For the real Brandy, wherever I may find her

LATE MARCH

Silence

Ruffles

Many pictures

Staring back at me

You've been so long

And had so many sisters...

"That's all I've got so far," James told Brandy, closing the notebook. "But it's not bad for being inspired by someone I've only talked to twice, is it?"

His extroverted friend gave him an uncharacteristically shy grin. "It's beautiful, James, but what's with the ruffles?"

"The ruffles are the way I imagined a woman's dorm room looked like before I actually got to college," Jim explained with a shy grin of his own that was not at all uncharacteristic. "Very lush and feminine and pretty -- and perfect for an evening of candlelight sitting on her bed and getting to know one another in a safe space." Toward the end of his explanation, James slipped into embarrassed laughter. "So it's the perfect scene for a hopeless romantic like me! But what can I say? She's melted my heart, and I'm shooting the moon on how I want it all to end up."

Seeing it was okay, Brandy joined in on the laughter. "That's adorable, James. Yes, wouldn't it be wonderful if our rooms did look like a princess' chamber? And the many sisters...are you hoping for more girls lined up outside her door?"

"You know me better than that!" James protested. "No, the 'many sisters' are the many other young women I fell for before she came along and it didn't work out." Brandy looked away in embarrassment, and James touched her arm gently. "Sorry! I didn't mean it as anything about you, really. We're friends, after all, and that's that."

"I thought maybe you were teasing me," Brandy said, looking back to him. "Which is okay, but...I wasn't sure."

"What's to be unsure about? You didn't like me like that, and I needed to learn that's the way love works sometimes." To his surprise, James was able to smile without forcing it. "I'm just glad we were able to work through that and still be friends."

"And now that you've fallen for this lovely lady, whatever her name is, it's that much easier," Brandy said. "For us both."

"I guess," James said, not sure what to make of that.

"I wish you would at least tell me her name," Brandy said. "You know you can trust me with that, and I've been telling you since December, I might even know her and be able to learn something about your chances."

James bit his lip. It did seem so very silly to hide that from even Brandy of all people. "You're right, of course," he finally said. "It's...it's Sarah Martin."

"Oh, James, she'd be great for you!" Brandy exclaimed.

"You don't really mean that!"

"Yes, I do! She's brilliant, and beautiful, and I barely know her myself but I know she's a really nice person. And you deserve all that and more, whether you can see it or not, James."

"Well, thanks, but I mean, she's so far out of --"

"Don't say 'Out of my league,' James! I forbid it! You've got to stop running yourself down like that! You know, to be completely honest, that's one reason why I couldn't see us together."

"Yeah, but she's a junior, and so active in everything, and so popular, and I'm a geeky freshman. I'm only being realistic here!"

"Listen, James, you've got to stop thinking like that! I really am on your side about Sarah. Just...you're so shy, you've got to bite the bullet and talk to her if things are ever going to go anywhere. That's what I did with Paul, after all."

James nodded, tamping down his last shreds of lingering jealousy of Paul, who at least wasn't around now. "How are things going with him?"

"Fine, thanks. He's loving his new job at the Campus Ethics Board, but there's so much he can't tell me because all the cases are secret. It's a little frustrating when he can't tell me anything about his day, but I guess it helps us build trust that we can respect each other's boundaries, you know."

"That's nice, he said through clenched teeth," James quipped, forcing a smile.

"You know I love you, too, James," Brandy said. "But Paul...well, he and I are both saving ourselves for marriage, for one thing. Do you really think you and I could have worked as a couple knowing I wouldn't be sleeping with you?"

"I'd have been more than happy to wait for you, Brandy. I told you that before."

"Yes, and I'm sure you really believed that. But I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't have led to problems. With Paul, it won't. You deserve someone who agrees with you on that, just like I do. And I hope Sarah is that someone, okay?"

"We have had a couple of nice conversations," James said. "But, I don't know...I mean, I don't really know Sarah at all yet. It's all so fleeting, at least to her it probably is. But to me..."

"But you know her well enough to write poems about a romantic evening in her room?" Brandy couldn't help smiling.

James allowed a wry laugh. "I think that's because I don't know her very well," he said. "When you're just newly smitten with someone you don't know, you can believe anything about her."

"Oh, James, you're so right!" Brandy said. "But the only way to know is to get to know her! I hope you'll give it a try, okay? Even if it doesn't work, you really need to work on coming out of your shell."

"Thanks, Brandy. You're right as usual."

"You're still putting me on a pedestal again, aren't you? But you're welcome." She stood up and offered him a hug before leaving for class, and for the first time in weeks he allowed her to give him one. After enjoying their tender moment, they were both off.

"Very lush and feminine and pretty!" mimicked Eric to his latest of a series of best friends, Randy, from their vantage point behind the couch at the other end of the lounge. Originally the best spot in the lounge for disposing of joints if an RA happened into the room, it had also long since proven to be a great place for eavesdropping; and Eric and Randy had heard every word of James and Brandy's conversation. Randy had lingering qualms about that now that it was done; Eric did not. "Think he's talking about Sarah's room, or about himself?"

"Leave him alone, man, he's only a harmless nerd," Randy said. "And God knows Sarah, the track star with a higher GPA than the two of us combined, she ain't ever gonna bother with a shy little nerd like him! Even he says so!"

"Harmless?!" Eric slugged his friend on the shoulder. "Didn't you hear what happened to the Pi-Delts last semester?"

"Well, yeah," Randy said. "Everybody heard what happened. Couple of 'em got expelled after some dipshit ratted them out about spiking the girls' drinks. What's that got to do with...hang on, man, that was James?!"

"Mister Sensitive," Eric spat the words out like they tasted funny. "Mister Feminist, the campus crazies recruited him to rush Pi Delta so he could get proof of what they did. All kept really hush hush, of course, but it's funny what you can learn when your girlfriend works in the student affairs office."

"Geez, that bitch'll do anything for you, huh?" Randy was amazed as always at Rachel's devotion to Eric when he treated her the way he did.

"She will if I threaten her with no more pot if she doesn't," Eric said. At this, Randy howled with laughter until Eric punched him again. "Dude, shut up. Now, listen. Couple of the guys who got bounced, they were my buddies from way back. Freshman year -- first class together, even. We used to come to class hung over and it was no big deal, they never judged me or anything. I pulled all nighters with them, hid out with them when our beer blasts got shut down, even fucked the same chicks. I was too damn stubborn to get into their stupid fraternity, and that's the only reason why James didn't get me thrown out with them!"

"But you wouldn't have done that to a girl, would you, Eric? What those guys were doing to their drinks?"

"Done what to a girl?" Eric demanded. "You can't make a girl say yes if she really means no -- those guys just made it a little easier for them to come clean that they really wanted it! Mister Politically Correct there just should've minded his own damn business. But he didn't, and a couple of my friends had their lives ruined because of it. I've been saying all semester I'm gonna get him for that, one way or another, and I think we just got what we needed to do that."

"You're gonna get him expelled for writing shitty poetry?" Randy asked. "Sorry, I think the worst he'll get for that is a D in English."

"No, man, it's who he wrote the poetry for! Sarah!"

"Yeah, I know all about Sarah," Randy said. "Sarah Martin, a shoo in for Phi Beta Kappa and the top half-miler on the track team, and besides that she's a junior and he's a freshman. It ain't like she's ever gonna go out with a drip like him, if he ever asked in the first place, and you know he won't ask anyway 'cause he's too damn shy."

"Exactly," Eric grumbled. "That's just it all right. He's too much of a little smarm to ever get in any real trouble, so I can forget about an eye for an eye. But if we can't expel him, we can humiliate him. Make sure the little fucker gets so terrified of women from now on that he'll be a virgin till kingdom come."

"Brilliant," muttered Randy. "But how are you gonna get Sarah Martin to help you out with that? Everything I've ever heard of her is she's too nice a gal to ever do anything like that. Not that she'd actually go out with him, but she wouldn't hurt him. Hell, she probably supports what he did to your friends."

"All the more reason to fuck around with her, too," Eric said. "I mean, she probably won't give a fuck about it all, but it certainly won't reflect well on her all the same."

"What won't?"

"I have a plan," Eric said. "Been working on it a while. All I needed was something I knew I could hurt James with, and now we've got it."

"We?" Randy stood up and dusted his jeans off. "I don't know if I want any part of this, man. Sounds like some people could get hurt who haven't done anything to me."

"Calm down, it's just a prank. It'll hurt the little fucker's feelings and maybe teach him a lesson, but that's all. Besides, it is almost April Fool's Day. Anyone does get on our case, we'll just say it was a joke. Happens all the time in this place."

Randy sat down on the couch and looked over the back, a safe distance from Eric. "All right, then, what's your idea? I'm not saying I'll go along with it, but --"

"I don't need you to go along with it," Eric said. "I've got Todd for that."

"Todd Chambers? From your floor? The theatre guy?"

Eric nodded. "He and James are good buddies, I guess. I'll get the information on James I need from him, and then he's going to do me a favor."

"If he's a friend of James, why would he help you screw him?"

"None of your business, Randy, but he will."

LAST SEMESTER

A heroic undercover mission and his first broken heart -- what a way to begin his college career! And yet, it had leant a certain sense of anticlimax to everything that had followed. Not that James had minded when he was out on his long walks with Brandy. As platonic as anything he had ever experienced, those long walks had nevertheless been the most intimate experience of his young life. They had walked all over their little town -- often beyond the city limits, which really wasn't very hard to do -- and talked of everything under the sun. Everything including sex, although neither of them had any firsthand knowledge of it. He had even told her about his role in exposing the Pi Delts, something he'd been advised not to do with anyone. "But I just had to tell someone," he'd said.

Her initial response had delighted him. "That was you?! That was...brave, James. And very noble. You probably made the campus safer for all the women. Thank you. But just why did you join the feminist alliance? Hardly any guys do, I hear."

"That's why I did," James had explained. "More guys do need to get involved, and I wanted to do my part. Speaking of which, why haven't you joined?"

"Because I'm pro-life."

"Oh." James, himself staunchly pro-choice, had opted to leave the conversation hanging on that note. Political disagreements and all, though, James had had no doubt that with patience, friendship would grow into love.

But it hadn't. "It'd never work, James," she had told him gently late last fall. "I'm extroverted, and you're --"

"Not," James had acknowledged.

"Not. Exactly. We're just too different that way. Besides, you have your friends on the cross country team and I have my friends from church, and what do they have in common?! And you know I'm saving myself for marriage, James."

"I'll wait for you! I'm more than willing to do that."

"You say that now. But it's three years to graduation, and then I still might not be ready to settle down. Besides, what if it didn't work out? You're a guy, you ought to be having your fun, and you'll resent me if you save yourself and then it never happens."

"Brandy, that's a terrible thing to say!" But in that moment, he'd known she was right -- they were all wrong for each other after all.

James had poured his resulting angst into his studies, and finished the semester with a gaudy 3.75 GPA. And with a schoolboyish crush on Sarah Martin, which this time he'd been smart enough to keep to himself. He had made the mistake of letting it slip to his friends that he had the hots for someone, but none had ever learned who the new object of his affection was. Not even Brandy. And he intended to keep it that way. After all, it was hopeless that it would ever lead anywhere, and he knew it. High school might have been over, but not everything had changed: the smartest, prettiest and most athletic girl in school still didn't date nerds. But it was such fun to imagine holding her late at night in some quiet, secluded place! That wonderful image was worth the gnawing emptiness that always followed it, and it was well worth keeping his longing a top secret.

It had started, as crushes so often do, with a single pleasant exchange in a weak moment. On leaving the library late that night in December, he hadn't been weak so much as he'd been tired...but not too tired to remember his manners and hold the door open for the young woman who was also on her way out. It was not love at first sight. She was just another upperclassman, vaguely intimidating and off-limits to James, but ever so lovely in her peasant skirt and knit top, which he admired discreetly until she zipped up her coat against the chill outside.

"Thanks. Say, what's your name?"

It took James an awkward second to realize she really was talking to him. "Oh, hi! I'm James."

"Hi, James. I'm Sarah. I saw you at the cross country finals, didn't I?"

"Yeah! Wow, good memory." James never had been any good at remembering faces of people he didn't already know.

"I run track in the winter and spring," she explained. "So I'm on the sidelines in the fall, but I like to come out and support the team. I really envy your camaraderie, so much tighter than track. But I'm not a distance runner. You're a freshman, aren't you?"

"I'm afraid so," James admitted.

That drew a laugh from Sarah. "Hey, it's nothing to be ashamed of! This isn't high school, after all."

"True, but it sometimes feels like it," James said.

"I know," Sarah said, and to his surprise she touched his hand. "But we're all growing up sooner or later, and you see that here when you really need it. It's great that you can be so honest about your feelings like that, too. Most men never learn how to do that."

The rest of their conversation was a blur to him now, and had been as early as the next day when James had told Brandy about the lovely, far too brief conversation he'd enjoyed, and the sweet fleeting taste of intimacy that ensured he would have no problem remembering her name next time. "A big talker like you, so she's perfect for a listener like me," he'd said. "And she was so easy to talk to! It felt like we were old friends, almost from the start."

"That's great, James. What's her name?"

"Oh...I'd rather not tell anyone that just yet. I think she's a little out of my league and probably nothing's going to happen, so..."

"Well, of course nothing's going to happen if you think that way!"

"Well, I won't! Honest, once I get to know her better, then I'll have a better feel for if there's any chance."

But he hadn't gotten to know her any better. James just didn't have it in him to put his heart on the line yet again so soon after Brandy. And so he'd restricted himself to cordial smiles for Sarah whenever they passed in the hall or around campus, and nothing more.

JANUARY

Todd Chambers, from the deepest reaches of rural Utah, had a Western accent and a silky singing voice that made all the women from the private New York high schools melt. He also had an uncanny ability to imitate a woman's voice, a parlor trick that further endeared him to them. James might have been jealous of his friend, except that he never seemed to take advantage of his innate charm. While they never wanted for female companionship when Todd was around, none ever showed any sign of having won him over, and so they came and went, and James enjoyed their company no matter how fleeting it was.

It was just as well that they were on their own on that particular Saturday night at the dorm party, as James found himself eating his heart out over Sarah yet again and he didn't care to have to explain that to any of Todd's lady friends. He'd had no reason to think she wouldn't turn up at a dorm lounge party on her side of campus, of course; but in keeping with his vow to keep his crush to himself, he hadn't given it any thought, one way or the other. In any case, there she was, unusually casual in jeans and a forest green sweater against the frigid winter weather outside, but still looking as beautiful as ever.

