First there's me. I'm not that tall. I'm also not that short. Some might call me "normal".
But really, I'm anything but.
I'm also blonde. I'm also skinny. I'm mainly blonde. All over. That's right. Even my pubic hairs are blonde. Sometimes I dye them brown though so I can fit in better.

Then there's you. You're not that tall. You're also not that short. Sike! You're a dwarf. You're so short. And you're not skinny. You're one of those stout folks who looks like a football come to life. An American football. But don't fret. As I said before, I'm anything but normal. And as I'm saying right now, my interests and desires are unconventional. Unconventional at best. I'm very much into you.

We have class together. 6th grade math. We are not in 6th grade, we just have to take that class again and whatever it doesn't matter I'm in my mid early thirties and you are whatever age you are in real life. My name is Jocelyn but I go by horsewhore69 on this website and I am divorced. I am not interested in your personal life. Let's get back to it.

I first noticed you on the first day of school. I noticed you because of the fact that you're a dwarf and usually I notice those things. I passed you a note that said "meet me by the water fountain". Once you got there you found another note that said "meet me in the girls bathroom". At first you were afraid to go in there because you're not a girl. So you threw a note into the girls room saying "I'm afraid to go in because I'm not a girl". I peeked my head out the door and bit your shirt and dragged you in. That's how I do these things.

That catches us up. We are in the bathroom now, and the time is 8:08am. It is still the first day of school. Our classmates are probably in homeroom, reciting the pledge of allegiance. Meanwhile, I'm pushing you up against the wall of the girl's bathroom, which is pink.

"I didn't know the walls were pink in here. It's kind of blowing my mind," you say. You are so fucking cute and short.

"It's really hard for me to kiss your neck because of how short you are," I whisper into your ear, which if I had to guess, I would say is 35% smaller than the average human ear. "And it's hard for me to concentrate on what you're saying because of how silly your voice is."

"The walls in the boy's room are blue." Your voice sounds like there's a full grown adult yelling through a cardboard tube from the back of your throat. What the fuck are you even saying right now.

"I don't care what color the walls are. Did you know my pubic hairs are blonde just like the hairs on my head?" I scream, maybe a little too loudly.

"They're not brown like everyone else's?" You ask like an insensitive prick.

"No. They're blonde. And I'm special." I say. But then I add, "But sometimes I dye them brown so I can be like everyone else." I hang my head in shame. To you that looks like I'm just trying to look into your eyes. You jump at the opportunity and you look right back into mine. At this point I realize that we hadn't made eye contact yet. That's kind of normal for me. I'm not that into eye contact.

"You have a lazy eye," you say, making a face like you aren't into lazy eyes.
"Lazy eyes happen when the nerve pathways between the eye and the brain aren't properly stimulated," I say, avoiding eye contact. I avoid eye contact due to my insecurities. Insecurities that have nothing to do with the fact that I have a lazy eye.

"If you want stimulation, I can help." You close your eyes and immediately thrust your head into my stomach. Your mouth opens and you turn your head slightly to the side. "I can hear you digesting your breakfast," you say. I am turned on by your honesty.

"Tell me more about what you hear in there" I say
"Gurgle gurgle gurgle wee wee wee, stuff like that. It kind of sounds like my grandma's stomach. She has a lot of digestive problems." You say, your face still pressed up against my hot stomach. Hot as in sexy. I've been told I have a good stomach.
"I don't have any digestive problems" I say, which is 89% true.

That's when it happens. You leap up and latch your arms around my neck, dangling from me like a little monkey or something. This is very sexy to me, somehow. Over your jeans, I put my finger up against where I assume your butthole would be. You exhale like a fag.

"Where do you buy these jeans anyway? Baby gap?" I'm obviously teasing. Maybe I'm trying to coax the bad boy out of you.

You rise to the challenge and you bite my nose. With your mouth this close to my nostrils, I can smell your breath very clearly. It smells like Monster Energy.

"I can't wake up without Monster Energy," you say. I didn't even bring it up. You must have known that I could smell it, which either means you're a mind reader or your mouth always smells like Monster Energy.

"Are you a mind rea-"

Before I can finish, you swing your legs up over the small of my back. They curl together. You are like a legit monkey and I am like your legit monkey mommy carrying you through the jungle of our first sexual experience.

"Have you seen Monkey Planet?" I ask in the most sexual way possible
"Yes. I went and saw it by myself shortly after it came out." You reply, also in a very sexual way.
"Me too! All on my own...." I pause, "I was...slightly underwhelmed, actually" I'm afraid to hear what you have to say to that.
"I was also underwhelmed. It seemed staged at parts. Which was weird." You say
"Yea. That was my main problem with it, too." I say

You start humping me.