok, I wish that when in any doubt you grant wishes in line with my intentions when I made the wish.”
“Granted.”
“I can see some problems arising if I just wish to rule the world. That sounds like a lot of work. Maybe I’ll just be a mysterious powerful figure who makes things better. That might be less work. Although I suppose if I was going to be some sort of King of the World I’d get to choose my Queen. .... Hmmm.”
“Hell, forget about a Queen, I could pick a whole damn harem. In fact, forget the King thing, I could just skip straight to the harem. After all if I’m going to be using my powers for good then I deserve a little reward. … Ok, a big reward.”
I can’t really focus on doing good until I’ve got some stuff out of my system so...
“Ok, let’s do it this way. I wish for a database of every woman in the world I would consider attractive and a computer in that corner of the room dedicated to storing that database.”
“Granted.”
“Hey look, a new computer. Great. Ok. That’s the long term plan. We’ll work on filters later maybe. For right now, I wish for the women I have most often jerked off thinking about, wait, no, cancel that. I wish that the wall behind that computer becomes one giant screen with incredible resolution capable of projecting whatever I want onto it.”
“Granted.”
Now, I wish to see the three women I have jerked off to the most in my life on the screen. Make it a live shot. No, make it an image I have jerked off too.
“Granted.”
On the screen covering the wall three women appeared in high definition. Each image took up one full third of the space, making them appear larger than life.