And there was James, a wallflower as usual, eyeing her whenever he dared but careful not to stare -- or to be seen looking at her. No one needed to know little old James had a crush on someone who could have any guy on campus eating out of her hand.

"You okay, dude?" Todd asked, returning from the keg with two paper cups full of beer; he handed James one.

"Thanks. Uh, yeah, I'm fine. Sorry!"

"I'm just asking 'cause you looked like you were checking someone out, but then you were just standing here. Hope you haven't got issues with anyone over there?"

"Eh, no, not really," James said. "Just admiring the scenery," he added with a smile that he didn't really feel.

"C'mon, man, who is it? Is it this mystery girl of yours that you're telling everyone you're crazy about but you won't say who she is? Or do anything about it?"

James allowed a nervous, uncomfortable laugh, knowing Todd had his number. "Ah, it's all right."

"Why don't we go dance, then? C'mon, man, I can see there's someone you want to at least dance with. Why shouldn't you?"

"You're right, I should. We should." James took a sip of the beer. "But I don't think I'm drunk enough yet."

"I'll give you that," Todd agreed, slugging down his drink. "Now, who is it, James? You've got to tell someone sooner or later." Without waiting for an answer, he looked across the room at the gaggle of dancing women. "The tall one in the green sweater?"

James' heart backflipped. "Why would it be her?" he managed to ask calmly.

"Why wouldn't it? Even if it isn't, she's a good place to start, isn't she? She's beautiful!"

"Can't deny that," James said. He followed suit and gulped down his beer. Holding up his empty cup, he said, "My turn. Want another?"

Todd looked over at the crowd around the keg, and then at the dancers. "Nah, let's go hit the bar."

"Great idea!" James allowed himself one last longing look at Sarah having the time of her life with her friends, and they were off.
"Sorry, I had to get out of there!" Todd said as soon as they were outside. "Too much smoke, and I have an audition coming up this week."

On that note, he burst into song in an uncanny falsetto that could have passed for a woman's voice. It was enough to catch the attention of a couple of young women who were several yards ahead of them on the walkway. One of them turned around "Jen?" she asked, looking everywhere. Turning back to her friend, she asked, "Did you hear Jen singing just now?"

"It was me," Todd called to them. "Sorry!"

"Wow, you'd make a good drag queen!" said the woman, who James suspected was drunk.

"Thanks, I think," Todd said with a laugh. Just one semester on campus and already he had a reputation far and wide for uncanny voice impersonations. Comments like that were the price of showing off his talents, he supposed.

They were still chuckling over her comment when they passed by the entrance to Belmont Hall, and James saw Brandy and Paul emerging hand in hand. He looked at Brandy and was greeted with a very nervous glance. "Oh...hi, James," she said most uncertainly, while Paul said nothing.

"Evening Brandy, Paul," James forced himself to say. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," they said in unison, Brandy looking relieved.

"You handled that well," Todd said as soon as the lovebirds had gone on their way in the other direction. "I don't think I could be such a good sport after what you went through last semester."

"No use being a jerk about it," James said. "Besides, there is someone else. At least there might be someday."

"What do you mean there might be?" Todd asked. "Let me guess, you haven't asked this person out yet."

"No, and I probably won't. She's way out of my league. But at least I'm over my crush on Brandy."

"I hope you act on your crush on this new gal," Todd said. "I don't suppose you're going to tell me her name?"

"You know I can't do that until I've asked her out," James said.

"Which you're not going to do, because you've convinced yourself she's too good for you," Todd added.

"I suppose not."

Todd laughed. "It's your life. But tell me, was she back at that party?"

James thought for a moment. "No," he lied.

FEBRUARY

Gean had won two coups last semester: she had defeated Sarah for president of the Campus Feminist Alliance, and she had won passage of a motion to expel all men from the club. "It's nothing personal," she had told them one by one while turning them away at the door next meeting. "It's just that I'm the president, and I feel we women have to fight our own battles. Besides, this is supposed to be a safe space for women, and it can never really be that with you here." Several more moderate women had quit the alliance in protest, including Sarah. And so Gean was quite surprised to see Sarah turn up tonight, for the first time since the purge months before. But she kept her cool as she looked up from her seat behind the old teacher's desk that held court at the head of the conference room to see Sarah taking a seat.

"This is members only, Sarah," Gean chirped.

"So call campus security if you want," Sarah replied with a defiant grin. "But remember, they'll probably send men over, so they won't be able to come in here to get me under your rules."

"Okay," Gean said. "I'm not going to force you to leave. I'm going to ask you to leave."

"And I'm going to say no," Sarah said.

Despite most of the friends who had voted for her having also quit the club, Sarah got a warm welcome back from some of those who remained. "Never mind Gean," Michelle Schoenmeister said to her while Gean was busy talking to some new arrival Sarah didn't recognize. "We could use more loyal opposition. The place has turned into one big long bitch-fest under her; nothing ever gets done."

"That's not what I heard," Sarah said. "What about the big thing with Pi Delta last semester? Wasn't that your doing?"

"Oh, God, Sarah, after all her bluster about no men? Gean hired a guy to pretend to rush Pi Delta! That's how we got the information to get those guys kicked out."

"Wow!" But Sarah wasn't really all that surprised that Gean would bend her own rules. "Who was it?"

"Well, we're not supposed to say," Michelle said. "For his own safety, I guess, it's got to be kept a secret. In any case, no one but Gean can really take any credit for that."

"It doesn't sound like she really did anything either," Sarah mused. "It sounds like this mystery guy of yours was the hero."

"Like I said, not much has really happened," Michelle said. "So what have you been up to?"

"Just studying," Sarah said. "That's why I decided to come back, I'm sick and tired of life being nothing but studying and sleeping and running. Last semester got pretty lonely sometimes. I'm getting stir crazy in my room!"

"No one special, then?"

"What kind of feminist are you, if you're going to ask me that in a meeting like this?" Sarah asked in mock annoyance.

"So you're dateless too, then."

"Totally," Sarah admitted with a laugh. "I don't know why everyone always thinks I have guys beating my door down. I think some of them even aren't asking me out because they assume I'm already with someone else. But then I also don't know how anyone here has time for dating!"

Gean called the meeting to order, with one last dirty look at Sarah that didn't accomplish anything.

At first, Michelle was all too right: nothing was being accomplished. So they had worked through the agenda in barely ten minutes, and another of the new members whom Sarah didn't know began packing up her books and notebooks to leave. Sarah was about to follow her lead when Gean admonished the other woman: "Becca, we're not done."

"But that's all there is on the agenda," Becca said. "Gean, if there's more, you should have told me so I could have put it on the agenda."

"I'm the president, it's my prerogative to add more as I see fit," Gean declared. "Besides, I was undecided about this last plan, until the meeting started. Since some of our more squeamish sisters have decided to come home" -- she glared at Sarah as she said it -- "I think we need to push ahead with it after all. Just to remind them that I won the election for a reason, and because the women of the whole college need us." With a dramatic pause, Gean reached into her backpack and withdrew a thick ream of printer paper. "I have here a list of all potential rapists on campus. And we're going to post the list in the student union, where all our sisters will be able to see the list and take steps to protect themselves."

"That's an awfully long list, Gean," Michelle remarked.

"Yeah, what's it based on?" Becca said. "If there had been that many accusations of attempted rape, it would have made the national news!"

"I didn't say attempted rapists," Gean said. "I said potential rapists."

"Well, okay, but that's got to be based on something," Becca said.

"Oh, it is," Gean told her. "Have a look at the list, you'll figure it out."

Becca and a few others accepted the invitation and went to pore over the list, while Michelle stayed behind and resumed commiserating with Sarah. "I think I know what the list is," she whispered.

Becca beat her to it. "Gean! For heaven's sake, this is a list of every man on campus!"

"Precisely," Gean said.

"You can't put that up in the student union!" Sarah piped up. "You can't put it up anywhere! It's probably libelous!"

"One in three women is raped, Sarah," Gean chirped. "I have no qualms about guilty until proven innocent."

"But this isn't even that!" Becca said. "How on earth are any of the guys here supposed to prove a negative? Please tell me you at least left off..." She flipped to the F's. "James Franklin?! You even have him here, after what he did for us?!"

"Becca!" Gean snapped. "You're not supposed to say his name with any non-members present!"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Sarah's one of us!" Michelle protested.

"It was James?" Sarah said. Quiet, shy James had brought down the Pi Delts?

"Sarah, if you breathe a word of this --" Gean began.

"But it's okay for you to call him a 'potential rapist' in front of the whole campus?!" Becca demanded.

"I want no part of that!" Michelle announced. "I quit! I'm out of the club, and I'm going to report you to student affairs, Gean!"

"Me too!" Becca said. "Let's get out of here before we hear anything else we shouldn't!"

"The only one who's said anything out of line was you, Becca!" Gean whined. "James' identity was supposed to be top secret!"

"It still is," Sarah grumbled, standing up to join Michelle and Becca. "Why on earth would I go public with that?!"

A few others joined them as well and, sensing that the list wasn't suitable for public conversation, they emerged from the dorm a moment later in an agreeable clutch of small talk. On the front steps, Sarah was surprised and a bit embarrassed to see James chatting up a woman she didn't know. She smiled at him as they made eye contact, but James tore his gaze away immediately, then glanced back at her with a cordial nod. This caught the attention of his friend, who turned around to see Sarah. "Hi," she said.

"Hello," Sarah said, before turning her attention back to her friends. As soon as they were out of earshot, she whispered to the others, "So it was him?"

"Yeah," Michelle said with a nod. "I didn't know you knew him."

"I have a class with him," said Tracy Jenkins. "He's awfully shy, but really smart. Nice guy if you can get through to him."

"That's the funny thing," Sarah said. "I had a really nice conversation with him back in December, and he just seemed like the sweetest guy. But he hasn't said a word to me since then. It's...odd."

"It's men," said Michelle. "Since when are they ever good at communicating?"

As much as she hated gender stereotypes, Sarah found she had to agree at the moment.

James' heart was still aflutter from his near miss when his precious time with Brandy was also cut short. "Well, I'm meeting Paul for dinner," she said. "You know, if you want to join us..."

"No thanks," James said a bit too quickly. "I have a -- a meeting with a prof. Maybe next time."

"A meeting with a prof at this hour?" Brandy asked.

"Only time we were both free." James hated lying to Brandy. Or to anyone, but especially Brandy.

"Yeah, office hours are ridiculous," Brandy agreed. "By the way, have you talked to your mystery girl yet?"

"I haven't seen her much lately." It was a bit easier to lie once the ice was broken!

"And if I know you, you haven't been looking!" Brandy said.

"Why would I when she's so far out of my league anyway?"

"Stop that! James, I just want you to be happy. But for that, you've got to try."

"Yeah, I know," James said. "I'll start tomorrow." He laughed, hoping Brandy would join in. She didn't, but she did bid him a polite good night before going off to meet Paul.

MARCH

The photograph of James, exhausted but victorious as he crossed the finish line in the 10K, would dominate the sports page in next week's student newspaper. No one who was at the first outdoor meet of the season needed to see the picture, though, as they had witnessed his heroic finish; and he spent the rest of that drizzly but bearable afternoon basking in the glow of congratulations from his teammates. "Congratulations, James!" "Took guts to keep that up!" "I don't know how you did it!"

James, of course, knew exactly how he had done it. Through every miserable step of the last few kilometers, when his legs felt ready to fall off and he was sure he'd never make it all the way, he'd simply imagined Sarah Martin waiting for him at the finish line with her arms wide open and that smile of hers that could light up a stadium - just for him this time. Much as he had imagined almost every night alone in his bed over the past few months, her long-awaited embrace felt as heavenly as it was...well, imaginary. In reality, of course, she had been somewhere in the crowd of his teammates, roaring with approval along with all the others as he'd stumbled in at first place. But he'd been too overcome with fatigue and relief and joy to both searching the crowd for her.

Just as well, naturally, that James hadn't been able to see her in that moment, with all eyes on him. Sarah -- beautiful, athletic, graceful and incredibly smart Sarah -- was more than a bit out of an awkward freshman's league, even if that freshman had just won the 10K, and even at their uber-open-minded college, James knew his place.

James got a break from the usual bittersweet joy Sarah always inspired in him when Tom McGrath appeared out of somewhere to offer his accolades. "Fantastic race, James! Need any more ice for your shins there?" Tom asked.

"Hm?" James had been focusing all his attention on Sarah as usual, her dark hair bouncing around in its ponytail as she kicked her knees up as gracefully as everything she ever did. And as usual, he wanted no one to know. "Oh, yeah, that'd be great, Tom, and thanks."

"I don't know how you distance guys do it," Tom said when he returned with the ice a moment later. "All I could think when I was watching you was, my God, it takes guts to work through that much pain."

"Thanks, Tom." James didn't know what else to say to such high praise from a senior who could have clobbered him in any event shorter than the 5K. "I guess you just don't really think of it that way at the time. It's just, hey, you started, you'd better finish. And it's worth it for the bragging rights to say you did, of course." That beautiful image of Sarah at the finish line flashed through his mind again, but as always he kept that to himself.

"I believe that," said Tom, who like James was admiring the scenery as the women lined up and waited for the starting gun, hands on the track and rear ends high in the air, long legs stretched and ready. "We've got the best seat in the house, haven't we?" he asked.

"And how!" James agreed, trying to look at any of the competitors rather than Sarah, and of course not quite succeeding.

"So which one's your favorite?"

"Me?" James asked, hoping to evade the question. "Oh...the redhead, definitely." The tallest of the lot, in the eye catching yellow and green jersey on the inside track, with the short but loud red hair -- whatever her name might be -- also had the advantage of being as far from Sarah as could be, so James could pretend his gaze wasn't even in her general direction.

"Yeah, she's cute," Tom agreed as the starting gun sounded and they were off. "But come on, where's your school spirit? What about Sarah?"

"Well, you didn't ask me who I was rooting for, did you?" James grinned. "Not that Sarah needs our help. She wins everything! In class and on the track. King Midas in a sports bra!"

"Geez, James, you sound like an angst-ridden teenager," Tom admonished. "Yeah, she's a big woman on campus and all that, but she's still just like any of us. And she could use our support right now."

"I guess I do need to get to know some of the women better," James agreed as he clapped for Sarah, who was of course leading the pack. He opted not to remind Tom that, having just turned nineteen, he was still a teenager for the moment.

