Here is some stuff that I wrote that made me laugh. Hope it does you, too [what the fuck does that mean?]. * I have a great-grandmother, still alive at 92 years old... but we're not close... I owe her money. My attorney wants me to "wait her out." I was a victim of identity theft not too long ago. But the guy turned himself in... He was afraid I'd ruin HI...
I can't for the life of me understand what I'm doing here. Here, in case you are wondering, is outside a very small, ordinary?looking fishing hut amongst the mud flats three hours from home. It sounds a long way, but not so far I wouldn't turn around and head back right now, if I could. Just forget this bad idea and start the weekend tomorrow. But I can't,...
It's bad enough being in a strange land, but its even worse when you get sick. Travelling with all your belongings on your back, and coming to a strange town with nowhere to go apart from a guesthouse. Well that was the situation; I'd been dropped off by my ride at the front door to a guesthouse. In a strange town on cold wet evening, next to leaden sea. T...
Present Day Damn! Damn! Damn! My God! My God! What have I done? I smell sex; it is unmistakable but it is strangely one-sided...I want to puke. My head is clearing of the booze and coke. I am beginning to comprehend why it seems one-sided. "Mmmmm....hug me baby, you... you guys...mmmm; you wear me out." My wife murmurs as she turns and adjusts to align h...
The very warm nighttime temperature and high humidity we stepped into convinced me we were somewhere in the tropics. Maybe not far from the equator. We were involuntary tourists courtesy of a band of women! We five men stood side by side in the near dark, neck-connected, wearing dresses, as two women with tasers watched over us. Not a word had been spoken,...
It was a weekday summer night at the Trane Station. For the evening, I had done nothing much more than keep the music going, talk with some customers, and nurse a single long ago warmed beer. The night sky was full of stars with a moon somewhere between yellow and orange. It was beautiful outside and I found myself wanting to be out there, doing something,...
I saunter into the Torture Palace, I nod to the subs cuffed in the dungeon pit. My eyes resting on one, I nod, he walks to me and I escort him to my chair, where he kneels at my feet. "Please would you be so kind as to bring me a teapot of boiling water, a tea strainer, a silver spoon and a cup and saucer? I prefer the white fine china service." My full dee...
A few years ago I visited Marseille in the south of France, which I consider a far more interesting holiday destination than the seal-colony Mediterranean beach resorts. My hotel was a small and friendly one, just a few yards from the Vieux Port, which due to advances in sewage technology has no trace of the smell on which Dickens comments. There are fortifi...
David sat quietly in his car at his villa's gates while he waited for his African gardener, Rufus, to arrive and open them for him. He took the opportunity to take in the rich colour of the flowering trees as they blossomed in the warm glow of the late afternoon African sun. It was one of the best times of the day. The 4pm rains had swept past and the lush...
The resort is completely still in the moonlight as we glide into the jetty. It's well after midnight; the flights were screwed up all day, and we are over six hours late. The ride out from the mainland was rough, and we are both hot, wet from spray, bitchy, and on edge. Neither of us were comfortable leaving; my project was at a critical point, one of your c...