"You are coming to the party tonight, aren't you?" Tom asked. "They'll all be there, or most of them at least. You've always been welcome, you know, but we didn't see much of you last fall. We all thought you were rushing some frat or other, but then you didn't join any."

"I was wasting my Saturday nights on a girl," James confessed, careful as always not to divulge any information as to what he really had been up to with the frat rush; his very safety depended on that discretion. "Not the type who'd want to come to a cross country team beer blast, or I would have brought her along." No need to hide his regrettable history with Brandy at this point; he'd let it slip to half the little campus anyway, even as Brandy had quite respectfully kept her mouth shut. At least no one would ever know about Sarah!

"Well, it's not wasted if you got the girl in the end," Tom offered.

"I didn't. I mean, we're still friends, thank heavens, but there was this other guy she goes to church with, he's much more her speed, I guess." James smiled through the unpleasant memory. "But that means I'm available for the ladies on our team, doesn't it?"

"Now you've got it!" Tom said. And their conversation drew to a pause as Sarah broke the tape and their teammates all broke into loud cheers. "But there is someone you're after, isn't there? I know I've heard you're interested in someone."

"Yeah," James said. "Too true."

"Who is it, James? Come on, you can tell your beloved teammates!"

"Sorry, Tom, but I've learned my lesson about that. You want to keep a secret on this campus, you keep it to yourself!"

Sarah almost didn't go to the team party. It had been a long bus ride home from the meet, and as usual she hadn't gotten nearly as much studying done between events as she always planned to. There were also the weeks-old plans for the new Cross Gender Alliance she and Michelle and Becca had decided to start now that Gean and her friends had gotten their club suspended with the potential-rapists stunt. To date the three of them hadn't been able to coordinate their schedules for even a brainstorming meeting, and she had promised herself again and again through the week that she would find time this weekend.

But an unanswered e-mail to both of them and an unbelievably dry chapter of political science text after dinner were more than enough to change her mind. Recalling that Becca had suggested inviting James to be the charter male member of their club, and that he would likely be at the party, sealed the deal. Sarah changed into a red and black dress, and forced herself to read one more chapter so she could arrive fashionably late.

"Told you guys he'd make it!" Tom proclaimed, raising his beer can to James as he arrived in the crowded off-campus living room. Everyone, even the women he didn't know, greeted him with applause and congratulations on a great race. Amidst the pats on the back and expressions of surprise that he wasn't too sore to walk, James found himself settled with a cold beer and a place in the game of quarters at the table in no time.

Half a dozen women were also crowded around the table along with some of the guys, and in no time James found himself making friends among them, after months of barely knowing their names. "I ought to play this game more often," he quipped when Laura Tompkins, sitting beside him in a tight blue dress, gave him an affectionate pat on the back after he won a closely fought round.

That brought a round of laughs -- and a surprised look from Laura. "I'll say you ought to, James," she said. "That's the first time you've ever talked to me!"

"Or any of us, I think," added one of her friends; James thought her name was Erin.

"Yeah, James, how come you never say hello to us when we see you around campus?" Laura continued.

"I'm..." James groped for a decent explanation. "Terrible with faces?"

"Are you asking us if you are?" asked Erin.

"Ladies!" interjected Mike Glesson. "Brother James here was busy with some other business last semester and he never came to our parties. Even we didn't see him all that much outside of practice. So he never got around to knowing a lot of you. That's all."

"Thank you!" James said. Turning back to Laura, he continued, "That's it all right, I just never had the chance to get to know most of you. I wish I had come to more of these parties before." It certainly would have been time better spent than chasing after Brandy, that much he knew now.

"Do we forgive him, ladies?" Laura asked her friends.

"Laura! He's shy! That's not a crime!" Erin said.
"Guilty as charged," James admitted. "I am. And damn tired of apologizing for it."

"Ohhh..." Laura looked contrite. "Okay, that I can believe. But now that you know us, you're going to be friendlier, aren't you?" Without waiting for a response, she leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"I certainly will now," James quipped, drawing a laugh from the others that was loud enough to attract the attention of the entire room. Sarah, who was being chatted up by two of James' fellow freshmen, looked over in search of the source of the laughs. She was pleased to see for the first time that James was present, and even more pleased to see he was looking unusually relaxed. No surprise; he'd obviously had a lot to drink. This only endeared him all the more to Sarah from afar, since even now he was acting the perfect gentleman from what she could see.

She put up with her two new friends' silly flirtations until the quarters game finally broke up and James, along with the others, stood up at last. Overhearing talk of heading back onto campus for the weekly party in the auditorium, Sarah excused herself and joined the exodus to the front hall. Once there, she saw they were only replenishing the beer supply in their pitcher. Laura was still chatting James up; she turned to see Sarah approaching. "Hey, Sarah," she said.

"Sarah!" James looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but he also looked happy to see her. "Hi..."

"You do remember me!" Sarah teased.

"We were just discussing that," Laura said.

"And agreeing that shyness isn't a crime," added Erin.

"Well, of course it isn't," Sarah agreed. "Just that -- sorry, James -- we had a lovely conversation once last semester and you've scarcely said two words to me since then!"

"You remember that!" James made no effort to hide his delight.

"Of course I do!" Sarah took his hand in her free one and gave it an affectionate squeeze. Turning to the other women, she added, "This is what I love about shy guys! Sorry, James, but..."

"No, it's fine," James reassured her. "Listen, I'm sorry I haven't been friendlier with all of you, really! I've just had an awful lot on my mind all this semester, actually."

"Yeah, about that..." Sarah began.

"So are we going to get you to the party on campus tonight?" Laura interrupted. "Now that the ice is broken, you ought to come party with us!"

"I'd love to," James said, too shy to look at Sarah again even now. "You're right, I ought to be getting out more. I wish I'd gone out every weekend last semester, to tell you the truth."

"Why didn't you?" asked Erin.

"Girl trouble," James confessed. "Chasing after someone who wasn't interested. Hope I never make that mistake again!"

"Perfect for you to come out with us, then!" Laura said, failing to notice that Sarah had once again tried to cut in on the conversation. "Someone new will catch your eye."

"Good idea," James said. "I mean, there's someone else I kind of like, but no way is it ever going to happen."

"Not with that attitude it won't!" Laura said. "Why so pessimistic?"

"Way out of my league, that's all."

"You never know if you don't ask," Erin said. "Maybe you'll see her tonight."

James couldn't resist a guilty laugh. "Yeah, maybe I will."

"Let's go, then!" Laura hooked her arm through his, at which point Sarah knew she had no chance of getting a word alone with him. "Sarah, you coming?" she asked.

"Sure," Sarah said, reasoning she might get another chance at James later on in the evening.

As Laura led him down the stairs, James gave Sarah another shy grin. "See you there?" he asked, his heart bursting with hope.

"Of course!" Sarah said.

She did indeed see him later on. But the other women kept him busy on the dance floor, and all his glances at her were fleeting. So her invitation to the Cross Gender Alliance would just have to wait -- or she could ask Michelle or Becca to give him a call. When Sarah finally fell into bed long after midnight, she scribbled down a note reminding herself to ask them.

James was up even later, marveling that Sarah remembered their lovely chat back in December and daydreaming about what that might well allow for. The memory of the welcoming look in her eyes set his imagination on fire with promise, and after tossing and turning for an hour or so, he gave up on sleeping and went to his desk to collect a notebook and pen. As he let his misty images of a quiet, intense evening alone in her room take over, he scribbled out several pages of false starts and rough drafts before finding the right combination of words to capture his longing and hope. With that accomplished, he finally fell asleep not long before sunrise, already planning to show Brandy the poem when they met up that afternoon.

Randy still had his misgivings about getting involved in Eric's prank, but of course he wanted in on the fun. "Haven't you got to tell me what's going on if I'm going to play my part right?" he asked Eric as he followed him and Rachel up the steps to their floor after dinner that night.

"Haven't got to tell you anything," Eric said. "But if you stick around once you get Todd in my room, you'll see what's going on."

"I still don't get it, Eric," Rachel said. "James didn't hurt anyone who wasn't asking for it. Why don't you just leave him alone?"

"Shut up," Eric said, giving her a light shove; Rachel bumped into the wall, not hard enough to hurt but hard enough to be humiliated. "I owe it to my buddies. They didn't do anything to deserve what he did to them."

"He didn't do anything to them!" Rachel insisted. "All he did was tell the truth about what they tried to do to those girls' drinks!"

"It was none of his fuckin' business!" Eric snapped. Having arrived at his door, he unlocked it and grabbed Rachel by the arm to drag her inside. "Randy, get lost. Go get Todd and don't come back until you've got him." To Rachel he continued, "You didn't know those guys. They were harmless."

"Didn't you even hear what they were trying to do?!" Rachel demanded. "Look, Eric, I get they were your friends, but they were also a bunch of rapists! Or would have been if James hadn't outed them." She blinked back some tears, not for the first time since she'd let Eric bully her into giving him James' name. "I never should've told you it was him," she said. "But you know, if you cause any real trouble, I could rat you out too!"

"And let Student Affairs know you gave out private information to a fuck-up like me?" Eric smirked. "Not to mention losing your source? You aren't going to say anything, girl, you know that. Now sit down."

Rachel looked tempted to kick him in the balls; but she did sit down.

Moments later, Randy arrived at the door with Todd in tow. Looking bewildered but pleased to be summoned to the floor outlaw's room, Todd grinned at Eric, who was standing over the dilapidated couch where Rachel was looking up at him with a guilty smile of her own. "Eric?" he said. "Randy says you need help with your French homework?"

"French?!" Eric demanded of Randy in an incredulous tone. "Dude, I've never studied French in my life. Couldn't you have come up with something better than that?!"

Randy shut the door and locked it. "Does it matter? He's here, isn't he?" He stood guard inside the door, and smirked triumphantly at Tood when he turned to look at him.

"What's going on?" Todd sounded more confused than scared.

"The dipshit got one thing right, Todd," Eric said. "I do need help. Not with homework. With your friend James."

"What about James?"

"You're going to help me with a harmless April Fool's prank," Eric said. "Or else."

"Or else what?"

"Or else your parents just might get a letter with some details about all those other guys I've seen coming in and out of your room all year. Are you out to your parents, Todd? You'll forgive me if I'm thinking not, coming from Utah."

"Out?!" Todd was incredulous. "Who says I'm gay?"

"Doesn't really matter," Eric said. "You're quiet, well dressed, artistic...no doubt your parents at least suspect it. Think you could convince them you weren't, even if you really aren't?"

Todd looked panicked, and Eric knew he had won. Randy burst into laughs. "If looks could kill..." he quipped.

"Shut up," Eric said. "Anyhow, Todd, I don't have to tell your parents anything. All I want is some help playing a trick on James."

Todd looked near tears. "What do you want me to do?"

"There's a girl he has a crush on," Eric began.

"I don't know who she is!" Todd protested. "I swear to God, I've asked him but he's never told me!"

"Calm the fuck down," Eric said. "I do know who she is. Sarah Martin."

"That explains a lot," Todd said. "He's always saying how she's way out of his league. He's right, she is."

"You know her, then," Eric said.

"No," Todd said. "But I've heard her name enough times to know what a big deal she is."

"That's even better," Eric said. "So she won't be suspicious when you go by her room."

"Why am I going to go by her room?"

"To talk to her, so you can imitate her voice. I know you can do that, Todd. Everyone here knows you can do that. Then you're going to call James, and --"

"Oh, nuts!" Rachel interrupted, and the three young men turned to see she had spilled a glass of water on herself. She jumped up, the water still dripping off her top and skirt, which were both soaked.

"Clumsy bitch," Eric grumbled.

"Sorry!" Rachel said. "My hand slipped, is all!" She went to Eric's closet and retrieved a t-shirt and pair of jeans. Then, in clear view of all three guys, she pulled off her wet clothes and even paused to smile at Todd in her bra and panties before putting on the dry ones. She also used the moment as an opportunity to observe a little something she was quite sure Eric would not notice.

"Don't you just love college, dude?" Randy asked Todd, also enjoying the view.

"Shut up," Eric snapped at him. To Rachel he added, "For fuck's sake, get your clothes on!"

"I am, I am," Rachel said, careful to hide the triumphant smile she felt like wearing along with her fresh clothes.

Eric turned his attention back to Todd. "As I was saying. You're going to learn to imitate her voice, and you're going to call James and make him think Sarah wants to meet him. I don't care where, just make sure it's somewhere there will be people around."

"Then what?" Todd asked.

"Then poor little James is going to go there and make a fool of himself trying to find her, and maybe even ask some of her friends where the fuck she is, and be totally defeated. Then a few days later you're going to call him again and demand to know why he didn't show up, and set a new date with the same result. And then you're going to tell him it was you all along."

"But he's a friend, and he'll hate my guts! And rightly so!" Todd looked to Rachel hoping for some sort of support, but all she offered him was a sympathetic look.

"And if you don't, your parents just might disown you," Eric said. "Which would you rather have to cope with?"

"You asshole." Todd was near tears.

"He deserves it," Eric said, ignoring the insult. "All the men on campus will thank you, Todd."

"Not James!"

"All but James. Now you can go -- Randy? Open the door -- but you'd better come back here and make that call before Wednesday. Do I make myself clear?"

Todd looked defiantly at Eric, then at Rachel, who looked like she wanted to get them both out of the room but again said nothing, and turned to go.

Two afternoons later, Todd stood dejectedly in Eric's room with Eric watching him from the couch. "Hello, James?"

"Yes?"

"This is Sarah."

"Oh! Uh...hi! How are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. Listen, I want to meet with you this week. Tomorrow, if you have time, at the library."

"Well, sure, I'd love to! But...what's up?"

"I'm working on a project for women's studies. But...but it involves interviewing guys, too. I want to talk about your adventure last fall."

"Wow, you heard about that? Oh, of course you did, you were in the feminist alliance. But I never saw you at any of the meetings."

"I'll explain all that tomorrow. How about one-thirty at the library?"

"Sure! I'll see you there!"

"Good. Then it's a date."

"A date! Geez, don't tease me!"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that, James. See you tomorrow?"

"Of course! Yeah. Bye for now, then."

"Bye!"

As soon as Todd had hung up, Eric burst into applause. "Well done, sir," he said.

Todd looked ready to throw up. "Now how do I know you're not going to say anything to my family?"

"Honor among assholes," Eric said. "Now get the fuck out of my room. I'll call you when I need you again."

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1

As the appointed hour approached, James could scarcely keep his mind on anything. Nevertheless, he forced himself to sit down and study for the hour or so between lunch and the meeting. Along the way he managed to memorize more of his notes from that morning's biology lecture than he had expected; but every factoid of plant taxonomy was interspersed with the joy of at long last looking in Sarah's eyes and chatting comfortably with her and, just maybe, someday soon being able to refer openly to her among all his friends -- not just Brandy.

The afternoon was warm with the early hints of spring, and there ground was as damp with melting snow as the sky was bright. James shared in the promise of it all in every way, feeling positively giddy behind his taciturn appearance, his heart flying like it used to back in middle school when a cute girl touched his hand or looked enviously at his test grades. Halfway to the library he saw Laura Tompkins leaving her dorm. Remembering her comment at the party, he made a point of smiling and waving at her. "Hi Laura!" he said, cringing internally at how silly he sounded.

She didn't mind. "James!" She bounded down the steps and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. "You look happy!"

"I am!" He wondered if she -- and the rest of the women on the track team -- knew why.

If so, she didn't let on. "Well, that's good...had a good exam or something, did you?"

"Better than that," he said with a grin. "If you haven't heard...well, you probably will soon."

"I'd better! Listen, James, it's so nice to have you greet us now for a change. Good for you for coming out of your shell."

"Thanks," James said. "I guess I've been helped out of it this week."

"Oh, all we did was ask why you didn't say hi more often!" Laura said. "I didn't mean to make you feel bad or anything."

So she really didn't know, James mused. "I know you didn't, Laura. Thanks. It's just -- a guy like me, sometimes you have to remind me not to get lost in my own little world, I guess."

"That's sweet. So where are you off to?"

"To the library, to meet...someone." James felt his face curl into a grin he couldn't hide.

"Someone special? No wonder you look happy!"

"Yes, someone very special, I think!"

"Well, don't let me stop you. Good luck!" Laura surprised him with a quick hug, and then was off up the pathway towards the arts building.

"Thanks," James said, enjoying the further rush her touch had added to his already intense joy at what might lay around the corner.

He was nearly all the way to the library before it occurred to him that Sarah hadn't said where in the building to meet him. Fortunately, it was a small library for a small college, only four floors, and she wouldn't be on the top floor if she wanted to talk to him -- no one ever went up there unless they wanted dead silence. The basement was the likeliest place with its several conference rooms and the lobby where people often went for studybreaks. But James elected to begin his search on the first floor, with its many group-study tables and reasonably high tolerance for quiet chatting.

After a quick look at the newspaper and magazine section just inside the door proved fruitless, James made his way methodically along each row of tables on the first floor, careful along the way to be discreet and pretend to be looking for a book. There was no sign of her in the first two rows. But as he turned the corner into the third, the lovely eyes and lush hair he had come to be so good at envisioning were holding court at a table halfway down the aisle. She was alone, of course, and concentrating intensely on the book before her, but that pert smile was still only just detectible in the serious environs.

His shyness wonderfully absent in the absolute certainty that he was welcome and expected, James strode confidently up to her table. "Hi, Sarah." He'd rehearsed those two little words a dozen times or more that morning, and they sounded acceptably sure-of-himself as he said them, setting his backpack down in the chair across the way from hers and then pulling out the one next to her to sit in.

Sarah looked up. "James! Hi! What a nice surprise! How are you?"

His heart still thumping like a drum, he said, "Fine, thanks, but I hope you're not too surprised!" Why shouldn't she have expected him to come when he'd said he would?

Sarah laughed -- a quiet, polite laugh, and a welcome one for James. "I'm sorry, James. It's just that you're so shy -- and that's fine! But it does mean we don't really expect you to greet us like this. It is a nice change, though."

James wasn't sure whether to be pleased or annoyed, but a bit of annoyance was worth a chance with Sarah! "Well, I did say I'd be here, didn't I?"

"Did you? That's great!"

"Well...didn't you..."

"James, relax!" Sarah took his hand in hers and clutched it in the most delightful way, causing him to forget all about his confusion for the moment. "I'm glad you said you'd be here, and I'm even more glad you stuck to that! After the chance you took last fall, I wouldn't blame you at all if you got cold feet about joining us. You've certainly done your part already. And by the way, I really hate what Gean's done to the club. Just imagine if we used her logic with all social justice movements -- only children could stand up for children's rights? That'd go over brilliantly, wouldn't it!"

James took her advice and relaxed. To prove it, he offered up a joke. "Or only animals for animal rights."

"Now you're talking!" Sarah laughed, a bit louder than last time; fortunately, most of the other tables in their row were empty. With a contented sigh, she added, "Oh, it's wonderful just to talk to you like this, James. So many times at track practice I've remembered that one time we talked and that was so nice, but nothing since then. Then when I found out you were also the hero of, you know, last fall...wow! It just seemed all too fitting that it'd be a guy like you who'd pull that off."

"I really enjoyed that conversation, too," James said, feeling another wave of shyness but doing his best to overcome it. He was now more thrilled than ever.

"I'm so glad to hear that! It was really sweet, one of those times you come away feeling like you've made a new friend, only we never got to talk again after that. I always wondered why, James...I hope I didn't say anything that rubbed you the wrong way that night?"

"No!" James blurted out. "Absolutely not! I loved it too! I just figured it was..." He took a deep breath and reminded himself to look in her eyes. "I learned a rather painful lesson last semester about gender differences, is all. For us guys, a conversation like that is so...rare, that we can make that kind of connection with someone we've just met. It almost feels intimate, you know? But for women, it's just the way they relate to their friends, no big deal. It's all too easy for a guy to overestimate the whole thing."

Sarah was skeptical but not unkind. "Let me guess: the person who taught you that was a man, wasn't he?"

"As a matter of fact, it was not only a woman, but a woman that I made that exact mistake with. Last semester. We had some wonderfully long, super-honest talks, and I fell in love with her and I was sure it must be mutual. But it wasn't, and she was shocked I'd ever even thought of such a thing!" James remembered to smile; no use looking bitter over Brandy now that all that was in the past.
"Oh, James, that's sad," Sarah said. "But I do think I see where you're coming from. Anyway, though, yes, I remember that night and I enjoyed it just as much as you did. I always wondered why it never happened again, but some of the gals from the cross country team said you were awfully shy." She paused and looked a bit shy herself now. "But I saw at the party last week you're getting over that."

"Oh, gosh, Sarah, I'm sorry I haven't been friendlier!"

"No, don't be! I like shy guys, at least if they try to overcome it a bit, and you do!" Sarah looked up at that moment to see Michelle and Becca coming toward them. "Hi!" she said. "Listen, I'm glad one of you called him, because I never got the chance! I was going to talk to him at track practice today about maybe coming to our next meeting. I'm glad you were on the stick. James, I guess you've at least talked to Becca or Michelle?"

James stood up and shook hands with them both in turn. "I believe we've met," he said as he did. In fact he couldn't recall any such thing, but it was a small campus and he had learned not to betray his lousy memory for faces and names.

Before James could figure out just what was going on, the meeting was called to order. After a round of thanks and congratulations for his role in the Pi Delta case ("No one outside the group knows," Sarah reassured him), it emerged that they were creating a new gender relations resource group and that he was invited to be a charter member. "Gean's just shot herself in the foot again and again, and she's doing a lot more harm than good," Becca told James. "We want to build an alternative for positive relations. Men and women working together."

"I'm certainly all for that," James said, flattered to be asked but wondering why Sarah hadn't told him this on the phone. "I have to admit, the Pi Delta thing left me hungry to do more."

"That's what we like to hear!" Sarah said. "I've been thinking, maybe we could run some workshops in the dorms on better communication and understanding one another, and respecting boundaries."

The remainder of the meeting was devoted to plans for the workshops, and a healthy conversation was still ongoing when Michelle noticed the time. "Oh, sorry, I have to get to class," she announced.

"Me too," Becca said, looking at her watch. There were pages of notes strewn around the table by then. "Sorry, can we have you two clean up this time? We will next time!"

"No problem!" James said, looking at Sarah and seeing she appeared to be of like mind. "I'm...yeah, I'm looking forward to working with you all on this!"

"What a nice guy," Becca said as soon as they were out of earshot. "I'm surprised the Pi Delts ever thought he was serious about joining them. He's about as far from their type as you can get, isn't he?"

"No kidding," Michelle said. "Yeah, I think he'll be great to work with. I'm glad you called him, Becca."

Becca gave her friend a confused look. "I didn't call him. Didn't you?"

Michelle shook her head. "No. And Sarah said she didn't either. Then who..."

"That's absolutely bizarre," Becca said.

As James and Sarah cleaned up the table, the comfortable conversation of before resumed, and James wasn't ready to go home alone. His stiff upper lip against his shyness having paid off thus far, he bit the bullet again. "Sarah, listen, we've got about two hours to practice. Want to join me for a coffee?"

Sarah was as pleased as she was surprised. "I'd love to, James. Thanks for asking."

"We ended up talking right up until it was time to go to practice!" James recounted to Brandy and Paul that evening at the student union. "About everything! And nothing. And we have a date for Saturday, after the meet."

"Congratulations," said Paul, whom James was amazed to realize he no longer envied.

"I'm really happy for you, James," Brandy said. "See, after all your self-doubt, it was worth the try!"

"I still can't believe it myself," James said. "There's only one thing I can't figure out. When she called me yesterday, she didn't say anything about inviting me to join her group. She said something about interviewing me."

"Interviewing you for the group, maybe?" Brandy suggested.

"Must be, I guess," James said. "But what an odd way to put it."

"Sure is," Paul said. "But all's well that ends well, huh?"

"Absolutely!" Paul agreed. At that point he got up to excuse himself. "Well, listen, I didn't get any studying done this afternoon, so I'd better be off to catch up now."

"Don't feel you have to run off," Brandy offered.

"Thanks, but I do," James said. "I want to be sure to have plenty of time on Saturday!" They all shared a laugh, and James was off.

Brandy and Paul barely had time to resume their own conversation before a young woman in hippie garb, whom neither of them knew, appeared out of nowhere and helped herself to a seat at their table. "Excuse me," she said. "I'm sorry to bother you...was that James Franklin?"

"Yes," Brandy said. "And --"

"Is he okay?" the mystery girl interrupted. "Did he say anything about an unpleasant incident this afternoon?"

"No, he's the happiest I've ever seen him!" Brandy countered. "But, why are you asking? And who are you?"

"Sorry! My name is Rachel and...it's a long story. But I'm glad to hear he had a good day. Sorry to bother you!" And she disappeared into the crowd as quickly as she had appeared.

Alone in his room, Todd slugged down another shot of peppermint schnapps and did his best to forget. It was no use: there he was again, knocking on Sarah's door with a plastic cup in his hand, recognizing the cute brunette he'd seen James ogling back at that party, lying to her about collecting beer money for a party, making all the small talk he could while she dug some coins out of her purse so he'd be able to practice her voice, and then duping his friend under Eric's mischievous eye, knowing now that he'd have to do it at least once more...and that Eric would most likely send that letter anyway. Why, oh why, hadn't he just bit the bullet and said no?! Mom and Dad were going to find out one day anyway, weren't they? But he'd wanted so to at least get through college before facing that.

A knock on the door shook Todd momentarily out of his self-pity. He checked the peephole, something he wouldn't have bothered with before, but the events of the past few days had made him very paranoid. He felt a bit of relief when he saw it was only Michael, and though he didn't particularly want to bother with him just now, he opened the door. "Hi, dear," he said wearily.

"Good lord, Todd, drunk on a Wednesday?" Michael said, with no greeting but a kiss, which Todd allowed but didn't respond to. "Everything okay?"

"No." Todd didn't have the energy to pretend. "No, it's not."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Come on, Todd, you can tell me, can't you? It's me!"

"Who says you're special?! We're not exclusive, remember?"

"Excuse me?" Michael dropped his backpack on the floor in surprise. "Where did that come from?"

"Where did what come from? So we've been out a few times and we did it once. Doesn't mean I can't have my secrets, does it?"

"Yeah, okay, of course not!" Michael admitted. "It's just that you're obviously unhappy, and I'd like to help."

"Thank you, Michael, but you can't," Todd said. "I've really fucked up, and probably cost myself a friend, and I don't want anyone knowing about it. Not even you. That friend just taught me sometimes it really is best to just keep your mouth shut. And to think I encouraged him not to..."

"Fair enough," Michael said. "But you know, you're sounding awfully dismissive of me. I thought what we had was pretty special." He reached out and stroked Todd's cheek.

Todd let him do it, but again he didn't reciprocate. "Yeah, I don't know. It's been nice, but..."

"Are you dumping me, Todd?"

"I can't dump you, we weren't a couple! Not really. Not yet anyway."

Michael pulled away. "What's come over you, anyway?" Before Todd could respond in any way, the phone rang. Michael picked up his bag. "I guess you've got to answer that. I'll see you when I see you."

"Michael..." Todd began in a pleading tone. But Michael saw himself out and slammed the door without looking back. Todd turned to look at the phone; the stone-age campus phones had no caller ID, so he could only guess it was James. He wanted to grab up the receiver and beg his friend's forgiveness, but he just couldn't face it at the moment. He let the call go to voicemail, and forced himself to sit tight on his bed for one minute. Then two, then five, as he was torn between fear of a nasty message from James and fear of no message at all. The latter fear vanished after a couple of minutes as the message light blinked on, but he still didn't feel up to getting up to listen.

Another knock at the door snapped his unpleasant reverie. Michael coming back to beg for another chance, no doubt, he thought. To hell with that! But he wouldn't be denied the chance to tell him as much. Todd got up and, not bothering with the peephole this time, tore the door open. "Look, dear!" he began...and was shocked into silence and even more fury when he realized it wasn't Michael, but Rachel. Tamping down his temptation to wring her neck, he settled for snapping at her, "Look, you tell Eric he can do what he wants, but I'm not going to hurt my friend anymore!"

"No!" said Rachel, holding up her hands; Todd noticed for the first time that she had a conciliatory look on her face. "I have good news, and Eric doesn't know I'm here!" She looked nervously down the hall. "Speaking of which, I can't let him see me at your door. Can I come in?" She pushed her way in before Todd could say no, and shut the door behind her. "Listen, please let me explain before you say anything! I just saw James, and he was really happy! I don't know what happened at the library, but it wasn't what Eric wanted. Thank God! I'm done with him, honest! And I'm sorry."

Todd felt his rage subside, and his spirits rose a bit, and he even felt himself getting a little hard as he recalled the show she had put on in Eric's room. "So we don't think he made an ass of himself at the library today after all?"

"Apparently not," Rachel said. "I talked to a friend of his just now, some girl with a bowl haircut, I don't know her name --"

"Brandy," Todd confirmed. "His last crush before Sarah, the poor guy. She's the reason why he's so gunshy with Sarah, because it ended badly when he told her how he felt."

"Oh, that's the worst feeling," Rachel said. "I've been there. Anyway, I just talked to her and she said he was 'the happiest I've ever seen him.' I didn't ask why and I don't think she would have told me if I had, but something went right for him today."

"I think he might have just told me what that something was," Todd said. "He just called and left me a voicemail. I was too chickenshit to talk to him after what I did, but..."

"What we did," Rachel corrected. "I'm in on this too, even if all I did was pretend to spill that water. But let's see what he says."

"Pretend to spill it?"

"I'll explain later. Listen to the message, I'm dying to know what happened!"

Todd picked up the phone and listened. A relieved smile spread across his face, and he turned to Rachel and nodded. Once it was done, he pressed the speakerphone button and replayed the message.

"Todd, it's James! Listen, I've got some wonderful news, and I feel like I've got to thank you for it. You know that gal I've had a crush on but I wouldn't say who she is and you kept telling me I should talk to her but I refused like a shy little baby? Yeah, you were right, I should've talked to her all along. Anyway, today, I did. She called me about joining a club she's starting, and I went to the meeting and then afterward I asked her out, and she said yes. What's really funny, Todd? You probably don't remember, but at that party you asked me if it was that gal in the green sweater? It was her! No kidding. Wow...I still feel like I'm flying ten feet off the ground. Just wanted to share the great news, and thanks for encouraging me. I ought to listen to you more often! Talk to you later, Todd."

Todd and Rachel were dumbstruck, but relieved. "She must have just happened to be at the library after all," Todd mused.

"What about that club?" Rachel asked.

"No idea," Todd said. "But since he thought she was expecting him, he didn't act like a blushing flower like usual, and that made all the difference, huh?" Thinking further, he asked Rachel, "You didn't tip her off, did you?"

"I wish I could take credit for this," Rachel said. "But I don't even know who Sarah Martin is. You hear about her all the time, but she doesn't run in my circles. Besides, Eric's blackmailing me, too."

"What for?"

"For being a pathetic little coward and getting him some information he had no right to see," Rachel said. "It's better that you don't know, honestly."

"Well, now we know something Eric doesn't know, don't we?" Todd said, pointing at the phone.

"It's a small campus," Rachel said. "He'll hear before long if they do get together."

"I'll settle for that," Todd said. "But maybe in the meantime we can still keep the charade up, just to mess with him."

"I'm game," Rachel agreed. "Now, can I ask you something?"

"I'd like to ask you something first," Todd said. "What did you mean by 'pretending' to spill that water?"

"That's what I want to ask you about, actually," Rachel said. "Why didn't you just tell Eric you're not gay?"

"How do you know I'm not?"

"That's why I pretended to spill the water," Rachel confessed. "I'm sorry about that, too, Todd. It was pretty manipulative of me, but I had a feeling Eric was reading you wrong and I couldn't think of any other way to confirm it."

"I don't get it," Todd said. "How did spilling the water make you think I'm not gay? I mean, I'm not; I'm bi, but what's that got to do with your accident?"

"Like I said, it wasn't an accident," Rachel said. "It was an excuse to undress in front of you so I could see if you got hard when I did. And you did, so I figured you were at least bi." She dissolved into an embarrassed giggle. "I do hope you liked what you saw," she added.

"You know I did, evidently," Todd acknowledged. Now feeling almost lightheaded with relief, he also allowed himself to enjoy the memory of Rachel in her underwear. "You did look awfully cute," he said.

"Cute?!" Rachel said, hands on hips in mock annoyance. "Only cute? Not beautiful? Astounding? Sexy?"

"Remember your boyfriend was there, and he was threatening me already," Todd replied. "Nothing could be beautiful or sexy in a moment like that! You know that."

"Good save," Rachel admitted. "But now that you're no longer under Eric's thumb..."

"Oh, of course you were beautiful!"

Even Todd knew it sounded insincere, but Rachel didn't seem to mind. "Thank you," she said with a shy grin. "I have to admit, it was a bit embarrassing, but also kind of a kick."

"For me, too."

"As long as we're being all intimate, can I ask you something personal?"

"Why the hell am I with Eric, is it?" Rachel asked.

"Well, yes."

"He can be very charming when he wants to be," Rachel said. "And, I mean, you wouldn't know it from looking, but I come from a pretty conservative family and I really cut loose when I got to college, and he introduced me to...to a lot of things. Some of which I'm kind of afraid I wouldn't be able to get without him." Her voice started to waver and she could feel tears welling up. "God, I sound pathetic, don't I? He's an abusive bastard, but..." She stopped trying to fight the tears, and broke down.

Todd jumped up and took her in his arms. "No, you're not pathetic!" he reassured her. "You just made a bad choice. We all do. And you know you can leave anytime you're ready to."

"No I can't," Rachel said. "He's got...stuff on me. Stuff on James, actually, but I'm the one who got it for him. If Student Affairs ever finds out I gave out that information, I could be expelled."

"Gosh..." Todd groped for something comforting to say, but couldn't. "I'm sorry," was all he could think of, and he tightened his embrace.

"Thank you," Rachel said, squeezing him tighter as well. "If I might ask, what will happen if he does tell your parents you're gay or bi?"

"I'm afraid he was right," Todd said. "They'd disown me. That's why I did what I did with James. I don't trust Eric to keep his mouth shut now, but at least there's a chance."

"Wouldn't they at least ask you first if it were true?" Rachel asked.

"They'd do more than that," Todd said. "My mom would probably show up right at that door and beg me to tell her it wasn't true. But I don't know how I could convince her."

"I have an idea," Rachel said. "And I do owe you a very big favor, don't I?"

Before Todd could ask what she meant, she kissed him on the lips and slid her hands down to his firm behind, which she squeezed playfully. Todd felt an instinct to draw back, but he realized just as quickly that he had hoped it might come to this. Enjoying the sensation of her lingering tears drying on his own face now, he returned the kiss and drew his hands around to her sides, which he rubbed playfully up and down. Soon he found himself sitting on his bed with Rachel straddling him on his lap. He made his first careful reach under her top, thinking only to stroke her sides a bit more, but to his delight and surprise she took the opportunity to remove it entirely.

In the heady moment just afterward as he admired her up close in her bra, Rachel asked, "Have you done it before?"

"With a man but never with a woman," Todd said.

"Oh my God!" Rachel squealed. "Sorry, it's just...I've never been anyone's first before, and what you said is even better than that! I've always wanted to do it with a guy who'd been with other guys."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Rachel said. "I like what I like, just like anyone. Who knows why anything turns us on?" She took both his hands in hers and placed them on her breasts. "So these are the first you've ever played with?"

Todd nodded, enjoying the sensation of her supple flesh and the soft fabric holding it up. "Sorry if I don't do it right," he said.

"It's not brain surgery!" Rachel laughed. "Just don't squeeze too hard, and don't worry about paying them too much attention. There's no such thing as playing with them too much, okay?" On that note, she reached back and unhooked her bra, and Todd eagerly helped her off with it. He had only a moment to admire her beautiful plump nipples before she placed a firm hand on his head and guided him toward them. "Oh! Yes!" she squealed as he latched on with his mouth on one side and teased the other gently with his thumb. Brain surgery or not, Todd was soon aware that he was doing something right, as Rachel was moaning up a storm and grinding her hips into his. "This can't be your first time!" she said huskily at one point. "You're too good at it!"

"Thanks," he chuckled between suckles. "But it is!"

At some point she pulled his shirt up; he leaned back just long enough to let her pull it off, and then enjoyed the sensation of her own hands returning the favor on him as he continued to rub her breasts into a wonderful lather. Remembering her directive, he kept at it well past the time when he'd have expected her to have enough, and her lusty responses made it clear she hadn't. If anything, she seemed to want it all the more, as he was aware of her humping him ever harder and faster, and clamping his hand back onto her breast every time he showed any sign of removing it. "Don't stop!" she hissed. "Please! Don't...oh, God, Ohhhhh!"

Todd drew his head back to look up at her face; she had her own head thrown back and was wailing at the ceiling. At long last she looked back down at him, and leaned in for a kiss and pushed him back onto the bed. He asked, "Did you just..."
"Yes," Rachel said. "Always knew I could come just from having my breasts played with, but Eric never got me there. Thank you!" She kissed him deeply, and then sat up to unbuckle his belt. Desperately curious, Todd placed his hand gently between her legs for the first time. Her pants were damp to the touch. "Took you long enough to do that!" she teased. "Can you feel how much I wanted you to?"

"I can now," he admitted.

Rachel unzipped his jeans. "Stand up and let's get you out of these. And me too!" She took his hand and pulled him up, and without further ado she pushed his pants and boxers down. Todd needed no encouragement in returning the favor, and Rachel took him in a fierce embrace as the last of their clothes were kicked aside. After enjoying the tender moment, she took his erection firmly in her right hand and led him back to the bed. Lying back and spreading her legs, she followed his gaze to her bush. "I'm sorry I'm not very shaven," she said.

"Don't be!" Todd said. "I like the natural look!" To back up his claim, he reached in and ran his fingers affectionately through her abundant pubic hair.

"Really?!" Rachel made no effort to hide her surprise. "Wow, you're just getting better all the time!"

"Let me guess, Eric likes you bald as a coot," Todd said.

"Yeah, he all but begs me to shave or wax," she confirmed as he lay atop her and she slipped her arms around him. "I did it once and hated the way I looked, like a five year old with breasts, but he's never stopped bugging me to do it again."

"I never will!" Todd promised, nibbling at her neck.

"Thanks," she whispered, and she drew her knees up and reached down with both hands to guide him inside. "Does that feel like you thought it would?" she asked him as she felt him slide delightfully into place.

"Better!" Todd said breathlessly. "Much better!" he added, as he began pumping in and out with abandon.

"Wait!" Rachel said. "Nice and slow, nice and slow, please..." Once again, and still very much to her surprise, Todd obeyed her request, and soon she was enjoying his leisurely rhythmic pushing. "Much better," Rachel whispered. "I want it to last!"

It did last. Neither of them looked at the clock, but Todd proved to be a wonderfully slow burn and Rachel enjoyed two more orgasms before she finally heard his telltale grunts and clutched him close to her as he came. Her joy was tempered just a bit with concern that he might say he loved her -- it wouldn't do to complicate things with that just yet -- but to her relief, he didn't. When a suitably long afterglow had come and gone, his first words were, "So what do we do about Eric?"

"Let's worry about that tomorrow," Rachel said, kissing his cheek. "For now, let's just enjoy this!" She got no objection from Todd.

James stayed at the library until closing time, and managed along the way to get a lot of studying done. But all night long, his mind wandered back to the almost surreal hour and change he had enjoyed with Sarah at the coffee shop. The conversation had never grown any too intimate, but he was thrilled with the very fact of how mundane some of it had been. Remembering Brandy's concerns about putting her on a pedestal, he reflected that now he could say he wasn't doing the same to Sarah. Not when she was from a perfectly ordinary Chicago suburb whose name he had seen here and there, and she'd been a cheerleader in high school and was loath to admit it to just anyone now that she was a capital-F feminist, and she'd gotten a C in chemistry freshman year. ("Everyone thinks I'm first in my class -- I have no idea why!" she'd remarked at one point.) There was never any concern on his part that she might be idolizing him; that simply wasn't plausible!

As he walked home in the early spring midnight, brief snatches of conversation played over and over in his head, keeping his heart pounding and his hopes up.

Todd wanted to make love just before they went to Eric's room to make the second call, but Rachel vetoed the idea immediately. "He'll be able to smell it on us," she said. "Even he's smart enough to put two and two together if we both show up with that smell."

"Not if we shower right before we go to his room."

"Then he'll get suspicious about why we both showered in the middle of the day." Rachel gave Todd a hug to let him down easy. "I applaud your spirit here, but it's just a bad, bad idea, sweetie. I'll tell you what, though. After you make the call..."

"I'll feel too goddam guilty then," Todd whined.

"Why? We know James and Sarah did get together after all. The only one fooled here will be Eric!"

"This is going to confuse James, though, and it could mess things up with Sarah. He's going to want to know why she called to ask why he didn't show up when they both know she did."

Rachel thought on that. "Any chance you could send him a signal that it's really you? He knows about your vocal capabilities, doesn't he?"

"That's worth a try," Todd said, but he said it without much confidence.

Rachel made him promise to wait at least five minutes after she left. Todd needed no convincing, and in the end he barely stopped himself from skipping out on Eric altogether. Doing everything Eric wanted was still his only chance at avoiding real trouble, after all, and he was already in so deep.

When he arrived in Eric's room, Rachel was curled up on the couch looking like she'd been crying. Todd felt his heart bounce off his throat, but it quickly became clear that Eric suspected nothing about the two of them. "Never mind her, that's none of your business," Eric said with his usual smirk as he handed Todd the phone. "Women are moody. You wouldn't know that, though, being a queer, would you?"

Todd did his best to ignore the entire scene as he reluctantly dialed James' number.

"Hello?"

"Todd. This is Sarah."

"Hey! How've you been?"

"Fine, thanks. But --"

"I've been thinking about the other day nonstop! I really had a lovely time!"

"Never mind that, James. Why didn't you show up on Wednesday?"

"Why didn't I show up? What do you mean?!"

"We were supposed to meet, remember? I waited for you! Do you think you're out of my league or something, James?" Todd could only hope James would pick up on his own catchphrase.

"What on earth are you talking about, Sarah? Are you feeling okay? You don't quite sound like yourself."

"Men! You can never count on them for anything! And don't change the subject! Anyway, James, listen. I'm going to be at the library again today at five o'clock with my friend Jill, and we can try again. Can I count on you this time?!"

"What the hell is this, Sarah?! We had such a lovely time..."

"Okay, I hope you'll show up this time," Todd said. He noticed Rachel getting up to collect a bath towel from the closet. She mouthed the word "shower" at Eric and made her escape while he couldn't say anything and risk being overheard by James. James hung up without another word just as Rachel shut the door behind her, but Eric didn't know that. "Apology accepted, James," he continued. "Just don't let it happen this time. Bye."

He set the phone down and glared at Eric, who was now free to let loose with a roar of laughter. "Good job, kid," he managed to say while gasping for breath. "That bastard's never gonna trust anything in a bra again!"

"Now how do I know you're not going to write to my mother?" Todd demanded.

"You don't, you fuckin' queer. Live with it. Now I plan to user-abuse Rachel when she gets back from the shower, so why don't you get lost? Maybe you've got someone of your own you can go screw around with."

"As a matter of fact, I do," Todd said. Without another word, he left.

Rachel was waiting for him, curled up nude on his bed with a big smile. "You did it!" she squealed, jumping up to greet him. "Five o'clock...he knows she'll be at track practice then! When he sees her there, he'll know it wasn't really her and the joke will be on Eric. Again!"

"I sure hope you're right," Todd said, letting her undress him. "By the way, Eric is expecting to..."

"Do what we're about to do, right now?" Rachel asked.

Todd nodded.

"Fuck him!"

"No, fuck me," Todd rejoined with a grin. "Please."

"That's more like it!" Rachel kissed him hard on the mouth. "There's the Todd I'm falling for! Forget Eric, now, not another word about him." And for the next half hour and change, there wasn't.

James stared at the phone in utter confusion. Was his crush insane? It wouldn't be the first time he'd cast his lot with someone who turned out to be nothing but trouble, and Brandy had been warning him all along about putting women on pedestals. Perhaps he'd done it again.

Or perhaps not -- he couldn't help hoping not. He played the conversation over again...five o'clock? Right in the middle of practice. Sarah would never skip practice for a meeting she didn't even trust him to come to, and she wouldn't expect him to skip a practice for her either...would she? The truth was, James didn't know. He'd had one lovely afternoon with Sarah, but he didn't really know her all that well yet. If she was nuts, there was still time to get out of harm's way, and James made up his mind to do that. He would go to practice, and of course Sarah would be there, and she would probably have a perfectly reasonable explanation for the entire thing. He had no idea what that explanation would be, but he made up his mind to trust Sarah until she had proven he couldn't trust her.

"Was that you I saw with Sarah at the coffee shop the other day, James?" Tom asked a few hours later as James laced up his sneakers in the locker room.

James did his best to hide the pride he felt bubbling up. "Yes," he said with his first real smile since the bizarre phone call -- it felt good to have it back.

"Was she that mystery girl you were so wound up about?" Tom probed. "Not to pry, but I mean, if she is, good for you! You're a lucky guy!"

"Thanks," James said. Looking around to see that other inquiring minds wanted to know, he confessed, "Yes, it's her. I finally asked and she said yes, but..."

"But?!" called out Greg Hynes. "There's no 'but' when a gal like that says she'll go out with you, man!"

"No kidding," chimed in Jack Larman. "Congratulations!"

"Thanks, guys," James said. "But, listen...some of you know her better than I do, or at least you've known her longer. Is she...all there?"

"What?" asked Tom. "What do you mean 'all there'?"

"Well," James said, "I'm getting this vibe about her now that she's kind of weird, and it's got me a little concerned, maybe she's crazy or something and I just couldn't see it because I had a crush on her."

"No!" Greg exclaimed. "I've known her since our freshman year, and she's always been totally down to earth. Why would you even wonder about a thing like that?"

"I've...got my reasons," James said.

"They'd better be good reasons if you're thinking of throwing a gift like this away, man," Jack said. "Don't do it!"

James thanked the guys and said nothing else on the matter as they all headed out to the gym. He was confident that he would find Sarah there laughing with her friends as they waited for warmups to begin, and the whole silly issue could be forgotten.

But she wasn't there. Greg scanned the gang three times and looked back hopefully every few seconds at the women's locker room door, but there was no sign of her at all. He did see Laura, who as usual looked delighted to see him. "James!" she exclaimed, and treated him to her usual kiss on the cheek. "So I hear your meeting was a big success!" she said with a knowing grin.

"Thanks," James said. "Yeah, I guess it was. Speaking of which, do you know why she isn't here?"

"Who, Sarah?" asked Erin, who had arrived with Laura and now took her turn kissing James. "She wouldn't just skip practice," she said, looking throughout the crowd of stretching friends just as James had done."

"Oh, wait," Laura said. "Yeah, she said she...might be late, or might not make it at all. Something about an emergency meeting."

James felt his heart sinking, but he kept his brave face. "Oh, okay. Thanks, Laura."

"She also said she's really looking forward to Saturday," Laura said. "She had a great time talking to you. Again."

"That's sweet," James said. "Thanks." And he was off to join the guys.

"You're a bad liar, Laura," Erin said as soon as he was gone. "She didn't say anything about being late, did she?"

"No," Laura said. "At lunch she was talking about practice like she planned to be here. But she really did say she couldn't wait for the date with James. That's why I made that up. I figure she's probably planning some kind of surprise for him, and I didn't want to spoil it."

"That's sweet." Erin looked mollified. "I'm sure he'll think so too."

He didn't.

James almost didn't even go to the student union on Saturday to meet Sarah for their rendezvous. Through the sleepless night before, he hadn't been able to come up with one decent explanation that reflected well on her in any way. But he didn't have the willpower to give up without one last chance to have her explain herself, and so he somewhat reluctantly put on his ironed blue shirt and khakis and went to the patio by the TV lounge at the appointed hour.

He saw her from a safe distance, beaming at him from halfway across the green in a cute knit top and blue pants, waving at him when she knew he could see her. He waved back with a halfhearted smile, scarcely able to believe he was now dreading the moment he had been fantasizing about for all these months.

"Hey there!" she said as she arrived on the patio. Before he could protest in any way, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Ready to go?"

"Not just yet, Sarah."

"Oh, okay." She looked concerned now. "This sounds serious."

"I'm afraid it is," James said. "What was up with that phone call yesterday?"

"What phone call?"

"Come on, Sarah. I'm sorry I missed the meeting yesterday, but I figured it must be some kind of joke! I mean, I did make it to the meeting on Wednesday, and you kept asking why I'd missed it when you knew perfectly well I was there!"

Sarah was flummoxed. "I have no idea what you're talking about, James! What's your problem?"

"What's my problem?! We had a wonderful time on Wednesday, then you give me this crazy phone call demanding to know where I've been...I don't get it!"

"That makes two of us!" Sarah said. "I never called you! Why would I when we already had plans set for today?!"

"You told me to meet you at the library at five yesterday! And then you weren't at practice, so I've got to think you really did go to the library expecting me. But I can't figure out where this whole where-were-you-on-Wednesday thing comes from!"

"I slept through practice, if you must know!" Sarah said. "Haven't you ever fallen asleep?"

"But Laura said you told her something about a special meeting!"

"I told her all about our plans for today," Sarah said. "She also could have told you I was really excited about the whole thing. I talked about it a lot more than I probably should have at lunch yesterday." She now sounded near tears. "But I'm starting to think that was a mistake. What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me is all of a sudden I don't know what to think of you," James said. "I mean, I was looking forward to this like you can't imagine, but I can't make any sense of that phone call."

"There was no phone call!"

James looked at her, dumbfounded.

"You're really kind of freaking me out here, James," Sarah said. "I'd better go. See you at practice Monday. I hope you have your head out of your ass by then." She turned and stomped off where she'd come from, leaving James as heartbroken as he was confused.

Brandy was cooling her heels in her room, waiting for Paul to come back from an errand in town so they could go to dinner. So it was with no small pleasure that she bounded to the door with a spring in her step when she heard the knock on it. She opened the door eagerly. "Paul! Thank heavens, I'm starving..." Her voice trailed away as she saw James standing in her doorway, looking for all the world like his dog had just died. "Oh, hi, James." Her own mild embarrassment turned into empathy for her friend as she realized he was crying. "What's wrong? Come here!" She pulled him in and shut the door behind him, and took him in her arms. When James responded only with sobs at first, she took a guess. "Sarah?"

"I don't even know what happened!" James snapped. "I mean, I got this weird call yesterday asking why I wasn't at our meeting on Wednesday when I was there and she knows it, and she says she never made the call, but...Christ, I don't even know what to think! Should've known this was too good to be true. She's --"

"Don't say 'out of my league,' James!" Brandy ordered. "She isn't. If she's playing games with you, then she's the one with the problem, not you!"

"You know, she even said that herself on the call yesterday, the one she says she didn't make. She accused me of thinking I was out of her league! How could I ever think a thing like that?"

"She sounds like nothing but trouble all of a sudden," Brandy said. "I know you won't see it this way now, but really, you're better off without someone like that, James."

"I guess." James sank to the floor and sat miserably against the foot of her bed. "Listen, are you expecting Paul? I can leave..."

"You're not going anywhere!" Brandy said. "You need your friends, and Paul wants to be your friend just like I am. You're joining us for dinner, no guilt and no excuses!"

She had James somewhat calmed down when Paul finally arrived several minutes later, offering apologies to them both for his tardiness. "Amazing how slow things always run in town," he said as Brandy and James got their coats on.

"Funny, I've never found that," James said. "Just lucky I guess."

"Or maybe just more efficient than Paul here," Brandy teased.

"Could be," Paul said with a grin, careful to betray nothing. He took his confidentiality duties at the Campus Ethics Board seriously, so even Brandy was never to know "an errand in town" was just his cover story for being summoned to the dean of students' home for an emergency meeting. This particular meeting had involved credible accusations of a student worker in the dean's office violating the privacy of none other than James himself, so Paul resolved to be even more circumspect than usual. It was rather a challenge to keep to himself the newfound respect and admiration he had for James, though, now that he knew James had been the hero of last semester's Pi Delta caper.

As the three of them were arriving at the dining hall, Todd emerged with a woman James didn't recognize. "Hi, Todd," he said, forcing a smile as he didn't care to explain the afternoon's travails to anyone else just yet. Meanwhile, Brandy and Paul exchanged perturbed looks; they did recognize Todd's new friend.

"James!" Todd looked and sounded almost effusive. "Hey, sorry I haven't returned your call! It's wonderful news. I'm really glad everything worked out for you. I've just been...really busy."

"Haven't we all," James said. "I understand." Looking to see Brandy was already standing by the card-checker to get into the dining hall, he added, "I think I'd better go. She's really hungry!"

"All right, then," Todd said. "See you soon!"

"You think he suspects anything?" Rachel asked.

"Nah, why would he?" Todd said. "Surprised to see he's out with Brandy and Paul, though. He said he had a date with Sarah. I figured it'd be tonight."

Brandy held her tongue until they were settled with their dinner. "James, do you know that girl Todd was with?" she asked gently.

"No. Who is she?"

"We don't know either," Paul lied -- having seen her file photo in the meeting that afternoon, he knew exactly who she was: the one accused of giving out private information on James himself.
"But we met her the other night, and she was asking about you," Brandy said. "It was absolutely bizarre."

"What did she ask?" James asked.

"It was right after you told us about your great day with Sarah. She asked if you'd seemed upset, and she seemed very relieved you weren't. But she didn't say why she wanted to know, or anything else really."

"Not even her name?" James asked.

"She did say her name, but I can't remember it," Brandy said.

"Rachel," Paul said before he could stop himself.

"Strange," James said. "I wonder..."

"You wonder?" Brandy prodded.

"About Sarah."

"Now you're being paranoid," Brandy said. "What could a flake like Rachel have to do with any of that, and why?"

"I don't know," James said. "But...Occam's razor and all that. Something's up."

Rachel couldn't explain away Saturday night for Eric, and so she suffered through yet another one of his booze-and-pot addled fuck-fests where he came and then passed out on top of her. But Sunday night found her in Todd's arms again, and delighted to be there. He was gaining confidence and learning his way around her body, and now he also had the decency not to hassle her about dumping Eric. As she admired his taut body beneath her on the narrow bed and enjoyed his gentle rhythms within her, she looked forward to telling him she had in fact made up her mind to do that. It was simply a matter of waiting until he graduated and wouldn't be around to report her for leaking James' information. Just how much damage could Eric do in six little weeks, especially if it was so easy to sneak away to Todd's room now and then?

Just as Rachel was about to ride Todd into her first orgasm, she learned exactly how much damage Eric could do. Opening her eyes to share the big moment with Todd, she was suddenly aware of Eric standing by the bed. She shrieked in horror, slid off Todd's body as he also recoiled in fear, and curled up between Todd and the wall. A flash of relief washed over her as she realized Eric wasn't going to attack her, and vanished just as quickly as he did attack Todd.

"Eric!" she shrieked. "Leave him alone!" She grabbed protectively at Todd's arm, but Eric had no difficulty in dragging him off the bed by his other arm and shoving him to the floor. He kicked him twice in the gut and once in the face, bloodying his nose, before Rachel had the presence of mind to rear back and kick Eric with both legs. She knocked him off balance and he went sprawling into the wall, giving Todd just enough time to get to get to his feet and pin him down. Before Eric could throw Todd off, Rachel pounced on his lower body and punched him in the balls. "You leave us alone!" she yelled. "I'm never going back to you! I don't give a damn what you do to me, just get out of here!"

Todd gave Eric's head a final smack against the tile floor. "You heard her. Get out of my room right now or I'll report you for breaking in!"

Eric grinned through his pain. "You want your mama to know..."

"I think you were going to write to her anyway!" Todd snapped. Reluctantly he got off Eric and threw his bathrobe on; Rachel had wrapped herself in his sheets.

"I sure will now," Eric said, standing up. "Damn sure will. Geez, Rachel, Todd's neighbor complains in the bathroom about him making too much noise with his girlfriend and of course I've got to come by and see if Mr. Queer here really has a girlfriend now, and what do I hear but your moans? But you never got that intense for me."

"Maybe you should ask yourself why not," Rachel said.

"Shut up, bitch." Eric stood up and dusted off his clothes to leave. "And as for your little secret..."

"If you tell anyone, I'll tell them you broke in here!" Rachel warned.

"I already did report you. Yesterday. Sleep well." Eric slammed the door behind him.

"Oh God!" Rachel had her face in her hands. "Oh no...so stupid to ever help him in the first place!" Turning to Todd, who was now climbing into bed to try to comfort her, she added, "What will happen with your parents?"

"Depends on whether they believe him," Todd said. "But if they do...I just don't know. I don't know."

"All for nothing!" Rachel said, pounding her fists ruefully into the mattress. "We messed with James for nothing!"

"Maybe not," Todd said. As he and Rachel were both unaware of the abortive date or Todd's role in it, he found an offered a bit of comfort: "Something seems to have gone right with them."

"There is that," Rachel said. "I think we should tell them, what do you think? Since it worked out for them, he won't be too mad with us. And whatever happens, at least we'll have it off our conscience.

"I don't know," Todd began. "Is it really going to help anything?"

"It might at least get the word out about what a crumb Eric is," Rachel offered.

That was good enough for Todd, and after they had both calmed down a bit, he called James to ask if they could meet for a chat tomorrow night. James, in turn, told Brandy, noting that if this Rachel was mixed up in what had happened, perhaps they would learn about it shortly. And so it was that Rachel and Todd found James flanked by Brandy and Paul on the couch in the dorm lounge the following evening. Their polite suggestions that James might not want his friends to hear their news was firmly rejected, but at least Brandy and Paul just sat quietly and looked aghast at them as the story came out.

Not so James. "How could you?!" he demanded of Todd. "How on earth could you do that?!"

"He was going to out me to my parents!" Todd said. "I hated doing that to you, but the worst that could have happened was you got embarrassed a little bit!"

"That's not the worst that happened!" Brandy said. "They had a big fight on Saturday because of your second call, and now she isn't even speaking to him! They might have even fallen in love, and you ruined that!"

"James, look, if you want, I can confess to Sarah too, and maybe help you iron things out," Todd offered, looking at the floor rather than at James.

"If it makes you feel better, I got to work after class today and they told me I was suspended for the investigation," Rachel offered. "And I loved that job."

"It does make me feel a little better," grumbled James.

"Please, just give us a chance to make this right, James," Todd said. "Obviously you two are a good fit. Maybe we can fix things."

James gazed emptily into his ex-friend's face. "You really think that will make everything okay?"

"Well, no," Todd said. "I wouldn't blame you if you never trusted me again. But surely it's worth another try with Sarah?"

James looked at Brandy. "I think you should give them a chance," she said. "It's not as though they can make things any worse." She said the final few words with a glare at Todd and Rachel in turn, as if she weren't quite sure she was right. To James, she added, "Look, you care so much about Sarah, that's worth trying to fix!"

James nodded. "Right, then, Todd. Fix it."

"I will!" Todd said, standing up. "I promise, James, I will!" He held out his hand, and James shook it reluctantly.

"You can't promise you'll succeed," James noted.

"I can promise I'll do my best," Todd said.

"Me too," Rachel told him. "If I don't get expelled."

"You won't," Todd said. "Like you said last night, no one --"

"Whatever you said last night, you shouldn't repeat it here!" Paul interrupted. "I work at Campus Ethics, so I might have to repeat whatever you said."

"Thank you for the warning, then," Rachel said. "My lips are sealed." What she had said last night was that there was no proof she had done anything wrong, only the word of a known troublemaker whose best friends had included some of the disgraced Pi Delts. That was only so comforting just now, but it was something to cling to at least.

Todd and Rachel were the first to leave, with a vow to get to work right away on undoing the damage. James followed shortly, commenting on the bitter sweetness of a night studying at the library now. Brandy and Paul also had to go their separate ways to study, and in parting Brandy said, "Good move shutting her up. In spite of everything, I wouldn't want to have to testify against her."

"I doubt it'll come to that," Paul said. "Better safe than sorry, though."

"And that trip into town on Saturday..." Brandy said with a knowing grin.

"Is still something I can't talk about and you know it," Paul reminded her. To ease the blow, he kissed her. "See you tomorrow, then?"

"Of course, dear," Brandy said. And they were off as well. Brandy, thinking she was the last one out of the lounge, turned the lights off.

There, in the dark, Randy mulled over all he had heard from behind the couch. So Eric had ruined two couples and come between a pair of close friends and might even get Rachel kicked out of school, all to avenge a couple of jerks who probably deserved just what they'd gotten anyway. And he'd had a hand in it. Like Todd, suddenly he desperately wanted to do something. And, like Todd, he knew just what he could do.

The next morning, Randy shaved for the first time in two weeks and put on his one and only dress shirt, and went to Campus Ethics for the first time ever. "Is...uh, Paul here?" he asked the tired-looking girl at the front desk.

The weather forecast held that the following Saturday would be the first pleasantly warm day of the year. Brandy, optimistic that the forecast would be true, invited Todd to join her and Paul at the lake. "Bring Rachel, too," she said. "If you're still together," she added quickly.

"We are," Todd said. With Rachel still under investigation but in no trouble yet and Todd having heard nothing from his family, their relationship had resumed somewhat uneasily. "But are you sure you want to see us again after what we did?"

"That's why I want to see you again," Brandy said. "We can brainstorm for ways to help James and Sarah get back on track.

"I could certainly use help with that," Todd admitted. "I've tried calling her a couple of times, but she won't even return my messages. No surprise really when she doesn't know me, but still."

"We want to help," Brandy said. "James deserves it, you know that."

"I sure do," Todd said glumly.

He did, in any event, persuade Rachel to join him at the lake. "I'm a bit curious about those two at the lake anyway," she told him on the walk over. "I wonder do they even know some of us skinnydip there?"

"I wouldn't count on them joining you for that," Todd quipped. "But if you want to..."

"I do, but not with an audience!"

"Rats."

Meanwhile, Randy was hard at work convincing Eric that maybe Rachel was indeed going to bare all for her swim. "I heard Todd telling some friends last night she was trying to talk him into joining her there today," he lied.

"You think I want to see that bitch naked with another guy?" Eric grumbled. "Especially that little fruit? His mother's gonna hear all about this, you'd better believe that."

"You're still going to tell his mother he's gay when you know now he isn't?" Randy couldn't help asking.

"What the fuck's it to you?"

"Just wondering. Anyway. The lake? Your chance to teach Rachel a lesson, and maybe Todd too."

"It's two against one. The fuckers already beat me at that once."

"I'll be there, won't I?" Randy demanded. "I'll have your back."

"You're too chickenshit to mess with a girl, even when she deserves it," Eric said.

"So I'll leave her to you! I'll just make sure Todd can't fight you off -- he'll be too busy with me!"

Eric gave his friend a frustrated, probing look. "It would be fun to twist the knife with that bitch one last time. Yeah. All right."

Brandy was almost sick with the knowledge that Rachel alone didn't know she was bait, but Paul had insisted it was better if she didn't know, and probably essential that Todd didn't know -- no doubt he'd have no part in the whole thing if he did. At least, Brandy reflected, their pleasure was genuine when they arrived at the lake shortly after Paul and herself. "Rachel, Todd!" She stood up and waved to them, although no one else was in sight. "We're glad you came! How's it going with Sarah?"

"Not well, I'm afraid," Rachel said. "We've both tried reaching out to her, and she hasn't responded yet. I'm really crushed about the whole thing."

"Well, we've got some ideas," Paul said. "But maybe you want to swim first?"

"You're certainly dressed for it," Rachel said, admiring them both in their characteristically modest swimming garb. "I love your suit, Brandy," she added. It was a modest one-piece of the sort Rachel hadn't worn since grade school, but it did have a splashy color pattern that she liked.

"Thanks!" Brandy said. "I take it you've got yours on underneath?" Rachel was wearing jeans and a t-shirt.

"Well, no," Rachel said. "But we're all friends here, aren't we?" Without further ado, she pulled her shirt up over her head.

"You don't mind, do you?" Todd asked, a note of uncertainty in his voice on Rachel's behalf even if she felt none.

"Of course not," Brandy said. In fact, having another woman in her underwear in Paul's presence was the last thing she wanted; but at least it made her feel a bit less daring in her swimsuit when she knew they were being watched. Besides, even she had to admit Rachel looked cute in her peach-colored bra and panties.

As Todd somewhat reluctantly followed her lead and undressed, Rachel balled up her clothes and set them next to Paul and Brandy's backpacks on the grass. As she did so, she made eye-contact with Paul and laughed. Paul looked away shyly. "It's okay, I don't mind," she said. "It's only my body, after all."

"Thanks," Paul said. "Just not something I'm used to."

"And you'd better not expect to get used to it for another few years," Brandy reminded him. "Not until we're married, remember?"

"You know I do remember," Paul said. "Shall we?"

They all ambled down to the water. It was chilly but bearable, and they waded in together. There was no talking as they got used to the cool water. Finally, when they were waist-deep, Rachel broke the silence. "See, this isn't so bad," she said, and she pinched her nose and dropped all the way in. Resurfacing a moment later, she looked chilly but made no complaints. "It's fine!" she reassured the others, who looked uncertainly at one another.

"Count of three?" Paul suggested.

"Perfect!" Rachel said. "Three, two, one..." And she joined them as they all dunked themselves.

Paul had hoped Eric, assuming he was hiding somewhere nearby, would take the moment as bait. He was not disappointed, as they all heard a muffled splash while they were underwater. As they surfaced, they were aware of two new arrivals joining them, but with the water in their eyes no one recognized Randy or Eric immediately. Randy was in the lead, and Todd recognized him only when he shoved him back into the water. "Out of our way, pal!" he growled as he did so, drawing a scream from Brandy and a slap on the back from Rachel.

"Randy! You leave him alone!" Rachel snapped, grabbing him by his shoulders. Before she could get a grip, she felt an arm around her chest and a hand yanking her hair back. "What the fuck?!" she exclaimed.

It only took a moment for Rachel to guess, correctly, that her attacker was Eric. "You're comin' with me, babe!" he growled. "Now."

"Help! Get off me, you asshole!" Rachel kicked and flailed, but succeeded only in kicking Randy in the back and knocking him into Todd, who once again fell over backwards into the water. Paul lunged at Eric for show, but Eric had no trouble rebuffing him. Brandy stood rooted to the bottom of the lake, too spooked to do anything. "Eric, you put me down!" Rachel screeched. "I mean it!"

"Sure you do," Eric teased. "I'll put you down as soon as I'm done with you, you bitch." As he dragged Rachel toward the shore, she was aware of Todd and Paul --and now Brandy as well -- trying to come to her rescue, but Randy was only just able to keep them all off balance and sprawling in the water. Once he had her in the shallow water, Eric picked Rachel up and threw her, still kicking and scratching at him, over his shoulder. With one arm tight around her waist, he squeezed her breast painfully with his other hand, muttering all the way about how this was only an appetizer.

Expecting him to toss her carelessly to the ground as soon as they were out of the water, Rachel began making plans for where to kick him and which way to run once she was free of him. Sure enough, he did throw her face down in the lakeside dirt. She flipped over to see him unbuttoning his jeans, and kicked at his balls. He saw it coming and was just able to block the kick, but the dodge made him lose his balance and he fell down. Landing just beside her, he shot both arms out and clamped his hands around her throat.

"Freeze! Let her go! Now!"

Rachel had closed her eyes to at least avoid having to watch Eric rape her. Now they flew open as she felt his hands pulled roughly away so she could breathe again, and she looked up to see four men in Campus Security uniforms pinning Eric down in the sand. One of them grabbed up Brandy and Paul's blanket and handed it to her. "Here, ma'am, cover up," he said.

"Thanks." Rachel gratefully stood up and wrapped herself in the blanket, and turned to see the others emerging from the water. To her shock, Randy was shaking Paul's hand. "Hey!" she said, pointing at Randy. "He was in on this too, he was helping Eric!"

"No, he wasn't," Paul said. "He was helping us."

"That's right," explained one of the officers. "He reported your friend here to Campus Ethics for abusing you, and Paul was kind enough to explain that we couldn't touch him unless we saw it happen. So he made sure we would see it happen."

"This is entrapment!" Eric whined.

"Shut up," snapped the officer. "You're not helping yourself a bit here, kiddo!"

Rachel glared at Brandy, Paul and Todd. "You mean you set me up to get attacked?"

"We knew they were here," Paul said. "You were never in any danger at all."

"And Todd didn't know," Brandy added.

"She's right, I had no idea," Todd said. "I wouldn't have gone along with it if I had known."

"That's why we didn't tell you, Todd," Brandy said. "Rachel, I'm sorry. But maybe now you know how James feels."

"I suppose I do," Rachel confessed. As she watched the officers carry Eric away kicking and cursing, she added, "This almost feels worth it." Then she felt another surge of panic. "Wait a minute, now he's going to tell them everything about my case, with James' file!"

"He already has," Paul said. "You think he's going to have any credibility now?"

"You mean I'm off the hook?" Rachel was delighted.

"I can't promise that," Paul said. "But you might be."

Eric spent the rest of the weekend under house arrest in the campus guest house. On Monday, Rachel, Brandy and Randy were called in to give their account of events to Campus Ethics. On Tuesday, Eric was expelled and Rachel was fired from Student Affairs, but the case against her was dropped. On Wednesday, an account of the affair appeared in the school newspaper, which Sarah read aloud to Becca and Michelle at the Cross Gender Alliance meeting. "Thank God he's gone!" Becca said once Sarah had finished the story.

"I just wish we'd had a hand in getting rid of him," Michelle added.

"You did, a little bit," came a voice from the next table. They all looked up to see a woman they didn't know.

"Excuse me?" Sarah said.

"I'm Brandy. You probably saw my name in that article."

"You're James Franklin's friend, aren't you?" Sarah looked and sounded brusque as she said it.

"Yes, and I'd really appreciate it if --"

"Look, if he sent you to talk to me, forget it!" Sarah snapped.

"He didn't!" Brandy said, forcing a conciliatory smile. "He doesn't even know I'm here. But if you'd just let me explain..."
"What's to explain? He's nuts, and he thinks I'm the one who's nuts!"

"There's a perfectly good reason for what happened!" Brandy said. "It was really that jerk Eric's fault! You shouldn't let him come between you and James."

"What?! Eric, how could that be, I've never even met him!"

"I know," Brandy said, helping herself to the last empty chair at the table -- the one that should have been James', she thought to herself as she sat down. "James didn't really know him either, but --"

"Then how could it be his fault?! Look, I know James is your friend, but I'm done with him!"

"Sarah!" Becca piped up. "Just listen to her! That's only fair!"

"I agree," Michelle said. "You think we don't know you're crushed about James? What if there is an explanation for the whole thing?"

Sarah folded her arms defensively, but after an awkward moment she looked at Brandy and said, "Okay. I'll listen."

James, who had already once again poured himself into his studies to cope with his grief, was torn between being proud of Brandy and Paul and jealous that he hadn't been involved in bringing Eric down. Now that he knew what Eric had cost him, he was almost sorry the bastard was gone; James would have liked to inflict some punishment of his own. Keeping his nose buried in a history book in the sanctuary of his room was enough to almost keep thoughts of the week's events -- and of Sarah -- at bay. Almost. But as he did his best to make sense of modern perspectives on the French revolution, precious memories of their one golden afternoon at the coffee house stabbed at him now and again. How absolutely perverse, he thought as he slogged through his book, that the stomach-churning violence in the streets of Paris barely registered with him while misty images of Sarah nearly made him cry every few pages.

So it was no surprise that when the phone rang, he felt like throwing it against the wall rather than answering it. But answer it he did.

"James? This is Sarah. For real, this is Sarah, honest!"

"Oh, look, I know now what happened --"

"I know! So do I. Brandy told me everything."

"She did?"

"Yes, and I'm...touched. Touched and flattered, and I really don't want that bastard Eric to win. Will you come by my room?"

"Sarah, look, if this is some kind of joke to get back at me --"

"It isn't! Do you really think I would pull something like that after what you've been through? After what we've been through? I did tell you how much I enjoyed our conversations too, didn't I?"

"Sure. Yes, you did. But I'm sure you can understand if I'm a little paranoid here."

"Of course I do! That's why I want to talk to you in person!"

"Then why don't you come by my room?" James asked.

"You'll see why when you come here," Sarah promised. "I've got a bit of a surprise, and I think you'll like it. Please, James?"

James stared at the phone. For all his efforts to keep his crush under wraps, the whole campus seemed to know about Sarah now. If there were any chance of salvaging things...and it was not as though the situation could get any worse. What difference did one more round of maybe looking like a fool make if it also might make Sarah fall in love with him?

"I'll be right over."

Sarah had spent over an hour after dinner tidying up her room and making it look as girly as possible, which, she had to admit, really wasn't very. She didn't own anything pink or ruffly, for one thing, and who had time for serious interior decorating when there were always piles of homework to be done? Still and all, a nice lavender bedspread over matching freshly washed sheets and a few bucolic postcards pinned to the wall with her football posters temporarily hidden away in the closet were better than nothing. A few containers of makeup spread across the dresser weren't a bad touch, even if she hardly ever touched the stuff -- not even tonight, no point in overdoing it after all. Dressed in her frilliest long skirt and her fuzziest sweater, Sarah reasoned that if the room might not pass muster, at least she likely would.

As soon as she and James had hung up, Sarah lit the two candles and the incense stick she had picked up in town that afternoon, turned off the lights, settled herself on her bed with her skirt pooling enticingly all around, and waited. She had just enough time to begin worrying there was something else Brandy might have told her that she'd forgotten before the knock came at the door.

"Come in!" she called out cheerfully, careful not to move and spoil the scene in any way.

James stepped in and took in the sight of Sarah and the room alike, and she recognized his embarrassed grin. "Oh dear God, when you said Brandy told you everything, you weren't exaggerating, were you?"

"I hope you don't mind, James. I thought it was a lovely image. It's not really who I am, I'm afraid, but it's beautiful all the same. And when I think of what most guys would fantasize about when a woman catches their eye...well, I'm relieved!"

"Relieved," James repeated, still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. "I guess I am, too, that you don't think I'm a silly hopeless romantic for this."

"Or maybe I do, but I like that about you!" Sarah rejoined. "Love it, even." She patted the empty space on the bed before her. "Come join me, James."

Though still unsure just what to make of it all, James kicked off his shoes and did as he was told. "Sorry I'm not dressed for the occasion," he said; he was wearing a rugby shirt and jeans.

"I couldn't very well order you to, could I?" Sarah said, taking both his hands in hers.

James chuckled. "Of course not. Listen, Sarah, I'm sorry. You don't have to do this for me. I've been a complete fool. I finally let my guard down for you and we actually hit it off, but then the whole thing turned out to be a fraud and I pushed you away. I'm such a moron!"

"Don't talk like that, James!" Sarah ordered. "It was a nasty prank and it wasn't your fault...and I was delighted to finally get to talk to you again. Who cares why it happened? What matters is that it did happen. And it was great, and now it can be that way again!"

James nodded. "I'm so damn embarrassed, though."

"Why should you be embarrassed?" Sarah reached out tentatively for a hug, which James allowed; she hoped he liked the cheap perfume she had also bought in town after the talk with Brandy. "You've got nothing to apologize for here, except maybe believing that second phone call."

"So you were interested in me?" James said, finally allowing the thrill of her arms around him to melt his discomfort.

"Ever since December," Sarah said. "You just came across as such a nice guy, and I thought we'd be great friends from then on. I admit I was a bit put out that you didn't talk to me again after that, but now that I see it's only that you were shy..."

"Shy and madly in love," James confessed.

"Really?"

"Like I said that day at the library, that first chat of ours had a big impact on me."

"But you were afraid I was going to end up like Brandy?"

"Afraid so. It just seemed safer to imagine."

"Just what did you imagine?" Sarah asked. "I mean, once we were snuggling on my bed like this, what came next?"

James laughed. "I never allowed myself to think beyond that," he said.

"Just holding me, James? Is that all?"

"It's as far as I ever allowed myself to imagine," James said. "That day I won the 10K..."

"Yes, I saw that!" Sarah said. "I was so impressed! I kept thinking, how can he keep up like that for so long when he's so wiped out, and then still win on top of that?"

"Thanks," James said. "You know how I kept up?"

"Tell me!"

James allowed an embarrassed laugh. "I imagined you waiting for me at the finish line, with your arms open."

Sarah dissolved into gentle giggles. "Aw, James! That's either the cheesiest line I've ever heard, or the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. Or both. But either way...now they're definitely open for you!" Sarah tightened her embrace, kissed him on the lips and pulled him down with her. James responded tentatively, then more confidently as he felt her tongue reaching in to graze his. "Was this worth running the race?" she asked after the kiss was over, grazing his chest through the thick fabric with her fingers.

"Better than I imagined," James said with a grin. "But are you sure about this?"

"Completely."

"Are you sure?"

"James! Yes, I'm sure! Who cares how it started? The important thing is, it did! You have feelings for me, and now you know I do too. If you throw this away, you'll be letting Eric win! You don't want that, do you?"

"No, I don't want that," James said.

"Do you want me?" she asked with a hopeful smile.

"You know I do!" James said. "I'm just...intimidated."

"Don't be," Sarah said. "I told you, I'm not a princess. I'm not even a valedictorian or any of that other stuff you guys always think about me. I'm just like you, James, I go to track practice and do my homework, and sometimes I fall in love."

"We don't have to do it tonight if you don't want to, you know," James said, though he was gazing longingly at her breasts as he said it.

"And if I do want to?" Sarah asked. Following his gaze, she took his right hand and drew it to her breast. "Don't be shy now, James!"

Still in disbelief, James was nearly breathless as he stroked her breast, carefully at first and soon with a firmer touch that she welcomed. "That feels great," she whispered, and she lost no further time in pulling his shirt up and off. With the spell momentarily broken as he sat up to toss his shirt aside, Sarah followed suit and also pulled her sweater off. Enjoying his absolutely transfixed reaction to the first sight of her lacy dark red bra, she cupped both breasts in her hands. "I'm yours. They're yours. Let's show Eric just what he got for his trouble!"

Sarah was pleasantly surprised at how little trouble James had in undoing her bra, and at his no-nonsense approach to kissing and caressing her eager breasts once he had liberated them. His lingering kisses were gentle and reverent, and his touch firm enough to reassure her that he wasn't going to treat her like the china doll she'd begun to fear he imagined she was. He was still shy enough to keep his hands above her waist for the time being, but Sarah hardly minded that. She, though, had no such inhibitions, and enjoyed several rubs of his bulging jeans before she could resist no further and unbuttoned them.

"Ought to be a relief to let this out," she quipped as she undid his zipper and reached in.

"Ooohhhh!" he gasped. "Two can play at that game!" At last he reached down.

"Please do," Sarah said. She even gathered up her skirt for his convenience as he finished what she had started and kicked his jeans to the floor. His boxers leaving nothing to the imagination anyway, he also pulled them off to her delight. She drank in the lovely sight for a moment, then added, "Now help me off with my clothes!"

She could tell it was a real struggle for him to work up the courage to reach under her skirt, even as she gave every indication that it was most welcome. But he did, with both hands, and pulled her panties gently down, still not touching or even looking at her pussy just yet. Sarah pushed her skirt down after them, and then welcomed him into their first nude embrace. "Doesn't that feel delicious?" she whispered.

"Better than I always imagined!" James agreed, just before he once again went to town on her breasts. Sarah was afraid she would have to take the bull by the horns with respect to play elsewhere; but at long last she felt his fingers padding gently around her vulva. "You don't mind, do you?" he asked her in a tentative tone, though he didn't stop caressing her down below.

"Mind?! I love it, James! Can't you feel how wet I am? For you?"

"Wet?" James gingerly pushed his index finger into her vagina. "Wet!" he repeated, more affirmatively now, and they both laughed. "I guess you don't mind!"

"I might mind if you don't play a bit more with me, actually!" Sarah said huskily as she enjoyed his gentle inner caresses. "That feels wonderful! Don't stop!"

He didn't. A bit too slowly at first, but gaining in speed as he gained in confidence, James looked on in adoring admiration as Sarah lost herself in pleasure. Wiggling her hips in rhythm as he curled his two fingers in and out again and again, she left James with no doubt that she wasn't the unattainable idol he had imagined, for her responses were deliciously base. "Do it, yeah! Finger fuck me again and again! Give it to me! Yessssss!"

"So beautiful," he murmured as Sarah came -- a small one, but she left no doubt that it had happened.

"Not as beautiful as this will be!" She grabbed at his hard cock and pulled it gently towards her. "Put it in. Now. Now!"

James let her guide it in, and thrilled at every inch as she slowly but surely enveloped him. "You're right, that is even better!" he said.

Sarah couldn't help laughing as she pushed him all the way in. "You are so endearing!"

He was also so eager to please and to make it last. Sarah had been a bit worried about his staying power, though she had also been prepared to console him should he come too soon. She needn't have worried, as it turned out: James easily humped her to a second and more intense orgasm, kissing her passionately and occasionally flicking at her breasts with one free hand or the other as he went. Once her own delighted howling left no doubt that she'd come again, he picked up the pace and she was soon treated to her own wonderful show as he came.

"Where'd a shy guy like you learn to do that so well?" she asked a moment later, still clamping him inside her.

"Years of imagining, I guess," James said. "Sorry if I got anything wrong."

"James!" She took him in a fierce embrace. "Stop apologizing! Just stop it! You were great, and we're only going to get better at it!"

"Okay," James said. "Sorry, I..." Realizing his poor choice of words, he burst into laughter, and Sarah joined in. "Yeah, I'll just shut up and hold you now," he said.

"Excellent idea, dear," Sarah said.

A week later, James found holding Sarah's hand in public could still have him walking on a cloud as they enjoyed lunch with Brandy and James and Rachel and Todd. The small talk was of plans for the summer; Brandy was saying something about a lawyer's office where she was planning to work, but James had little doubt she was admiring the sight of her friend happy at last with Sarah as she prattled on about the office. "Lots of paperwork and typing," she said. "But hey, it pays. How about you, Rachel?"

Rachel looked at Todd. "We're thinking about applying for Amtrak. They have some kind of summer program where you can work on the trains."

"That's romantic, isn't it?" Brandy said.

"Todd," came a voice the others didn't recognize; they looked up to see a guy he knew but they didn't.

"Hey, Rich," Todd said. "What's up?"

"You do know your parents are here, don't you?" Rich said.

"What?!"

"They're waiting outside your room. I said I was pretty sure you were at lunch and you'd be back soon. You were expecting them, weren't you?"

"Yes and no," Todd said, looking terrified.

Rachel jumped up. "Todd, can you take my tray up? I've got this. I'll see you at your room in about ten minutes?"

"What are you talking about?" Todd asked.

"You'll see. Trust me!" And she was off.

"What's she got planned?" James asked.

"I have no idea," Todd said. He looked at his watch. "Ten minutes? What's she going to do in ten minutes, to undo my parents wanting to pull me out of school? I ought to just go get it over with now."

"Don't!" Sarah said, taking Todd's hand. "I don't know what she has planned, but it might work. Better than not even trying."

Todd did not look convinced. But he stayed in his seat for the appointed ten minutes, while the others did their best to comfort him.

At the moment of truth, Todd opened the door from the stairwell to his floor with a deep breath and did his best to hide his dread. He braced for his mother's sternest recitation of his name.

Instead, he heard only her gentlest one. "Todd!" she said, rushing down the hall to greet him with open arms. Behind her, he saw Rachel in a conservative blue dress he'd never seen before, chatting amicably with his father.

"Mom? Dad? What's going on?" Though relieved, he was as confused as ever.

"Why on earth didn't you tell us about Rachel, dear?" his mother said.

"Well, I was going to. But..."

"Todd, I'm afraid we received a rather nasty letter from someone here," his father said. "Someone made some very ugly accusations about you, and your mother and I felt we had to come here to confront you about it." Turning back to Rachel, who responded with her most adoring smile, he continued, "But I now see it was all someone's sick idea of a joke."

"I think we owe you an apology too, Rachel," his mother added. "Had we only known Todd had found such a lovely young girl, we never would have worried so."

"Oh, I understand!" Rachel said. "I know he was planning to tell you about me soon enough, too. It's just that we're still just getting to know each other, and it's all going so well, I guess we didn't want to jinx it!" She stepped up to Todd and put her arms around him chastely. "A wonderful guy deserves a wonderful girl, doesn't he?"

"Couldn't agree more," Todd's father said. "Listen, why don't you both join us for dinner tonight, at our hotel? I'm sure we'd all like to get to know one another better."

"I'd love to," Rachel said before Todd could object, and plans were made then and there. Once they were settled, Rachel added, "Well, I ought to get back to my own room."

"We should be going, too," said Todd's mother. "I am glad to hear you're staying in your own room, incidentally. What a relief to hear Todd hasn't tried to push you into anything inappropriate."

"Oh, he knows better than to do that to me!" Rachel reassured her as she led them to the stairwell door. "Just one more way that we're good for each other, I suppose."

"I am ever so relieved," said Todd's father.

Todd stood just inside the door and waved as his parents headed downstairs and Rachel went upstairs. As soon as he heard the outside door downstairs swing shut, he looked up to see Rachel returning. "Coast is clear!" he said. "And thank you!"

"My pleasure," Rachel said, taking him by his hand and leading him back down the hall to his room. "That was actually kind of fun. Worth every penny for this silly dress, too."

"I didn't know you owned anything like that," Todd said.

"I didn't. I got it at the thrift shop just in case your parents did turn up. Don't count on seeing me in it again, either!" As soon as she and Todd were safe in his room with the door shut, she added, "But you certainly can see me out of it!"